The List
Attack the Block (2011)
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Quarantine 2 (2011)
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
You're Next (2011)
ATM (2012)
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Prometheus (2012)
Carrie (2013)
Curse of Chucky (2013)
Evil Dead (2013)
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
The Purge (2013)
The Purge: Anarchy (2014)
Attack the Block (2011)
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
Quarantine 2 (2011)
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
You're Next (2011)
ATM (2012)
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
Prometheus (2012)
Carrie (2013)
Curse of Chucky (2013)
Evil Dead (2013)
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
The Purge (2013)
The Purge: Anarchy (2014)
Attack the Block (2011)
I remember seeing the trailer for this film in mid 2012, searching for movies on imdb. I checked the trailer out and it looked pretty amusing, with a group of kids going after the aliens. It’s very different than the average film, where a grown man is in that position and he’s armed with weapons and explosives and whatnot. I was slightly disappointed as the film progressed, but it has it’s moments.
At the start of the movie, we meet a woman named Sam and we see her strolling through the streets, eventually running into a couple teenagers. The entire film takes place in the UK, a place I’ve never been. I live in Jersey but I’ve never left the US. I’ve only been to Virginia and Delaware, where some of my aunts live. But I will say that visually, the UK and America look pretty much the same lol. But the entire film has this (and I’m choosing my words wisely, forgive me) thug vibe to it. You know; drugs, gangs, etc. I can’t say too much about it though, cause I’ve never been in a gang, nor do I do drugs. But it’s a pretty big theme in this movie. But anyway, she runs into about 6 of these kids and they surround, and rob her!
Seeing people from different countries act tough was never convincing to me. Again, the film takes place in the UK so I’m not too fond of the accents. But the way these guys act and some of the dialogue they come up with is pretty humorous. I actually don’t come across movies like this, that take place 100% in a different country. It’s usually one American character that’ll travel to another country (like Unknown 2011) or vice versa. But as their robbing her, immediately something crashes into the car next to them! We don’t get a good look at what it is, but this one guy named Moses (the leader of the pact) gets attacked by one of these grizzly beasts, eventually stabbing and killing it!
The boys then decide to take the alien hostage and comment on what they wanna do with it. Some of this is pretty funny I’ll admit. One of them even suggests putting it on ebay lol. It’s even more funny cause again they’ve defeated an alien and their commenting on it like they would if they were playing a video game, which I think is pretty amusing. On their way back to their apartment, they begin flipping through Sam’s purse and they find out she’s a nurse. Moses says that nurses don’t make alot of money and throws the wallet to the side. But I’ll have to disagree and say that nurses and doctors do make millions of dollars every year, so I read.
They later run into these even younger kids, about 8-9 years old who always wanna follow them around and act tough. Again I’m not saying UK people aren’t tough, but when they act tough their voices sound so funny, so it was never believable to me. We later meet this fat guy (who’s name I don’t know cause his face isn’t shown on imdb) but the second I saw him, I knew he was gonna be the nasty, unfunny guy in the bunch. I could tell just by looking at him, simple as that, and we get examples of this later on. While relaxing in the apartment, they celebrate on capturing the alien. Moses then notices more of them out the window, crashing down to earth from the sky! This was one of the scenes in the trailer and it was pretty funny.
One of em goes “let’s get tooled up blood” and they run downstairs lol. The moment I saw this scene, I knew this movie was gonna be interesting. But I do wanna mention the dialogue once more, cause alot if it is different from the ones we use in America. The main one is of course, the word “bloody” which I think is pretty funny. Ron from the Harry Potter movies uses it literally every 5 seconds and it annoys the heck outta me. But there are other words that are thrown around in the film, and I’ve written a few of them down; Two of them (which are said about every 10 seconds) are “truth” and “you get me” and it’s so annoying. Yea we get you, now stop saying it!
So anyway, they all ride their bikes towards the park, where the closest alien has landed and scope out the place. Eventually one alien shows up, emerging from the hill up ahead. But you can definitely tell this film was done on a low budget, cause they aren’t as detailed as I would’ve hoped; it’s all black, with green teeth, and no eyes. Something you could pay an artist a few hundred bucks to draw in 5 minutes. But of course, they all take off running and this is where the film begins to slack and some of their toughness goes out the window. Moses gets arrested in a later scene by two officers, but they both get attacked by the unoriginal black clumps of fog with green eyes. Moses is still handcuffed, but he and this other kid take the van and drive off!
For a split second, I was wondering how Moses could drive the car if he was still cuffed. But then I remembered that in the UK, the steering wheels on the cars are on the right side. I don’t drive yet, but it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that in America, the steering wheel is on the left. I always thought the reason was because 90% of the people in America were right handed, so majority ruled. But I guess if you’re right-handed in the UK you’re pretty much screwed on that one. But there’s no reason for me to bring realism into this scene, since we all know that it’s a movie and 15 year olds can’t drive a car. Yea, I get it.
We later get more clips of them getting chased by the fog beasts, through apartments, up the stairs, etc. You kinda get the feeling the city is deserted, cause they don’t run into alot of people in the street, or in the halls. I guess with the low budget they couldn’t afford many extras. But I would guess that people knew the aliens have landed and are probably in their rooms under their beds, or in their closets, I don’t know. They later break into an apartment building where Sam (the woman they coincidentally robbed just a few hours ago) lives. I forget what she says, but she describes them as dogs or something. And one of them goes “You think their dogs, go try feeding them some pedigree” lol. It’s the way he says it that makes me chuckle.
And of course, we get this random scene of the fat guy and this other skinny dude (again, neither of which have names, nor are credited on imdb) Probably cause their just irrelevant to the whole plot of the film. But the skinny dude has this big conversation about his mothers underwear, which is so completely random but, it was expected. And the fat guy just goes along with it, not asking if he’s lost his mind. The fat guy also says the aliens “got kicked to death by a bunch of kids” which makes no sense, unless he’s counting the one they killed in the first 5 minutes of the film. Cause so far, all I see is alot of running and hiding in various apartments.
At one point, Moses says something along the lines of “maybe the government sent the aliens, to kill us black people” which I think is the most retarded thing ever. But I’d definitely be more upset if I heard a white person say that. But I guess since he’s black, he can get away with insulting his own kind. Later, the skinny guy (after finishing his discussion about his grandmother’s underwear) finds out that Moses has some type of alien smell on his jacket. So he decides to use the scent, to lead the black fog creatures into one of the apartments and blows them up, using a firecracker! At the end of the film, Moses (even though he saved the town) gets arrested, so everybody in the town gets mad at the police about it.
Overall, this was a pretty cool film. Sometimes you can look at a trailer and know in a matter of seconds, that it’s gonna be good. It was also a pretty original idea, about the kids against the aliens. I love the comments and the little side jokes that are sneaked in here and there, and the characters really bring this film to life. The little kids are pretty funny as well, and it’s nice to see young kids that can act, cause I’ve seen my fair share of young and talent-less actors. The only 2 characters that really bug me, are the fat guy and the skinny guy who randomly has his pants removed at the end of the film. I wonder what moron added that to the script, forgetting that men were gonna be watching this.
I remember seeing the trailer for this film in mid 2012, searching for movies on imdb. I checked the trailer out and it looked pretty amusing, with a group of kids going after the aliens. It’s very different than the average film, where a grown man is in that position and he’s armed with weapons and explosives and whatnot. I was slightly disappointed as the film progressed, but it has it’s moments.
At the start of the movie, we meet a woman named Sam and we see her strolling through the streets, eventually running into a couple teenagers. The entire film takes place in the UK, a place I’ve never been. I live in Jersey but I’ve never left the US. I’ve only been to Virginia and Delaware, where some of my aunts live. But I will say that visually, the UK and America look pretty much the same lol. But the entire film has this (and I’m choosing my words wisely, forgive me) thug vibe to it. You know; drugs, gangs, etc. I can’t say too much about it though, cause I’ve never been in a gang, nor do I do drugs. But it’s a pretty big theme in this movie. But anyway, she runs into about 6 of these kids and they surround, and rob her!
Seeing people from different countries act tough was never convincing to me. Again, the film takes place in the UK so I’m not too fond of the accents. But the way these guys act and some of the dialogue they come up with is pretty humorous. I actually don’t come across movies like this, that take place 100% in a different country. It’s usually one American character that’ll travel to another country (like Unknown 2011) or vice versa. But as their robbing her, immediately something crashes into the car next to them! We don’t get a good look at what it is, but this one guy named Moses (the leader of the pact) gets attacked by one of these grizzly beasts, eventually stabbing and killing it!
The boys then decide to take the alien hostage and comment on what they wanna do with it. Some of this is pretty funny I’ll admit. One of them even suggests putting it on ebay lol. It’s even more funny cause again they’ve defeated an alien and their commenting on it like they would if they were playing a video game, which I think is pretty amusing. On their way back to their apartment, they begin flipping through Sam’s purse and they find out she’s a nurse. Moses says that nurses don’t make alot of money and throws the wallet to the side. But I’ll have to disagree and say that nurses and doctors do make millions of dollars every year, so I read.
They later run into these even younger kids, about 8-9 years old who always wanna follow them around and act tough. Again I’m not saying UK people aren’t tough, but when they act tough their voices sound so funny, so it was never believable to me. We later meet this fat guy (who’s name I don’t know cause his face isn’t shown on imdb) but the second I saw him, I knew he was gonna be the nasty, unfunny guy in the bunch. I could tell just by looking at him, simple as that, and we get examples of this later on. While relaxing in the apartment, they celebrate on capturing the alien. Moses then notices more of them out the window, crashing down to earth from the sky! This was one of the scenes in the trailer and it was pretty funny.
One of em goes “let’s get tooled up blood” and they run downstairs lol. The moment I saw this scene, I knew this movie was gonna be interesting. But I do wanna mention the dialogue once more, cause alot if it is different from the ones we use in America. The main one is of course, the word “bloody” which I think is pretty funny. Ron from the Harry Potter movies uses it literally every 5 seconds and it annoys the heck outta me. But there are other words that are thrown around in the film, and I’ve written a few of them down; Two of them (which are said about every 10 seconds) are “truth” and “you get me” and it’s so annoying. Yea we get you, now stop saying it!
So anyway, they all ride their bikes towards the park, where the closest alien has landed and scope out the place. Eventually one alien shows up, emerging from the hill up ahead. But you can definitely tell this film was done on a low budget, cause they aren’t as detailed as I would’ve hoped; it’s all black, with green teeth, and no eyes. Something you could pay an artist a few hundred bucks to draw in 5 minutes. But of course, they all take off running and this is where the film begins to slack and some of their toughness goes out the window. Moses gets arrested in a later scene by two officers, but they both get attacked by the unoriginal black clumps of fog with green eyes. Moses is still handcuffed, but he and this other kid take the van and drive off!
For a split second, I was wondering how Moses could drive the car if he was still cuffed. But then I remembered that in the UK, the steering wheels on the cars are on the right side. I don’t drive yet, but it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to know that in America, the steering wheel is on the left. I always thought the reason was because 90% of the people in America were right handed, so majority ruled. But I guess if you’re right-handed in the UK you’re pretty much screwed on that one. But there’s no reason for me to bring realism into this scene, since we all know that it’s a movie and 15 year olds can’t drive a car. Yea, I get it.
We later get more clips of them getting chased by the fog beasts, through apartments, up the stairs, etc. You kinda get the feeling the city is deserted, cause they don’t run into alot of people in the street, or in the halls. I guess with the low budget they couldn’t afford many extras. But I would guess that people knew the aliens have landed and are probably in their rooms under their beds, or in their closets, I don’t know. They later break into an apartment building where Sam (the woman they coincidentally robbed just a few hours ago) lives. I forget what she says, but she describes them as dogs or something. And one of them goes “You think their dogs, go try feeding them some pedigree” lol. It’s the way he says it that makes me chuckle.
And of course, we get this random scene of the fat guy and this other skinny dude (again, neither of which have names, nor are credited on imdb) Probably cause their just irrelevant to the whole plot of the film. But the skinny dude has this big conversation about his mothers underwear, which is so completely random but, it was expected. And the fat guy just goes along with it, not asking if he’s lost his mind. The fat guy also says the aliens “got kicked to death by a bunch of kids” which makes no sense, unless he’s counting the one they killed in the first 5 minutes of the film. Cause so far, all I see is alot of running and hiding in various apartments.
At one point, Moses says something along the lines of “maybe the government sent the aliens, to kill us black people” which I think is the most retarded thing ever. But I’d definitely be more upset if I heard a white person say that. But I guess since he’s black, he can get away with insulting his own kind. Later, the skinny guy (after finishing his discussion about his grandmother’s underwear) finds out that Moses has some type of alien smell on his jacket. So he decides to use the scent, to lead the black fog creatures into one of the apartments and blows them up, using a firecracker! At the end of the film, Moses (even though he saved the town) gets arrested, so everybody in the town gets mad at the police about it.
Overall, this was a pretty cool film. Sometimes you can look at a trailer and know in a matter of seconds, that it’s gonna be good. It was also a pretty original idea, about the kids against the aliens. I love the comments and the little side jokes that are sneaked in here and there, and the characters really bring this film to life. The little kids are pretty funny as well, and it’s nice to see young kids that can act, cause I’ve seen my fair share of young and talent-less actors. The only 2 characters that really bug me, are the fat guy and the skinny guy who randomly has his pants removed at the end of the film. I wonder what moron added that to the script, forgetting that men were gonna be watching this.
Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)
After seeing how much of a joke the 2nd film was, I couldn’t help but see what this one was all about. As much as I insult these movies, I actually tried to cut them some slack, but that didn’t last long. This was just another cash-in for Paramount, who for some weird reason probably had a hard time bringing Jason Voorhees back from the dead for another decent sequel (a movie I’d actually go to the theaters for)
At the start of this future nap-fest, we see a few of the cast from the last film in a room chit-chatting about something. Thinking about it now, I can’t even remember who died in the last movie, and that’s the sad part. But the mother is pregnant, so I guess this takes place months before the second film, before she had the baby. So I guess this is kinda like a prequel. We also get a few clips from the last film, mainly showing the scene where the house was destroyed. We’re now introduced to September 1988, which was an important year if you’re a Child’s Play fan like myself.
But it’s weird how all these films take place in September, regardless of the year. But unlike the last movie, I won’t get into too many dates cause they don’t document each day like the previous movie. So we meet 2 little girls, one who’s name is Kristi and she’s a cute little girl. We also meet the parents, Dennis and Julie and I guess we’re to believe that Julie was in the last film. But she’s here in younger form with curly hair. The father has curly hair too, which makes sense since we’re in the 80’s but I don’t know why neither of the kids hair are curly. Blame that on the make-up department.
Either that or giving them straight hair is supposed to tell the audience that there’s something spooky about them, who knows. We later see the husband and wife messing around on the bed, and soon an earthquake hits. So the two of them race off the bed, and downstairs to safety. They later go to the basement where the father shows her what’s been going on through the camera that’s been setup in their room. But the wife is upset, and she scolds him not to record anything anymore, which is understandable. He later shows the footage to a friend of his named Randy, who’s pretty excited about it (he’s a dolt)
So the husband decides to document all these happenings, and begins placing cameras all over the house. I always felt scenes like this were weird, and kind of an invasion of privacy. I know it’s a movie, but I’d never do this. He even puts 2 cameras in his daughters room, which I think was really crossing the line. Later that night, we get a scene in the girls room; some noises here and there. We also get scenes of Kristi talking to someone in the dark, which the father finds out the next day. When he asks her about it, she tells him it’s her imaginary friend Toby. When I heard this, I instantly thought of Danny from The Shining, cause I know he had a friend named Tony who lived in his mouth lol.
We later get more boring scenes of the father walking around the house. In one scene, he tells Randy that all 4-5 cameras capture about 6 hours of footage, and at night we see him watching and searching through each one on the video cameras in the basement. I know this takes place in the 80’s so I looked hard at the equipment that he was using, and it does look a bit dated. So atleast they kept the authenticity for that part. In another scene, we see him checking up on his 2 daughters in their tent outside. I’ve never went camping (cause I hate bugs) but I still think it’s weird that as young as they are, the parents have no problem letting their kids stay outside like that. My mother sure a hell wouldn’t do that (as annoying and protective as she is, ugh)
The father later sets up this rotating camera in the kitchen, which swipes back and forth every few seconds to capture everything around it. But with the budget this film is working with, it’s no surprise the filmmakers came up with something fancy. Later that night, one of the little girls crawls downstairs. She walks around for a bit, stopping in the dining room, in front of the rotating camera. In one shot we see her climb on top of the table near the chandeliers, while the camera swings out of focus. When it comes back, she disappears (spooky!) so I guess she climbed into one of the glasses hanging from the ceiling, who knows.
We later get a scene of the father having a tea party with Kristi. I think it’s the weekend cause these girls would be in school I would think, I don’t know. But she mainly brings up her imaginary friend Toby again, oh boy. So the father just plays along with it and entertains her. When he leaves, her sister Katie enters the room and begins teasing her about Toby. The younger one tells her to check the little closet here if she doesn’t believe her, and she does. When Katie gets close enough, she gets sucked into the closet by this invisible force. She starts yelling and crying lol. That’s what she gets for making fun of Toby, she should know better!
A female teen babysitter is later hired to watch the girls while the parents go out. Again she’s got her little 80’s outfit on and the hairstyle and all that. But again it’s very weird how the kids dress and look like present day kids while everybody else is from a different time period. But anyway, we mainly see her playing with the kids before bed, and doing her homework in the kitchen. Some little kid with a blanket on his head shows up behind her, but when she turns around, it vanishes lol. This is probably the oldest trick in the book in movies like these, I’m surprised this scene was even kept in the script! I don’t even remember what happens to this girl, I probably fell asleep.
But the parents later assign Randy to watch Kristi (or Katie, I don’t know) while they go out, and he agrees. Kristi soon comes up with the bizarre idea to say Bloody-Mary in the mirror with Randy. He playfully agrees (carrying the camera with him) and this is another old trick in the book. I think I remember trying this back when I was a kid, when none of these silly psychic voodoo movies were around. Whenever I think of Bloody Mary, I think of Candyman cause both names are needed to be said in the mirror 3 times. It’s one of those old tactics used to scare little kids. But anyway, he agrees and they go to the bathroom and begin chanting the words. You gotta listen closely though, cause you can barely hear them.
They mess up on the first try, with Kristi saying they didn’t leave the lights off long enough lol. So they try again, and this time they leave the lights off for about 10 seconds. But suddenly, noise begins to build up outside the bathroom door. The little girl (I can’t remember if this is Kristi or Katie, but who cares) starts screaming while Randy tries to calm her down. The noise soon settles, so he peaks out the door and sees what’s going on. A few seconds later, furniture gets picked up and thrown across the room! This is what I’ve been waiting for, finally! I’ve been waiting a long time for furniture to get picked up and thrown somewhere, and this is definitely the main highlight in the film.
Seconds away from wetting his pants, Randy decides to leave and go home lol. He tells the father to check the tape he made with Kristi, but he’s outta here, what a sissy! This babysitting gig just isn’t working out at all, and it’s so sad. But they hired two young teens to do this job, they should’ve called up a family member with some decent size on him, and see how he reacts to all this nonsense. The father later comes up with this photo of all these old women, and starts talking about a covenant. Oh boy, more spiritual crap. Yea, I really hate scenes like these. But while they talk, the girls seem to be getting attacked by some force in their room!
At first, it yanks one of the girls out of bed (time to go to school lol) so now she’s on the floor yelling while the other sister watches. And soon, even the beds begin getting yanked, which I think is another plus. So far it’s alot better than the last film, I’ll say that much. One girl gets a chance to run downstairs in her mothers arms, so finally everything is okay. It’s the next day I guess, and we see the mother again in the kitchen, in front of the rotating camera. It’s cool she’s on one of those old gigantic 80’s phones, so let’s give credit to the filmmakers for getting that right. She soon leaves the room for some reason (as the camera zooms away from the kitchen) and when she returns, it’s empty.
I’m always wondering how they pull scenes like this off, behind the scenes. One way, would be to do a secret cut in the camera where they separate the two video tracks (so the audience doesn’t know) remove all the kitchen appliances, and then return. Kinda like that scene in The Sixth Sense. So anyway, she returns to the kitchen and it’s empty at first, and then a bunch of stuff falls from the ceiling and smashes on the floor (amazing, but random) So the parents decide to take the kids to grandma’s house, probably cause their tired of all the spooky stuff that’s been going on and they can’t manage to find a good enough babysitter. The grandmother shows off how weird she really is on the first day, trying to dress the kids in this stupid little outfit. But the mother puts a stop to all that and takes them to bed.
The father later wakes up randomly in the middle of the night and walks into the girls room, only to realize that their missing. So he runs around the house, searching for the kids. He ends up in one room where he sees a couple symbols on the wall, which just look stupid to me so who cares. He later walks outside, where he runs into a group of old people who seem to be coming towards him. So he immediately turns and runs off lol. Who knew old people could be so intimidating, I would’ve pushed them out the way with ease! He soon reaches the stairway, where he runs into his wife. When he walks up to her, she falls on top of him, knocking him to the floor lol. He manages to get up, but later slips and falls again (dummy) where he’s greeted by the grandmother. She’s no help though, cause she uses her mental kinetic power to snap his back, which I’ll admit is pretty awesome!
Overall, this was actually a pretty decent movie. But it’s only decent when you compare it to the second film, which was just a big nap for me. I guess they used their budget wisely for this film, cause there’s alot more objects being moved (the beds, chairs, etc) The characters were decent too, and they didn’t annoy me too much, so that was a plus. There’s alot more that happens in the beginning as well, and we don’t have to listen to a bunch of people chit-chatting about stuff we don’t care about. With subtle movies like this, you gotta really hold the audiences attention long enough so that they don’t end up walking out of the theater. But then again these movies did make a hell of alot of money.
After seeing how much of a joke the 2nd film was, I couldn’t help but see what this one was all about. As much as I insult these movies, I actually tried to cut them some slack, but that didn’t last long. This was just another cash-in for Paramount, who for some weird reason probably had a hard time bringing Jason Voorhees back from the dead for another decent sequel (a movie I’d actually go to the theaters for)
At the start of this future nap-fest, we see a few of the cast from the last film in a room chit-chatting about something. Thinking about it now, I can’t even remember who died in the last movie, and that’s the sad part. But the mother is pregnant, so I guess this takes place months before the second film, before she had the baby. So I guess this is kinda like a prequel. We also get a few clips from the last film, mainly showing the scene where the house was destroyed. We’re now introduced to September 1988, which was an important year if you’re a Child’s Play fan like myself.
But it’s weird how all these films take place in September, regardless of the year. But unlike the last movie, I won’t get into too many dates cause they don’t document each day like the previous movie. So we meet 2 little girls, one who’s name is Kristi and she’s a cute little girl. We also meet the parents, Dennis and Julie and I guess we’re to believe that Julie was in the last film. But she’s here in younger form with curly hair. The father has curly hair too, which makes sense since we’re in the 80’s but I don’t know why neither of the kids hair are curly. Blame that on the make-up department.
Either that or giving them straight hair is supposed to tell the audience that there’s something spooky about them, who knows. We later see the husband and wife messing around on the bed, and soon an earthquake hits. So the two of them race off the bed, and downstairs to safety. They later go to the basement where the father shows her what’s been going on through the camera that’s been setup in their room. But the wife is upset, and she scolds him not to record anything anymore, which is understandable. He later shows the footage to a friend of his named Randy, who’s pretty excited about it (he’s a dolt)
So the husband decides to document all these happenings, and begins placing cameras all over the house. I always felt scenes like this were weird, and kind of an invasion of privacy. I know it’s a movie, but I’d never do this. He even puts 2 cameras in his daughters room, which I think was really crossing the line. Later that night, we get a scene in the girls room; some noises here and there. We also get scenes of Kristi talking to someone in the dark, which the father finds out the next day. When he asks her about it, she tells him it’s her imaginary friend Toby. When I heard this, I instantly thought of Danny from The Shining, cause I know he had a friend named Tony who lived in his mouth lol.
We later get more boring scenes of the father walking around the house. In one scene, he tells Randy that all 4-5 cameras capture about 6 hours of footage, and at night we see him watching and searching through each one on the video cameras in the basement. I know this takes place in the 80’s so I looked hard at the equipment that he was using, and it does look a bit dated. So atleast they kept the authenticity for that part. In another scene, we see him checking up on his 2 daughters in their tent outside. I’ve never went camping (cause I hate bugs) but I still think it’s weird that as young as they are, the parents have no problem letting their kids stay outside like that. My mother sure a hell wouldn’t do that (as annoying and protective as she is, ugh)
The father later sets up this rotating camera in the kitchen, which swipes back and forth every few seconds to capture everything around it. But with the budget this film is working with, it’s no surprise the filmmakers came up with something fancy. Later that night, one of the little girls crawls downstairs. She walks around for a bit, stopping in the dining room, in front of the rotating camera. In one shot we see her climb on top of the table near the chandeliers, while the camera swings out of focus. When it comes back, she disappears (spooky!) so I guess she climbed into one of the glasses hanging from the ceiling, who knows.
We later get a scene of the father having a tea party with Kristi. I think it’s the weekend cause these girls would be in school I would think, I don’t know. But she mainly brings up her imaginary friend Toby again, oh boy. So the father just plays along with it and entertains her. When he leaves, her sister Katie enters the room and begins teasing her about Toby. The younger one tells her to check the little closet here if she doesn’t believe her, and she does. When Katie gets close enough, she gets sucked into the closet by this invisible force. She starts yelling and crying lol. That’s what she gets for making fun of Toby, she should know better!
A female teen babysitter is later hired to watch the girls while the parents go out. Again she’s got her little 80’s outfit on and the hairstyle and all that. But again it’s very weird how the kids dress and look like present day kids while everybody else is from a different time period. But anyway, we mainly see her playing with the kids before bed, and doing her homework in the kitchen. Some little kid with a blanket on his head shows up behind her, but when she turns around, it vanishes lol. This is probably the oldest trick in the book in movies like these, I’m surprised this scene was even kept in the script! I don’t even remember what happens to this girl, I probably fell asleep.
But the parents later assign Randy to watch Kristi (or Katie, I don’t know) while they go out, and he agrees. Kristi soon comes up with the bizarre idea to say Bloody-Mary in the mirror with Randy. He playfully agrees (carrying the camera with him) and this is another old trick in the book. I think I remember trying this back when I was a kid, when none of these silly psychic voodoo movies were around. Whenever I think of Bloody Mary, I think of Candyman cause both names are needed to be said in the mirror 3 times. It’s one of those old tactics used to scare little kids. But anyway, he agrees and they go to the bathroom and begin chanting the words. You gotta listen closely though, cause you can barely hear them.
They mess up on the first try, with Kristi saying they didn’t leave the lights off long enough lol. So they try again, and this time they leave the lights off for about 10 seconds. But suddenly, noise begins to build up outside the bathroom door. The little girl (I can’t remember if this is Kristi or Katie, but who cares) starts screaming while Randy tries to calm her down. The noise soon settles, so he peaks out the door and sees what’s going on. A few seconds later, furniture gets picked up and thrown across the room! This is what I’ve been waiting for, finally! I’ve been waiting a long time for furniture to get picked up and thrown somewhere, and this is definitely the main highlight in the film.
Seconds away from wetting his pants, Randy decides to leave and go home lol. He tells the father to check the tape he made with Kristi, but he’s outta here, what a sissy! This babysitting gig just isn’t working out at all, and it’s so sad. But they hired two young teens to do this job, they should’ve called up a family member with some decent size on him, and see how he reacts to all this nonsense. The father later comes up with this photo of all these old women, and starts talking about a covenant. Oh boy, more spiritual crap. Yea, I really hate scenes like these. But while they talk, the girls seem to be getting attacked by some force in their room!
At first, it yanks one of the girls out of bed (time to go to school lol) so now she’s on the floor yelling while the other sister watches. And soon, even the beds begin getting yanked, which I think is another plus. So far it’s alot better than the last film, I’ll say that much. One girl gets a chance to run downstairs in her mothers arms, so finally everything is okay. It’s the next day I guess, and we see the mother again in the kitchen, in front of the rotating camera. It’s cool she’s on one of those old gigantic 80’s phones, so let’s give credit to the filmmakers for getting that right. She soon leaves the room for some reason (as the camera zooms away from the kitchen) and when she returns, it’s empty.
I’m always wondering how they pull scenes like this off, behind the scenes. One way, would be to do a secret cut in the camera where they separate the two video tracks (so the audience doesn’t know) remove all the kitchen appliances, and then return. Kinda like that scene in The Sixth Sense. So anyway, she returns to the kitchen and it’s empty at first, and then a bunch of stuff falls from the ceiling and smashes on the floor (amazing, but random) So the parents decide to take the kids to grandma’s house, probably cause their tired of all the spooky stuff that’s been going on and they can’t manage to find a good enough babysitter. The grandmother shows off how weird she really is on the first day, trying to dress the kids in this stupid little outfit. But the mother puts a stop to all that and takes them to bed.
The father later wakes up randomly in the middle of the night and walks into the girls room, only to realize that their missing. So he runs around the house, searching for the kids. He ends up in one room where he sees a couple symbols on the wall, which just look stupid to me so who cares. He later walks outside, where he runs into a group of old people who seem to be coming towards him. So he immediately turns and runs off lol. Who knew old people could be so intimidating, I would’ve pushed them out the way with ease! He soon reaches the stairway, where he runs into his wife. When he walks up to her, she falls on top of him, knocking him to the floor lol. He manages to get up, but later slips and falls again (dummy) where he’s greeted by the grandmother. She’s no help though, cause she uses her mental kinetic power to snap his back, which I’ll admit is pretty awesome!
Overall, this was actually a pretty decent movie. But it’s only decent when you compare it to the second film, which was just a big nap for me. I guess they used their budget wisely for this film, cause there’s alot more objects being moved (the beds, chairs, etc) The characters were decent too, and they didn’t annoy me too much, so that was a plus. There’s alot more that happens in the beginning as well, and we don’t have to listen to a bunch of people chit-chatting about stuff we don’t care about. With subtle movies like this, you gotta really hold the audiences attention long enough so that they don’t end up walking out of the theater. But then again these movies did make a hell of alot of money.
Quarantine 2 (2011)
I already saw how disappointing the first film was, so I didn’t set my hopes too high for this movie. I kinda knew that I wasn’t gonna see anything worth remembering, and that this was gonna be another cheap low-budget flick that doesn’t bring anything new to the found-footage handheld genre. But this one is a little different, since unlike the last film it’s not handheld at all. Which kinda sucks, but it’s not like that aspect would’ve made it any better. And it still put me to sleep faster than any pill you can find on the market.
At the start of the film, we meet these 2 brunette’s. I don’t know their names (cause I wasn’t paying attention) but their both pretty cute, and that’s about all there is. None of the characters from the previous film make any appearance (since their all dead) but that’s not really an issue. But anyway, both these women work as co-pilots on the plane, and we later see a few people boarding. I’ve never really been on a plane myself (cause my mother would never let me) but I’m not really afraid of them. It can’t be any different from being on a roller coaster, and you’re so far up in the sky you can’t even see anything below you, so I can’t see how that’s scary. A few of the people that get on the plane are an old couple, some fat guy, and this little kid with a gameboy in his hand.
He’s not with his mother, which I think is pretty surprising. Kids with this much freedom are so lucky, cause I had none of that. After boarding the plane, pretty soon the fat guy begins going berserk and spitting hot milk everywhere. Get this guy a bib lol, but seriously it’s flat out disgusting! This happened alot in the first film and I could never understand why this was scary. He soon gets up and runs towards the front door of the plane, trying to bust through to I guess, attack the pilots. But thank goodness we got a few tough guys on the plane, so a few of them jump up and try to bring this guy to his knees. You could solve all this by just giving this guy a hamburger (and a napkin to wipe the drool from his face) but eventually, they stuff him in the bathroom.
We later meet this nurse (who’s name is irrelevant) but she looks like Toni Braxton, so I’m gonna call her Toni lol. We find out she’s some type of doctor and we see her tending to the little kid. There’s always a doctor or a genius who seems to know everything that’s going on in films like this, so this is no surprise. Eventually they land the place and all 10 of them get off, while 2 men stay behind to keep hamburger man at bay. Lots of walking around in the coming scenes, and it looks like their inside a building at the airport. It’s pretty dark now, and it stays this way throughout the remainder of the film. Which especially later on, becomes pretty annoying cause you can’t see squat when things really begin to pick up!
Much like the last film, we later find out the cops have barricaded them inside with sheets of paper and boxes and stuff, so this is pretty depressing. I never understood why they did this, but I guess it’s because they know there’s a virus outbreak and don’t want anybody to leave until their all treated. It reminds me of The Crazies (2010) even though that film was boring as hell. But I do know it had something to do with an outbreak, zombies, and soldiers, so I’m pretty close. There’s some arguing in the coming scenes, alot of which is irrelevant and boring. Eventually they decide to split up, I guess to see what they can find out about the outbreak, but I really don’t know. But they leave the 12 year old kid behind to finish his homework I guess.
One girl tells him to “man the floor” It looks like she’s leaving him behind with the old lady and Toni Braxton, who I’m guessing is gonna break out into a song at some point to ease the tension. But realistically, I don’t see how a person his size is gonna be stopping any zombies. It’s dark now, so they all bring flashlights. One guy brings an orange flashlight that looks like a Star Wars light saber, which I don’t think is gonna scare anybody. Pretty soon they spot more rats running across the floor, but I can’t remember if they shoot any. But if they really wanted to, they could invite Scott from the first movie back cause I know he’d take these mice on.
At one point while they begin arguing again over who knows what (probably over who has the guts to flip off the director) the old guy is in the corner just chillin, nobody paying attention to him. But outta nowhere, a rat jumps on his bald head and bites him lol. This scene made laugh so hard, my stomach was aching. But 2 of the guys come to the rescue, grab the rat, and stuff him inside a paint can lol. This film is making me laugh so hard, but it’s so pathetic. I can’t believe the first one even spawned a sequel. So anyway, the little boy starts talking. He claims he saw one guy smuggle the rats on the plane and that it’s his fault, to which he of course, denies. But I can’t see how he saw this since his face was buried in his little gameboy, gimme a break kid.
Eventually one guy shoots himself in the mouth (he didn’t wanna be a part of this film anymore) and the rest of the movie is pretty irrelevant, so I’m not even gonna waste my time. It’s loaded with jump-scare after jump-scare, and you can’t see squat cause there’s no light! They could’ve been playing cards or doing cartwheels for all we know. And you can’t end a movie like this any other way, then to have the little kid end up being the only survivor, holy crap! Overall, I pretty much got what I expected with this film, so I can’t really be too mad. As bad as the first movie was, it was alot better than this cause it looked like it was made on a bigger budget or whatever.
This film comes off like they paid for the budget using the lunch money the producers saved up from the 5th grade it’s that bad. But the silliness in this film really kept me on my toes, cause it’s filled with many dumb moments and lame jump-scares that only pansies are gonna cry and complain about.
I already saw how disappointing the first film was, so I didn’t set my hopes too high for this movie. I kinda knew that I wasn’t gonna see anything worth remembering, and that this was gonna be another cheap low-budget flick that doesn’t bring anything new to the found-footage handheld genre. But this one is a little different, since unlike the last film it’s not handheld at all. Which kinda sucks, but it’s not like that aspect would’ve made it any better. And it still put me to sleep faster than any pill you can find on the market.
At the start of the film, we meet these 2 brunette’s. I don’t know their names (cause I wasn’t paying attention) but their both pretty cute, and that’s about all there is. None of the characters from the previous film make any appearance (since their all dead) but that’s not really an issue. But anyway, both these women work as co-pilots on the plane, and we later see a few people boarding. I’ve never really been on a plane myself (cause my mother would never let me) but I’m not really afraid of them. It can’t be any different from being on a roller coaster, and you’re so far up in the sky you can’t even see anything below you, so I can’t see how that’s scary. A few of the people that get on the plane are an old couple, some fat guy, and this little kid with a gameboy in his hand.
He’s not with his mother, which I think is pretty surprising. Kids with this much freedom are so lucky, cause I had none of that. After boarding the plane, pretty soon the fat guy begins going berserk and spitting hot milk everywhere. Get this guy a bib lol, but seriously it’s flat out disgusting! This happened alot in the first film and I could never understand why this was scary. He soon gets up and runs towards the front door of the plane, trying to bust through to I guess, attack the pilots. But thank goodness we got a few tough guys on the plane, so a few of them jump up and try to bring this guy to his knees. You could solve all this by just giving this guy a hamburger (and a napkin to wipe the drool from his face) but eventually, they stuff him in the bathroom.
We later meet this nurse (who’s name is irrelevant) but she looks like Toni Braxton, so I’m gonna call her Toni lol. We find out she’s some type of doctor and we see her tending to the little kid. There’s always a doctor or a genius who seems to know everything that’s going on in films like this, so this is no surprise. Eventually they land the place and all 10 of them get off, while 2 men stay behind to keep hamburger man at bay. Lots of walking around in the coming scenes, and it looks like their inside a building at the airport. It’s pretty dark now, and it stays this way throughout the remainder of the film. Which especially later on, becomes pretty annoying cause you can’t see squat when things really begin to pick up!
Much like the last film, we later find out the cops have barricaded them inside with sheets of paper and boxes and stuff, so this is pretty depressing. I never understood why they did this, but I guess it’s because they know there’s a virus outbreak and don’t want anybody to leave until their all treated. It reminds me of The Crazies (2010) even though that film was boring as hell. But I do know it had something to do with an outbreak, zombies, and soldiers, so I’m pretty close. There’s some arguing in the coming scenes, alot of which is irrelevant and boring. Eventually they decide to split up, I guess to see what they can find out about the outbreak, but I really don’t know. But they leave the 12 year old kid behind to finish his homework I guess.
One girl tells him to “man the floor” It looks like she’s leaving him behind with the old lady and Toni Braxton, who I’m guessing is gonna break out into a song at some point to ease the tension. But realistically, I don’t see how a person his size is gonna be stopping any zombies. It’s dark now, so they all bring flashlights. One guy brings an orange flashlight that looks like a Star Wars light saber, which I don’t think is gonna scare anybody. Pretty soon they spot more rats running across the floor, but I can’t remember if they shoot any. But if they really wanted to, they could invite Scott from the first movie back cause I know he’d take these mice on.
At one point while they begin arguing again over who knows what (probably over who has the guts to flip off the director) the old guy is in the corner just chillin, nobody paying attention to him. But outta nowhere, a rat jumps on his bald head and bites him lol. This scene made laugh so hard, my stomach was aching. But 2 of the guys come to the rescue, grab the rat, and stuff him inside a paint can lol. This film is making me laugh so hard, but it’s so pathetic. I can’t believe the first one even spawned a sequel. So anyway, the little boy starts talking. He claims he saw one guy smuggle the rats on the plane and that it’s his fault, to which he of course, denies. But I can’t see how he saw this since his face was buried in his little gameboy, gimme a break kid.
Eventually one guy shoots himself in the mouth (he didn’t wanna be a part of this film anymore) and the rest of the movie is pretty irrelevant, so I’m not even gonna waste my time. It’s loaded with jump-scare after jump-scare, and you can’t see squat cause there’s no light! They could’ve been playing cards or doing cartwheels for all we know. And you can’t end a movie like this any other way, then to have the little kid end up being the only survivor, holy crap! Overall, I pretty much got what I expected with this film, so I can’t really be too mad. As bad as the first movie was, it was alot better than this cause it looked like it was made on a bigger budget or whatever.
This film comes off like they paid for the budget using the lunch money the producers saved up from the 5th grade it’s that bad. But the silliness in this film really kept me on my toes, cause it’s filled with many dumb moments and lame jump-scares that only pansies are gonna cry and complain about.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
I was pretty nervous going into a film like this, but I knew eventually I’d get my hands on this one. I’d only seen the trailer a few times, but to me it just looked like another lame teen horror movie, which it kinda is. But trust me, there’s more to this movie than you may think, and let me tell you, coming from a guy who’s seen and reviewed pretty much every good / decent horror film up until now, this film blew me away!
The movie begins with a cool little intro, with the titles and everything being rolled across the screen through this red, bloody text. I usually don’t pay attention to credits, but I noticed that it’s made by some company named “Mutant Enemy Productions” which I think is a pretty badass title for a film company, especially one that’s making a horror movie. In the opening scene, we see these 2 old guys talking in one of the faculty rooms here in this building. I immediately recognized one of the old guys from one of my favorite films, Let Me In (2010)
It was one of the best remake’s I’ve ever seen, and he only had a small part in the film but he’s still recognized. He plays Abbey’s father in the film. So anyway, the two of them have some small talk as they walk around the building. It’s hard to say what their talking about specifically, but it’s actually pretty calming, and there’s some jokes slipped in here and there. One thing I noticed about this film right off the bat was the pacing. It’s hard to describe, but they pace the film and the dialogue / jokes very well, and nothing ever comes off forced or anything.
We later get a shot of a neighborhood, where we meet a girl named Dana. She’s very cute I’ll admit, and we see her here changing and walking around in her room. Being the guy that I am, I have no problem with that lol. We also meet her blonde friend, Jules. She’s okay looking too, I guess. They talk for a bit here in her room, but you can definitely tell Jules is the more open, talkative chick while Dana is the softer, shy girl. She’s the virgin, while Jules is the party girl, basically. We also meet Jules boyfriend Curt, who of course is on the football team and is a total meathead, ugh!
He enters the room with his football, and immediately throws it out the window to a friend of his, who catches it easily. I already hate both these guys lol. Eventually they all pack up and go outside, where they load their belongings on what looks like a tour bus. We also meet another friend of theirs named Marty, who pulls up next to the bus. Cheesy character #4 – the pothead! I swear, the people who come up with these characters need to read a book on creativity. He’s supposed to be one of the comical characters in the film, but trust me, none of what this goof says is funny!
He also walks and acts like he’s 60 years old, which is pretty annoying; he hunches his back and talks like he’s sick, and I know he’s high but it just doesn’t work for a guy like him. Eventually they get on the bus and drive off! They go through the woods, and they talk some more on the bus. I really don’t have a favorite character out of the bunch, but Dana is pretty cute, so I just keep staring at her. Meanwhile, we see the 2 old guys back at the facility. The guy from Let Me In is named Sitterson, which I think is a dumb name so I’m just gonna call him S. I don’t even think they say his name in the film, but I’m glad they don’t cause I probably would’ve laughed at it.
So S and his friend get into this room and sit down. One thing I noticed though, was that when they open the doors to the room, we get a shot of the wheel on the door opening just like the Lionsgate logo. Lionsgate is the company that distributes the film, which means squat to me cause they didn’t write it. But you get about 4-5 scenes like this throughout the movie and it’s pretty annoying. They did the same thing in Freddy vs Jason (according to the trivia) When Freddy throws those blades towards Jason, he actually made the New Line Cinema logo.
But to me, I don’t care if you distribute the film or not, you didn’t write, produce or direct it, so your logo means squat to me! So anyway, S and his friend sit down at these desks and begin operating these computers. They have a big view of the entire city through these cameras, and it looks like some police facility, but I’ll explain this later. Pretty soon the 5 teens arrive at a gas station, and they get out and walk around. When they get out, Curt still carries the football in his hand, like he was expecting to score a touchdown at the gas station, loser. Leave the football in the car you clown!
They walk around a bit, and eventually run into this old guy here. He pumps their gas and kinda talks to them for a bit, and you get kind of a weird vibe from him. Curt asks him where so-and-so town is and he tells him, though he warns them that it’s dangerous. But trust me, I’ve seen scenes like this 100 times over, it’s pretty cheesy. At one point he even calls Curt’s girlfriend a whore, and he gets angry at him, almost willing to fight. Yea, beat the old dude up and show everybody how tough you are, goofball! But after getting the gas, the 5 of them continue on. We see them driving through mountains and across lakes.
At one point we see a CGI bird fly across the city above them, but it soon hits this force field thing and bursts into feathers lol. It’s pretty obvious by this point, their under some kind of magnetic force / energy dome thing but I’ll get to this later. Eventually they arrive at the cabin, which sits in the middle of the woods here. When they get out, Jules says “It’s beautiful” but I disagree, it’s nothing more than a cabin lol. So they unpack and walk around a bit. In one room, we see some guy named Holden. He’s in his room, and he spots a window here. He looks through and can see Dana on the other side, though she can’t see him.
Like the scene from the gas station, I remember this scene from the trailer, even though I haven’t seen it in about a year. It’s not good to watch a trailer for a movie right before seeing the movie itself, cause it just spoils alotta stuff. But anyway, he can see her but she can’t see him, it’s another cheesy scene lol. Eventually she begins to undress, and he kinda freaks out on the other side. You virgin! She starts unbuttoning her bra and she almost takes it off, before he alerts her and the rest of em about the mirror. I probably would’ve done the same thing and told her about the mirror, but I wouldn’t have freaked out like him. It’s obvious he doesn’t get laid much.
But after telling her about the window / mirror, she thanks him and they finish unpacking. Later that day we see the 5 of them going swimming, jumping into the lake out here. I’m surprised that the first 2 to jump in are Dana and Holden, given how awkward they are. And it has nothing to do with the scene with the window, but their both kinda dorky in the movie. So for them to hit the water first was kinda surprising. Curt and Jules soon join them, and he acts like a total meathead in this scene. It’s kinda hard to score a touchdown in a lake like this but I’m sure he doesn’t have a problem with that.
Later that night, the 5 of them goof off some more in the living room. They do this silly truth or dare game where they dare each other to do dumb stuff. I’m glad I don’t do this kinda stuff when I’m bored lol. In one dare, Marty (the stoner guy) dares Jules to makeout with a mannequin wolf head. And I swear, it’s probably the weirdest scene I’ve ever seen, even in a horror movie lol. But she accepts, and she goes over to the mannequin on the wall and starts kissing it, you goof! For all she knows, that thing could’ve been on the floor and the fur could be all dirty, and she’s standing here kissing it like a baboon. She’s blonde for a reason I’ll tell you that much!
Eventually they try and give Dana a dare, and she’s kinda nervous at first but she accepts. They kinda tease her cause she’s nerdy but I guess she feels the need to prove em wrong, but more power to ya. But before they dare her, a cellar door behind them opens up! It’s a cheap little jump-scare but I don’t mind it, cause they don’t do it that much, thankfully. So they walk over to the cellar, and one of them dares Dana to go in. So she does. She walks down the steps into the dark basement, oh how spooky! At one point she spots a picture on the wall, which I instantly recognized as the little girl from Silent Hill.
Truth be told, I actually looked up on this girl (ironically) 2 weeks before doing this review. Her names Jodelle Ferland, and she was in 2 of my favorite movies; Silent Hill (2006) and Case 39 (2009) Silent Hill was cool cause it was based off a favorite video game of mine, and even though it kinda made no sense, the atmosphere kinda made up for it. Case 39 was pretty decent too. It was very cheesy, but it was decent. But anyway, Silent Hill came on 2 weeks ago (currently 2 weeks before writing this review) and I always wondered why I haven’t seen her in anything besides those 2 movies, cause she’s a pretty cute little girl, and a great actress for her age.
I checked imdb and saw that she was in this movie, but I didn’t know what character she played. At first I thought she played Dana cause they kinda look similar, but she plays someone else, which I’ll get to later on. So anyway, after seeing it’s safe, the 4 others come down the steps. I’m surprised football veteran Curt wasn’t the first to go down the basement, since he thinks he’s so tough. I swear, he wears his football jacket throughout the entire film, ugh! Dana finds some book down here, and she begins to read it out loud. Some is in English, and some in Latin, and of course she knows how to read Latin too since she’s such a brainiac. I guess that’s why they showed us all those books on her bed in the opening scene.
But she reads it out loud, while the 4 of them stand next to her. As she reads the Latin language, we get shots outside in the woods. When she reads the words, we see these big, huge zombies rising out of the ground! Reminds me of the scene from The Mummy (1999) after Eve reads the scripture that bring Imhotep back to life! I swear it’s such a badass scene though. There’s about 5 of them, and one of em is huge and tall, about 7 feet I’m guessing. He looks alot like The Great Khali from WWE. As these ghouls rise from the ground, we get shots back at the facility with S and his friend H. They’re both smiling at this, looking at the 20 monitors in front of them.
You get the feeling these zombies are being controlled by these guys, and you see examples of this throughout the film. Every now and again you see them press a button somewhere and it’ll make the zombie do something, or cause something to happen in the house. Whatever goes on within the dome thingy these teens passed through, is being controlled by these guys. In some ways, this movie kinda reminds me of Death Race (2008) and how that lady and her stooges operated the traps around the racing circuit, with the cameras and stuff in front of her. It’s kind of the same thing in this movie, but this one kinda ups the ante and it just feels more unique.
But every now and again, S and H will be questioned by some black guy named Truman. To me he just looks like a random guy they threw in this film, just to be in the background and act dumb. But when S and his friend operate these dials, sometimes he’ll ask what’s going on, and they’ll explain to him that everything’s fine. If anything, given his skin color he should be thankful he’s not dead yet, and that’s a compliment! Meanwhile we see the teens back inside, relaxing some more in the living room. Jules begins dancing in the living room in front of all of them. And like I said, she isn’t really that cute but I’ll admit, this scene kinda makes you wanna change your mind.
This scene actually reminds me of the one from the Friday the 13th remake, which was actually one of the few remakes I actually liked. The acting was decent and thin Jason Voorhees was still a badass in my book. But there’s a scene in that movie where one of the girls does this little dancing scene, and they kinda film it the exact same way, using the same angles and she even wears the same blue shorts! She flirts with a few of the guys in the room, even Holden the nerd. She’s still dating Curt, but I could care less, I would’ve snatched her up right then and there. And Curt wouldn’t do squat, if anything I’d probably make him watch!
But eventually he and Jules decide to go out into the woods to makeout. Keep in mind, everybody back at the station is watching this on the monitors. Up until this point, we only see about 5 people in the room but now there’s about 50, and their all gawking at the screens here lol. At one point, Curt says he wants to “get it on” but she says it’s “too cold” and everybody in the room begins to complain lol. When S and H hear this, they try and do something about it. H decides to operate one of the machines out here to puff out heat, so that maybe she can get in the “mood” lol. I’ll admit these scenes are pretty funny, and I kinda like how they pulled em off.
But of course, Truman has problem with this and asks them about it. S tells him something like “You don’t understand what’s at stake here” and I didn’t understand this at first, but it’s explained towards the end. But eventually she gets in the mood, and they lay in the woods and start kissing. Oh how romantic! Eventually she lays her hand out and one of the zombies stabs it! So she screams out in pain, while Curt tries to protect her from these zombies that’ve kinda come outta nowhere. He fights a few of em off, and even tackles one of them to the ground. But where the heck is the football. You can’t tackle a guy to the ground and not score a touchdown, how lame is that!
But eventually they grab her and slice her neck! It’s not as graphic as you think but, it was pulled off pretty nicely though. We then get this scene back at the facility, of these machines beginning to spin and blood being poured into these human-replica stone cutouts. But we get a shot of the wheels and stuff spinning, and it reminds me of the Lionsgate logo, yet again. I swear, these guys must be cocky as hell for a movie they didn’t even write if their spamming their logo everywhere, what a bunch of babies! So anyway, they let Curt go and he runs off through the woods. He arrives back at the cabin and spots another zombie, played by Jodelle. I recognized her eyes instantly.
But as he runs towards the house, he actually runs through her like a football player would. She even does a back-flip when he hits her, and it’s actually pretty funny but I’m not gonna laugh, it was cruel! This Curt guy needs to chill; he’s just tackling people, running through people, bringing his football everywhere. He doesn’t even have the football in his hand and he does all this tackling and I don’t know where the referee is at, but he’s getting away with too many fouls! Later on Marty (the stoner) gets yanked out his room through the window, and gets stabbed to death. The body count is beginning to pile up!
Later on, we see Dana and Holden entering the basement again. At one point she recognizes the room, and says “This is it, this is the black room” well duh, the lights are off! I think she’s referring to some room that was mentioned in that little book she read earlier but whatever. A zombie appears in this scene and tries to grab Holden and lift him up through the ceiling. And I’ll admit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before! The zombie tries to yank him up through the ceiling, but Dana saves him. She jumps up and stabs the zombie in the neck, and he falls to the floor. Eventually the 2 of them get into the jeep and drive off!
As they drive along the road, S and H quickly have to stop them. They can’t stop it by using their little computer machines, so S runs to the back of the facility and starts messing with wires. He starts pushing the wires together, like he’s trying to hot-wire a car. And while he does this, we see some slight explosions in front of Dana and the boys in the jeep. It’s actually a pretty amusing scene, how he’s able to manipulate their world by doing this, kinda like a video game lol. But eventually he causes this huge gap between them and freedom, with this huge long hole in the ground.
When Curt and the others find this out, their all pretty upset. But I don’t blame em, and here’s why; Curt is mad cause he’s gonna miss his next football game, Holden is mad he ain’t gonna study for the next history test, and Dana is mad cause she can’t get laid tomorrow (if ever) Trust me, I figured it all out! Eventually Curt decides to put his tough guy act on, and do something about this. He somehow gets a motorcycle from somewhere (don’t ask where) and hops on. Dana gives him a little kiss for being so brave, oh gimme a break! But he speeds off towards the gap and tries to jump over it I guess. To my knowledge there’s not even a ramp here but, what do you expect, he’s a bonehead!
He drives off the edge and he’s able to jump pretty far on the bike, but he hits the force field out here and falls to the ground lol. It’s like an invisible barrier or something, and it doesn’t budge at all, knocking him to the ground below. And there’s nothing down there to break his fall either, beside a bunch of rocks, which isn’t gonna help him much. Sorry bro, no touchdown for you! So the 2 of them get back in the jeep and drive back. Holden is on the wheel this time, trying to be all brave. But not even seconds into this scene, a zombie appears behind him and he gets stabbed in the neck from behind!
The car begins to spin out of control at this point, and eventually drives off the cliff into a lake! They crash and Dana struggles to get out, but eventually does. We don’t see what happens to Holden, but it’s safe to say he didn’t bring a life jacket with him, so he’s dead. When this happens, we get a shot back at the facility and we see S and H dancing and partying with the rest of the workers here. It’s explained more towards the end, but their main goal is to kill these teens off in entertaining yet gruesome ways. So everytime they kill one, they’ll celebrate for a bit before going back to work.
But so far they’ve killed about 4-5 teens, which I guess calls for an even bigger celebration. So S and H and about 30 others start dancing around the room here. Meanwhile, we see Dana climbing out onto the little wooden balcony out here, slowly regaining her strength. While she tries to get up, we see the big tall zombie slowly approaching her. He begins to attack her and throw her around a bit here on the wooden balcony, and it’s kind of a sad scene, since she’s so cute. He picks her up and throws her around, while we get a shot back at the facility of everybody dancing around and celebrating. But it’s amusing, in a sick and twisted way. Their not even paying attention to the screen lol.
The scene goes on for about 2 minutes straight, and all we see in the background on the monitor is her getting thrown around like a rag doll! Eventually Marty appears in this scene behind the tall zombie, and knocks him into the lake! The two of them run off towards the house again, and lock the doors. After a 2 minute beating like that, I’m surprised she can still walk! Marty then shows her a room he found here, somewhere in the house. It looks like an elevator, but the two of them get inside. The room then begins shaking and rotating. We don’t see where it’s moving, but we see alot of things passing by on both sides of the room.
We see lots of ghouls and other zombies popping up at their screen, and I’ll admit, alot of them are pretty cool. Some of them even remind me of the ghouls from 13 Ghosts (2001) which is hard to come by these days. We later get a big shot of all these rooms, as the camera pans out a bit. There’s about 1000 different white rooms, all floating about, each with a different ghoul inside. Again it feels like a big video game, and I don’t mind that at all! Eventually Dana and Marty make it out of the elevator, and we see them walking around the facility, wondering what the heck is going on.
Security is immediately alerted, and we hear some lady over the intercom warning them that what they’ve done was brave and all that jazz. She also says that the zombies and ghouls they were able to keep off, are nothing compared to the beast they have in the facility, which kinda makes you wonder for a moment what else they have in store. Pretty soon, a bunch of soldiers arrive and they begin shooting at the 2 of them, as they hide behind some desk. But Dana spots a button up on the machine here, and it doesn’t specifically say what it does, but she presses it anyway. And let me tell you, what happened next, literally blew my mind!
There’s about 20 soldiers in the middle of the room here, all firing bullets at them. But once she presses the button, 10 of the doors surrounding them open up, unleashing just about every creature / zombie / ghoul you could imagine! I swear, every creature you ever saw in a horror movie is in this scene, and they all come out and attack the soldiers; we see giant bats, animals, snakes, people in white masks that remind me of Dollface from Twisted Metal lol. There’s even a ballerina in one scene with a disfigured face, prancing around like everything’s fine and dandy lol. But I swear, as a fan of the horror genre, this scene impressed the hell outta me, and it’s a horror fans wet dream!
The scene lasts for about 5 minutes, and alot of people get eaten, killed, and ripped to shreds. In some scenes we even see people shooting themselves in the face and it’s so sadistic lol. There’s even a unicorn that comes outta nowhere in one scene, and tackles this guy into the wall with it’s horn. There’s also a snake that gobbles up a few people, and I swear, this entire segment just blows me away! Eventually some of these ghouls enter the facility with S, H and Truman. And low and behold, out of the 4 white people in the room, he’s the first one to get eaten. I mean c’mon it’s horror movie tradition at this point; kill the black guy in the room first!
But then again he did last pretty long in this movie, I’ll give em that. He was the first guy in that room to be killed but he wasn’t the first in the entire movie, so I’ll cut em some slack. Eventually Dana and Marty enter this big room, with 5 human-cutouts on the wall. They wonder what they are, but even when I saw this scene for the first time, I instantly knew what they were; the virgin, the dork, the arrogant football player, etc. A woman who I guess owns the joint (Sigourney Weaver, great actress) soon enters the room and she basically explains the whole thing, about how they needed 5 young teens for their little experiment / project whatever you wanna call it.
When I first saw this film, I actually had a different ending in mind. Cause when I watch these movies, I’m always trying to predict what’s going to happen next. But my prediction was that they’d get on the elevator, and then they’d be brought downstairs and into the facility with S, H and Truman. And when they opened the door, they’d walk in and everybody in the room would start clapping, thanking them for participating in their little horror experiment / game whatever you wanna call it. That was my original prediction, and unfortunately that didn’t happen but you know what, the ending they decided to go with actually blew mine out the water anyway.
In some way, I feel this movie was kinda spoofing the horror genre a bit. But it was a mix between spoofing, and poking fun, which I don’t mind. I’m a big horror fan, but I understand that some of these films are cheesy and lame. But I’d rather sit through a bad horror movie and make fun of it, than a bad comedy with lame unfunny jokes lol. At the end of the film, they find out a large behemoth is after them. And realizing they don’t have a chance in hell at stopping this thing, the two of them just lay here in the middle of the room, smoking a cigarette. Eventually a huge, enormous hand reaches up and punches through the cabin, and it’s a pretty badass way to end a movie like this, killer ending!
Overall I loved this movie, and it really surprised me. I went into it thinking it was gonna be another lame teen flick. The beginning is pretty cheesy I’ll admit, but the ending definitely makes up for it, and it’s worth the wait. It’s kinda nice that someone actually decided to make a creative horror movie like this, cause nowadays all we see are cheesy paranormal found footage ghost crap movies that aren’t scary or menacing at all, and just plain lame, but this one did it right! I said it before and I’ll say it again, this is a horror fans wet dream! And if you’re like me and tired of all this paranormal ghost crap, this one is the one for you!
I was pretty nervous going into a film like this, but I knew eventually I’d get my hands on this one. I’d only seen the trailer a few times, but to me it just looked like another lame teen horror movie, which it kinda is. But trust me, there’s more to this movie than you may think, and let me tell you, coming from a guy who’s seen and reviewed pretty much every good / decent horror film up until now, this film blew me away!
The movie begins with a cool little intro, with the titles and everything being rolled across the screen through this red, bloody text. I usually don’t pay attention to credits, but I noticed that it’s made by some company named “Mutant Enemy Productions” which I think is a pretty badass title for a film company, especially one that’s making a horror movie. In the opening scene, we see these 2 old guys talking in one of the faculty rooms here in this building. I immediately recognized one of the old guys from one of my favorite films, Let Me In (2010)
It was one of the best remake’s I’ve ever seen, and he only had a small part in the film but he’s still recognized. He plays Abbey’s father in the film. So anyway, the two of them have some small talk as they walk around the building. It’s hard to say what their talking about specifically, but it’s actually pretty calming, and there’s some jokes slipped in here and there. One thing I noticed about this film right off the bat was the pacing. It’s hard to describe, but they pace the film and the dialogue / jokes very well, and nothing ever comes off forced or anything.
We later get a shot of a neighborhood, where we meet a girl named Dana. She’s very cute I’ll admit, and we see her here changing and walking around in her room. Being the guy that I am, I have no problem with that lol. We also meet her blonde friend, Jules. She’s okay looking too, I guess. They talk for a bit here in her room, but you can definitely tell Jules is the more open, talkative chick while Dana is the softer, shy girl. She’s the virgin, while Jules is the party girl, basically. We also meet Jules boyfriend Curt, who of course is on the football team and is a total meathead, ugh!
He enters the room with his football, and immediately throws it out the window to a friend of his, who catches it easily. I already hate both these guys lol. Eventually they all pack up and go outside, where they load their belongings on what looks like a tour bus. We also meet another friend of theirs named Marty, who pulls up next to the bus. Cheesy character #4 – the pothead! I swear, the people who come up with these characters need to read a book on creativity. He’s supposed to be one of the comical characters in the film, but trust me, none of what this goof says is funny!
He also walks and acts like he’s 60 years old, which is pretty annoying; he hunches his back and talks like he’s sick, and I know he’s high but it just doesn’t work for a guy like him. Eventually they get on the bus and drive off! They go through the woods, and they talk some more on the bus. I really don’t have a favorite character out of the bunch, but Dana is pretty cute, so I just keep staring at her. Meanwhile, we see the 2 old guys back at the facility. The guy from Let Me In is named Sitterson, which I think is a dumb name so I’m just gonna call him S. I don’t even think they say his name in the film, but I’m glad they don’t cause I probably would’ve laughed at it.
So S and his friend get into this room and sit down. One thing I noticed though, was that when they open the doors to the room, we get a shot of the wheel on the door opening just like the Lionsgate logo. Lionsgate is the company that distributes the film, which means squat to me cause they didn’t write it. But you get about 4-5 scenes like this throughout the movie and it’s pretty annoying. They did the same thing in Freddy vs Jason (according to the trivia) When Freddy throws those blades towards Jason, he actually made the New Line Cinema logo.
But to me, I don’t care if you distribute the film or not, you didn’t write, produce or direct it, so your logo means squat to me! So anyway, S and his friend sit down at these desks and begin operating these computers. They have a big view of the entire city through these cameras, and it looks like some police facility, but I’ll explain this later. Pretty soon the 5 teens arrive at a gas station, and they get out and walk around. When they get out, Curt still carries the football in his hand, like he was expecting to score a touchdown at the gas station, loser. Leave the football in the car you clown!
They walk around a bit, and eventually run into this old guy here. He pumps their gas and kinda talks to them for a bit, and you get kind of a weird vibe from him. Curt asks him where so-and-so town is and he tells him, though he warns them that it’s dangerous. But trust me, I’ve seen scenes like this 100 times over, it’s pretty cheesy. At one point he even calls Curt’s girlfriend a whore, and he gets angry at him, almost willing to fight. Yea, beat the old dude up and show everybody how tough you are, goofball! But after getting the gas, the 5 of them continue on. We see them driving through mountains and across lakes.
At one point we see a CGI bird fly across the city above them, but it soon hits this force field thing and bursts into feathers lol. It’s pretty obvious by this point, their under some kind of magnetic force / energy dome thing but I’ll get to this later. Eventually they arrive at the cabin, which sits in the middle of the woods here. When they get out, Jules says “It’s beautiful” but I disagree, it’s nothing more than a cabin lol. So they unpack and walk around a bit. In one room, we see some guy named Holden. He’s in his room, and he spots a window here. He looks through and can see Dana on the other side, though she can’t see him.
Like the scene from the gas station, I remember this scene from the trailer, even though I haven’t seen it in about a year. It’s not good to watch a trailer for a movie right before seeing the movie itself, cause it just spoils alotta stuff. But anyway, he can see her but she can’t see him, it’s another cheesy scene lol. Eventually she begins to undress, and he kinda freaks out on the other side. You virgin! She starts unbuttoning her bra and she almost takes it off, before he alerts her and the rest of em about the mirror. I probably would’ve done the same thing and told her about the mirror, but I wouldn’t have freaked out like him. It’s obvious he doesn’t get laid much.
But after telling her about the window / mirror, she thanks him and they finish unpacking. Later that day we see the 5 of them going swimming, jumping into the lake out here. I’m surprised that the first 2 to jump in are Dana and Holden, given how awkward they are. And it has nothing to do with the scene with the window, but their both kinda dorky in the movie. So for them to hit the water first was kinda surprising. Curt and Jules soon join them, and he acts like a total meathead in this scene. It’s kinda hard to score a touchdown in a lake like this but I’m sure he doesn’t have a problem with that.
Later that night, the 5 of them goof off some more in the living room. They do this silly truth or dare game where they dare each other to do dumb stuff. I’m glad I don’t do this kinda stuff when I’m bored lol. In one dare, Marty (the stoner guy) dares Jules to makeout with a mannequin wolf head. And I swear, it’s probably the weirdest scene I’ve ever seen, even in a horror movie lol. But she accepts, and she goes over to the mannequin on the wall and starts kissing it, you goof! For all she knows, that thing could’ve been on the floor and the fur could be all dirty, and she’s standing here kissing it like a baboon. She’s blonde for a reason I’ll tell you that much!
Eventually they try and give Dana a dare, and she’s kinda nervous at first but she accepts. They kinda tease her cause she’s nerdy but I guess she feels the need to prove em wrong, but more power to ya. But before they dare her, a cellar door behind them opens up! It’s a cheap little jump-scare but I don’t mind it, cause they don’t do it that much, thankfully. So they walk over to the cellar, and one of them dares Dana to go in. So she does. She walks down the steps into the dark basement, oh how spooky! At one point she spots a picture on the wall, which I instantly recognized as the little girl from Silent Hill.
Truth be told, I actually looked up on this girl (ironically) 2 weeks before doing this review. Her names Jodelle Ferland, and she was in 2 of my favorite movies; Silent Hill (2006) and Case 39 (2009) Silent Hill was cool cause it was based off a favorite video game of mine, and even though it kinda made no sense, the atmosphere kinda made up for it. Case 39 was pretty decent too. It was very cheesy, but it was decent. But anyway, Silent Hill came on 2 weeks ago (currently 2 weeks before writing this review) and I always wondered why I haven’t seen her in anything besides those 2 movies, cause she’s a pretty cute little girl, and a great actress for her age.
I checked imdb and saw that she was in this movie, but I didn’t know what character she played. At first I thought she played Dana cause they kinda look similar, but she plays someone else, which I’ll get to later on. So anyway, after seeing it’s safe, the 4 others come down the steps. I’m surprised football veteran Curt wasn’t the first to go down the basement, since he thinks he’s so tough. I swear, he wears his football jacket throughout the entire film, ugh! Dana finds some book down here, and she begins to read it out loud. Some is in English, and some in Latin, and of course she knows how to read Latin too since she’s such a brainiac. I guess that’s why they showed us all those books on her bed in the opening scene.
But she reads it out loud, while the 4 of them stand next to her. As she reads the Latin language, we get shots outside in the woods. When she reads the words, we see these big, huge zombies rising out of the ground! Reminds me of the scene from The Mummy (1999) after Eve reads the scripture that bring Imhotep back to life! I swear it’s such a badass scene though. There’s about 5 of them, and one of em is huge and tall, about 7 feet I’m guessing. He looks alot like The Great Khali from WWE. As these ghouls rise from the ground, we get shots back at the facility with S and his friend H. They’re both smiling at this, looking at the 20 monitors in front of them.
You get the feeling these zombies are being controlled by these guys, and you see examples of this throughout the film. Every now and again you see them press a button somewhere and it’ll make the zombie do something, or cause something to happen in the house. Whatever goes on within the dome thingy these teens passed through, is being controlled by these guys. In some ways, this movie kinda reminds me of Death Race (2008) and how that lady and her stooges operated the traps around the racing circuit, with the cameras and stuff in front of her. It’s kind of the same thing in this movie, but this one kinda ups the ante and it just feels more unique.
But every now and again, S and H will be questioned by some black guy named Truman. To me he just looks like a random guy they threw in this film, just to be in the background and act dumb. But when S and his friend operate these dials, sometimes he’ll ask what’s going on, and they’ll explain to him that everything’s fine. If anything, given his skin color he should be thankful he’s not dead yet, and that’s a compliment! Meanwhile we see the teens back inside, relaxing some more in the living room. Jules begins dancing in the living room in front of all of them. And like I said, she isn’t really that cute but I’ll admit, this scene kinda makes you wanna change your mind.
This scene actually reminds me of the one from the Friday the 13th remake, which was actually one of the few remakes I actually liked. The acting was decent and thin Jason Voorhees was still a badass in my book. But there’s a scene in that movie where one of the girls does this little dancing scene, and they kinda film it the exact same way, using the same angles and she even wears the same blue shorts! She flirts with a few of the guys in the room, even Holden the nerd. She’s still dating Curt, but I could care less, I would’ve snatched her up right then and there. And Curt wouldn’t do squat, if anything I’d probably make him watch!
But eventually he and Jules decide to go out into the woods to makeout. Keep in mind, everybody back at the station is watching this on the monitors. Up until this point, we only see about 5 people in the room but now there’s about 50, and their all gawking at the screens here lol. At one point, Curt says he wants to “get it on” but she says it’s “too cold” and everybody in the room begins to complain lol. When S and H hear this, they try and do something about it. H decides to operate one of the machines out here to puff out heat, so that maybe she can get in the “mood” lol. I’ll admit these scenes are pretty funny, and I kinda like how they pulled em off.
But of course, Truman has problem with this and asks them about it. S tells him something like “You don’t understand what’s at stake here” and I didn’t understand this at first, but it’s explained towards the end. But eventually she gets in the mood, and they lay in the woods and start kissing. Oh how romantic! Eventually she lays her hand out and one of the zombies stabs it! So she screams out in pain, while Curt tries to protect her from these zombies that’ve kinda come outta nowhere. He fights a few of em off, and even tackles one of them to the ground. But where the heck is the football. You can’t tackle a guy to the ground and not score a touchdown, how lame is that!
But eventually they grab her and slice her neck! It’s not as graphic as you think but, it was pulled off pretty nicely though. We then get this scene back at the facility, of these machines beginning to spin and blood being poured into these human-replica stone cutouts. But we get a shot of the wheels and stuff spinning, and it reminds me of the Lionsgate logo, yet again. I swear, these guys must be cocky as hell for a movie they didn’t even write if their spamming their logo everywhere, what a bunch of babies! So anyway, they let Curt go and he runs off through the woods. He arrives back at the cabin and spots another zombie, played by Jodelle. I recognized her eyes instantly.
But as he runs towards the house, he actually runs through her like a football player would. She even does a back-flip when he hits her, and it’s actually pretty funny but I’m not gonna laugh, it was cruel! This Curt guy needs to chill; he’s just tackling people, running through people, bringing his football everywhere. He doesn’t even have the football in his hand and he does all this tackling and I don’t know where the referee is at, but he’s getting away with too many fouls! Later on Marty (the stoner) gets yanked out his room through the window, and gets stabbed to death. The body count is beginning to pile up!
Later on, we see Dana and Holden entering the basement again. At one point she recognizes the room, and says “This is it, this is the black room” well duh, the lights are off! I think she’s referring to some room that was mentioned in that little book she read earlier but whatever. A zombie appears in this scene and tries to grab Holden and lift him up through the ceiling. And I’ll admit, I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before! The zombie tries to yank him up through the ceiling, but Dana saves him. She jumps up and stabs the zombie in the neck, and he falls to the floor. Eventually the 2 of them get into the jeep and drive off!
As they drive along the road, S and H quickly have to stop them. They can’t stop it by using their little computer machines, so S runs to the back of the facility and starts messing with wires. He starts pushing the wires together, like he’s trying to hot-wire a car. And while he does this, we see some slight explosions in front of Dana and the boys in the jeep. It’s actually a pretty amusing scene, how he’s able to manipulate their world by doing this, kinda like a video game lol. But eventually he causes this huge gap between them and freedom, with this huge long hole in the ground.
When Curt and the others find this out, their all pretty upset. But I don’t blame em, and here’s why; Curt is mad cause he’s gonna miss his next football game, Holden is mad he ain’t gonna study for the next history test, and Dana is mad cause she can’t get laid tomorrow (if ever) Trust me, I figured it all out! Eventually Curt decides to put his tough guy act on, and do something about this. He somehow gets a motorcycle from somewhere (don’t ask where) and hops on. Dana gives him a little kiss for being so brave, oh gimme a break! But he speeds off towards the gap and tries to jump over it I guess. To my knowledge there’s not even a ramp here but, what do you expect, he’s a bonehead!
He drives off the edge and he’s able to jump pretty far on the bike, but he hits the force field out here and falls to the ground lol. It’s like an invisible barrier or something, and it doesn’t budge at all, knocking him to the ground below. And there’s nothing down there to break his fall either, beside a bunch of rocks, which isn’t gonna help him much. Sorry bro, no touchdown for you! So the 2 of them get back in the jeep and drive back. Holden is on the wheel this time, trying to be all brave. But not even seconds into this scene, a zombie appears behind him and he gets stabbed in the neck from behind!
The car begins to spin out of control at this point, and eventually drives off the cliff into a lake! They crash and Dana struggles to get out, but eventually does. We don’t see what happens to Holden, but it’s safe to say he didn’t bring a life jacket with him, so he’s dead. When this happens, we get a shot back at the facility and we see S and H dancing and partying with the rest of the workers here. It’s explained more towards the end, but their main goal is to kill these teens off in entertaining yet gruesome ways. So everytime they kill one, they’ll celebrate for a bit before going back to work.
But so far they’ve killed about 4-5 teens, which I guess calls for an even bigger celebration. So S and H and about 30 others start dancing around the room here. Meanwhile, we see Dana climbing out onto the little wooden balcony out here, slowly regaining her strength. While she tries to get up, we see the big tall zombie slowly approaching her. He begins to attack her and throw her around a bit here on the wooden balcony, and it’s kind of a sad scene, since she’s so cute. He picks her up and throws her around, while we get a shot back at the facility of everybody dancing around and celebrating. But it’s amusing, in a sick and twisted way. Their not even paying attention to the screen lol.
The scene goes on for about 2 minutes straight, and all we see in the background on the monitor is her getting thrown around like a rag doll! Eventually Marty appears in this scene behind the tall zombie, and knocks him into the lake! The two of them run off towards the house again, and lock the doors. After a 2 minute beating like that, I’m surprised she can still walk! Marty then shows her a room he found here, somewhere in the house. It looks like an elevator, but the two of them get inside. The room then begins shaking and rotating. We don’t see where it’s moving, but we see alot of things passing by on both sides of the room.
We see lots of ghouls and other zombies popping up at their screen, and I’ll admit, alot of them are pretty cool. Some of them even remind me of the ghouls from 13 Ghosts (2001) which is hard to come by these days. We later get a big shot of all these rooms, as the camera pans out a bit. There’s about 1000 different white rooms, all floating about, each with a different ghoul inside. Again it feels like a big video game, and I don’t mind that at all! Eventually Dana and Marty make it out of the elevator, and we see them walking around the facility, wondering what the heck is going on.
Security is immediately alerted, and we hear some lady over the intercom warning them that what they’ve done was brave and all that jazz. She also says that the zombies and ghouls they were able to keep off, are nothing compared to the beast they have in the facility, which kinda makes you wonder for a moment what else they have in store. Pretty soon, a bunch of soldiers arrive and they begin shooting at the 2 of them, as they hide behind some desk. But Dana spots a button up on the machine here, and it doesn’t specifically say what it does, but she presses it anyway. And let me tell you, what happened next, literally blew my mind!
There’s about 20 soldiers in the middle of the room here, all firing bullets at them. But once she presses the button, 10 of the doors surrounding them open up, unleashing just about every creature / zombie / ghoul you could imagine! I swear, every creature you ever saw in a horror movie is in this scene, and they all come out and attack the soldiers; we see giant bats, animals, snakes, people in white masks that remind me of Dollface from Twisted Metal lol. There’s even a ballerina in one scene with a disfigured face, prancing around like everything’s fine and dandy lol. But I swear, as a fan of the horror genre, this scene impressed the hell outta me, and it’s a horror fans wet dream!
The scene lasts for about 5 minutes, and alot of people get eaten, killed, and ripped to shreds. In some scenes we even see people shooting themselves in the face and it’s so sadistic lol. There’s even a unicorn that comes outta nowhere in one scene, and tackles this guy into the wall with it’s horn. There’s also a snake that gobbles up a few people, and I swear, this entire segment just blows me away! Eventually some of these ghouls enter the facility with S, H and Truman. And low and behold, out of the 4 white people in the room, he’s the first one to get eaten. I mean c’mon it’s horror movie tradition at this point; kill the black guy in the room first!
But then again he did last pretty long in this movie, I’ll give em that. He was the first guy in that room to be killed but he wasn’t the first in the entire movie, so I’ll cut em some slack. Eventually Dana and Marty enter this big room, with 5 human-cutouts on the wall. They wonder what they are, but even when I saw this scene for the first time, I instantly knew what they were; the virgin, the dork, the arrogant football player, etc. A woman who I guess owns the joint (Sigourney Weaver, great actress) soon enters the room and she basically explains the whole thing, about how they needed 5 young teens for their little experiment / project whatever you wanna call it.
When I first saw this film, I actually had a different ending in mind. Cause when I watch these movies, I’m always trying to predict what’s going to happen next. But my prediction was that they’d get on the elevator, and then they’d be brought downstairs and into the facility with S, H and Truman. And when they opened the door, they’d walk in and everybody in the room would start clapping, thanking them for participating in their little horror experiment / game whatever you wanna call it. That was my original prediction, and unfortunately that didn’t happen but you know what, the ending they decided to go with actually blew mine out the water anyway.
In some way, I feel this movie was kinda spoofing the horror genre a bit. But it was a mix between spoofing, and poking fun, which I don’t mind. I’m a big horror fan, but I understand that some of these films are cheesy and lame. But I’d rather sit through a bad horror movie and make fun of it, than a bad comedy with lame unfunny jokes lol. At the end of the film, they find out a large behemoth is after them. And realizing they don’t have a chance in hell at stopping this thing, the two of them just lay here in the middle of the room, smoking a cigarette. Eventually a huge, enormous hand reaches up and punches through the cabin, and it’s a pretty badass way to end a movie like this, killer ending!
Overall I loved this movie, and it really surprised me. I went into it thinking it was gonna be another lame teen flick. The beginning is pretty cheesy I’ll admit, but the ending definitely makes up for it, and it’s worth the wait. It’s kinda nice that someone actually decided to make a creative horror movie like this, cause nowadays all we see are cheesy paranormal found footage ghost crap movies that aren’t scary or menacing at all, and just plain lame, but this one did it right! I said it before and I’ll say it again, this is a horror fans wet dream! And if you’re like me and tired of all this paranormal ghost crap, this one is the one for you!
You’re Next (2011)
I can’t really remember where I found this movie but I think I found it online. I was just lookin up all these horror movies and found this one. I mean the title is pretty simple and cheesy but the cool thing was it actually looked sorta scary. And it didn’t look like any of that found-footage crap that was starting to come out around these years so, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.
At the start of the film we meet this woman and this other guy. Neither of their names are mentioned, but the guy goes into the shower while the girl walks around the house a little. The first thing I noticed about this woman was her straight-back hairstyle, which made me think this took place in the 70’s or something cause I know alot of women had those straight, hippie looking hairstyles with the sunglasses. But we later see her put the cd player on, so we know this is present time cause they didn’t have those back then. Eventually everything goes quiet, and we see the dude here finally getting out of the shower and walking around.
He reaches the living room, and immediately sees the girl outside on the ground. It’s hard to really picture it though cause they only show her once, for like half a second (bad editing lol) but eventually someone grabs this guy from behind and slices his neck! We also get a shot of the window in this scene, which reads You’re Next! Oh how scary lol. They obviously have to mention the title of this movie, but one thing I noticed very early on in this movie is they don’t even mention the actors names in the intro text. But I mean its no big deal, alot of the people in this movie are B-level actors anyway. We later see a truck pull up with this dude and this other woman. They unload the bags and take them into this big house.
Later that night, this other dude named Crispian and his girlfriend Erin arrive. Crispian is a name I’ve never even heard of but it looks like a pain to spell so I’ll just call him Chris. And later a bunch of other people arrive, who we later find out are all related. Their having this big get-together at their parents house, which is pretty cute. So they all settle in till the next morning, where Chris meets his brother and his gf. We later meet the rest of the brothers and together there’s about 4 of em. They look nothing alike but whatever. We later see the mother in the kitchen here washing dishes, and she asks Erin to go to the neighbor’s house to get some milk.
So she goes outside and walks a couple blocks to this other house. They live out here in some woods, which I guess is a perfect place for most horror movies you know, where nobody can hear you scream. But I came up with my own little theory, as to why the house is so far away. My guess was that when stuff happened, the neighbors wouldn’t be able to hear em. Cause if they were next door, the audience would be like “wait why can’t the neighbors hear them” you know, but I’ll let you know right now that’s not the case. So anyway she comes by the house here and tries to get the persons attention. All of a sudden this music starts to play, and we see this dude sittin here, and I think he’s in his underwear, like what the hell lol.
But it’s the same dude from the beginning of the movie, the dude that found his wife dead (atleast that’s who I think it is, I could be wrong though) But he can’t hear her, cause he has the music playin and he’s kinda in zombie-mode just starin off into the sky. Even if he lived right next to them he probably wouldn’t be able to hear them anyway. So I guess their not getting any milk today eh lol. Eventually they have dinner, and they eat and talk and stuff. One of the brothers here, Drake (who looks like Jim Carey lol) starts asking everybody questions about their job and where they work. At first you get the feeling he really wants to know what they do, but you also get the feeling he’s kinda jealous and just wants to rub it in their face.
To choose to do this at a family reunion just shows what kinda person this dude is, but I think I know why he did this. There’s a scene earlier in the film after they get in the house, where we see him and his gf in the bathroom. He tries to flirt with her but she says she isn’t in the mood. So at the dinner table he sees his brothers here mingling and talkin with their gf’s and it makes him jealous basically. He later starts to ask Chris’s girl about her work and stuff and Chris calls him out on it, saying he’s jealous and they all get into this big argument. Eventually one of the other brothers in this scene gets up and goes by the window, where he immediately gets struck in the eye by a crossbow lol.
Reminds me of the scene from Wrong Turn (2003) where the dude was running through the woods and got stabbed from behind. So he stands here for a bit but then gets a crossbow through the forehead! So they all panic and run around. They try and call the police but of course, that doesn’t work. Your in a horror movie, the phones aren’t supposed to work lol. But one of the brothers in this scene named Felix, he goes “they used a cell phone blocker” and I was like “are you serious bro” lol. What the hell is a cell phone blocker dude. So anyway, we continue to see arrows being thrown through the windows. Some hit the table, some hit vases and shatter them, which is pretty cool. Some of the people here use chairs and tables to block the arrows as they scurry by.
At one point Drake gets an arrow in his back, and its pretty funny lol. I forget what they say but they say they don’t wanna take it out cause he could bleed to death. I’ve seen this in other movies before so I’m assuming that’s what it is. So they leave the arrow in his back for the next 30 minutes or so, and its funny as hell. Eventually they come up with a plan to run outside for help, which I think is dumb but you know, people do dumb stuff in these horror movies. So this chick named Aimee says she’ll do it. They open the door and she runs outside, but immediately gets caught in the neck by this little wire here! She runs right into it, and it slits her neck as she falls backwards lol. I’ll admit I’ve never seen that before so I give em respect. But its weird I mean, they must’ve not only knew she’d run but known how tall she was.
We later see Erin and Chris again, and Erin starts fiddling with her phone. And she says something like “if you text 911 to the police you get a voicemail” like really, that doesn’t even make any sense lol. Like a police officer is gonna look at the phone like “Oh boy there’s a crime going on I’ll get back to it in a couple hours” lol. We later get a scene in someone’s room and we see the mother laying here. I guess she’s trying to stay away from the arguments but also out of sight from these bow and arrows. Eventually this big dude comes out from under the bed, oh how scary lol. And he’s also got this rat mask on, which is sorta cool but dorky at the same time. When I first saw these masks I couldn’t stop laughing, then at one point they were okay, then at another point they were just funny again. Right now their just funny lookin masks.
Technically their rat masks but I’m gonna call em pig faces cause its funnier. But anyway, the pig face comes from under the bed and stabs her here! Later on all the characters find her here, dead in the bed. They also see this message on the wall, which again reads You’re Next like we saw earlier. This phrase is so funny. I’m looking at imdb right now but I can’t find the name of this one chick with the brown hair who’s supposed to be Drake’s gf. But she runs to the neighbor’s house here and starts bangin on the door, but we all know he can’t hear her. Eventually one of the pig face dudes catches up to her and socks her right in the eye and he hits her so hard she falls through the glass door! Eventually Felix and Zee go upstairs to meet dad, and they do.
When they reach him, so does one of the pig faces and they end up slicing his throat and killing him in this scene! Felix also talks with the killer here, so their obviously workin together. Oh look at the plot twist lol. But yea, Felix set this whole thing up to kill his father, but I’ll get into all this later. So they later go downstairs to see what’s going on with the other characters. Erin and Chris wanna run back out there and Felix and Zee are probably hoping they do, so they can get killed. One of em ask about dad and Felix goes “don’t worry he’s just napping” yea you got that right. In his condition he’s gonna be nappin the entire film lol. Later in the movie we see Felix and Drake in the basement and their talkin about something.
But eventually Drake takes these sharp objects (pencils and rulers I think) and stabs him in the chest with it! He stabs like 7-8 of em in his chest, and eventually he falls to the floor. At one point one of these pig face men try to enter the house, but he steps on a nail. Before he enters the house we get a shot of the nail from the floor pointing up, and it’s like 2-3 feet from the window, and he still steps on it, what a moron. It reminds me of the scene from Home Alone though where Marv steps on the ornaments lol. Eventually they all get in the house, Felix, Zee and the 2 pig faces, who remove their masks for a short while. He tells them their not doing a good job and how the whole plan was to kill his dad. In total I think there’s about 4 of these pig face guys and a couple of them get killed throughout the movie but I’m not really sure. But in these scenes there’s obviously atleast 2 of em.
But yea, the plan was for them to kill his dad. The reason is revealed at the end of the movie, but its still a pretty sick idea. But now that we’re sorta towards the end of the movie, I wanted to do something a little different here. I wrote down all of Erin’s scenes throughout this review, all her scenes of her killing these pig faces and her scenes where she’s being brave and stuff. And I was gonna fill em in up above like I normally would, but I thought I’d put em all down here since all the attention is really on her by this point in the film. So throughout the movie, the pig faces try to attack these people either by shooting arrows through the window or grabbing / slicing their neck. At one point one of em follows Erin into the basement and we get this little scene where the flashlight keeps blinking on and off.
And everytime it comes on we see her stabbing and bashing his brain in. I mean at first, visually it looks like a unique way to shoot a scene like this but on the other hand it sorta comes off annoying, so I’m in the middle about how this scene was shot. At another point in the film, she slaps one of em in the throat, which was pretty funny and later, one of em even chases her out a window and she jumps like 20 feet down lol. She shows alot of courage throughout the movie, and kinda always knows how to handle every situation their in. In one scene, Zee asks her how she became this way and she said she grew up with her dad on a “survivalist compound” which to me sounds like “end of the world” type people lol.
Later in the movie we see her setting up one of these traps here on the door, but I’ll get to this scene later. Eventually Erin catches Zee and Felix in what looks like a kitchen, and she beats em both up. She slams a food blender on Felix’s head and stabs Zee in the head with some rod, and they both die! Eventually Felix’s phone rings and Erin answers it. But all she does is listen, and on the other end we can hear Chris on the phone. The last time we heard of this dude was back when the arrows first started flying through the window, so he must’ve left the house around that time. Eventually he enters the house and sees Erin here, with the phone in her hand. I mean like I said, the whole thing was a setup, and he was in on the whole thing about killing the father.
He tells her in this scene about how their parents were rich and how they were gonna collect the money once the parents were dead. And the entire time she’s lookin at him like “what kinda sick person are you” lol. And the guy doesn’t even look like the type of person that’d do this, he looks more like a high school teacher or something. He also says he never knew how skilled she was when he got with her, which she actually mentions earlier in the scene where she’s talkin to Zee. She says she never told him she had all these skills, so Chris must’ve thought she was easily scared. And when the arrows were first being thrown around that she was gonna run outside screamin like most women do.
Eventually he says that either she can call the police and get him locked up, or the two of them can take the money and run off. She makes her decision pretty quickly, and stabs him in the neck with the knife, and later, in the eye! You don’t see people get stabbed in the eye that much in movies, probably cause their busy makin those stupid found footage movies or movies where people die by lookin in a mirror or some stupid crap. But after killing him, she immediately gets shot in the shoulder and falls to the ground. And when I first saw this I was like “There’s no way in hell they’re gonna end the movie like this” lol. And thankfully they don’t. She was shot by a police officer who randomly pops up at the right time at the perfect moment.
He then tries to open the front door, but activates the little trap that Erin set up earlier. So he opens the door and the hammer swings toward his head as the movie ends, SPLAT lol! Overall I mean I guess this was a cool movie. It had some pretty unique kills in here, some of which I’ve never seen in other horror movies like the neck-rope thing and the ending with the hammer. But you definitely get the feeling pretty early on how low-budget this movie is. The entire movie takes place in 1 house and we only get a couple scenes of them running outside, but that’s it. But all in all it was really just an okay movie.
I can’t really remember where I found this movie but I think I found it online. I was just lookin up all these horror movies and found this one. I mean the title is pretty simple and cheesy but the cool thing was it actually looked sorta scary. And it didn’t look like any of that found-footage crap that was starting to come out around these years so, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check it out.
At the start of the film we meet this woman and this other guy. Neither of their names are mentioned, but the guy goes into the shower while the girl walks around the house a little. The first thing I noticed about this woman was her straight-back hairstyle, which made me think this took place in the 70’s or something cause I know alot of women had those straight, hippie looking hairstyles with the sunglasses. But we later see her put the cd player on, so we know this is present time cause they didn’t have those back then. Eventually everything goes quiet, and we see the dude here finally getting out of the shower and walking around.
He reaches the living room, and immediately sees the girl outside on the ground. It’s hard to really picture it though cause they only show her once, for like half a second (bad editing lol) but eventually someone grabs this guy from behind and slices his neck! We also get a shot of the window in this scene, which reads You’re Next! Oh how scary lol. They obviously have to mention the title of this movie, but one thing I noticed very early on in this movie is they don’t even mention the actors names in the intro text. But I mean its no big deal, alot of the people in this movie are B-level actors anyway. We later see a truck pull up with this dude and this other woman. They unload the bags and take them into this big house.
Later that night, this other dude named Crispian and his girlfriend Erin arrive. Crispian is a name I’ve never even heard of but it looks like a pain to spell so I’ll just call him Chris. And later a bunch of other people arrive, who we later find out are all related. Their having this big get-together at their parents house, which is pretty cute. So they all settle in till the next morning, where Chris meets his brother and his gf. We later meet the rest of the brothers and together there’s about 4 of em. They look nothing alike but whatever. We later see the mother in the kitchen here washing dishes, and she asks Erin to go to the neighbor’s house to get some milk.
So she goes outside and walks a couple blocks to this other house. They live out here in some woods, which I guess is a perfect place for most horror movies you know, where nobody can hear you scream. But I came up with my own little theory, as to why the house is so far away. My guess was that when stuff happened, the neighbors wouldn’t be able to hear em. Cause if they were next door, the audience would be like “wait why can’t the neighbors hear them” you know, but I’ll let you know right now that’s not the case. So anyway she comes by the house here and tries to get the persons attention. All of a sudden this music starts to play, and we see this dude sittin here, and I think he’s in his underwear, like what the hell lol.
But it’s the same dude from the beginning of the movie, the dude that found his wife dead (atleast that’s who I think it is, I could be wrong though) But he can’t hear her, cause he has the music playin and he’s kinda in zombie-mode just starin off into the sky. Even if he lived right next to them he probably wouldn’t be able to hear them anyway. So I guess their not getting any milk today eh lol. Eventually they have dinner, and they eat and talk and stuff. One of the brothers here, Drake (who looks like Jim Carey lol) starts asking everybody questions about their job and where they work. At first you get the feeling he really wants to know what they do, but you also get the feeling he’s kinda jealous and just wants to rub it in their face.
To choose to do this at a family reunion just shows what kinda person this dude is, but I think I know why he did this. There’s a scene earlier in the film after they get in the house, where we see him and his gf in the bathroom. He tries to flirt with her but she says she isn’t in the mood. So at the dinner table he sees his brothers here mingling and talkin with their gf’s and it makes him jealous basically. He later starts to ask Chris’s girl about her work and stuff and Chris calls him out on it, saying he’s jealous and they all get into this big argument. Eventually one of the other brothers in this scene gets up and goes by the window, where he immediately gets struck in the eye by a crossbow lol.
Reminds me of the scene from Wrong Turn (2003) where the dude was running through the woods and got stabbed from behind. So he stands here for a bit but then gets a crossbow through the forehead! So they all panic and run around. They try and call the police but of course, that doesn’t work. Your in a horror movie, the phones aren’t supposed to work lol. But one of the brothers in this scene named Felix, he goes “they used a cell phone blocker” and I was like “are you serious bro” lol. What the hell is a cell phone blocker dude. So anyway, we continue to see arrows being thrown through the windows. Some hit the table, some hit vases and shatter them, which is pretty cool. Some of the people here use chairs and tables to block the arrows as they scurry by.
At one point Drake gets an arrow in his back, and its pretty funny lol. I forget what they say but they say they don’t wanna take it out cause he could bleed to death. I’ve seen this in other movies before so I’m assuming that’s what it is. So they leave the arrow in his back for the next 30 minutes or so, and its funny as hell. Eventually they come up with a plan to run outside for help, which I think is dumb but you know, people do dumb stuff in these horror movies. So this chick named Aimee says she’ll do it. They open the door and she runs outside, but immediately gets caught in the neck by this little wire here! She runs right into it, and it slits her neck as she falls backwards lol. I’ll admit I’ve never seen that before so I give em respect. But its weird I mean, they must’ve not only knew she’d run but known how tall she was.
We later see Erin and Chris again, and Erin starts fiddling with her phone. And she says something like “if you text 911 to the police you get a voicemail” like really, that doesn’t even make any sense lol. Like a police officer is gonna look at the phone like “Oh boy there’s a crime going on I’ll get back to it in a couple hours” lol. We later get a scene in someone’s room and we see the mother laying here. I guess she’s trying to stay away from the arguments but also out of sight from these bow and arrows. Eventually this big dude comes out from under the bed, oh how scary lol. And he’s also got this rat mask on, which is sorta cool but dorky at the same time. When I first saw these masks I couldn’t stop laughing, then at one point they were okay, then at another point they were just funny again. Right now their just funny lookin masks.
Technically their rat masks but I’m gonna call em pig faces cause its funnier. But anyway, the pig face comes from under the bed and stabs her here! Later on all the characters find her here, dead in the bed. They also see this message on the wall, which again reads You’re Next like we saw earlier. This phrase is so funny. I’m looking at imdb right now but I can’t find the name of this one chick with the brown hair who’s supposed to be Drake’s gf. But she runs to the neighbor’s house here and starts bangin on the door, but we all know he can’t hear her. Eventually one of the pig face dudes catches up to her and socks her right in the eye and he hits her so hard she falls through the glass door! Eventually Felix and Zee go upstairs to meet dad, and they do.
When they reach him, so does one of the pig faces and they end up slicing his throat and killing him in this scene! Felix also talks with the killer here, so their obviously workin together. Oh look at the plot twist lol. But yea, Felix set this whole thing up to kill his father, but I’ll get into all this later. So they later go downstairs to see what’s going on with the other characters. Erin and Chris wanna run back out there and Felix and Zee are probably hoping they do, so they can get killed. One of em ask about dad and Felix goes “don’t worry he’s just napping” yea you got that right. In his condition he’s gonna be nappin the entire film lol. Later in the movie we see Felix and Drake in the basement and their talkin about something.
But eventually Drake takes these sharp objects (pencils and rulers I think) and stabs him in the chest with it! He stabs like 7-8 of em in his chest, and eventually he falls to the floor. At one point one of these pig face men try to enter the house, but he steps on a nail. Before he enters the house we get a shot of the nail from the floor pointing up, and it’s like 2-3 feet from the window, and he still steps on it, what a moron. It reminds me of the scene from Home Alone though where Marv steps on the ornaments lol. Eventually they all get in the house, Felix, Zee and the 2 pig faces, who remove their masks for a short while. He tells them their not doing a good job and how the whole plan was to kill his dad. In total I think there’s about 4 of these pig face guys and a couple of them get killed throughout the movie but I’m not really sure. But in these scenes there’s obviously atleast 2 of em.
But yea, the plan was for them to kill his dad. The reason is revealed at the end of the movie, but its still a pretty sick idea. But now that we’re sorta towards the end of the movie, I wanted to do something a little different here. I wrote down all of Erin’s scenes throughout this review, all her scenes of her killing these pig faces and her scenes where she’s being brave and stuff. And I was gonna fill em in up above like I normally would, but I thought I’d put em all down here since all the attention is really on her by this point in the film. So throughout the movie, the pig faces try to attack these people either by shooting arrows through the window or grabbing / slicing their neck. At one point one of em follows Erin into the basement and we get this little scene where the flashlight keeps blinking on and off.
And everytime it comes on we see her stabbing and bashing his brain in. I mean at first, visually it looks like a unique way to shoot a scene like this but on the other hand it sorta comes off annoying, so I’m in the middle about how this scene was shot. At another point in the film, she slaps one of em in the throat, which was pretty funny and later, one of em even chases her out a window and she jumps like 20 feet down lol. She shows alot of courage throughout the movie, and kinda always knows how to handle every situation their in. In one scene, Zee asks her how she became this way and she said she grew up with her dad on a “survivalist compound” which to me sounds like “end of the world” type people lol.
Later in the movie we see her setting up one of these traps here on the door, but I’ll get to this scene later. Eventually Erin catches Zee and Felix in what looks like a kitchen, and she beats em both up. She slams a food blender on Felix’s head and stabs Zee in the head with some rod, and they both die! Eventually Felix’s phone rings and Erin answers it. But all she does is listen, and on the other end we can hear Chris on the phone. The last time we heard of this dude was back when the arrows first started flying through the window, so he must’ve left the house around that time. Eventually he enters the house and sees Erin here, with the phone in her hand. I mean like I said, the whole thing was a setup, and he was in on the whole thing about killing the father.
He tells her in this scene about how their parents were rich and how they were gonna collect the money once the parents were dead. And the entire time she’s lookin at him like “what kinda sick person are you” lol. And the guy doesn’t even look like the type of person that’d do this, he looks more like a high school teacher or something. He also says he never knew how skilled she was when he got with her, which she actually mentions earlier in the scene where she’s talkin to Zee. She says she never told him she had all these skills, so Chris must’ve thought she was easily scared. And when the arrows were first being thrown around that she was gonna run outside screamin like most women do.
Eventually he says that either she can call the police and get him locked up, or the two of them can take the money and run off. She makes her decision pretty quickly, and stabs him in the neck with the knife, and later, in the eye! You don’t see people get stabbed in the eye that much in movies, probably cause their busy makin those stupid found footage movies or movies where people die by lookin in a mirror or some stupid crap. But after killing him, she immediately gets shot in the shoulder and falls to the ground. And when I first saw this I was like “There’s no way in hell they’re gonna end the movie like this” lol. And thankfully they don’t. She was shot by a police officer who randomly pops up at the right time at the perfect moment.
He then tries to open the front door, but activates the little trap that Erin set up earlier. So he opens the door and the hammer swings toward his head as the movie ends, SPLAT lol! Overall I mean I guess this was a cool movie. It had some pretty unique kills in here, some of which I’ve never seen in other horror movies like the neck-rope thing and the ending with the hammer. But you definitely get the feeling pretty early on how low-budget this movie is. The entire movie takes place in 1 house and we only get a couple scenes of them running outside, but that’s it. But all in all it was really just an okay movie.
ATM (2012)
I remember seeing clips of this movie, way back when it was being released on blu ray. Before then I’d never even heard of this movie, or even seen the trailer. But from what I saw, it looked atleast decent enough to look at. It just looked like another one of those lame low-budget teen flicks so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check this one out and see how silly it was, and boy did it not disappoint.
At the start of the film, we get a scene of some guy at a table outlining something and drawing all these lines on a big sheet of paper. It looks like he’s trying to build a new house or something, and I didn’t understand this scene at first, but it’s definitely explained later on. But eventually he gets up from his work station and grabs his fur coat which hangs on the beam next to him. He grabs this big fur coat, which instantly reminded me of the clip I saw way back when this film was hitting blu ray, but it’s pretty obvious he’s the main star of this movie.
We later meet some guy named David, who works at some office job. We see him here at his desk, talking with someone on the phone. We also meet another guy named Corey, who’s a friend of David’s. He of course plays the wild, joke cracker but let me tell you, none of what this guy says is funny. He also used to play Josh from the kid show Drake & Josh. I’ll admit I enjoyed the show, and I still watch it now and again, but not as much as I used to. This is also a different type of genre for a guy like him, as it’s nothing like the kid shows he starred in on tv, but I have no problem with that at all.
However I do have a couple problems with Josh in this film; I already mentioned that nothing he says or does in the film is amusing, but I hate his voice in this movie alot! I noticed this with Drake & Josh, and how with each new season his voice would get deeper and deeper, which was fine. But it’s annoying cause you can barely hear what he says in this movie lol. So anyway, the two of them kinda goof off here in the office. Thank goodness I caught this in my 2nd viewing, but the company they work for is called Starkweather.
I instantly recognized the name, and knew I heard it somewhere. But it’s the name of the guy Earl Cash works for in Manhunt, a video game for the PS2. It’s one of my favorite games for that console and it’s created by the same people who made Grand Theft Auto, so it’s pretty much a given. As David talks on the phone, at one point he says something like “Christmas is coming up” so it’s obvious this film takes place in the winter. The exact date is revealed later on, on one of the monitors as November 17, 2011 so it’s coming up next month, better get the Christmas tree out!
At one point, Josh says something about a woman in the room named Emily, who’s standing a few desks away from them. He challenges David to go talk to her but he’s kind of nervous about it. To be honest, she isn’t even really that hot. She’s cute, but she ain’t Tyra Banks lookin if you know what I mean. Later that night we see the 2 of them at some party, drinking and partying a little. Josh is in this scene, in the background cracking jokes trying to sound funny, he really isn’t. And his low-pitched voice doesn’t help either with his jokes. Even when he yells you can barely hear anything coming out, and good thing this is a horror movie, cause I’m already waiting for this guy to die!
Eventually David gets up and goes to talk with Emily, who conveniently showed up at the party and is standing a couple feet from them. It’s such a cheesy scene lol. At one point she says something about choosing a different job or something, and he acts like he’s proud of her. If anything she probably doesn’t wanna hang out with these 2 knuckleheads! We later see her outside by the street, trying to hitch a taxi. Oh the cheesiness just doesn’t stop lol. David pops up in this scene, running up to her with a hat in his hand, asking if she left it behind. She already has a hat on her head what are you blind!
But as you might’ve guessed, David offers to give her a ride home, and I swear I almost threw up in my mouth! So he runs back into the club and tells Josh. The second he tells him, he pops up and all of a sudden needs a ride home too, ugh. But it’s pretty obvious he’s trying to cock-block David, probably jealous he’s not getting any and wants to ruin somebody’s fun. And sorry for using that kind of word to describe what he’s doing, I usually don’t use words like that in my reviews but I don’t know the PG term for trying to prevent your friend from getting laid. So the 3 of them get in the car and drive off.
Josh is in the backseat while David and Emily are up front. He’s in the back cracking all these lame jokes and talking on the phone. Emily looks annoyed but she doesn’t say much, probably trying to be nice to the guy. But in her head she’s probably like “This guy isn’t getting laid till he’s 40 and his jokes suck!” Eventually they arrive at an ATM machine, but I forget the exact reason why. At one point while their in the car (in between Josh’s lame jokes) he does mention he wanted to take some money out, and that he didn’t wanna use cash for some reason but I forget.
But it’s pretty obvious why this movie is called what it’s called. I’m kind of in-between about the title itself, but it’s simple, I can’t clown on that. So anyway, Josh gets out first and runs up to the ATM, which is basically a big square building in the middle of a deserted parking lot. And I’ll admit, the mood is pretty eerie. Personally I’ve never been to an ATM machine myself, but I’ve seen my mother go to them a few times. Sometimes she’ll drive up to one or she’ll get out the car and go to the one against the building.
But I’ve never seen an ATM in a building like this, in the middle of a parking lot like this but who cares, they probably made it like this specifically for the movie, so whatever. As he fumbles around inside the building, the 2 of them wait in the car. After a few moments, David gets out the car and runs into the building too, leaving Emily inside. She’s probably like “Oh how charming, leave me in the car, you ain’t getting laid either you klutz” lol. But after a few moments, she gets out the car too and runs inside.
Keep in mind it’s winter, but you don’t see any snow on the ground or anything. When she gets inside, the 2 of them work the machine and get the money out. When they prepare to leave, they walk up to the doors. But when they get there, they spot some guy outside in a big hoody, staring back at them. He’s pretty tall, and pretty menacing too, just standing there. But the 3 of them are of course, shocked when they see him. We can’t see his face but we can definitely assume it’s a guy under the hoody, and it’s the same guy from earlier that was drawing those outlines on the paper.
So the 3 of them kinda spaz out and begin questioning what he’s doing there. One of them even thinks he wants to use the ATM. But the others question that if he does, why doesn’t he just walk in. Trust me, it ain’t that simple lol. But he just stands there, still as a rock, barely moving. They also question how he got there, and whether or not he drove up in a car, which I think is a silly question. A guy like him doesn’t drive a car, he drives a snowmobile (of course, I’m assuming he does) But you know what, I’m just gonna call him S throughout this review, for Snow (snowman, snow guy, etc)
Pretty soon they see someone standing next to him with a dog, just casually walking them in the middle of the parking lot lol. But of course, S spots him, goes over and lays him out! It adds tension, but it’s such a random scene they just threw in here to show us what this guy is capable of. Reminds me of the scene in The Darkest Hour (2011) where the 2 guys run up to the car. They get supplies, but a random dog pops up outta nowhere and gets eaten by the force field thingy. To me it just looks like scenes that were put together kinda sloppily but whatever, I’ll let it slide for now.
Thankfully he doesn’t hurt the dog, so he just runs off the lot by himself. Poor pup! After killing him, the 3 of them kinda freak out inside the building and start yelling. Josh has the stupidity to ask “Did you see that!” of course they saw it, don’t you hear em screaming! David asks if anybody has a phone, and Emily says she does. When he asks if he can use it to call the cops, she tells him she left it in the car in her purse. But seriously, it’s a horror film for crying out loud, you’re not supposed to have a phone lol. At this point, we get a glimpse of one of the clocks that sit above the building, which reads 2:14 am.
And I forget what time it was when they got here but I assume so far they’ve been here for almost an hour. The 3 of them talk some more, and David says he wants to go to the car, which again is parked in the middle of the parking lot, about 50 feet away. I know this is a movie, but it kinda makes me giggle as to why they parked so far away. Yea, I know, if they parked closer it wouldn’t be that dramatic for a movie like this but now that I think of it, it’s still kinda funny. So anyway, before David can do anything (cause he’s slow) we see S walking over to the car. He opens the car easily (cause Emily couldn’t lock the doors, of course) and starts taking stuff out.
The stuff he throws on the ground is kinda hard to define, but he does throw a couple lawn chairs out. And it’s weird, cause watching the scene you kinda get the feeling he knows where everything is at lol. Cause when he opens up the doors (and even the trunk) he barely looks around, he just digs in and throws stuff out lol. I can imagine having that big hoody would make things difficult but obviously not, the guy knows a lawn chair when he sees one. After tossing this stuff on the ground near the car, he takes what he needs and runs off, behind the building where they can’t see him.
I can’t tell what’s in his hand, but it looks like a hammer or something. But when he gets to the back of the building, he kinda leans against the door back here, like he’s trying to break in. I wanted to mention this later but I’m gonna mention it now; I used to think he was trying to break into the building with the hammer, cause he hovers over the door knob back here with the hammer in between the crack of the door, like he’s trying to break in. But I noticed that he was actually listening to what these teens were saying through the wall, which I didn’t think was possible but, anything is possible in the movie world.
So the 3 of them argue for a bit more, and eventually they spot a police car up ahead. They wave and yell through the glass but at 100 feet away, it’s pretty hard to hear anything. When the police car doesn’t respond, they think up another plan. David and Josh use their credit cards to get 100 bucks, and they try and bribe S. David walks outside with the wallet in his hand, and tries to give it to him. S just stands there as usual, not moving an inch, doesn’t even look like he’s listening to this guy lol. But David tosses the wallet by his feet. S doesn’t go for it immediately, but after a few moments, he walks over to it.
When he reaches down to pick it up, David runs off towards the car! I actually made a little prediction in my head for this scene; my prediction was that he was gonna pick the wallet up, and stare at the money inside. Then he was gonna take the money out, but spill the dollars all over the floor, saying that he’s not here for the money, he’s here for their lives. It was cheesy but whatever. I actually saw a scene like that in a similar film, I just can’t think of the name, but the setup is basically the same. I don’t even know what a guy like him would buy with that kinda money anyway, probably buy him a new coat lol.
So David runs to the car and jumps in through the passenger side, while Emily and Josh watch through the windows. He’s able to grab a phone, but S arrives and breaks through the window! He tries to grab him but David just kicks him off. He runs back to the building, kind of limping but S still can’t catch him, what a slow poke! We get another shot of the clock, and now it’s 3:36 am, a little over an hour later. But they should have no problem staying awake, cause I know alot of teens their age like to stay up late and go to parties and all that.
We get more scenes of them arguing, and at one point, Josh asks them why they think S hasn’t broken in yet. And trust me, there’s a reason, but I’m not gonna say why till the very end. Pretty soon they spot another police car, and this one actually makes it on the parking lot. We get shots of the officer in his car, and we can tell he’s obviously black. And let me tell you, the next 5 minutes are so predictable, it’s not even funny! He gets out his car, and slowly walks towards the 3 of them. Their excited that he got out his car. But immediately after, they spot S rolling up behind him, so they yell for the officer to look out!
But that doesn’t help, cause he gets knocked to the floor with what looks like a metal pipe. S knocks him to the ground and begins bashing him with the pipe, over and over! But I noticed something strange about the way he was getting beaten with this pipe, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in a horror movie; as S beats him in the head, his body doesn’t even flinch! He hits him about 5 times, and his body doesn’t move at all, cause you know when people get beat like this, their body kinda jolts a little bit. But it’s safe to say with the budget this film was working with, they probably couldn’t afford CGI blood or decent props, so they probably used a stuffed doll body for this scene, I don’t know.
Atleast the black cop wasn’t the first guy to be killed in this movie, so I’m gonna cut the director some slack. Being a proud African American of mixed race, I hate seeing black people killed in horror movies. The big reason is because they don’t even cast alot of black people in these movies, so for them to die first (or even, at all) just looks dumb as hell. When you have a cast of 6 white people and 1 black guy and he ends up dying, it just looks retarded. And even if I was white / Caucasian I’d say the same thing, trust me.
Later on some guy enters the building in a hoody, but he gets immediately thrown to the ground by Josh and David. This scene is actually kinda funny, cause this guy actually puts up a good fight, and it lasts for almost a minute. They try and wrestle him to the ground but at one point, he holds them both apart, one in each hand! This old guy is strong as hell, but eventually David gets a cord from somewhere, wraps it around his neck and chokes him to death. It was obvious they attacked him cause he looked like S but obviously that ain’t the case. I kinda knew it wasn’t him anyway, cause S is tall but he’s not really that large.
And for them to take the killer down so easily, it just wouldn’t have made sense anyway. They then search through the guys wallet, and find out his name is Harold, and that he’s got a wife and kids and stuff. It’s one of those “Oh he’s got a family, they’re gonna be so upset when he doesn’t come home” scenes. And I bet any amount of money this tub of lard was taking out money to either shop for Christmas gifts, or buy himself a meal, probably both! We get more scenes of them arguing, which is kinda lame by this point. The acting in this movie is pretty decent, but it’s definitely not Oscar worthy. But I cut em slack cause it’s the kind of acting you get in most of these teen movies.
While Josh and David push each other, Emily says “Stop it you guys” in this low-pitched voice, like anybody’s gonna hear that. Scenes like this are in pretty much every horror movie; 2 guys arguing and then a woman gets between them and goes “Stop it, you guys are being immature, we have to figure out what’s going on, etc” but in this movie, they couldn’t even pull that scene off properly! Eventually Josh decides he wants to be the brave one, so he opens the door and runs outside towards the car! He actually passes the car a little bit, but slips and falls backwards! It’s such a funny scene, I swear, you gotta see it yourself lol.
It’s winter but it’s not even snowing outside, nor is there any ice on the ground. So I don’t know how the hell he slipped but, somebody was probably drunk when they added that to the script. So he lays there, almost motionless. S walks up to him and bends down. He stabs him right in the stomach, and it’s another cheap, low budget kill in the movie. It doesn’t even look like he’s stabbing him with a knife, it looks more like a marker or something! And he doesn’t bleed that much, but after a few moments he just lays there motionless again. I forget but I think S walks off. But after about 10 minutes, they see Josh moving again.
So David and Emily rush out and pick him up! The ATM is about 50 feet away, but they carry him back and run towards the building. When they get to the door, S spots them but he slips too, what the hell! Everybody slips in this movie, and there isn’t even any ice on the floor, these people are clumsy! They make it inside safely, but Josh can barely move after being stabbed in the chest. It’s not like he can’t walk, but he’s in the corner acting like a little schoolgirl. Eventually S drives a truck up to the doors of the building so they can’t get out, which kinda sucks for them. He then somehow begins loading water into the room through a vent somewhere, and the room begins to fill up!
Josh doesn’t move much cause he’s having a schoolgirl moment, so all we see is David and Emily running around, panicking. Meanwhile S is outside, not panicked at all. He even brings a lawn chair out and sits here outside the ATM, like he’s at the beach, enjoying the trauma he just caused. David and Emily try and hit this little sprinkler on top of the ceiling, to sound the alarm. So we see them trying to climb up, he tries to reach for it but can’t. Until eventually, she climbs on his shoulders and she’s able to reach it from here. When she finally hits it, the siren goes off and we hear the beeping and everything.
We see police arriving, and in the midst of such a happy moment, David forgets everything around him and drops Emily off his shoulders! She falls to the ground, knocking her out cold instantly! I’m not even gonna crack a joke here, but damn. He sadly hovers over her, moaning trying to wake her up but she doesn’t respond. She’s probably like “You just dropped me on the floor you bonehead, let me go!” We knew Josh wasn’t getting any, and now it’s safe to say, David ain’t getting any either! Angry that he ain’t getting any tonight, David sets a bottle on fire and goes outside. He spots S still on the lawn chair out here, and throws the lit bottle towards him, burning him alive!
A few moments later we find out it was just a prop, and S somehow fooled him and ran off. It was pretty predictable, cause a finale like that wouldn’t have ended so easily, and he wouldn’t sit there like an idiot anyway. So the cops arrive, and they arrest David. I’m surprised cause I wouldn’t even consider this a good ending, cause he doesn’t even get the girl at the end. At the end of the movie, we see S in his room again, like we saw in the first scene. We see him mapping out his next location, and this scene is actually kinda cool. He plans his next attack, and he has the location and about every inch of the place worked out, and all his escape routes. We still don’t see his face, but whatever age he is, the man is a genius!
Overall this was actually a pretty cool movie. It had it’s lame predictable moments in any teen horror flick, but it entertained me. Right before the movie ends, we see the cops viewing the footage captured on the camera in the ATM building. And it’s so interesting, cause the footage only captures everything that happened in the room, nothing involving S. So all we see is clips of David pushing them around, arguing, hitting the ATM machine, and it kinda makes him out to be the bad guy lol. I don’t think S ever wanted to hurt these kids, he just wanted to frame them, and make it look like they did all the killing. And I gotta admit, they pulled it off with this film in a cheesy but unique way.
I remember seeing clips of this movie, way back when it was being released on blu ray. Before then I’d never even heard of this movie, or even seen the trailer. But from what I saw, it looked atleast decent enough to look at. It just looked like another one of those lame low-budget teen flicks so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to check this one out and see how silly it was, and boy did it not disappoint.
At the start of the film, we get a scene of some guy at a table outlining something and drawing all these lines on a big sheet of paper. It looks like he’s trying to build a new house or something, and I didn’t understand this scene at first, but it’s definitely explained later on. But eventually he gets up from his work station and grabs his fur coat which hangs on the beam next to him. He grabs this big fur coat, which instantly reminded me of the clip I saw way back when this film was hitting blu ray, but it’s pretty obvious he’s the main star of this movie.
We later meet some guy named David, who works at some office job. We see him here at his desk, talking with someone on the phone. We also meet another guy named Corey, who’s a friend of David’s. He of course plays the wild, joke cracker but let me tell you, none of what this guy says is funny. He also used to play Josh from the kid show Drake & Josh. I’ll admit I enjoyed the show, and I still watch it now and again, but not as much as I used to. This is also a different type of genre for a guy like him, as it’s nothing like the kid shows he starred in on tv, but I have no problem with that at all.
However I do have a couple problems with Josh in this film; I already mentioned that nothing he says or does in the film is amusing, but I hate his voice in this movie alot! I noticed this with Drake & Josh, and how with each new season his voice would get deeper and deeper, which was fine. But it’s annoying cause you can barely hear what he says in this movie lol. So anyway, the two of them kinda goof off here in the office. Thank goodness I caught this in my 2nd viewing, but the company they work for is called Starkweather.
I instantly recognized the name, and knew I heard it somewhere. But it’s the name of the guy Earl Cash works for in Manhunt, a video game for the PS2. It’s one of my favorite games for that console and it’s created by the same people who made Grand Theft Auto, so it’s pretty much a given. As David talks on the phone, at one point he says something like “Christmas is coming up” so it’s obvious this film takes place in the winter. The exact date is revealed later on, on one of the monitors as November 17, 2011 so it’s coming up next month, better get the Christmas tree out!
At one point, Josh says something about a woman in the room named Emily, who’s standing a few desks away from them. He challenges David to go talk to her but he’s kind of nervous about it. To be honest, she isn’t even really that hot. She’s cute, but she ain’t Tyra Banks lookin if you know what I mean. Later that night we see the 2 of them at some party, drinking and partying a little. Josh is in this scene, in the background cracking jokes trying to sound funny, he really isn’t. And his low-pitched voice doesn’t help either with his jokes. Even when he yells you can barely hear anything coming out, and good thing this is a horror movie, cause I’m already waiting for this guy to die!
Eventually David gets up and goes to talk with Emily, who conveniently showed up at the party and is standing a couple feet from them. It’s such a cheesy scene lol. At one point she says something about choosing a different job or something, and he acts like he’s proud of her. If anything she probably doesn’t wanna hang out with these 2 knuckleheads! We later see her outside by the street, trying to hitch a taxi. Oh the cheesiness just doesn’t stop lol. David pops up in this scene, running up to her with a hat in his hand, asking if she left it behind. She already has a hat on her head what are you blind!
But as you might’ve guessed, David offers to give her a ride home, and I swear I almost threw up in my mouth! So he runs back into the club and tells Josh. The second he tells him, he pops up and all of a sudden needs a ride home too, ugh. But it’s pretty obvious he’s trying to cock-block David, probably jealous he’s not getting any and wants to ruin somebody’s fun. And sorry for using that kind of word to describe what he’s doing, I usually don’t use words like that in my reviews but I don’t know the PG term for trying to prevent your friend from getting laid. So the 3 of them get in the car and drive off.
Josh is in the backseat while David and Emily are up front. He’s in the back cracking all these lame jokes and talking on the phone. Emily looks annoyed but she doesn’t say much, probably trying to be nice to the guy. But in her head she’s probably like “This guy isn’t getting laid till he’s 40 and his jokes suck!” Eventually they arrive at an ATM machine, but I forget the exact reason why. At one point while their in the car (in between Josh’s lame jokes) he does mention he wanted to take some money out, and that he didn’t wanna use cash for some reason but I forget.
But it’s pretty obvious why this movie is called what it’s called. I’m kind of in-between about the title itself, but it’s simple, I can’t clown on that. So anyway, Josh gets out first and runs up to the ATM, which is basically a big square building in the middle of a deserted parking lot. And I’ll admit, the mood is pretty eerie. Personally I’ve never been to an ATM machine myself, but I’ve seen my mother go to them a few times. Sometimes she’ll drive up to one or she’ll get out the car and go to the one against the building.
But I’ve never seen an ATM in a building like this, in the middle of a parking lot like this but who cares, they probably made it like this specifically for the movie, so whatever. As he fumbles around inside the building, the 2 of them wait in the car. After a few moments, David gets out the car and runs into the building too, leaving Emily inside. She’s probably like “Oh how charming, leave me in the car, you ain’t getting laid either you klutz” lol. But after a few moments, she gets out the car too and runs inside.
Keep in mind it’s winter, but you don’t see any snow on the ground or anything. When she gets inside, the 2 of them work the machine and get the money out. When they prepare to leave, they walk up to the doors. But when they get there, they spot some guy outside in a big hoody, staring back at them. He’s pretty tall, and pretty menacing too, just standing there. But the 3 of them are of course, shocked when they see him. We can’t see his face but we can definitely assume it’s a guy under the hoody, and it’s the same guy from earlier that was drawing those outlines on the paper.
So the 3 of them kinda spaz out and begin questioning what he’s doing there. One of them even thinks he wants to use the ATM. But the others question that if he does, why doesn’t he just walk in. Trust me, it ain’t that simple lol. But he just stands there, still as a rock, barely moving. They also question how he got there, and whether or not he drove up in a car, which I think is a silly question. A guy like him doesn’t drive a car, he drives a snowmobile (of course, I’m assuming he does) But you know what, I’m just gonna call him S throughout this review, for Snow (snowman, snow guy, etc)
Pretty soon they see someone standing next to him with a dog, just casually walking them in the middle of the parking lot lol. But of course, S spots him, goes over and lays him out! It adds tension, but it’s such a random scene they just threw in here to show us what this guy is capable of. Reminds me of the scene in The Darkest Hour (2011) where the 2 guys run up to the car. They get supplies, but a random dog pops up outta nowhere and gets eaten by the force field thingy. To me it just looks like scenes that were put together kinda sloppily but whatever, I’ll let it slide for now.
Thankfully he doesn’t hurt the dog, so he just runs off the lot by himself. Poor pup! After killing him, the 3 of them kinda freak out inside the building and start yelling. Josh has the stupidity to ask “Did you see that!” of course they saw it, don’t you hear em screaming! David asks if anybody has a phone, and Emily says she does. When he asks if he can use it to call the cops, she tells him she left it in the car in her purse. But seriously, it’s a horror film for crying out loud, you’re not supposed to have a phone lol. At this point, we get a glimpse of one of the clocks that sit above the building, which reads 2:14 am.
And I forget what time it was when they got here but I assume so far they’ve been here for almost an hour. The 3 of them talk some more, and David says he wants to go to the car, which again is parked in the middle of the parking lot, about 50 feet away. I know this is a movie, but it kinda makes me giggle as to why they parked so far away. Yea, I know, if they parked closer it wouldn’t be that dramatic for a movie like this but now that I think of it, it’s still kinda funny. So anyway, before David can do anything (cause he’s slow) we see S walking over to the car. He opens the car easily (cause Emily couldn’t lock the doors, of course) and starts taking stuff out.
The stuff he throws on the ground is kinda hard to define, but he does throw a couple lawn chairs out. And it’s weird, cause watching the scene you kinda get the feeling he knows where everything is at lol. Cause when he opens up the doors (and even the trunk) he barely looks around, he just digs in and throws stuff out lol. I can imagine having that big hoody would make things difficult but obviously not, the guy knows a lawn chair when he sees one. After tossing this stuff on the ground near the car, he takes what he needs and runs off, behind the building where they can’t see him.
I can’t tell what’s in his hand, but it looks like a hammer or something. But when he gets to the back of the building, he kinda leans against the door back here, like he’s trying to break in. I wanted to mention this later but I’m gonna mention it now; I used to think he was trying to break into the building with the hammer, cause he hovers over the door knob back here with the hammer in between the crack of the door, like he’s trying to break in. But I noticed that he was actually listening to what these teens were saying through the wall, which I didn’t think was possible but, anything is possible in the movie world.
So the 3 of them argue for a bit more, and eventually they spot a police car up ahead. They wave and yell through the glass but at 100 feet away, it’s pretty hard to hear anything. When the police car doesn’t respond, they think up another plan. David and Josh use their credit cards to get 100 bucks, and they try and bribe S. David walks outside with the wallet in his hand, and tries to give it to him. S just stands there as usual, not moving an inch, doesn’t even look like he’s listening to this guy lol. But David tosses the wallet by his feet. S doesn’t go for it immediately, but after a few moments, he walks over to it.
When he reaches down to pick it up, David runs off towards the car! I actually made a little prediction in my head for this scene; my prediction was that he was gonna pick the wallet up, and stare at the money inside. Then he was gonna take the money out, but spill the dollars all over the floor, saying that he’s not here for the money, he’s here for their lives. It was cheesy but whatever. I actually saw a scene like that in a similar film, I just can’t think of the name, but the setup is basically the same. I don’t even know what a guy like him would buy with that kinda money anyway, probably buy him a new coat lol.
So David runs to the car and jumps in through the passenger side, while Emily and Josh watch through the windows. He’s able to grab a phone, but S arrives and breaks through the window! He tries to grab him but David just kicks him off. He runs back to the building, kind of limping but S still can’t catch him, what a slow poke! We get another shot of the clock, and now it’s 3:36 am, a little over an hour later. But they should have no problem staying awake, cause I know alot of teens their age like to stay up late and go to parties and all that.
We get more scenes of them arguing, and at one point, Josh asks them why they think S hasn’t broken in yet. And trust me, there’s a reason, but I’m not gonna say why till the very end. Pretty soon they spot another police car, and this one actually makes it on the parking lot. We get shots of the officer in his car, and we can tell he’s obviously black. And let me tell you, the next 5 minutes are so predictable, it’s not even funny! He gets out his car, and slowly walks towards the 3 of them. Their excited that he got out his car. But immediately after, they spot S rolling up behind him, so they yell for the officer to look out!
But that doesn’t help, cause he gets knocked to the floor with what looks like a metal pipe. S knocks him to the ground and begins bashing him with the pipe, over and over! But I noticed something strange about the way he was getting beaten with this pipe, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen this in a horror movie; as S beats him in the head, his body doesn’t even flinch! He hits him about 5 times, and his body doesn’t move at all, cause you know when people get beat like this, their body kinda jolts a little bit. But it’s safe to say with the budget this film was working with, they probably couldn’t afford CGI blood or decent props, so they probably used a stuffed doll body for this scene, I don’t know.
Atleast the black cop wasn’t the first guy to be killed in this movie, so I’m gonna cut the director some slack. Being a proud African American of mixed race, I hate seeing black people killed in horror movies. The big reason is because they don’t even cast alot of black people in these movies, so for them to die first (or even, at all) just looks dumb as hell. When you have a cast of 6 white people and 1 black guy and he ends up dying, it just looks retarded. And even if I was white / Caucasian I’d say the same thing, trust me.
Later on some guy enters the building in a hoody, but he gets immediately thrown to the ground by Josh and David. This scene is actually kinda funny, cause this guy actually puts up a good fight, and it lasts for almost a minute. They try and wrestle him to the ground but at one point, he holds them both apart, one in each hand! This old guy is strong as hell, but eventually David gets a cord from somewhere, wraps it around his neck and chokes him to death. It was obvious they attacked him cause he looked like S but obviously that ain’t the case. I kinda knew it wasn’t him anyway, cause S is tall but he’s not really that large.
And for them to take the killer down so easily, it just wouldn’t have made sense anyway. They then search through the guys wallet, and find out his name is Harold, and that he’s got a wife and kids and stuff. It’s one of those “Oh he’s got a family, they’re gonna be so upset when he doesn’t come home” scenes. And I bet any amount of money this tub of lard was taking out money to either shop for Christmas gifts, or buy himself a meal, probably both! We get more scenes of them arguing, which is kinda lame by this point. The acting in this movie is pretty decent, but it’s definitely not Oscar worthy. But I cut em slack cause it’s the kind of acting you get in most of these teen movies.
While Josh and David push each other, Emily says “Stop it you guys” in this low-pitched voice, like anybody’s gonna hear that. Scenes like this are in pretty much every horror movie; 2 guys arguing and then a woman gets between them and goes “Stop it, you guys are being immature, we have to figure out what’s going on, etc” but in this movie, they couldn’t even pull that scene off properly! Eventually Josh decides he wants to be the brave one, so he opens the door and runs outside towards the car! He actually passes the car a little bit, but slips and falls backwards! It’s such a funny scene, I swear, you gotta see it yourself lol.
It’s winter but it’s not even snowing outside, nor is there any ice on the ground. So I don’t know how the hell he slipped but, somebody was probably drunk when they added that to the script. So he lays there, almost motionless. S walks up to him and bends down. He stabs him right in the stomach, and it’s another cheap, low budget kill in the movie. It doesn’t even look like he’s stabbing him with a knife, it looks more like a marker or something! And he doesn’t bleed that much, but after a few moments he just lays there motionless again. I forget but I think S walks off. But after about 10 minutes, they see Josh moving again.
So David and Emily rush out and pick him up! The ATM is about 50 feet away, but they carry him back and run towards the building. When they get to the door, S spots them but he slips too, what the hell! Everybody slips in this movie, and there isn’t even any ice on the floor, these people are clumsy! They make it inside safely, but Josh can barely move after being stabbed in the chest. It’s not like he can’t walk, but he’s in the corner acting like a little schoolgirl. Eventually S drives a truck up to the doors of the building so they can’t get out, which kinda sucks for them. He then somehow begins loading water into the room through a vent somewhere, and the room begins to fill up!
Josh doesn’t move much cause he’s having a schoolgirl moment, so all we see is David and Emily running around, panicking. Meanwhile S is outside, not panicked at all. He even brings a lawn chair out and sits here outside the ATM, like he’s at the beach, enjoying the trauma he just caused. David and Emily try and hit this little sprinkler on top of the ceiling, to sound the alarm. So we see them trying to climb up, he tries to reach for it but can’t. Until eventually, she climbs on his shoulders and she’s able to reach it from here. When she finally hits it, the siren goes off and we hear the beeping and everything.
We see police arriving, and in the midst of such a happy moment, David forgets everything around him and drops Emily off his shoulders! She falls to the ground, knocking her out cold instantly! I’m not even gonna crack a joke here, but damn. He sadly hovers over her, moaning trying to wake her up but she doesn’t respond. She’s probably like “You just dropped me on the floor you bonehead, let me go!” We knew Josh wasn’t getting any, and now it’s safe to say, David ain’t getting any either! Angry that he ain’t getting any tonight, David sets a bottle on fire and goes outside. He spots S still on the lawn chair out here, and throws the lit bottle towards him, burning him alive!
A few moments later we find out it was just a prop, and S somehow fooled him and ran off. It was pretty predictable, cause a finale like that wouldn’t have ended so easily, and he wouldn’t sit there like an idiot anyway. So the cops arrive, and they arrest David. I’m surprised cause I wouldn’t even consider this a good ending, cause he doesn’t even get the girl at the end. At the end of the movie, we see S in his room again, like we saw in the first scene. We see him mapping out his next location, and this scene is actually kinda cool. He plans his next attack, and he has the location and about every inch of the place worked out, and all his escape routes. We still don’t see his face, but whatever age he is, the man is a genius!
Overall this was actually a pretty cool movie. It had it’s lame predictable moments in any teen horror flick, but it entertained me. Right before the movie ends, we see the cops viewing the footage captured on the camera in the ATM building. And it’s so interesting, cause the footage only captures everything that happened in the room, nothing involving S. So all we see is clips of David pushing them around, arguing, hitting the ATM machine, and it kinda makes him out to be the bad guy lol. I don’t think S ever wanted to hurt these kids, he just wanted to frame them, and make it look like they did all the killing. And I gotta admit, they pulled it off with this film in a cheesy but unique way.
Chernobyl Diaries (2012)
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv, back when it was coming out. It didn’t really impress me though, so I never even gave it a second glance. But it just popped up on-demand so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to see what it was all about. Ever since Blair Witch, I always had a thing for documentary-style horror movies, but haven’t ran into alot that were good. So I didn’t really have high hopes for this one but, it had it’s moments.
At the start of the film we meet a bunch of teens in their late 20’s. There’s 2 guys and 2 girls, who are all related by boyfriend and girlfriend. The ladies are pretty cute I’ll admit, especially this blonde haired girl named Natalie. There’s also this one guy named Chris, who’s played by Jesse McCartney. I knew I recognized his faced, even though I wasn’t a fan of him or his music, I just used to hear his name alot on tv. My first guess was Zack Efron, who I also used to hear alot about on tv, though I don’t listen to any of their music.
But for this review, I’m just gonna call him Zack Efron cause it just sounds funnier. But he’s the one who’s dating Natalie. So anyway, in the first couple scenes we see the four of them taking pictures and messing around in a place we later find out is London. I’ve never been there or any other country in my life, besides Virginia to visit my aunts and cousins. In one scene Paul and Zack Efron are talking and Zack tells him that he’s planning on proposing to Natalie pretty soon, showing him the ring. I already sense a clutter of cheesy scenes being fed to me in the future, too bad for them I’m not hungry.
Later on we see them at this little diner where they talk some more about where to go next. Paul soon shows up and he’s kind of the ecstatic one, always cracking jokes and whatnot. But he suggests that they check out this place called Chernobyl, which I’d never heard of. I actually looked the word up myself, just to see how it deals with the film. The main thing I found was that there’s this thing called a “Chernobyl disaster” which is some type of nuclear accident. So it’s cool that it’s actually a real word and not some silly word the producers made up for no specific reason.
So he tells them he’d like to take them there cause some cool stuff there and whatnot. It’s kind of random but whatever. At first nobody wants to go but eventually they give in. At one point, Amanda says something like “Well, we mind as well, it’s in Europe” implying that it’s close by and not a hassle to get to. And I don’t wanna get too technical and start looking at maps, but I’m pretty sure Europe and London are in two separate places, so maybe they screwed that up, I don’t know. Both girls raise their hand, but Zack Efron is still kinda iffy about it. When he realizes he’s the only one with his hand not raised, he says something like “You guys are weak” and I say dude shut up, your voice is weak!
The 4 of them later go and meet this Russian guy named Uri, who tells them about C and says he’ll drive them over (I’m abbreviating cause I don’t feel like spelling it out every single time) They also meet 2 other people who are traveling with them. I can’t find the guys name on imdb but the girls name is Zoe. I’ll get to her later but she’s kind of a boring character, and doesn’t really say much throughout the movie. So the 7 of them get in a van and head towards C. As they travel, we see Amanda taking pictures of the land through the window.
I know London (if that’s the city their in) has tall buildings and whatnot, but you don’t see much of that as they drive into the woods. There’s alot less buildings and more grass and trees. I personally hate the woods, never been camping, and don’t think I ever will. They finally make a stop out near some lake, where the 7 of them all get out and look around. Uri brings them closer to the lake and shows them this dead fish. For a brief moment it snaps at them, and then goes back to sleep. You can’t have a movie like this without a lame jump-scare, c’mon now.
They later get back into the van and continue on. Eventually they arrive at these worn down buildings. It looks like a deserted park or a school or something. They go inside the buildings, look around and everything. I wonder what’s so cool about worn down buildings like this, maybe Paul can explain that to us since the whole trip was his idea. At one point they do begin to hear sounds, so they quietly walk towards the noise. Randomly, a bear pops outta nowhere and crawls down the hallway! When I first saw this scene, I’ll admit it kinda spooked me. Not cause it was scary, but cause it was so random lol.
My first guess was they were in a worn-down school, but now I think it’s a worn-down zoo! So after being spooked by the bear, they all run out of the building towards the car. The bear doesn’t follow them, so I’m guessing it disappeared, somewhere. Maybe it was a ghostly bear, oh how shocking! When they get back to the van, they all tell Uri to hurry up and take off. But come to find out, the car won’t start! Horror rule #1 when the victims have a safe route out, jam the ignition, or empty the gas… in this case it’s the ignition.
Uri then gets on his phone and tries to call for help, but still gets no response, surprisingly (not really) A few hours go by and we still see him on his phone trying to call help. It’s night time by this point, and it’s almost pitch black outside the van. The 4 main friends begin to argue a bit, saying it was Paul’s fault for suggesting they go. Zack Efron actually starts the confrontation, trying to show how tough he is. He’s probably late for a concert or something, who cares.
They talk with Uri some more, trying to see what they should do since nobody’s answering the phone. He says they could walk, but there’s 2 problems; Not only is it dark, but it’s a 12 mile hike until they find safety. Eventually Uri grabs a gun that’s stashed conveniently under this little cabinet (product placement at it’s finest) and steps out of the car. I forget what he says beforehand but I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna walk the whole 12 miles. 10 seconds later, Zack gets out the car and goes after him, into the dark.
Moments later, we hear gunshots, and flashes of light in the distance. Paul runs out too, leaving the 3 girls and the other guy (who’s name I do not know) in the van. I think I’ll call him Jim lol. But yea, it seems everybody wants to be a hero in the movie, which is pretty lame especially given their not even wearing a costume! Eventually we see the 2 of them hopping back to the van, screaming and all that while the others pull them both in! Turns out Zack is bleeding on his leg, so he was obviously bitten by something, poor baby.
Pretty soon we see about 3-5 dogs hopping and barking all against the car! Everybody inside watches them terrified as the dogs shake the van and bark aggressively. I kinda like this scene actually, it’s pretty intense. And it’s pretty obvious what Zack was bitten by now, if you haven’t already guessed. The 6 of them just wait, feeling trapped inside the van. We later get a cut to the morning, where we see Natalie tending to Zack’s leg. It’s not as bloody as you may think, but it’s pretty bad. The movie kinda has a low budget feel, so it’s nice to know their putting money to good use on make-up like this.
After seeing how much pain Zack is in, Paul decides to go out and find help, putting his hero hat on again. The others don’t want him to but a few of them eventually agree to tag along. Zack can’t walk on his legs so they gotta leave him behind. I mean who cares. Leave them behind and maybe Zack will sing them a song I don’t know. So now it’s Paul, Zoe and Jim, and the 3 of them head out for help. Again besides the 2 school-like buildings, there isn’t much around them, and the place looks kind of empty and deserted.
They eventually come across this underground tunnel looking thing. They run into a few zombies down here, but we can’t actually see them head-on. But I actually don’t mind it. It’s still pretty suspenseful, even when you don’t see their whole body. So they get chased around for a bit, hopping over and under objects, etc. They later spot a couple dogs in the distance, chewing on what looks like a body in the middle of the road. It’s too far away to really see but, their chewing on something.
Pretty soon Paul finds a cable for the van and the 3 of them head back. On their way back, about 5 dogs appear and chase them off! They run to this little river and quickly walk across these wooden planks. Zoe slips and falls in, but we don’t care about her cause so far she hasn’t really said anything. Jim jumps in after her, but gets bitten in the process of helping her! He’s able to make it out, but we can see scratches of blood on his legs. My guess is it was the fish that Uri showed them earlier; some type of piranha or something.
By the time they get back to the van, it’s night time again, oh boy. When they get back, the van’s been flipped over, and it looks like a tornado hit. When Paul finds this out, he kinda flips (no pun intended) out since Zack is gone. And we see alot of this in the coming scenes, of this guy crying over Zack getting all emotional, kind of pathetic actually. They then run back inside the house, where they run into Natalie, all dusty and worn down looking. It’s pretty obvious by now that she made it out of the van before it was flipped, but I wonder what happened to Zach.
If a tornado hit and he was still in the car, I wonder how he would’ve survived since he can’t run lol. It’s safe to say that marriage he was planning earlier ain’t gonna happen no more! So anyway, Paul starts asking her where Zack is, but she doesn’t look too responsive, kinda spooked like she’d just seen a ghost. The 3 of them walk with her trying to find an exit, and eventually lie her down near some steps. I remember this scene from the trailer, and some of those little previews they showed on tv. Behind them they spot this mannequin looking thing, and kinda stare at it for a bit. It’s kind of random but I’ll admit, pretty creepy.
But as their distracted by that, Natalie gets yanked away by something down the steps! Kinda sucks cause she was so cute. They later get chased by more zombies in the coming scenes, as they run and climb over things. I kinda like this scene actually, and like how it was filmed. Again I don’t mind the zombies not being too close, cause it’s still pretty suspenseful and everything. Kinda reminds me of Dawn of the Dead (2004) which is probably the worst horror movie in history, if you can even call it that cause nobody ever gets killed! But atleast the zombies in this film actually make it into the damn building for crying out loud!
But let’s not go any further on that movie, cause I’ll start ranting and moaning and end up wasting paper. Eventually Jim gets taken during one of these chase scenes. When he does, Zoe starts crying for him and everything. And like I said, she doesn’t really say much throughout the movie. And it’s not shyness or a dialogue problem or anything, she just doesn’t say much. And I can’t believe she’s listed above everybody else on imdb lol. When their walking around or getting attacked, she mostly just does expressions and stuff like that, but no words, not even a scream, until now anyway.
Eventually she ends up getting taken later on, but we don’t care about her. Maybe the zombies will make her talk lol. Eventually Paul and Amanda make it out the facility. They come across about 5 soldiers who don’t speak their language. Paul walks towards them in kind of a drunken state, but gets shot down immediately, which I’ll admit was kinda sad. It just happened so fast lol. They don’t kill Amanda, but they take her to the hospital. It looks like their trying to save her and patch up her wounds, but they end up throwing her in this big empty dark room. It’s kind of a random scene to be honest, and she’s soon attacked by more zombies. Only 3 words come to mind when describing this ending; What the Hell!
Overall I kinda liked this movie. It starts off slow, but the buildup is pretty cool. I’m not the biggest zombie fan, but I still liked how they were handled in this film. They didn’t try and throw them in our face or anything, and kept it pretty low key with the violence. I still think the ending was random as hell and I think Paul and Amanda should’ve survived. The movie kinda reminds me of a toned down version of Cloverfield (2008) in a way. Like if you took out the big bug-like monster, this is basically what you get.
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv, back when it was coming out. It didn’t really impress me though, so I never even gave it a second glance. But it just popped up on-demand so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to see what it was all about. Ever since Blair Witch, I always had a thing for documentary-style horror movies, but haven’t ran into alot that were good. So I didn’t really have high hopes for this one but, it had it’s moments.
At the start of the film we meet a bunch of teens in their late 20’s. There’s 2 guys and 2 girls, who are all related by boyfriend and girlfriend. The ladies are pretty cute I’ll admit, especially this blonde haired girl named Natalie. There’s also this one guy named Chris, who’s played by Jesse McCartney. I knew I recognized his faced, even though I wasn’t a fan of him or his music, I just used to hear his name alot on tv. My first guess was Zack Efron, who I also used to hear alot about on tv, though I don’t listen to any of their music.
But for this review, I’m just gonna call him Zack Efron cause it just sounds funnier. But he’s the one who’s dating Natalie. So anyway, in the first couple scenes we see the four of them taking pictures and messing around in a place we later find out is London. I’ve never been there or any other country in my life, besides Virginia to visit my aunts and cousins. In one scene Paul and Zack Efron are talking and Zack tells him that he’s planning on proposing to Natalie pretty soon, showing him the ring. I already sense a clutter of cheesy scenes being fed to me in the future, too bad for them I’m not hungry.
Later on we see them at this little diner where they talk some more about where to go next. Paul soon shows up and he’s kind of the ecstatic one, always cracking jokes and whatnot. But he suggests that they check out this place called Chernobyl, which I’d never heard of. I actually looked the word up myself, just to see how it deals with the film. The main thing I found was that there’s this thing called a “Chernobyl disaster” which is some type of nuclear accident. So it’s cool that it’s actually a real word and not some silly word the producers made up for no specific reason.
So he tells them he’d like to take them there cause some cool stuff there and whatnot. It’s kind of random but whatever. At first nobody wants to go but eventually they give in. At one point, Amanda says something like “Well, we mind as well, it’s in Europe” implying that it’s close by and not a hassle to get to. And I don’t wanna get too technical and start looking at maps, but I’m pretty sure Europe and London are in two separate places, so maybe they screwed that up, I don’t know. Both girls raise their hand, but Zack Efron is still kinda iffy about it. When he realizes he’s the only one with his hand not raised, he says something like “You guys are weak” and I say dude shut up, your voice is weak!
The 4 of them later go and meet this Russian guy named Uri, who tells them about C and says he’ll drive them over (I’m abbreviating cause I don’t feel like spelling it out every single time) They also meet 2 other people who are traveling with them. I can’t find the guys name on imdb but the girls name is Zoe. I’ll get to her later but she’s kind of a boring character, and doesn’t really say much throughout the movie. So the 7 of them get in a van and head towards C. As they travel, we see Amanda taking pictures of the land through the window.
I know London (if that’s the city their in) has tall buildings and whatnot, but you don’t see much of that as they drive into the woods. There’s alot less buildings and more grass and trees. I personally hate the woods, never been camping, and don’t think I ever will. They finally make a stop out near some lake, where the 7 of them all get out and look around. Uri brings them closer to the lake and shows them this dead fish. For a brief moment it snaps at them, and then goes back to sleep. You can’t have a movie like this without a lame jump-scare, c’mon now.
They later get back into the van and continue on. Eventually they arrive at these worn down buildings. It looks like a deserted park or a school or something. They go inside the buildings, look around and everything. I wonder what’s so cool about worn down buildings like this, maybe Paul can explain that to us since the whole trip was his idea. At one point they do begin to hear sounds, so they quietly walk towards the noise. Randomly, a bear pops outta nowhere and crawls down the hallway! When I first saw this scene, I’ll admit it kinda spooked me. Not cause it was scary, but cause it was so random lol.
My first guess was they were in a worn-down school, but now I think it’s a worn-down zoo! So after being spooked by the bear, they all run out of the building towards the car. The bear doesn’t follow them, so I’m guessing it disappeared, somewhere. Maybe it was a ghostly bear, oh how shocking! When they get back to the van, they all tell Uri to hurry up and take off. But come to find out, the car won’t start! Horror rule #1 when the victims have a safe route out, jam the ignition, or empty the gas… in this case it’s the ignition.
Uri then gets on his phone and tries to call for help, but still gets no response, surprisingly (not really) A few hours go by and we still see him on his phone trying to call help. It’s night time by this point, and it’s almost pitch black outside the van. The 4 main friends begin to argue a bit, saying it was Paul’s fault for suggesting they go. Zack Efron actually starts the confrontation, trying to show how tough he is. He’s probably late for a concert or something, who cares.
They talk with Uri some more, trying to see what they should do since nobody’s answering the phone. He says they could walk, but there’s 2 problems; Not only is it dark, but it’s a 12 mile hike until they find safety. Eventually Uri grabs a gun that’s stashed conveniently under this little cabinet (product placement at it’s finest) and steps out of the car. I forget what he says beforehand but I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna walk the whole 12 miles. 10 seconds later, Zack gets out the car and goes after him, into the dark.
Moments later, we hear gunshots, and flashes of light in the distance. Paul runs out too, leaving the 3 girls and the other guy (who’s name I do not know) in the van. I think I’ll call him Jim lol. But yea, it seems everybody wants to be a hero in the movie, which is pretty lame especially given their not even wearing a costume! Eventually we see the 2 of them hopping back to the van, screaming and all that while the others pull them both in! Turns out Zack is bleeding on his leg, so he was obviously bitten by something, poor baby.
Pretty soon we see about 3-5 dogs hopping and barking all against the car! Everybody inside watches them terrified as the dogs shake the van and bark aggressively. I kinda like this scene actually, it’s pretty intense. And it’s pretty obvious what Zack was bitten by now, if you haven’t already guessed. The 6 of them just wait, feeling trapped inside the van. We later get a cut to the morning, where we see Natalie tending to Zack’s leg. It’s not as bloody as you may think, but it’s pretty bad. The movie kinda has a low budget feel, so it’s nice to know their putting money to good use on make-up like this.
After seeing how much pain Zack is in, Paul decides to go out and find help, putting his hero hat on again. The others don’t want him to but a few of them eventually agree to tag along. Zack can’t walk on his legs so they gotta leave him behind. I mean who cares. Leave them behind and maybe Zack will sing them a song I don’t know. So now it’s Paul, Zoe and Jim, and the 3 of them head out for help. Again besides the 2 school-like buildings, there isn’t much around them, and the place looks kind of empty and deserted.
They eventually come across this underground tunnel looking thing. They run into a few zombies down here, but we can’t actually see them head-on. But I actually don’t mind it. It’s still pretty suspenseful, even when you don’t see their whole body. So they get chased around for a bit, hopping over and under objects, etc. They later spot a couple dogs in the distance, chewing on what looks like a body in the middle of the road. It’s too far away to really see but, their chewing on something.
Pretty soon Paul finds a cable for the van and the 3 of them head back. On their way back, about 5 dogs appear and chase them off! They run to this little river and quickly walk across these wooden planks. Zoe slips and falls in, but we don’t care about her cause so far she hasn’t really said anything. Jim jumps in after her, but gets bitten in the process of helping her! He’s able to make it out, but we can see scratches of blood on his legs. My guess is it was the fish that Uri showed them earlier; some type of piranha or something.
By the time they get back to the van, it’s night time again, oh boy. When they get back, the van’s been flipped over, and it looks like a tornado hit. When Paul finds this out, he kinda flips (no pun intended) out since Zack is gone. And we see alot of this in the coming scenes, of this guy crying over Zack getting all emotional, kind of pathetic actually. They then run back inside the house, where they run into Natalie, all dusty and worn down looking. It’s pretty obvious by now that she made it out of the van before it was flipped, but I wonder what happened to Zach.
If a tornado hit and he was still in the car, I wonder how he would’ve survived since he can’t run lol. It’s safe to say that marriage he was planning earlier ain’t gonna happen no more! So anyway, Paul starts asking her where Zack is, but she doesn’t look too responsive, kinda spooked like she’d just seen a ghost. The 3 of them walk with her trying to find an exit, and eventually lie her down near some steps. I remember this scene from the trailer, and some of those little previews they showed on tv. Behind them they spot this mannequin looking thing, and kinda stare at it for a bit. It’s kind of random but I’ll admit, pretty creepy.
But as their distracted by that, Natalie gets yanked away by something down the steps! Kinda sucks cause she was so cute. They later get chased by more zombies in the coming scenes, as they run and climb over things. I kinda like this scene actually, and like how it was filmed. Again I don’t mind the zombies not being too close, cause it’s still pretty suspenseful and everything. Kinda reminds me of Dawn of the Dead (2004) which is probably the worst horror movie in history, if you can even call it that cause nobody ever gets killed! But atleast the zombies in this film actually make it into the damn building for crying out loud!
But let’s not go any further on that movie, cause I’ll start ranting and moaning and end up wasting paper. Eventually Jim gets taken during one of these chase scenes. When he does, Zoe starts crying for him and everything. And like I said, she doesn’t really say much throughout the movie. And it’s not shyness or a dialogue problem or anything, she just doesn’t say much. And I can’t believe she’s listed above everybody else on imdb lol. When their walking around or getting attacked, she mostly just does expressions and stuff like that, but no words, not even a scream, until now anyway.
Eventually she ends up getting taken later on, but we don’t care about her. Maybe the zombies will make her talk lol. Eventually Paul and Amanda make it out the facility. They come across about 5 soldiers who don’t speak their language. Paul walks towards them in kind of a drunken state, but gets shot down immediately, which I’ll admit was kinda sad. It just happened so fast lol. They don’t kill Amanda, but they take her to the hospital. It looks like their trying to save her and patch up her wounds, but they end up throwing her in this big empty dark room. It’s kind of a random scene to be honest, and she’s soon attacked by more zombies. Only 3 words come to mind when describing this ending; What the Hell!
Overall I kinda liked this movie. It starts off slow, but the buildup is pretty cool. I’m not the biggest zombie fan, but I still liked how they were handled in this film. They didn’t try and throw them in our face or anything, and kept it pretty low key with the violence. I still think the ending was random as hell and I think Paul and Amanda should’ve survived. The movie kinda reminds me of a toned down version of Cloverfield (2008) in a way. Like if you took out the big bug-like monster, this is basically what you get.
Prometheus (2012)
I remember the trailer for this film around the time of it’s release. If anything, it just looked like a mild, decent sci-fi flick, but nothing to get all excited about. I haven’t seen the trailer in a long time, but all I remember were the characters landing the ship and walking around, but that’s it. It was also released in the same year as Battleship, which was a pretty decent movie. Hollywood normally doesn’t release 2 epic movies like that in one year, so I was pretty surprised.
The opening to this movie is pretty cool, as we get a shot of all these mountains and rivers everywhere. My first thought was of course, somewhere like Alaska but this is explained later on in the movie (if I can remember to mention it) Eventually we see this tall, pale, bald guy here on a cliff, standing near the edge like he’s about to take a leap of faith. He’s wearing this big jacket, but we see him remove it here to reveal his ripped body. I’m a guy, but I don’t mind looking at guys who have a built physic like this. It’s just weird cause he’s so pale lol.
Pretty soon he takes what looks like an ash tray out his pocket, and kinda stares at it for a bit. No cigarette in hand, he then holds it close to his face and downs it like you would any other beverage. He then begins to choke a little, and this scene is so hilarious. I mean, what’d you think was gonna happen when you put your lips on an ash tray, you dope! And I guess the fumes were too strong for him, so he faints here and falls into the river! Once his body hits the water down here, it kinda evaporates but I guess this makes sense since he’s an alien or whatever.
We later get a pretty cool looking intro to this movie, with the letters being revealed in a pretty interesting way. I guess this movie has a pretty cool title, and I like movies with just one name instead of those silly long ones people normally come up with. We then get a shot of about 6 people looking around this desert looking place. Just in case I forget to mention this later, I mind as well reveal it now, but their on a planet. I don’t know which planet this is, but it’s definitely not Earth.
The characters themselves are pretty bland, nothing special. One of them named Charlie I recognize from Devil (2010) which was a pretty good movie, and very easy to get into. They later go into this cave here and find a bunch of carvings on the wall. Lots of ancient talk here, so I’m gonna skip over all that, but their definitely searching for something. We’re now brought 4 years into the future, to 2093. I always had a thing for movies that took place in the future, cause I love seeing technology grow and the innovation that comes along with it.
Sadly though, we don’t get many examples of this kind of growth throughout the movie, cause alot of it takes place in space lol. So they could’ve set this movie in the 60’s for all we care. They do however in some scenes, have these little touch screen devices and panels, but we don’t see much of them to really be amazed by em. So anyway, we meet this robot guy named David in this scene, and we see him strolling around one of the spaceships here. But he’s not at all robotic as you may think, and only shows slight examples of his robot attributes; his voice still sounds human, and he kinda moves like a human too, unlike the stiff reflexes a robot would have.
And I’m all for realism, but I don’t mind it. Besides Terminator, human robots are kind of annoying anyway, and I hate hearing a robotic voice coming out of a humans mouth, and that would’ve annoyed me in this movie lol. So anyway, we see him strolling around the ship here, relaxing. We later see him waking up the other people on the ship, who we saw earlier (4 years prior) from their little beds in one of the rooms. Before all we saw was 6, but there looks to be about 10 of them here, waking up and walking around, getting coffee, etc.
We also find out the captain of the ship is this guy named Janek, which is a weird name so I’m just gonna call him J. But the cool thing is, he’s black, so for him to be the captain of the ship is pretty empowering. Later on we see them all gathering in this one room, seated in about 20 chairs. There’s this woman named Meredith in this scene, who greets everybody and welcomes them. Her job is never explained but I think she works with J in keeping the ship safe and all that. So anyway, she opens up this huge hologram in front of them on the floor. It’s pretty cool, and I know we’ll have technology like this in the future.
This old guy appears on screen, who’s name isn’t credited on imdb so I’m just gonna call him the old guy. But he looks alot like that old guy from Ghostbusters (I forget his name) So he pops up on screen and tells them about his robot son David, who sits in the same room with them. He also gives them a short little speech on knowing our creators and finding out who made us, and why. After his speech ends, Charlie and this girl named Elisabeth stand up and give another speech. For some reason, Charlie is wearing sandals in this scene, which makes me think their going to the beach but sadly that doesn’t happen. Everybody else has on boots and sneakers lol.
But he has a hologram of his own, which he shows everybody in this scene. It pops up in the middle of the room, and he shows us these 6-7 different pillars. One of them is named Mayan, but we don’t care about them cause to me, everybody in that village is made up of dopes. They may be famous for predicting a few things, but they didn’t predict the end of the world, so we don’t listen to them anymore lol. And again, Elisabeth repeats what old dude said, that she’s on a mission to find her creator.
For me personally, I don’t even think about my creator anymore; god, Allah, whatever you wanna call him. I definitely believe in some type of higher power, but they never speak to me, so I never speak to them, and that’s that. They may have created me and given me life, but if they can’t talk to me, they’re pretty much irrelevant in my book. Later on, Meredith takes Charlie and Liz to their rooms. It looks more like a hotel sweet than anything. In the background you can even see snow, and there’s even a few moments through the film where they mention it taking place around Christmas.
I don’t know how he’s going out in the snow in the slippers he’s got on but, I’m just sayin. But I can’t believe that out of the 10 other people they got on this mission, these 2 were chosen as captains / bosses whatever you wanna call em. Their the youngest people in the whole mission, cause everybody else looks like their in their 40’s lol. But I think if you’re gonna be the boss of somebody, you gotta atleast be about 35-40 years old, that way you have all the wisdom and knowledge and stuff. So anyway, they land the ship in the middle of this deserted, worn down looking place.
I gotta admit I love the ships in this movie. Their obviously made from CGI, but they look so awesome when they land and blow the smoke out from under them. When they land, Charlie exits the room, but cracks a joke about opening presents. Yea, probably excited for the possibility of getting new sneakers! But we don’t need to worry about that, since we later see everybody strapping up, and Charlie ditches his sandals for these cool looking space outfits, with the air helmet and everything. They look like pretty cool outfits, my only problem is their green. I prefer black space outfits cause they look cooler but not big deal.
So the 8 of them get in these space vehicles and drive across the road, leaving Meredith, J and a few others behind to I guess, watch and protect the ship. The vehicles they use are pretty cool, but mainly the see-through 4-wheelers they got. 2 are 4 wheelers, and 2 are these huge jeeps, but I like the 4-wheelers better. We can definitely throw realism out the window here, since there’s no gravity in space and they’d be floating everywhere, so who cares about that. They drive forward in this scene, across the dirt, past various mountains, until they get to another cave. They get out, look around a bit, etc.
On the character side of things, there isn’t much to talk about cause alot of them are pretty bland, and we don’t even have a jokester on the team. Eventually they reach a wall with all these carvings on it. Charlie and Liz are more interested than everybody else, but a few of them start freaking out. There aren’t even any creatures in this scene and a few of the guys are already crying. But one guy (who’s name I do not know) freaks out and ends up running off, leaving Charlie, Liz and David the robot by themselves. So the 3 of them open the monument on their own and walk through. They spot this huge head in the middle of the room, and I remember this scene from the trailer.
I don’t think it’s described what it means or who’s head it is, but who cares, it looks cool! Pretty soon the 3 of them are alerted from J on the ship. He says that furious winds are coming, warning them to return to the ship. So the 3 of them pack up, return to their vehicles and head off. Charlie and Liz drive behind the trucks towards the ship, while it kicks dirt all in their face. The road is about 20 feet wide, yet they follow directly behind the truck when they could’ve easily scooted a few feet to the right and avoided all the dust lol. But they make it back safely, with not an ounce of sand in their eyes.
I might mention this again later on, but I’m gonna mention it now since it deals with the next scene. Throughout the movie, watching David the robot, you get the feeling he’s becoming more and more comfortable around these humans. But you also get the feeling that he’s beginning to figure things out and make decisions on his own. We get an example of this in the next scene, where we see him talking to Charlie a bit by this little pool table. As they talk, you can see David pouring him a glass of wine or whatever. But if you look closely, you can see him drop something in his drink. But we don’t find out what this is or what it does until later on.
Some of the coming scenes are kinda boring, so I’m gonna skip over em. Alot of it is alot of walking and talking between the guys in the cave and guys on the ship. In one scene, J kinda flirts with Meredith a bit, and says something about getting “laid” But she just walks off. J doesn’t really have the biggest role in the movie, but atleast the only black guy in the film isn’t dead yet, so that’s a plus. When I first saw this movie, I thought it was gonna be the typical thing where they set out like any old horror movie and he gets killed first. But thankfully, even though he has a small role, he doesn’t get killed early on.
Pretty soon these 2 guys begin looking around one of the rooms here in the cave. And they stumble upon this alien snake that pops out of the ground. It’s not as menacing as you may think, and they could’ve definitely added some more teeth or something. It bites one of the guys hands in this scene, and he gets up, and tries to swing it off! It bites his finger, and the other guy tries to cut it off but that doesn’t work. Eventually it crawls into the guys arm and into his space suit, diving deep into his mouth! Reminds me of the scene from The Mummy (1999) where the beetle climbed into the guys brain through his belly lol.
Pretty soon, we see Charlie going over to a mirror in one of the rooms here. He looks at his reflection, and notices that his pupils are pretty red. So this of course, goes back to the earlier scene where David put something in his drink. I still don’t know what it was, but it must’ve been some kind of pill or something, to make his eyes red like this. But for some reason, Charlie doesn’t tell anybody, and they continue on. They travel through the cave again, but eventually he starts bugging out and his skin becomes very irritable and puffy. Well, that’s his fault for not telling anybody lol.
So a few of them contact the ship with J and Meredith, and tell them they’ve gotta bring him back and treat him. But turns out, Meredith doesn’t want him to come back, since he’s infected, which make sense. So when Liz and others arrive with him, she tells them he’s not stepping foot on “her” ship. But last time I checked, this wasn’t her ship in the first place, it’s J’s. He should’ve pushed her out the way and brought him back on and treated him. But she brings with her this huge flamethrower that’s sitting conveniently by the entrance to the ship, and kinda holds them off for a bit. She threatens him not to come any closer, but he doesn’t listen.
When he gets too close, she opens fire (literally) on him and sprays him with a spew of fire. It covers his entire body and doesn’t take long to bring him to his knees! For a scene like this, I kinda knew they’d use a stunt double or something, so I kinda looked closely to see if I could notice any slight changes in body type. But the big thing I noticed, is when she first sprays him with the fire. When she first sprays the flames, we get a cut of the back of his head so we don’t see his face, so I’m sure that’s how they hid the stunt double. But I mean, I don’t think it would’ve made much difference since his face was getting so puffy from the infection.
With all that mush on his face, you wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was a different person or not anyway! That’s the technical part of me speaking, mind you. Later on we meet the old guy again, the same dude from the video we saw earlier at the little meeting. I thought the reason they showed that video was cause he was in a different area (or different planet) and couldn’t make it, or he was dead lol. But if he was alive, I don’t see why he couldn’t just pop up in person and give his little speech. But as we can see here, the guy is about as old as a sack of potatoes, and can barely move. He looks like he’s in his 100’s which is rare for some people, so he’s basically a fossil by this point.
If the people on this mission don’t meet their maker, he sure as hell will, sooner rather than later. So anyway, Liz shows up in this scene and talks with him a bit. She says she wants to quit the mission their on, to which he’s disappointed to hear. But it’s safe to say, she feels like quitting after seeing Charlie get burned to a crisp early on. Besides David the robot, he was probably only nerd willing to stick next to her when stuff needed to be figured out, so now she’s got no nerds to follow her around, great. So anyway, she tells him she wants to leave but he doesn’t. He tells her he’d still like to meet his maker. Bro, at your age trust me, you don’t gotta wait too much longer!
So his men pop up and begin helping him put on his suit. He can barely stand at this point, so they put extra padding and stuff all over him. He looks goofy as hell, to say the least. So after suiting him up, they drive back to the cave, yet again, for about 5th time lol. And it’s weird cause I just noticed this now! This movie does alot of back and forth, and it’s pretty annoying now that I think about it. I mean, why not just park the ship closer to the cave so you don’t gotta drive so far, that would’ve been smart! But I guess the filmmakers need to keep us entertained with those long driving sequences, which might wake a couple people out of their sleep!
Pretty soon, they reach this alien guy here in one of the cave rooms. It’s the same alien guy from earlier with the ripped body above the river. The same one who gobbled down the ash tray like an idiot! But instead of showing off his ripped physic like we saw earlier, here he’s covered with a simple metal suit. He pops up out of the ground and causes a little havoc here. Old dude tries to do something but he gets knocked to the floor lol. Should’ve had a stroke after something like this but, he’s stronger than I thought! Now all who’s left is Liz, who rises out of the cave just as the alien does.
We see her on top of this huge opening in the ground as it widens to make room for the ship. These pallets below her open up as she screams towards Meredith and the captain, urging them to take out the ship or he’ll reek havoc or something. I don’t remember exactly, but that’s always the case in movies like these. But it’s a pretty cool scene, and pretty powerful I’ll admit. And I remember this scene from the trailer, cause I remember her face yelling at the camera. At this point, Meredith starts to freak out. She tells J and his men to leave her behind and go back, but he doesn’t want to. So they go after the ship anyway!
The alien ship is nothing compared to the ship J and his men have. The alien ship looks like a big horseshoe, while J’s actually looks like a regular ship. So they fly after the horseshoe ship, while Meredith gets into one of the little rooms here and teleports out, falling about 500 feet from the ship and landing on the ground, unharmed (gimme a break!) A few moments later, we see J’s ship crash into the horseshoe, and the crash creates this little explosion. So it was obviously one of those death-defying kills, where they killed themselves in order to save Earth. Excuse me while I barf, it’s so cheesy lol.
But I guess Meredith was smart enough to jump out and avoid dying with them, even though they never explained how they were gonna take it out. My first guess was I thought they were gonna chase after the ship and shoot missiles at it, but whatever. So now there’s only 2 survivors left, both of whom are females. And being that I’m a guy, I really don’t like how this played out. After the crash, the horseshoe falls and the two women run and jump out the way of falling debris. This is another pretty cool scene, but I’d rather see a guy doing stuff like this. Eventually the horseshoe rolls behind them, and Meredith trips a few times.
And being the guy that I am, it was easy to predict what was gonna happen. She trips a couple times and the horseshoe ends up rolling on top of her! It almost rolls on top of Liz as well, but as it falls, it gets stopped by some rock above her head. And the rock is only a few feet tall, but it’s able to stop a horseshoe that’s 500 feet tall and probably weighs about 100,000 tons, gimme a break. At the end of the movie, Liz ends up rescuing David’s head, which is surprisingly still alive after all that’s happened. And even worse, the movie ends with this soft, piano music. And I don’t mind music like this, but it doesn’t work for the type of movie this was, or could’ve been.
Overall this movie was decent, but nothing special. It has a few good parts, but alot of it is slow and dull, and the characters don’t help at bringing the movie to life. I just think I expected too much from this movie. But besides all the action (or lack of, anyway) I think there is a deeper meaning in this film, when it comes to David and the others. Their mission was to find their creator, and he too had some questions for his creators, who throughout the remainder of the film don’t provide a good reason for building him. They bring this up multiple times throughout the movie, but I think that’s the main thing this film is about, as dull as it is.
David wanted to punish them for what they were doing, especially the scene where he put the pill in Charlie’s drink. I think by that point, he’d figured out that they were using him, and weren’t telling him why they created him, so he got a little revenge by poisoning Charlie. If anything, I guess the first half of this movie is pretty cool. But the 2nd half kinda slacks a bit, as most of the scenes take place on the ship and it just feels like Star Trek after awhile. And another thing I don’t understand is why the movie was named after the ship, and not after the cave they were looking through. I guess it’s cause, like I said, a majority of the movie takes place on the ship, but it still makes no sense to me.
I remember the trailer for this film around the time of it’s release. If anything, it just looked like a mild, decent sci-fi flick, but nothing to get all excited about. I haven’t seen the trailer in a long time, but all I remember were the characters landing the ship and walking around, but that’s it. It was also released in the same year as Battleship, which was a pretty decent movie. Hollywood normally doesn’t release 2 epic movies like that in one year, so I was pretty surprised.
The opening to this movie is pretty cool, as we get a shot of all these mountains and rivers everywhere. My first thought was of course, somewhere like Alaska but this is explained later on in the movie (if I can remember to mention it) Eventually we see this tall, pale, bald guy here on a cliff, standing near the edge like he’s about to take a leap of faith. He’s wearing this big jacket, but we see him remove it here to reveal his ripped body. I’m a guy, but I don’t mind looking at guys who have a built physic like this. It’s just weird cause he’s so pale lol.
Pretty soon he takes what looks like an ash tray out his pocket, and kinda stares at it for a bit. No cigarette in hand, he then holds it close to his face and downs it like you would any other beverage. He then begins to choke a little, and this scene is so hilarious. I mean, what’d you think was gonna happen when you put your lips on an ash tray, you dope! And I guess the fumes were too strong for him, so he faints here and falls into the river! Once his body hits the water down here, it kinda evaporates but I guess this makes sense since he’s an alien or whatever.
We later get a pretty cool looking intro to this movie, with the letters being revealed in a pretty interesting way. I guess this movie has a pretty cool title, and I like movies with just one name instead of those silly long ones people normally come up with. We then get a shot of about 6 people looking around this desert looking place. Just in case I forget to mention this later, I mind as well reveal it now, but their on a planet. I don’t know which planet this is, but it’s definitely not Earth.
The characters themselves are pretty bland, nothing special. One of them named Charlie I recognize from Devil (2010) which was a pretty good movie, and very easy to get into. They later go into this cave here and find a bunch of carvings on the wall. Lots of ancient talk here, so I’m gonna skip over all that, but their definitely searching for something. We’re now brought 4 years into the future, to 2093. I always had a thing for movies that took place in the future, cause I love seeing technology grow and the innovation that comes along with it.
Sadly though, we don’t get many examples of this kind of growth throughout the movie, cause alot of it takes place in space lol. So they could’ve set this movie in the 60’s for all we care. They do however in some scenes, have these little touch screen devices and panels, but we don’t see much of them to really be amazed by em. So anyway, we meet this robot guy named David in this scene, and we see him strolling around one of the spaceships here. But he’s not at all robotic as you may think, and only shows slight examples of his robot attributes; his voice still sounds human, and he kinda moves like a human too, unlike the stiff reflexes a robot would have.
And I’m all for realism, but I don’t mind it. Besides Terminator, human robots are kind of annoying anyway, and I hate hearing a robotic voice coming out of a humans mouth, and that would’ve annoyed me in this movie lol. So anyway, we see him strolling around the ship here, relaxing. We later see him waking up the other people on the ship, who we saw earlier (4 years prior) from their little beds in one of the rooms. Before all we saw was 6, but there looks to be about 10 of them here, waking up and walking around, getting coffee, etc.
We also find out the captain of the ship is this guy named Janek, which is a weird name so I’m just gonna call him J. But the cool thing is, he’s black, so for him to be the captain of the ship is pretty empowering. Later on we see them all gathering in this one room, seated in about 20 chairs. There’s this woman named Meredith in this scene, who greets everybody and welcomes them. Her job is never explained but I think she works with J in keeping the ship safe and all that. So anyway, she opens up this huge hologram in front of them on the floor. It’s pretty cool, and I know we’ll have technology like this in the future.
This old guy appears on screen, who’s name isn’t credited on imdb so I’m just gonna call him the old guy. But he looks alot like that old guy from Ghostbusters (I forget his name) So he pops up on screen and tells them about his robot son David, who sits in the same room with them. He also gives them a short little speech on knowing our creators and finding out who made us, and why. After his speech ends, Charlie and this girl named Elisabeth stand up and give another speech. For some reason, Charlie is wearing sandals in this scene, which makes me think their going to the beach but sadly that doesn’t happen. Everybody else has on boots and sneakers lol.
But he has a hologram of his own, which he shows everybody in this scene. It pops up in the middle of the room, and he shows us these 6-7 different pillars. One of them is named Mayan, but we don’t care about them cause to me, everybody in that village is made up of dopes. They may be famous for predicting a few things, but they didn’t predict the end of the world, so we don’t listen to them anymore lol. And again, Elisabeth repeats what old dude said, that she’s on a mission to find her creator.
For me personally, I don’t even think about my creator anymore; god, Allah, whatever you wanna call him. I definitely believe in some type of higher power, but they never speak to me, so I never speak to them, and that’s that. They may have created me and given me life, but if they can’t talk to me, they’re pretty much irrelevant in my book. Later on, Meredith takes Charlie and Liz to their rooms. It looks more like a hotel sweet than anything. In the background you can even see snow, and there’s even a few moments through the film where they mention it taking place around Christmas.
I don’t know how he’s going out in the snow in the slippers he’s got on but, I’m just sayin. But I can’t believe that out of the 10 other people they got on this mission, these 2 were chosen as captains / bosses whatever you wanna call em. Their the youngest people in the whole mission, cause everybody else looks like their in their 40’s lol. But I think if you’re gonna be the boss of somebody, you gotta atleast be about 35-40 years old, that way you have all the wisdom and knowledge and stuff. So anyway, they land the ship in the middle of this deserted, worn down looking place.
I gotta admit I love the ships in this movie. Their obviously made from CGI, but they look so awesome when they land and blow the smoke out from under them. When they land, Charlie exits the room, but cracks a joke about opening presents. Yea, probably excited for the possibility of getting new sneakers! But we don’t need to worry about that, since we later see everybody strapping up, and Charlie ditches his sandals for these cool looking space outfits, with the air helmet and everything. They look like pretty cool outfits, my only problem is their green. I prefer black space outfits cause they look cooler but not big deal.
So the 8 of them get in these space vehicles and drive across the road, leaving Meredith, J and a few others behind to I guess, watch and protect the ship. The vehicles they use are pretty cool, but mainly the see-through 4-wheelers they got. 2 are 4 wheelers, and 2 are these huge jeeps, but I like the 4-wheelers better. We can definitely throw realism out the window here, since there’s no gravity in space and they’d be floating everywhere, so who cares about that. They drive forward in this scene, across the dirt, past various mountains, until they get to another cave. They get out, look around a bit, etc.
On the character side of things, there isn’t much to talk about cause alot of them are pretty bland, and we don’t even have a jokester on the team. Eventually they reach a wall with all these carvings on it. Charlie and Liz are more interested than everybody else, but a few of them start freaking out. There aren’t even any creatures in this scene and a few of the guys are already crying. But one guy (who’s name I do not know) freaks out and ends up running off, leaving Charlie, Liz and David the robot by themselves. So the 3 of them open the monument on their own and walk through. They spot this huge head in the middle of the room, and I remember this scene from the trailer.
I don’t think it’s described what it means or who’s head it is, but who cares, it looks cool! Pretty soon the 3 of them are alerted from J on the ship. He says that furious winds are coming, warning them to return to the ship. So the 3 of them pack up, return to their vehicles and head off. Charlie and Liz drive behind the trucks towards the ship, while it kicks dirt all in their face. The road is about 20 feet wide, yet they follow directly behind the truck when they could’ve easily scooted a few feet to the right and avoided all the dust lol. But they make it back safely, with not an ounce of sand in their eyes.
I might mention this again later on, but I’m gonna mention it now since it deals with the next scene. Throughout the movie, watching David the robot, you get the feeling he’s becoming more and more comfortable around these humans. But you also get the feeling that he’s beginning to figure things out and make decisions on his own. We get an example of this in the next scene, where we see him talking to Charlie a bit by this little pool table. As they talk, you can see David pouring him a glass of wine or whatever. But if you look closely, you can see him drop something in his drink. But we don’t find out what this is or what it does until later on.
Some of the coming scenes are kinda boring, so I’m gonna skip over em. Alot of it is alot of walking and talking between the guys in the cave and guys on the ship. In one scene, J kinda flirts with Meredith a bit, and says something about getting “laid” But she just walks off. J doesn’t really have the biggest role in the movie, but atleast the only black guy in the film isn’t dead yet, so that’s a plus. When I first saw this movie, I thought it was gonna be the typical thing where they set out like any old horror movie and he gets killed first. But thankfully, even though he has a small role, he doesn’t get killed early on.
Pretty soon these 2 guys begin looking around one of the rooms here in the cave. And they stumble upon this alien snake that pops out of the ground. It’s not as menacing as you may think, and they could’ve definitely added some more teeth or something. It bites one of the guys hands in this scene, and he gets up, and tries to swing it off! It bites his finger, and the other guy tries to cut it off but that doesn’t work. Eventually it crawls into the guys arm and into his space suit, diving deep into his mouth! Reminds me of the scene from The Mummy (1999) where the beetle climbed into the guys brain through his belly lol.
Pretty soon, we see Charlie going over to a mirror in one of the rooms here. He looks at his reflection, and notices that his pupils are pretty red. So this of course, goes back to the earlier scene where David put something in his drink. I still don’t know what it was, but it must’ve been some kind of pill or something, to make his eyes red like this. But for some reason, Charlie doesn’t tell anybody, and they continue on. They travel through the cave again, but eventually he starts bugging out and his skin becomes very irritable and puffy. Well, that’s his fault for not telling anybody lol.
So a few of them contact the ship with J and Meredith, and tell them they’ve gotta bring him back and treat him. But turns out, Meredith doesn’t want him to come back, since he’s infected, which make sense. So when Liz and others arrive with him, she tells them he’s not stepping foot on “her” ship. But last time I checked, this wasn’t her ship in the first place, it’s J’s. He should’ve pushed her out the way and brought him back on and treated him. But she brings with her this huge flamethrower that’s sitting conveniently by the entrance to the ship, and kinda holds them off for a bit. She threatens him not to come any closer, but he doesn’t listen.
When he gets too close, she opens fire (literally) on him and sprays him with a spew of fire. It covers his entire body and doesn’t take long to bring him to his knees! For a scene like this, I kinda knew they’d use a stunt double or something, so I kinda looked closely to see if I could notice any slight changes in body type. But the big thing I noticed, is when she first sprays him with the fire. When she first sprays the flames, we get a cut of the back of his head so we don’t see his face, so I’m sure that’s how they hid the stunt double. But I mean, I don’t think it would’ve made much difference since his face was getting so puffy from the infection.
With all that mush on his face, you wouldn’t have been able to tell if it was a different person or not anyway! That’s the technical part of me speaking, mind you. Later on we meet the old guy again, the same dude from the video we saw earlier at the little meeting. I thought the reason they showed that video was cause he was in a different area (or different planet) and couldn’t make it, or he was dead lol. But if he was alive, I don’t see why he couldn’t just pop up in person and give his little speech. But as we can see here, the guy is about as old as a sack of potatoes, and can barely move. He looks like he’s in his 100’s which is rare for some people, so he’s basically a fossil by this point.
If the people on this mission don’t meet their maker, he sure as hell will, sooner rather than later. So anyway, Liz shows up in this scene and talks with him a bit. She says she wants to quit the mission their on, to which he’s disappointed to hear. But it’s safe to say, she feels like quitting after seeing Charlie get burned to a crisp early on. Besides David the robot, he was probably only nerd willing to stick next to her when stuff needed to be figured out, so now she’s got no nerds to follow her around, great. So anyway, she tells him she wants to leave but he doesn’t. He tells her he’d still like to meet his maker. Bro, at your age trust me, you don’t gotta wait too much longer!
So his men pop up and begin helping him put on his suit. He can barely stand at this point, so they put extra padding and stuff all over him. He looks goofy as hell, to say the least. So after suiting him up, they drive back to the cave, yet again, for about 5th time lol. And it’s weird cause I just noticed this now! This movie does alot of back and forth, and it’s pretty annoying now that I think about it. I mean, why not just park the ship closer to the cave so you don’t gotta drive so far, that would’ve been smart! But I guess the filmmakers need to keep us entertained with those long driving sequences, which might wake a couple people out of their sleep!
Pretty soon, they reach this alien guy here in one of the cave rooms. It’s the same alien guy from earlier with the ripped body above the river. The same one who gobbled down the ash tray like an idiot! But instead of showing off his ripped physic like we saw earlier, here he’s covered with a simple metal suit. He pops up out of the ground and causes a little havoc here. Old dude tries to do something but he gets knocked to the floor lol. Should’ve had a stroke after something like this but, he’s stronger than I thought! Now all who’s left is Liz, who rises out of the cave just as the alien does.
We see her on top of this huge opening in the ground as it widens to make room for the ship. These pallets below her open up as she screams towards Meredith and the captain, urging them to take out the ship or he’ll reek havoc or something. I don’t remember exactly, but that’s always the case in movies like these. But it’s a pretty cool scene, and pretty powerful I’ll admit. And I remember this scene from the trailer, cause I remember her face yelling at the camera. At this point, Meredith starts to freak out. She tells J and his men to leave her behind and go back, but he doesn’t want to. So they go after the ship anyway!
The alien ship is nothing compared to the ship J and his men have. The alien ship looks like a big horseshoe, while J’s actually looks like a regular ship. So they fly after the horseshoe ship, while Meredith gets into one of the little rooms here and teleports out, falling about 500 feet from the ship and landing on the ground, unharmed (gimme a break!) A few moments later, we see J’s ship crash into the horseshoe, and the crash creates this little explosion. So it was obviously one of those death-defying kills, where they killed themselves in order to save Earth. Excuse me while I barf, it’s so cheesy lol.
But I guess Meredith was smart enough to jump out and avoid dying with them, even though they never explained how they were gonna take it out. My first guess was I thought they were gonna chase after the ship and shoot missiles at it, but whatever. So now there’s only 2 survivors left, both of whom are females. And being that I’m a guy, I really don’t like how this played out. After the crash, the horseshoe falls and the two women run and jump out the way of falling debris. This is another pretty cool scene, but I’d rather see a guy doing stuff like this. Eventually the horseshoe rolls behind them, and Meredith trips a few times.
And being the guy that I am, it was easy to predict what was gonna happen. She trips a couple times and the horseshoe ends up rolling on top of her! It almost rolls on top of Liz as well, but as it falls, it gets stopped by some rock above her head. And the rock is only a few feet tall, but it’s able to stop a horseshoe that’s 500 feet tall and probably weighs about 100,000 tons, gimme a break. At the end of the movie, Liz ends up rescuing David’s head, which is surprisingly still alive after all that’s happened. And even worse, the movie ends with this soft, piano music. And I don’t mind music like this, but it doesn’t work for the type of movie this was, or could’ve been.
Overall this movie was decent, but nothing special. It has a few good parts, but alot of it is slow and dull, and the characters don’t help at bringing the movie to life. I just think I expected too much from this movie. But besides all the action (or lack of, anyway) I think there is a deeper meaning in this film, when it comes to David and the others. Their mission was to find their creator, and he too had some questions for his creators, who throughout the remainder of the film don’t provide a good reason for building him. They bring this up multiple times throughout the movie, but I think that’s the main thing this film is about, as dull as it is.
David wanted to punish them for what they were doing, especially the scene where he put the pill in Charlie’s drink. I think by that point, he’d figured out that they were using him, and weren’t telling him why they created him, so he got a little revenge by poisoning Charlie. If anything, I guess the first half of this movie is pretty cool. But the 2nd half kinda slacks a bit, as most of the scenes take place on the ship and it just feels like Star Trek after awhile. And another thing I don’t understand is why the movie was named after the ship, and not after the cave they were looking through. I guess it’s cause, like I said, a majority of the movie takes place on the ship, but it still makes no sense to me.
The Purge (2013) I remember seeing the trailer for this movie at some point and being pretty into it. It was one of the few horror movies to come out around this time that didn’t look like it was found footage or any of that crap so I figured it was worth my time. And I guess the masks and the hoodies that these guys wear was pretty cool too. At the start of the film we get the credits as usual, and we find out the movie was made by Blumhouse Productions and Platinum Dunes. If you don’t know who these clowns are, Blumhouse is the company that usually puts out those crappy paranormal movies and Platinum Dunes is the Michael Bay company that used to put out all those crappy remakes. And come to think of it, all I can say is god damn lol. You have 2 of my most hated companies working together on 1 film, so you know this is gonna be good. I mean technically their just production companies so Michael Bay and James Wan might’ve had nothing to do with this movie, but their names are still associated with the company so, their all in on it somehow. The credits actually pop up twice: You get the Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes logo and then later it says “A Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes Production” like damn dude, we get it lol. I remember they did the same thing in the Paranormal Activity movies, like how cocky can these people get that you gotta mention your name twice lol. So anyway, the movie takes place in the year 2022 but a majority of the movie takes place in this little house, which I’ll get to in just a few moments. But its not so far into the future to where we see any flying cars, which kinda sucks but this isn’t one of those movies. We later see this dude named James in his car, riding by and greeting people in the neighborhood. Eventually he gets home and greets his wife Mary, who we see in the kitchen here making food. But as I watched this woman, I noticed something about how she was acting. I couldn’t help but think she was from Russia, not by her accent but from her face. Cause you know people from Russia always have that kinda frozen-lookin face when they get angry, like Drago from Rocky IV. So my guess was she was from Russia, but turns out she’s from Bermuda which is some island to the right of the US. People from Bermuda must act like that. It’s not really a big deal but I thought I’d mention this cause sometimes I notice little things in people’s faces, the way they talk or act and figure their from another country. So anyway, we also see a tv in this scene, and the dude on the screen tells us about the purge and what it means. He says something about how society needs something like this, to release all their pent-up anger and aggression. I’ll get to this later cause it sounds pretty badass at first but also kinda sick and twisted. We later see the daughter Zoey, and she’s pretty cute. And we also meet her boyfriend who’s kind of a dork so I’ll ignore him for a little while. Outside we see the wife out here talkin to this chick, and I think her name is Grace. I’m looking at imdb right now for her name but her photo looks nothing like her in the movie, eh whatever I’ll her Grace. But anyway, Grace is smiling here and has this plate of cookies in her hand. And I swear, the first thing that came to mind was how cliché this scene is. There’s a scene like this in the movie Running Scared (2006) with one of my favorite actresses Vera Farmiga. Her son was kidnapped and she finds out exactly where he is, so she goes to the house. This woman answers the door and she’s all smiles, but the audience knows she’s the one that took the kid, but she tries so hard to look all goody-two-shoes. So when I saw this scene with Mary and Grace that’s all I could think, that she was up to no good and just trying so hard (too hard actually) to look innocent with her big smile. A truck also pulls up in this scene with a white guy and some black chick, and they say something and pull off. But since this is a horror movie, my first guess was that she was gonna be the first one to die lol. But anyway, Mary doesn’t take any of the cookies and walks back inside the house. As she walks back into the house, Grace goes “Have a safe night” which actually has alot of meaning in a movie like this lol. We later meet the son Charlie, who looks like he has a uno-brow lol. Later that night, eventually the purge begins and we see everybody getting ready. I’ll be honest up until seeing this movie and doing the review, I didn’t even know what the word “purge” meant. I mean I’ve heard the word before, but when I hear the word “purge” nothing really comes to mind. But anyway, I looked up the word “purge” online to see what Google had to say. And this is what I got: To get rid of an unwanted feeling, memory or condition, or an abrupt removal of a group of people from a place. So all in all something or someone is being removed either physically or mentally, atleast that’s what I take from it. So anyway the purge begins, and James and his family get into this one little room and lock the house down. He presses a button and all these doors begin to shut around the house, reminds me of 13 Ghosts (2001) So you definitely get the feeling these people are rich cause they live in this big mansion. They also have about 3-4 big tv monitors in the room, where they can see everybody on the street. We also find out they have a closet full of guns, and since this supposedly happens every year, you get the feeling these guys are pretty used to the routine by now. Moments later they turn on one of the tv’s and this chick gives us the news on the purge. She basically says all crime is legal for the next 12 hours and how police and medical people aren’t gonna help you till the next day. So if you get shot in the leg to the point where you can’t walk your pretty much screwed lol. And I’ll admit at first that sounds pretty cool (for a movie) but it also sounds pretty dangerous and scary. In the opening scene in the movie we get a pretty good idea of what goes on though, we see all this violence going on, people getting beat up, robbed, shot, etc. It looks more like a zombie movie than anything, and I hate those. They say it’s a good way to get out aggression and stuff but I don’t think so. I mean if anything, something like this would only make people even angrier. I mean what if you kill someone, trying to relieve some of that aggression. Now you’re gonna have that person’s family after you, so you’re really just making things worse. If you’re stressed out, listen to music, or go for a jog. Don’t call it The Purge, just hit the gym for a couple days, go for a walk, or listen to music. I’m just runnin my mouth, I know none of that stuff would make an interesting movie, let alone horror movie. And thank goodness it’s only a movie huh. Eventually they all leave the room for awhile but Charlie the uno-brow kid stays in the room looking at the monitors. According to imdb he was 16 when this movie was made so maybe the parents were okay letting him look at this stuff, I mean with all the gunshots and stuff outside, at one point he had to wake up and have this stuff explained to him. Eventually he sees this black guy out here on the street, and he calls for him to come in their house for safety. What a nice kid eh. Meanwhile we see Zoey and her bf upstairs talkin, and he says he wants to talk to her dad and convince him to let him date her, whatever you say nerd. So we see him walking down the stairs here, but when he gets about half-way down he randomly pulls out a gun on her dad! I forget whether or not he hits him but they open fire on each other and end up killing the bf. At first I thought this was just a random thing he did to make the movie look more interesting, but then I forgot what this movie was all about lol. He wanted to kill her father, so that he didn’t need to worry about him dating his daughter. And like I said the guys a dork, so he probably knew he wouldn’t have a chance. But now he has no chances, cause he’s on the ground motionless. Zoey runs over to him cryin her eyes out, but I don’t know what her problem is. Her first thought should be “dude you just tried to shoot my dad” lol. Later on these people in masks arrive at the front door, and I remember them from the trailer. Some have hoodies and a mask, but the guy who rings the doorbell has a suit and mask, which looks kinda dorky but whatever, masks are cool. There’s also a couple chicks here with wedding gowns on who look pretty cute. So anyway this dude rings the doorbell and they just look at him through the little monitors in the room here. I think they chose this guy for a reason, cause he definitely has a creepy little smirk. But he says something about them “cleansing their souls” by killing people or something like that. But then he asks them for the black guy who ran in their house earlier. Which is a pretty bad idea cause once you open those doors, they risk getting their family injured, so they wait it out. Later on the black guy just randomly appears outta nowhere. They don’t even give him a name on imdb, they just call him the “bloody stranger” lol. It’s weird how they don’t give this guy a name, yet they say the black chicks name (according to imdb) is Mrs Halverson, but the black guy is in the movie more than she is, what the hell lol. But you know I’m not gonna sit here and call him “the black guy” throughout the entire review so I’ll just make up a name for him. Let’s call him Tony, I always liked that name. So anyway, Tony shows up in this scene with the cute daughter Zoey in his arms. They have this little stand-off scene where he holds her by the neck, while James tries to get him to let her go. Eventually he does let go, but throws her into a wall! Nice way to treat a lady eh. But James tackles him here and shoots him in the stomach, and later ties him to a chair. At first I was like “well the black guys dead” but thankfully he’s not dead, and I can’t tell you how happy I am, and how angry I would’ve been if he died. But yea he’s tied to the chair here, but atleast he’s alive. Later on the people with the masks arrive with this huge truck, and they use it to rip the doors off the house. The doors are made of steal but I’m assuming a truck can rip em off. So after ripping the doors off, they finally make it inside the house. In the coming scenes we see people getting shot and killed, and their pretty cool. James does most of the killing. They later have this little fight scene here in the pool room and one dude is choking James on the table. But he grabs a pool ball and slams it into his head lol. At one point one of the chicks with the wedding gowns hops on the table and James shoots her! But when he shoots her, she kinda falls backwards onto the table in kind of a badass but funny way. I always had a thing for scenes like that, where someone will fall but hit something as they fall, so yea it was cool, and funny. Eventually these other people arrive, two of which we saw earlier, Mr and Mrs Halverson. This is like a new record for black people in horror movies, no joke. But they help out with the rest of the masked killers here, shooting and killing em. Eventually Grace arrives, the chick from earlier who was trying to give Mary her cookies. I knew she couldn’t be trusted, and she made it pretty obvious from the get-go. She wants to take part in the purge so she orders everybody to get down on the ground while the 3-4 people with her help her out. She’s still got the same cheesy smile on as well. But I gotta admit this scene was kinda hard to watch. She orders them all on the ground, sayin they’re gonna shoot the kids right in front of em and Charlie and Zoey start cryin, and it was hard to watch. I bet Mary wished she’d taken those cookies earlier lol. Eventually Tony arrives and knocks the rest of the people out the way! But before he does anymore damage, Mary tells him to let em live. And I knew she was gonna let em live, cause they wanna have that cheesy ending where she forgives them, even though they busted her house up and almost killed her kids. So at the end of the movie we see all of em sitting at this dinner table waiting for the purge to end at 7am. It’s all cool and quiet until Grace tries to grab the shotgun on the table but Mary grabs it back and slams it into her face lol. I swear I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this. The movie ends with her leaving the house with a busted nose, tryin to be slick and get one last purge-kill in there. Atleast Tony was a hero in this movie and he and the other chick survived. Overall this was a pretty interesting movie with a pretty interesting concept, and I was entertained. I think the reason why it took place in 2022 was cause this was their fictional prediction of what might happen to the world if we don’t take care of the planet or something, but I don’t know, nor do I care. And like I said, on one hand you can look at this movie and think the concept is really cool. But on the other hand you can look at it and think the people who came up with it are just twisted in the head. But I’ll take this over any found footage garbage film or any Transformers garbage movie these idiots like to throw at us, any day. |
Carrie (2013)
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv a couple times and being pretty into it. The one scene that really stood out to me was the scene where she stops the car with her powers. I’ll admit I’m not too big on books and think reading in general is boring, but I kinda know where and how this movie came about. It’s a remake of an adaptation of one of Stephen King’s first novels, Carrie. To my knowledge, it was the first novel he ever published back in 1974. Back when I was writing stories, I used to read up alot on King and listen to all his interviews online. He’d talk about writing, how he came up with some of these ideas and even selling his first story.
In one interview he talked about how happy he was when he sold this for the first time. He said he was a teacher at the time and when they bought the rights to the book (and later the movie, which came out in 1976) he was so happy he quit his job as a teacher and dedicated himself to just writing. I guess you can say I’m a pretty big writer, having seen and reviewed so many movies over the years. I used to also write stories and even though I don’t do it anymore (reviewing movies is so much more addicting) I still have alot of respect for King. I’ve actually never seen the original, besides a few clips here and there. The big reason I wanted to see this movie for so long was cause the trailer just looked cool.
At the start of the movie we get a shot of the house, and we’re later brought inside to hear this woman screaming her eyes out! We also get the credits, and at one point I think it says “made by Kimberly Pierce” which kinda surprised me. You don’t see alot of female directors these days, especially for horror movies like this. But I think the big reason a female is directing this movie is because of those “girl scenes” and if you’ve read the book or seen the movie, you know what I’m talkin about. So anyway, we later see a woman in a bed screaming, and its obvious here that she’s giving birth. Scenes like this make me feel lucky to be a man lol. So she screams and yells and eventually pushes the baby out, which I’m assuming is baby Carrie. There’s no doctors or anybody here but her and the baby, but if you’ve ever seen this movie, you get the feeling the mother wanted it that way lol.
Eventually she brings out a pair of scissors and points it at the baby, right above its face. And all I could say was “this chick is crazy” but seriously, its a pretty disgusting scene. We later get a shot at school, which I’m guessing is present day. They don’t give us a time scale or anything but lets say this is 15 years later. But we immediately see Carrie here, which actually kinda threw me off for a second. It might be just me, but I felt they showed her way too early. We don’t even get a shot of the school itself: Her mother delivers the baby and 5 seconds later we see Carrie all grown up in the first shot, it just feels so rushed. So anyway, we see her here in a bathing suit and their in a swimming facility with these other girls. She later gets in the pool with them and they play volleyball here.
All the girls here are smiling and laughing while Carrie is in the corner looking all nervous and dorkish. But again, it just doesn’t look right. Carrie is actually played by a girl named Chloe Moretz, who I saw in Let Me in (2010) which is one of my favorite thrillers. The movie is just so soft and subtle. So when I found out she was in this movie I was cool about it. Visually they actually look pretty similar, they both got that dark-orange vibe going on. I also looked up the actress who played Carrie in the original movie, Sissy Spacek and learned that she was 27 when she did Carrie back in 1976. And Chloe is 16 in this movie, which is a pretty big gap but really not that big a deal. I mean if you can pull it off, go for it.
But anyway, they serve the ball to her and (nervously) she hits it, and the ball smacks this girl in the back of the head, oops lol. But yea, not even 10 minutes into the movie I’m getting this weird vibe. The only way to describe it is its very forced. I think even if you’ve never seen the original movie (like myself) you sorta know what this girls about, that she’s awkward or bizarre or whatever. But scenes like this make it a little too obvious, and so early on. We later see her get in the shower and wash herself off, and I’ve heard about this scene before plenty of times. But she starts scrubbing around and eventually sees blood on her hands. So she starts to freak out and the other girls here see her, and they start to laugh at her.
And to put it bluntly without dancing around it, its period blood, so lets clear that up. And I’ll admit it’s a pretty embarrassing scene, and it makes me happy to know I was born a man and never had to go through that lol. Eventually the teacher arrives in this scene and tries to calm her down. Carrie is hysterical here, telling her how much it hurts. I’ve heard before that when women get this stuff it gives them cramps and stuff so, I guess that’s why it hurts. But trust me I’m not gonna turn this into some educational female thing where I break down what it does lol. I’m just mentioning this stuff for the review, trust me. But anyway, Carrie is still flipping out over the blood and at one point her teacher smacks her to get her to be quiet. And I don’t know if this scene was meant to be funny or not, but it wasn’t.
She could’ve just grabber her and shook her or something. She later brings Carrie into the principles office so they can talk about her period situation. The principal is played by this black dude, who I recognize from Rush Hour (1998) He plays the guy behind the counter before Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker go in to meet that fat guy about the little girl. But they say she needs help cause this period thing is a big deal for kids her age. They say they’re gonna call her mother, but Carrie doesn’t want that so she starts flipping out. Her mother always has these raggedy clothes on so I can only assume where she works, at a sweat shop lol. But at one point they mention how they know her mother used to home-school her, so you get the sense here that she’s very protective of her daughter.
I mean my mother is protective of me too, and it annoys me! But anyway, when they say they’re gonna bring her mother in, she flips out and the lights start flickering. There’s a water cooler sitting next to them and it shakes, and eventually bursts! And I’ll admit it was a pretty cool scene lol. We later see them back home, and the two of them get into a little argument about her having her period. The argument itself is kinda silly though. Her mother is one of those religious freaks, who thinks everything her daughter does is against God and all that crap, I hate those people lol. She reminds me of Annie from Misery (1990) talkin about how everything is against God but you sit there and strap a dude to the bed, like what the hell lol. Misery was also written by King, and so was Storm of the Century (1999) which also has some bible verses in there too.
Now I’m an atheist, so I can’t speak for any Christians out there so I’m just gonna speak for myself. I mean I can assume scenes like this would anger them, since Christians (and people in general) don’t act like this at all. I mean there are people out there who constantly bring up the bible but they don’t take it to the extreme like Annie and Carrie’s mother. Normally I hate when religion is brought into movies, cause I don’t wanna hear that stuff. I think the only movie where I let it slide is in Legion, one of my favorite horror movies. It’s basically a movie about how God sent these evil angels down to earth to kill a baby, which probably angered alot of Christians. But I let it slide (and kind of ignore it) in that movie cause it’s such a badass movie. But normally I don’t wanna hear about “god wouldn’t like this” or “you have sinned” or any of that crap in movies.
So anyway, the argument they have is pretty silly, and her mother calls it a “curse” that she got her period and is taking that first step into womanhood. Eventually her mother takes her and throws her into a closet, telling her to pray for her sins and all this other crap. You get the feeling here that her mother is pretty abusive, and I hate that. She takes her religion so seriously she locks her daughter in a closet, not knowing that God sees this and probably doesn’t like it one bit. She’s so dumb lol. We later see this chick and this other dude talkin about what happened at school a couple days ago, about how they embarrassed Carrie. She looks alot like Taylor Swift so I’m gonna call her that, cause they both have the same exact hair style and face, and they both wear those country clothes.
The state / city this movie takes place is never mentioned, but I got the feeling pretty early on that it took place in like Tennessee or something cause all the girls have on these country clothes. I also get the feeling that this movie takes place in the 70’s cause some of the clothing is pretty retro, and the teacher is wearing those high shorts in one scene, but I’m really not sure. But anyway she’s talkin with this dude named Tommy, and I swear, when I saw his face I recognized him instantly, and I wanted to barf! It’s the same dude from Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, the dweeb! I swear this dude is in like every movie now, like what the hell lol. In FIOS he plays a boyfriend, in Divergent he plays a brother and in this movie he’s playing a football jock. He looks like a straight-up dork to me, so I don’t understand how he’s getting all these roles.
I don’t see what people see in this clown, but he’s being put in all the wrong movies and all the wrong roles, this dude needs to be in a library reading a book or something. We later see this other dude and these 2 chicks at his house fooling around. One of the girls here is named Tina and she’s pretty cute. The other is named Chris but I’m gonna call her C cause I don’t want anybody getting her named confused with a dudes name. C was the one doing most of the taunting, when Carrie flipped out earlier about seeing the blood. And you get the feeling in this scene that she’s one of those evil chicks. So she comes up with the evil idea to post the video (of Carrie crying her eyes out) online to youtube so the whole world can see and I’ll admit its pretty evil. And I guess this is one scene in the movie that they couldn’t do in the old one, given how much technology has changed.
I mean some people get famous off of youtube (which I think is pathetic) but you can also embarrass someone like this, not just with a video but also with a picture. And once that picture is uploaded that’s it. Cause if it’s funny or embarrassing, people make duplicates of it and it’s basically on the internet for life lol. We later see Carrie’s mother taking her out the closet, and telling her she loves her, and Carrie accepts it like it was nothing. You get the feeling here that she locks her in the closet alot, but Carrie always forgives her, which I think is pathetic. We later get a scene on the school field, which looks like a track field. I did track in high school, but I hated it lol. So anyway the coach starts giving this speech to all the girls here. She talks about how important prom is to them. She also talks with the main leaders here, Taylor Swift, Tina and C, and tells them if they don’t come clean their not gonna go to the prom.
I honestly never understood the big deal about prom when I was in high school back in 2008. To me it was just a stupid dance, and I wasn’t even gonna go to the thing until my mother kept buggin me about it. I remember the tickets were like 2 days overdue by this point, but I went to the front office anyway and I was like “Yea uh, I was wonderin if I could have tickets to this prom” and the lady told me I was too late, so I just walked off cause I didn’t really care. And then about 10 seconds later, this kid ran after me and brought me back in the room, so I’m guessing they convinced her to let me go, kids I didn’t even know lol. So yea I ended up going, even though I didn’t care either way. But I had a good time, danced with a few girls. I went with my friends, and they all had dates except me.
Their girls was dorks though, so I didn’t even feel bad. And I wasn’t gonna ask a girl to the dance and then just ignore her the next day like they did, cause we’d been friends for awhile but I’d never seen these girls before or after the dance. So anyway, C and the girls don’t tell, and they get ordered to do some shuttle sprint exercises as punishment. Eventually C stops and tries to get Taylor Swift to follow her, but she doesn’t wanna go with her. And you sorta get what’s going on here. C and her girls are bullies, and they bullied Carrie. But they took it too far this time and Taylor Swift here doesn’t wanna go with her, but its just so lame looking and they didn’t pull it off right. We later see Carrie again, and in the coming scenes, she tries to harness her powers I guess.
In the first scene we see her in a bathroom and she uses her psychic powers to break the bathroom mirror, what a badass lol. Now technically their not called psychic powers, their called telekinetic powers or whatever but I’m not gonna keep putting that word every single time cause it’s just gonna annoy me to spell out, so I call em psychic powers, but you get what I mean regardless. Powers that can break stuff, and basically move stuff around, and I’ll admit its pretty badass. We don’t see powers like this in many movies, not including DC or Marvel / superhero movies. I mean off the top of my head, the first movies that come to mind are The Mummy, where Imhotep uses his psychic powers to move the ocean water, and in Storm of the Century (another King movie) where Andre Linoge uses his power to knock people out the way lol.
But yea I always had a thing for those scenes. So anyway, after breaking the mirror, we see her in the library looking at videos and reading books on these magic powers. We later see her in class, and her teacher asks her to come up and read a poem. The poem doesn’t even rhythm, but Tommy the dork is in this scene, at the back of the class (where all dorks sit) And he says the poem was “awesome” well of course. Dudes a dork, of course he thinks it was awesome. We later get a scene of the mother at some sewing company making shirts. If I had to guess where she worked based on her clothes I probably would’ve guessed here. I don’t think I’ve ever used a sewing machine in my life, but I did take a woods class in high school. They had us use this big spinning blade, and at the time I don’t know how I pulled it off, cause jut thinkin about it is pretty scary.
But sewing machines are pretty scary to me, no joke. I keep thinkin about getting my finger caught in there and ugh lol. We later see C in the principles office, cause all the teachers and everybody found out about the video online. And like I said, that stuff sucks. So they question C and ask to see her phone to see if the video is still there, but she doesn’t wanna give it up. At first I was thinkin why didn’t she just delete it off her phone if it was already on the internet, but she probably had it on there cause she was showing her friends. She later goes to the auditorium and gets into a little argument with Taylor Swift here about how they were all in on the prank. She later talks to Tommy and tries to convince him to take Carrie to the prom, cause she feels bad about the whole thing. And since he’s playing the meat-heat jock, he acts all cocky like he’s too good for her, what a dummy.
This dude is scrawny as hell tryin to pull off the jock look but it just doesn’t work at all. He’s also got the football jersey on but he’s probably no bigger than I am, cause I’m only about 160 lbs and I’m starting to wonder who hired this guy, and whether or not they were sober when they hired him. Later on he catches Carrie at the library, and she’s here reading up on the psychic books. But he asks her if she’d go to prom with him. She kinda looks excited, but nervous in kind of a dorky way. But she runs off. We later see her in the locker room again, with her head covered. The coach later comes in and asks why she’s upset, and Carrie tells her that Tommy asked her to the prom. If you watch her reaction closely, she almost laughs then she says “Wow” but I think inside she was like “Oh wow really, the dork with the football jersey” cause that’s what I would’ve said.
We later see her talking with Tommy and Taylor Swift, telling them how ridiculous its gonna look seeing the two of them at prom. And she’s right, its gonna look ridiculous alright, especially with this bozo next to her. People at the party would be lookin at him thinkin “who gave this dweeb a football jersey” Later that night Carrie tells her mother she’s been asked to prom, and her mother flips out again. She calls her a “witch” at some point and it’s a pretty silly scene. Now I know I make jokes about how silly and dumb the mother is, but besides the religious nonsense she talks, there are mothers out there who sorta act like that. I mean my mother kinda acts like that, paranoid and makin a big deal about stuff. We later see C and her friends arriving at this barn with a bunch of pigs. See I knew this movie took place in the country, cause I know they have barns and pigs in the country.
But they grab a pig and one of the dudes here hits it with a hammer! And I hate pigs, but this scene kinda made me sad. We later see the boys and girls getting ready for prom, buying dresses, putting on suits, etc. Tommy the dork is here trying on suits and he looks more like a dweeb than ever, I swear. Later that night he comes over to pick Carrie up from her house. Her mother tries to stop her, but Carrie uses her psychic abilities and throws her into the closet lol. Good, she deserved it! So he takes her to the prom. Meanwhile we get shots of C and her friend getting on top of these rails above the prom stage (whatever the heck its called) getting the pig blood ready, to ultimately pour on top of Carrie. So they enter prom and we see Tommy and Carrie greeting everyone. He’s all hyper while she’s kinda nervous, always lookin over her shoulder.
At one point he tells her “no matter what happens tonight you’re a queen” and whatever happens tonight you’re still a dork! Eventually its time to vote for prom king and queen, so they all get the little note cards with peoples names on em. Carrie asks Tommy who should they vote for, and she probably doesn’t even know who half these people are since she’s so quiet and introverted. But Tommy comes up with the bright idea to vote for himself, what a cornball! I swear every attempt this dude has to make himself look cool just backfires, he starts off lookin like a clown now he’s just a cornball. Eventually they read the votes and find out that both Carrie and Tommy won prom king and queen, oh how predictable lol. I mean Carrie is cute but Tommy is a nobody!
So they win and they both go on stage. And if you know anything about this movie, you know what’s about to happen next. C and her friend are up above them on the little stairway here. And when their in position, they pull the rope and all this pig blood dumps onto Carrie and Tommy the dweeb! Some of the blood looks real but some of it looks CGI but it was probably a mix of both. But after blood gets dumped on the two of them, Tommy goes “What the hell!” and I just burst out laughing. C’mon dude you’re a football player, why are you reacting like a nerd, oh wait its cause you are a nerd my bad. I mean Carrie got most of the pigs blood poured on her, only a tiny bit hit your shirt, suck it up loser. Carrie just stands here in surprise, while all the teens here stare at her, also in surprise.
Eventually Carrie gets angry, and using her psychic powers, she starts throwin stuff across the room like a madwoman! And I’m not gonna lie, this scene is pretty badass! We saw this in an earlier scene in her room, where she was just realizing that she had these psychic powers where she can lift stuff and she started lifting these books and lifting the bed. And her mother comes storming into the room, only to find her back in bed sleeping. I always felt that her mother had these powers as well, and that she gave them to her daughter. I didn’t write this down but during one of their arguments, I remember Carrie saying something like “Grandma had it and it was passed down to me, but not you” so maybe the mother was jealous she didn’t get these psychic powers.
Which might be why her mother was so angry at her when she found out she had her period, and maybe her period was the thing that gave her the power (Period Powers lol) She got her period, now she’s a woman, and now she has these psychic powers cause she hit a certain age. So anyway, she does this blast with her hands and people start flying across the room, falling down, etc. Stuff crashes, tables flip over, girls are screaming and crying like they always do. At one point the bucket that spilled the pigs blood falls on top of Dylan’s head and I swear I couldn’t stop laughing lol. So it knocks him out, finally. The only thing I don’t like about this scene, is how it was edited. Editing might not be a big deal to some people, but it is to me, especially when its done wrong. Now this is a scene of action, where stuff is pretty intense, and scenes like this are usually edited quickly.
But this scene is edited way too quickly, and it takes alot of the tension out of the scene actually. Its like she throws an object, and the camera cuts like 3-4 times before it hits the ground, stuff like that just irritates me. I think one of the worst edited movies out there is Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) and the editing is so bad I can’t even watch it anymore, which sucks cause it’s a pretty good movie. It’s less annoying when a bad movie is edited bad cause the movie is already bad. It’s more annoying when a good movie is edited bad cause you really wanna watch it, but you just get annoyed. I mean 99% of the movies out there are edited normally. But this movie, Rise, and a couple others fall into the badly edited category that I can’t stand.
At one point she sets Tina on fire, the cute girl I mentioned earlier, so I was sad about that. And eventually we got a shot of the entire school from outside, which is now engulfed in flames! We later see C and her friend in the car, trying to ride off before they get caught by police. I’m assuming they left the moment they dumped the blood on her, which (in movie time) was like 2 minutes ago so they should’ve been on the highway by now. But Carrie ends up catching them here on the road. She uses her psychic powers to break the ground all up the road, stopping their car! C tells her friend to run her over but she uses her psychic powers to stop the car, which was the same scene in the trailer, one of the scenes I really wanted to see.
I mean it sorta looked better in the trailer but whatever. So after stopping the car, she uses her psychic powers to lift the car into the air, another badass scene. Then she throws the car into this nearby gas station, which smacks so hard the girls head almost pops out the windshield! You see her head here near the broken glass but the glass looks so cartoonish and the CGI is so cheap lookin lol. But eventually the car blows up, pretty cool scene. So she walks back home, and I’m assuming her house is nearby if she’s walking but maybe I’m being too realistic. So she runs back home and washes some of the blood off her body. I think the image of her with the blood all over her body is pretty cool though. It kinda gives the impression that she killed someone, and I’m sure if a police officer caught her on the road they’d be thinkin the same thing.
So after washing herself off, she meets up with her mother again. More religious arguing here but eventually they actually attack each other! Her mother tries to stab her while Carrie tries to keep her off, and its such a silly scene. Eventually Carrie gets the upper hand and uses her powers to nail her against the wall with her arms out, kinda like Jesus. And like I said I’m not really a religious person but I’m sure a scene like this would aggravate a Christian. She’s got like 10 knives in her body, 1 in each arm and about 8 in her stomach, so you know that’s gotta hurt. But eventually Carrie comes over and takes the knives out and lays her on the ground. It’s funny cause she takes about 3 of em out (the ones holding her up against the wall) but leaves the other 7-8 in her chest.
So she lays her on the ground and tries to say sorry but she’s still got like 8 knives poking out her chest, funny as hell. Eventually Taylor Swift arrives at the house, I guess to try and apologize. But at this point, the house begins to crumble and fall in on itself. And even though Carrie knows she was part of C and her gang, she still saves her by using her powers to throw her out the house, where she lands gently out on the road lol. But right before she tosses her out, Carrie stares at her belly and goes “its a girl” and I was gonna ignore this scene cause I didn’t know what she meant, but I think I do now. Earlier in the movie we saw Taylor Swift and the dork gettin it on and I guess Carrie knew about this, and used her psychic powers to confirm it was a girl. Sucks for Taylor Swift though I mean damn, giving birth to a dork baby.
Overall I guess this was an okay movie. I still think Chloe is a brilliant actress for her age, and this was just one of those dud movies she was cast in. I mean the movie wasn’t that bad, it just felt very forced, especially in the beginning. And certain scenes in this movie were just too over-hyped and exaggerated. Scenes that’d normally be ignored in the average movie, like all her psychic scenes where she moves stuff with her mind, all that stuff has already been done before, they could’ve atleast stepped it up. Instead of 1 car, have her lift 10 cars and throw em on a highway or something I mean damn I’m coming up with better scenes in my head lol. I guess I was expecting something more but this movie was very average by today’s standards.
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv a couple times and being pretty into it. The one scene that really stood out to me was the scene where she stops the car with her powers. I’ll admit I’m not too big on books and think reading in general is boring, but I kinda know where and how this movie came about. It’s a remake of an adaptation of one of Stephen King’s first novels, Carrie. To my knowledge, it was the first novel he ever published back in 1974. Back when I was writing stories, I used to read up alot on King and listen to all his interviews online. He’d talk about writing, how he came up with some of these ideas and even selling his first story.
In one interview he talked about how happy he was when he sold this for the first time. He said he was a teacher at the time and when they bought the rights to the book (and later the movie, which came out in 1976) he was so happy he quit his job as a teacher and dedicated himself to just writing. I guess you can say I’m a pretty big writer, having seen and reviewed so many movies over the years. I used to also write stories and even though I don’t do it anymore (reviewing movies is so much more addicting) I still have alot of respect for King. I’ve actually never seen the original, besides a few clips here and there. The big reason I wanted to see this movie for so long was cause the trailer just looked cool.
At the start of the movie we get a shot of the house, and we’re later brought inside to hear this woman screaming her eyes out! We also get the credits, and at one point I think it says “made by Kimberly Pierce” which kinda surprised me. You don’t see alot of female directors these days, especially for horror movies like this. But I think the big reason a female is directing this movie is because of those “girl scenes” and if you’ve read the book or seen the movie, you know what I’m talkin about. So anyway, we later see a woman in a bed screaming, and its obvious here that she’s giving birth. Scenes like this make me feel lucky to be a man lol. So she screams and yells and eventually pushes the baby out, which I’m assuming is baby Carrie. There’s no doctors or anybody here but her and the baby, but if you’ve ever seen this movie, you get the feeling the mother wanted it that way lol.
Eventually she brings out a pair of scissors and points it at the baby, right above its face. And all I could say was “this chick is crazy” but seriously, its a pretty disgusting scene. We later get a shot at school, which I’m guessing is present day. They don’t give us a time scale or anything but lets say this is 15 years later. But we immediately see Carrie here, which actually kinda threw me off for a second. It might be just me, but I felt they showed her way too early. We don’t even get a shot of the school itself: Her mother delivers the baby and 5 seconds later we see Carrie all grown up in the first shot, it just feels so rushed. So anyway, we see her here in a bathing suit and their in a swimming facility with these other girls. She later gets in the pool with them and they play volleyball here.
All the girls here are smiling and laughing while Carrie is in the corner looking all nervous and dorkish. But again, it just doesn’t look right. Carrie is actually played by a girl named Chloe Moretz, who I saw in Let Me in (2010) which is one of my favorite thrillers. The movie is just so soft and subtle. So when I found out she was in this movie I was cool about it. Visually they actually look pretty similar, they both got that dark-orange vibe going on. I also looked up the actress who played Carrie in the original movie, Sissy Spacek and learned that she was 27 when she did Carrie back in 1976. And Chloe is 16 in this movie, which is a pretty big gap but really not that big a deal. I mean if you can pull it off, go for it.
But anyway, they serve the ball to her and (nervously) she hits it, and the ball smacks this girl in the back of the head, oops lol. But yea, not even 10 minutes into the movie I’m getting this weird vibe. The only way to describe it is its very forced. I think even if you’ve never seen the original movie (like myself) you sorta know what this girls about, that she’s awkward or bizarre or whatever. But scenes like this make it a little too obvious, and so early on. We later see her get in the shower and wash herself off, and I’ve heard about this scene before plenty of times. But she starts scrubbing around and eventually sees blood on her hands. So she starts to freak out and the other girls here see her, and they start to laugh at her.
And to put it bluntly without dancing around it, its period blood, so lets clear that up. And I’ll admit it’s a pretty embarrassing scene, and it makes me happy to know I was born a man and never had to go through that lol. Eventually the teacher arrives in this scene and tries to calm her down. Carrie is hysterical here, telling her how much it hurts. I’ve heard before that when women get this stuff it gives them cramps and stuff so, I guess that’s why it hurts. But trust me I’m not gonna turn this into some educational female thing where I break down what it does lol. I’m just mentioning this stuff for the review, trust me. But anyway, Carrie is still flipping out over the blood and at one point her teacher smacks her to get her to be quiet. And I don’t know if this scene was meant to be funny or not, but it wasn’t.
She could’ve just grabber her and shook her or something. She later brings Carrie into the principles office so they can talk about her period situation. The principal is played by this black dude, who I recognize from Rush Hour (1998) He plays the guy behind the counter before Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker go in to meet that fat guy about the little girl. But they say she needs help cause this period thing is a big deal for kids her age. They say they’re gonna call her mother, but Carrie doesn’t want that so she starts flipping out. Her mother always has these raggedy clothes on so I can only assume where she works, at a sweat shop lol. But at one point they mention how they know her mother used to home-school her, so you get the sense here that she’s very protective of her daughter.
I mean my mother is protective of me too, and it annoys me! But anyway, when they say they’re gonna bring her mother in, she flips out and the lights start flickering. There’s a water cooler sitting next to them and it shakes, and eventually bursts! And I’ll admit it was a pretty cool scene lol. We later see them back home, and the two of them get into a little argument about her having her period. The argument itself is kinda silly though. Her mother is one of those religious freaks, who thinks everything her daughter does is against God and all that crap, I hate those people lol. She reminds me of Annie from Misery (1990) talkin about how everything is against God but you sit there and strap a dude to the bed, like what the hell lol. Misery was also written by King, and so was Storm of the Century (1999) which also has some bible verses in there too.
Now I’m an atheist, so I can’t speak for any Christians out there so I’m just gonna speak for myself. I mean I can assume scenes like this would anger them, since Christians (and people in general) don’t act like this at all. I mean there are people out there who constantly bring up the bible but they don’t take it to the extreme like Annie and Carrie’s mother. Normally I hate when religion is brought into movies, cause I don’t wanna hear that stuff. I think the only movie where I let it slide is in Legion, one of my favorite horror movies. It’s basically a movie about how God sent these evil angels down to earth to kill a baby, which probably angered alot of Christians. But I let it slide (and kind of ignore it) in that movie cause it’s such a badass movie. But normally I don’t wanna hear about “god wouldn’t like this” or “you have sinned” or any of that crap in movies.
So anyway, the argument they have is pretty silly, and her mother calls it a “curse” that she got her period and is taking that first step into womanhood. Eventually her mother takes her and throws her into a closet, telling her to pray for her sins and all this other crap. You get the feeling here that her mother is pretty abusive, and I hate that. She takes her religion so seriously she locks her daughter in a closet, not knowing that God sees this and probably doesn’t like it one bit. She’s so dumb lol. We later see this chick and this other dude talkin about what happened at school a couple days ago, about how they embarrassed Carrie. She looks alot like Taylor Swift so I’m gonna call her that, cause they both have the same exact hair style and face, and they both wear those country clothes.
The state / city this movie takes place is never mentioned, but I got the feeling pretty early on that it took place in like Tennessee or something cause all the girls have on these country clothes. I also get the feeling that this movie takes place in the 70’s cause some of the clothing is pretty retro, and the teacher is wearing those high shorts in one scene, but I’m really not sure. But anyway she’s talkin with this dude named Tommy, and I swear, when I saw his face I recognized him instantly, and I wanted to barf! It’s the same dude from Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, the dweeb! I swear this dude is in like every movie now, like what the hell lol. In FIOS he plays a boyfriend, in Divergent he plays a brother and in this movie he’s playing a football jock. He looks like a straight-up dork to me, so I don’t understand how he’s getting all these roles.
I don’t see what people see in this clown, but he’s being put in all the wrong movies and all the wrong roles, this dude needs to be in a library reading a book or something. We later see this other dude and these 2 chicks at his house fooling around. One of the girls here is named Tina and she’s pretty cute. The other is named Chris but I’m gonna call her C cause I don’t want anybody getting her named confused with a dudes name. C was the one doing most of the taunting, when Carrie flipped out earlier about seeing the blood. And you get the feeling in this scene that she’s one of those evil chicks. So she comes up with the evil idea to post the video (of Carrie crying her eyes out) online to youtube so the whole world can see and I’ll admit its pretty evil. And I guess this is one scene in the movie that they couldn’t do in the old one, given how much technology has changed.
I mean some people get famous off of youtube (which I think is pathetic) but you can also embarrass someone like this, not just with a video but also with a picture. And once that picture is uploaded that’s it. Cause if it’s funny or embarrassing, people make duplicates of it and it’s basically on the internet for life lol. We later see Carrie’s mother taking her out the closet, and telling her she loves her, and Carrie accepts it like it was nothing. You get the feeling here that she locks her in the closet alot, but Carrie always forgives her, which I think is pathetic. We later get a scene on the school field, which looks like a track field. I did track in high school, but I hated it lol. So anyway the coach starts giving this speech to all the girls here. She talks about how important prom is to them. She also talks with the main leaders here, Taylor Swift, Tina and C, and tells them if they don’t come clean their not gonna go to the prom.
I honestly never understood the big deal about prom when I was in high school back in 2008. To me it was just a stupid dance, and I wasn’t even gonna go to the thing until my mother kept buggin me about it. I remember the tickets were like 2 days overdue by this point, but I went to the front office anyway and I was like “Yea uh, I was wonderin if I could have tickets to this prom” and the lady told me I was too late, so I just walked off cause I didn’t really care. And then about 10 seconds later, this kid ran after me and brought me back in the room, so I’m guessing they convinced her to let me go, kids I didn’t even know lol. So yea I ended up going, even though I didn’t care either way. But I had a good time, danced with a few girls. I went with my friends, and they all had dates except me.
Their girls was dorks though, so I didn’t even feel bad. And I wasn’t gonna ask a girl to the dance and then just ignore her the next day like they did, cause we’d been friends for awhile but I’d never seen these girls before or after the dance. So anyway, C and the girls don’t tell, and they get ordered to do some shuttle sprint exercises as punishment. Eventually C stops and tries to get Taylor Swift to follow her, but she doesn’t wanna go with her. And you sorta get what’s going on here. C and her girls are bullies, and they bullied Carrie. But they took it too far this time and Taylor Swift here doesn’t wanna go with her, but its just so lame looking and they didn’t pull it off right. We later see Carrie again, and in the coming scenes, she tries to harness her powers I guess.
In the first scene we see her in a bathroom and she uses her psychic powers to break the bathroom mirror, what a badass lol. Now technically their not called psychic powers, their called telekinetic powers or whatever but I’m not gonna keep putting that word every single time cause it’s just gonna annoy me to spell out, so I call em psychic powers, but you get what I mean regardless. Powers that can break stuff, and basically move stuff around, and I’ll admit its pretty badass. We don’t see powers like this in many movies, not including DC or Marvel / superhero movies. I mean off the top of my head, the first movies that come to mind are The Mummy, where Imhotep uses his psychic powers to move the ocean water, and in Storm of the Century (another King movie) where Andre Linoge uses his power to knock people out the way lol.
But yea I always had a thing for those scenes. So anyway, after breaking the mirror, we see her in the library looking at videos and reading books on these magic powers. We later see her in class, and her teacher asks her to come up and read a poem. The poem doesn’t even rhythm, but Tommy the dork is in this scene, at the back of the class (where all dorks sit) And he says the poem was “awesome” well of course. Dudes a dork, of course he thinks it was awesome. We later get a scene of the mother at some sewing company making shirts. If I had to guess where she worked based on her clothes I probably would’ve guessed here. I don’t think I’ve ever used a sewing machine in my life, but I did take a woods class in high school. They had us use this big spinning blade, and at the time I don’t know how I pulled it off, cause jut thinkin about it is pretty scary.
But sewing machines are pretty scary to me, no joke. I keep thinkin about getting my finger caught in there and ugh lol. We later see C in the principles office, cause all the teachers and everybody found out about the video online. And like I said, that stuff sucks. So they question C and ask to see her phone to see if the video is still there, but she doesn’t wanna give it up. At first I was thinkin why didn’t she just delete it off her phone if it was already on the internet, but she probably had it on there cause she was showing her friends. She later goes to the auditorium and gets into a little argument with Taylor Swift here about how they were all in on the prank. She later talks to Tommy and tries to convince him to take Carrie to the prom, cause she feels bad about the whole thing. And since he’s playing the meat-heat jock, he acts all cocky like he’s too good for her, what a dummy.
This dude is scrawny as hell tryin to pull off the jock look but it just doesn’t work at all. He’s also got the football jersey on but he’s probably no bigger than I am, cause I’m only about 160 lbs and I’m starting to wonder who hired this guy, and whether or not they were sober when they hired him. Later on he catches Carrie at the library, and she’s here reading up on the psychic books. But he asks her if she’d go to prom with him. She kinda looks excited, but nervous in kind of a dorky way. But she runs off. We later see her in the locker room again, with her head covered. The coach later comes in and asks why she’s upset, and Carrie tells her that Tommy asked her to the prom. If you watch her reaction closely, she almost laughs then she says “Wow” but I think inside she was like “Oh wow really, the dork with the football jersey” cause that’s what I would’ve said.
We later see her talking with Tommy and Taylor Swift, telling them how ridiculous its gonna look seeing the two of them at prom. And she’s right, its gonna look ridiculous alright, especially with this bozo next to her. People at the party would be lookin at him thinkin “who gave this dweeb a football jersey” Later that night Carrie tells her mother she’s been asked to prom, and her mother flips out again. She calls her a “witch” at some point and it’s a pretty silly scene. Now I know I make jokes about how silly and dumb the mother is, but besides the religious nonsense she talks, there are mothers out there who sorta act like that. I mean my mother kinda acts like that, paranoid and makin a big deal about stuff. We later see C and her friends arriving at this barn with a bunch of pigs. See I knew this movie took place in the country, cause I know they have barns and pigs in the country.
But they grab a pig and one of the dudes here hits it with a hammer! And I hate pigs, but this scene kinda made me sad. We later see the boys and girls getting ready for prom, buying dresses, putting on suits, etc. Tommy the dork is here trying on suits and he looks more like a dweeb than ever, I swear. Later that night he comes over to pick Carrie up from her house. Her mother tries to stop her, but Carrie uses her psychic abilities and throws her into the closet lol. Good, she deserved it! So he takes her to the prom. Meanwhile we get shots of C and her friend getting on top of these rails above the prom stage (whatever the heck its called) getting the pig blood ready, to ultimately pour on top of Carrie. So they enter prom and we see Tommy and Carrie greeting everyone. He’s all hyper while she’s kinda nervous, always lookin over her shoulder.
At one point he tells her “no matter what happens tonight you’re a queen” and whatever happens tonight you’re still a dork! Eventually its time to vote for prom king and queen, so they all get the little note cards with peoples names on em. Carrie asks Tommy who should they vote for, and she probably doesn’t even know who half these people are since she’s so quiet and introverted. But Tommy comes up with the bright idea to vote for himself, what a cornball! I swear every attempt this dude has to make himself look cool just backfires, he starts off lookin like a clown now he’s just a cornball. Eventually they read the votes and find out that both Carrie and Tommy won prom king and queen, oh how predictable lol. I mean Carrie is cute but Tommy is a nobody!
So they win and they both go on stage. And if you know anything about this movie, you know what’s about to happen next. C and her friend are up above them on the little stairway here. And when their in position, they pull the rope and all this pig blood dumps onto Carrie and Tommy the dweeb! Some of the blood looks real but some of it looks CGI but it was probably a mix of both. But after blood gets dumped on the two of them, Tommy goes “What the hell!” and I just burst out laughing. C’mon dude you’re a football player, why are you reacting like a nerd, oh wait its cause you are a nerd my bad. I mean Carrie got most of the pigs blood poured on her, only a tiny bit hit your shirt, suck it up loser. Carrie just stands here in surprise, while all the teens here stare at her, also in surprise.
Eventually Carrie gets angry, and using her psychic powers, she starts throwin stuff across the room like a madwoman! And I’m not gonna lie, this scene is pretty badass! We saw this in an earlier scene in her room, where she was just realizing that she had these psychic powers where she can lift stuff and she started lifting these books and lifting the bed. And her mother comes storming into the room, only to find her back in bed sleeping. I always felt that her mother had these powers as well, and that she gave them to her daughter. I didn’t write this down but during one of their arguments, I remember Carrie saying something like “Grandma had it and it was passed down to me, but not you” so maybe the mother was jealous she didn’t get these psychic powers.
Which might be why her mother was so angry at her when she found out she had her period, and maybe her period was the thing that gave her the power (Period Powers lol) She got her period, now she’s a woman, and now she has these psychic powers cause she hit a certain age. So anyway, she does this blast with her hands and people start flying across the room, falling down, etc. Stuff crashes, tables flip over, girls are screaming and crying like they always do. At one point the bucket that spilled the pigs blood falls on top of Dylan’s head and I swear I couldn’t stop laughing lol. So it knocks him out, finally. The only thing I don’t like about this scene, is how it was edited. Editing might not be a big deal to some people, but it is to me, especially when its done wrong. Now this is a scene of action, where stuff is pretty intense, and scenes like this are usually edited quickly.
But this scene is edited way too quickly, and it takes alot of the tension out of the scene actually. Its like she throws an object, and the camera cuts like 3-4 times before it hits the ground, stuff like that just irritates me. I think one of the worst edited movies out there is Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011) and the editing is so bad I can’t even watch it anymore, which sucks cause it’s a pretty good movie. It’s less annoying when a bad movie is edited bad cause the movie is already bad. It’s more annoying when a good movie is edited bad cause you really wanna watch it, but you just get annoyed. I mean 99% of the movies out there are edited normally. But this movie, Rise, and a couple others fall into the badly edited category that I can’t stand.
At one point she sets Tina on fire, the cute girl I mentioned earlier, so I was sad about that. And eventually we got a shot of the entire school from outside, which is now engulfed in flames! We later see C and her friend in the car, trying to ride off before they get caught by police. I’m assuming they left the moment they dumped the blood on her, which (in movie time) was like 2 minutes ago so they should’ve been on the highway by now. But Carrie ends up catching them here on the road. She uses her psychic powers to break the ground all up the road, stopping their car! C tells her friend to run her over but she uses her psychic powers to stop the car, which was the same scene in the trailer, one of the scenes I really wanted to see.
I mean it sorta looked better in the trailer but whatever. So after stopping the car, she uses her psychic powers to lift the car into the air, another badass scene. Then she throws the car into this nearby gas station, which smacks so hard the girls head almost pops out the windshield! You see her head here near the broken glass but the glass looks so cartoonish and the CGI is so cheap lookin lol. But eventually the car blows up, pretty cool scene. So she walks back home, and I’m assuming her house is nearby if she’s walking but maybe I’m being too realistic. So she runs back home and washes some of the blood off her body. I think the image of her with the blood all over her body is pretty cool though. It kinda gives the impression that she killed someone, and I’m sure if a police officer caught her on the road they’d be thinkin the same thing.
So after washing herself off, she meets up with her mother again. More religious arguing here but eventually they actually attack each other! Her mother tries to stab her while Carrie tries to keep her off, and its such a silly scene. Eventually Carrie gets the upper hand and uses her powers to nail her against the wall with her arms out, kinda like Jesus. And like I said I’m not really a religious person but I’m sure a scene like this would aggravate a Christian. She’s got like 10 knives in her body, 1 in each arm and about 8 in her stomach, so you know that’s gotta hurt. But eventually Carrie comes over and takes the knives out and lays her on the ground. It’s funny cause she takes about 3 of em out (the ones holding her up against the wall) but leaves the other 7-8 in her chest.
So she lays her on the ground and tries to say sorry but she’s still got like 8 knives poking out her chest, funny as hell. Eventually Taylor Swift arrives at the house, I guess to try and apologize. But at this point, the house begins to crumble and fall in on itself. And even though Carrie knows she was part of C and her gang, she still saves her by using her powers to throw her out the house, where she lands gently out on the road lol. But right before she tosses her out, Carrie stares at her belly and goes “its a girl” and I was gonna ignore this scene cause I didn’t know what she meant, but I think I do now. Earlier in the movie we saw Taylor Swift and the dork gettin it on and I guess Carrie knew about this, and used her psychic powers to confirm it was a girl. Sucks for Taylor Swift though I mean damn, giving birth to a dork baby.
Overall I guess this was an okay movie. I still think Chloe is a brilliant actress for her age, and this was just one of those dud movies she was cast in. I mean the movie wasn’t that bad, it just felt very forced, especially in the beginning. And certain scenes in this movie were just too over-hyped and exaggerated. Scenes that’d normally be ignored in the average movie, like all her psychic scenes where she moves stuff with her mind, all that stuff has already been done before, they could’ve atleast stepped it up. Instead of 1 car, have her lift 10 cars and throw em on a highway or something I mean damn I’m coming up with better scenes in my head lol. I guess I was expecting something more but this movie was very average by today’s standards.
Curse of Chucky (2013)
Being the big Chucky fan that I am, there was no way in hell I was gonna miss reviewing this one. I’ve heard about this movie being made in the years up to its release and was excited over how it might turn out, what it might be called, etc. At first they were gonna do a remake but I heard there were alot of legal problems with that cause MGM owned the first movie. MGM sound like bullies to me I mean, they didn’t write the first movie, so they get no credit from me. But anyway, thankfully they were able to make this movie, which isn’t really a remake but still stays true to Chucky’s roots and is probably just as good as the original.
At the start of the film we see a truck pulling up from the highway. It pulls up to this mansion looking house, and I love this shot out here of the trees up above. It’s a beautiful shot, one of my favorites in the film. It’s also a cool shot cause a majority of the film takes place inside and we only get a few shots of the surroundings outside, and alot of this probably has to do with the budget. I heard the budget for this movie was just under 5 million compared to the usual 20-25 million they had on the other movies. But it’s cool though cause with low budget movies you get alot more freedom and you don’t have high level execs on your ass telling you what scenes to put in your movie and what actors to hire, and I know that’d just annoy me lol.
When I first read about this movie I heard it was being shot in Canada. I don’t know about you but whenever I think of Canada I just think of a big mountain or a house on a hilltop surrounded by snow lol. So I’m thinkin the next Chucky movie is gonna take place on a hill near some mountain, silly me lol. So anyway we’re brought inside and see this woman doing some painting. The doorbell rings and she tells this woman named Nika to get the door. This is actually Brad Dourif’s (the voice of Chucky’s) real daughter, so I thought that was cool. But you get the feeling here that Nika (I’m gonna call her N) and her mother don’t have a good relationship. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother either so trust me I know how it feels. Add to that she’s in a wheelchair and she’s making N get the door, so they establish the hate between these 2 pretty early.
You also hear N say she was playing solitaire on the computer, saying the game “cheats” and her mother says something like “yea the game does that” and N goes “I’m used to it” And I can’t help but think this has something to do with her being in the wheelchair, I just can’t think of why. So anyway she gets the door and it’s this guy who drops off a package. It’s this big brown box, I wonder what’s inside lol. So she brings the package inside and they talk for a bit as they open it up. Not much has happened so far but even this early on, you get the feeling their doing this movie the right way. I mean Seed kinda started off like this, but then Glenn popped up and your like “who the hell is this guy” but so far their going good. So they open the package up and low and behold, its Chucky!
I’m gonna get to his look later on but I hate this look. I don’t know why they couldn’t use the same model from the old movies. I mean this model is pretty similar, it has the cabbage patch clothes and the red hair, but his mouth is so goofy lookin and it just wasn’t as menacing as the others movies, but maybe that’s just me. So after this scene ends, her mother throws the doll away in the trash. Later that night we hear a scream and N goes downstairs to see what’s going on. This is our first shot of the elevator she uses to go up and down the stairs, since she’s in the wheelchair. I’ve seen many interviews with this girl (Fiona Dourif) and she said this is her 2nd role in a wheelchair, just a little trivia I guess. I also wanted to mention how big this elevator is and how big this house is.
I mean from the outside it doesn’t look that big, probably cause there aren’t alot of shots of it. It reminds me of GTA V cause Michael’s house doesn’t look that big either till you walk inside. So anyway, she comes down here and immediately sees her mother on the ground, laying in a pool of her own blood. I wonder what happened, maybe she slipped lol. But I think we all know what happened here. So the camera pulls back while N gets on the phone with the police, and we see Chucky sitting in a wooden chair here. I love how the camera pulls back and how the credits roll here, with this dark music playing in the background. The camera also does this 360 spin around Chucky as the credits roll and Brad Dourif’s name pops up just as we see Chucky’s face again, very nice.
This scene reminds me of the beginning scene in 13 Ghosts, where you see the family smiling and laughing, then the camera pans around and you hear them screaming in the background and when it comes full circle, we see them mourning their mothers loss. And in the background we see Nica talking with the police, telling them about her mother’s supposed “slip” lol. So the next morning, her sister arrives to the house, along with a priest. They talk to N here in the living room, saying how sorry they feel and stuff. They also talk about how depressed her mother was, and assume that maybe she committed suicide. Cause in the beginning you definitely get the feeling she was sad, cause she looked sad and she was painting, maybe trying to relieve stress. Later on the babysitter arrives, some chick named Jill.
She’s not really that cute but her body is okay. And later, this little girl named Alice arrives. And if you’re like me and you’ve seen all the other Chucky movies, you know Alice is gonna be the main target for Chucky lol. Eventually they find out Chucky’s gone missing, so Alice looks for him while the grown folks talk for a bit in the living room. Ultimately she finds him in the bathroom, and we see Chucky’s new face for the first time. By “new face” I’m actually referring to the face they use when they animate him. This might get confusing so (depending on when you read this) I’m probably gonna make a blog on this, cause he has like 5 different faces in this movie alone lol. He has the doll face, he has the face we see here, he has the stitched face, the stitched animated face, and it goes on and on. But the face he has here is okay.
When she finds him she goes “He scared me half to death” lol. There’s alot of little puns like that in this movie, and alot of them work with this little church theme they got goin on. So after finding the doll, they talk some more about what N is gonna do since their mother passed. Her sister Barb wants her to move in with them, but its kinda confusing so I won’t go too much into this. So anyway, later on we see them setting up dinner, making food, lighting candles, etc. I always had a thing for candles in horror movies. At one point they both leave the room, and you see Chucky’s hands pouring something into one of the bowls, and on the box it says “detox - rat poisoning” lol. C’mon Chucky don’t be so mean. So we see them eating at the dinner table. The food is pretty cheap looking, which makes me think it has something to do with the budget.
I mean it kinda looks like meatball sauce with cheese on top or something lol. So they all eat and talk a little. Ian kinda flirts with Jill a little here and you get the feeling Barb doesn’t like it, and this is seen throughout the movie. At one point one of em mentions the Chucky doll and Ian talks about seeing the dolls when he was a kid, and how big they were in the 80’s. He does this a couple times throughout the movie and it’s pretty neat, kinda like a trivia for us fans. I personally wouldn’t mind having a Chucky doll. He was never scary to me, just very cool looking. The only horror doll that scares me are those doll movies from the 80’s and 90’s back when horror actually used to be scary. And sure the effects and stuff looked cheap but their still scary. Trilogy of Terror was pretty scary, but that wasn’t really a doll movie it was a mini action figure dude.
One of my favorites was The Unborn 2 and that movie still to this day scares the crap outta me! Especially in the scene where their in the closet, and the woman opens the door and the baby just pops up and bites her neck! I mean if the movie ever came on cable I’d probably watch it, but I wouldn’t sit so close to the tv lol. So anyway, at this point we know Chucky has poisoned one of these guys food, we just don’t know who’s. Eventually the priest starts to sweat and it’s obvious here that he was the one given the rat poison. I don’t even know what rat poison would do to a human but I guess this is what it’d do, just make the person sweat, but he ends up leaving the house a short time after this scene.
We later get our first shot outside of the house, of what looks like a car crash. The police officer arrives and checks out the scene, and sees the dudes head stuck between what looks like the window and the back of the car. Eventually they try and move the window and when they do, his head pops off, so much for faith lol. We later see the other characters in the living room, looking at old footage of their family when they were younger, their dad and mom when she was pregnant. Her dad looks alot like Elvis lol. So anyway in the background we see this old man, and we all know who this is, a man who needs no introduction and one my favorite and most talented actors, Mr Brad Dourif!
Now obviously this footage is supposed to be set 25 years in the past, so they gave him a brown wig and I guess some young looking hippie clothes. But if you’re a Chucky fan you know that Brad is in his 60’s now. But still, you ignore it cause you see what their trying to achieve here. It’s funny cause one person mentioned him in the background, and Jill calls him “weird” girl shut up! That’s Brad Dourif you’re talkin about, respect your elders! So Alice appears in this scene, claiming Chucky went missing. So she and Jill search for him in the coming scenes. At one point their in a room and you see Chucky run across the room, a nod to the first movie. They get midgets to do these scenes lol. At one point, Jill searches downstairs in the kitchen and finds Barb down here, and you see them kiss.
And it’s kinda cute I guess, I mean I am a guy after all lol. But when I saw them kiss, something else came to mind that I wanted to bring up. As far as I know, Don Mancini doesn’t have any kids and he’s actually gay, from what I heard. I think I found this out watching the Seed of Chucky dvd, cause I think they mentioned something on there about him being gay. That’s why he always has that feminine thing going on when he talks. I mean you can tell someone’s gay (most of the time, anyway) by just looking at how they act and talk. I had this friend in high school (friend of a friend) who always had this weird walk, and then when I found out he was gay I was like “Well I already knew that” lol. You’re just not surprised. But all in all to me, gay is whatever. Be who you are. I mean if anything it’s harder on guys to come out and admit their gay, cause men are supposed to be masculine while women are supposed to be feminine, you know.
I remember there was this chick named Ellen Page, who (like 3-4 years ago I can’t remember) talked about how hard it was for her to come out and admit she was gay, like really lol. Trust me, women don’t have it as hard as men do. Women are always kissing each other at parties, so seeing 2 girls kiss is pretty normal to me, so when I hear about a woman making a big deal about being gay I just laugh at her. To me it’s confusing when I see 2 chicks who aren’t bi, kissing each other. So when a woman comes out and says she’s actually bi it shocks the world, like who the hell cares, quit makin a big deal about it and just realise that men have it harder than you do.
But anyway (and I’ll get to this later when Chucky comes to life) but some of Chucky’s comments and his actions kinda show this. I mean Chucky’s first victim in Child’s Play was a woman, Aunt Maggie. In Bride of Chucky there’s a scene where he’s on the little keyboard thingy and they ask him to spell woman and he spells it “Bitch” lol. And there was also a gay character in Bride. So there’s always these little things here and there in these movies where he’s hatin on women. But I mean, he did get married in Bride so, that kinda debunks that theory but that’s all this is, a theory. So anyway, him having these 2 girls kiss kinda goes along with that. And about how Ian is always flirting with Jill, maybe he added that in there not cause he wanted them to flirt, but really just wanted a male character to ignore the female character, who knows, again this is all theories.
Eventually they find Chucky and N takes him upstairs. She takes him into her little elevator, which I guess is a nod to the first movie. She takes him upstairs and she and Barb talk here for a bit. They mention her leg and her heart, but N tells her she’ll be fine as long as she’s not stressed out. I don’t understand how her leg has anything to do with her heart but that must be the case, and I’m not a doctor so I wouldn’t know. I’ve also seen this movie about 5 times now and still can’t come up with how the heck she got in the wheelchair in the first place. So anyway, Barb takes Alice to bed and they do a little prayer. They say “if I should die before I wake I give the lord my soul to take” lol. It goes along with what I said earlier, about how this religious theme just gives them all these cheap little puns.
When Barb leaves, we hear the storm outside and Alice starts getting scared. They could’ve atleast gotten shots of the trees swaying in the wind with the rain lol. So she gets under the covers with Chucky and tells him she’s scared. And finally Chucky comes to life, and goes “you fuckin should be” lol. I remember seeing this scene on youtube for the first time and being pretty pumped about it. I still hated his look but atleast they were going for the serious tone again. Later on, we see Jill getting undressed in this hot pink looking outfit. Take it all off honey lol. Eventually Chucky gets outta bed and stands right next to her, and she slowly turns around to see him. But before she reacts, Chucky kicks over this bucket of water!
The water hits the laptop charger and all this other electrical stuff and starts to shock her body, and this scene is so badass looking. I mean yea it looks kinda cheap lookin but still, she just stands there while her body gets shocked and her eye ball, I guess starts to melt (I don’t know what the heck is going on but it looks so badass lol) and eventually she falls to the ground! Chucky goes “Women… can’t live with em, period” and again, this goes along with Chucky hating on women lol. But besides the scene with Alice under the covers, this is Chucky’s first scene where we see him from head to toe in action. At this point we’re 50 minutes into the movie, so about halfway. And I went back and timed the first movie and he appears at around 45 mins, in the scene where he comes to life in the mothers arms, so they paced it pretty well.
Up until this point I’ve never seen a Hitchcock film, but I heard that nothing happens in those movies till about 45 mins either, so maybe it’s like a magic number. I also heard Hitchcock movies were a big inspiration on Don as well. Meanwhile we see N on the computer looking up info on Chucky, reading all these newspapers on him and Charles Lee Ray. I like how it doesn’t even say Google it just says “internet search” lol. But I always liked how they did this, putting photo’s from characters in the movie on newspapers, cause it looks so authentic. They did this in Bride as well, with the photo of Brad from the first movie with the amulet on his neck. I’m guessing they had to photo-shop that image in order to fit it with the story, cause he wasn’t wearing one in the original movie.
So anyway I’m looking at the words as she’s reading it and one of the dates says December 29, 1988 which I’m guessing is when he got shot so, Merry Christmas Brad lol. I just thought about this too, cause I keep forgetting the birthday party that Andy had in the first movie has a birthday party, not a Christmas party. Which makes sense, cause if it was a Christmas party and he died Dec 29, 1988, 4 days after Christmas wouldn’t have made any sense cause he was already a doll, so the mother wouldn’t have been able to buy it off the peddler. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard lol. So anyway, Ian and Barb get into a little argument here about Jill the nanny. And it’s another thing I wanted to bring up, about something Don has said in one of his interviews on Bride.
He said he liked that Chucky and Tiffany would have their little dilemma, but also wanted the people characters to have their own little dilemmas as well. For example Jesse and Jade have their arguments over how Wade died, and now Ian and Barb are having their little argument over Jill, so that’s cool. We later see more footage outside of the same police officer. He’s driving around out here, saying something about checking out some place. I don’t know why they hired this guy as an officer cause he’s not even convincing, and scrawny as hell lol. So yea, we just see him out here driving around in circles. And again this all has to do with how much of a budget they had, cause they can’t afford too many outdoor locations. But eventually N finds out that Charles Lee Ray transferred his soul into a doll and is spooked about it.
She goes back to the elevator and sees Barb, and the two of them kinda argue here over the doll. This is actually one of my favorite scenes in the movie, and here’s why: Jill is dead, so she’s outta the picture. And earlier while Barb and Ian were arguing, he put earplugs in his ear, so he can’t hear anything. I think N wants to check the doll out and see if it’s alive but she can’t do this cause Barb walks off, and it’s not like she can run up the stairs after her. To me it’s like a perfectly orchestrated puzzle piece, where the characters are either dead or asleep, or they can’t hear or can’t walk, all at the right moments, and this scene executes that perfectly! So anyway, Barb takes the doll and goes into the attic to look for Alice. Come to think of it I’ve never seen an attic like this.
Usually when you see attics in horror movies (or any movie) they pull down that little handle and the stairs fall down, and they walk up. In this movie they walk up this little alleyway into the attic, so that was different. The pull-down stairs thing (whatever the heck they call it) probably would’ve been cheaper but whatever. So she goes into the attic and looks for Alice. You don’t even see attics in horror movies anymore, now all you see is paranormal BS lol. The last time I saw an attic in a horror movie was probably Paranormal Activity. I think it was the first one, cause that one was the funniest lol. But they had this scene where one dude looked into the attic and kinda circled around with a flashlight. If something had popped out in that scene, while he was up there, it would’ve really made me jump.
But nothing really happened, and it was just a wasted scene. I remember saying in the review “all we got was a crappy photo that nobody cared about” lol. So now we’re in the attic and we see her with a flashlight up here lookin for Alice. At one point she puts Chucky down, but he crawls away and ends up on this little ledge here. She sees him and walks over to him, and notices that he’s got some loose plastic skin I guess. So she begins to peel off some of the skin here, which reveals those stitches on his face that we’ve know him for ever since Bride. There was some speculation about this, in regards to the stitches and when this movie took place. Cause with these stitches it had to have taken place after 3 when he fell into those spinning blades.
But realistically it could’ve taken place after any of the movies, cause his face was always destroyed somehow in them: In Child’s Play it was burnt, in Child’s Play 2 it exploded, and in Child’s Play 3 it was all cut up from the blades. It’s debatable, but I think the idea you’re supposed to get here is he was destroyed somehow someway, and now he’s back. So after peeling away the plastic skin, now he has the scars. It looks like she tries to put her finger in his mouth (why I have no idea) but when she gets close enough, Chucky springs to life and she falls backwards! He corners her against a wall, and tells her “You have your mother’s eyes” and stabs her right in the eye! It’s such a gruesome scene too, and her eyeball pops out lol. I’m watching the unrated version, cause I think in the rated version her eyeball doesn’t pop out.
But it pops out and rolls down the steps, which is obviously a digital effect. It’s so cartoonish looking too cause you know, the budget wasn’t that big. N sees this and she starts to freak out, and at this point Chucky starts walking down the stairs. This is probably one of the few times I’ve ever seen Chucky walking in front of the camera, without it feeling like he has the puppeteers behind him. It’s hard to say whether this is CGI or green screen but there’s obviously some effect going on here, cause the body doesn’t blend in with the environment here. Like they filmed the scene and just copy and pasted him here, just very cheap looking. So N freaks out and goes and wakes up Ian, who wasn’t aware of anything cause he had the earplugs in. He wakes up and starts freaking out.
At this point they both know that Jill is dead, Barb is dead and Alice is missing. He’s killed 1 man and 2 women so far, but more women than men. So he carries N downstairs and strolls her into the garage for safety. I gotta say, watching this guy act is funny as hell. He’s been okay up until this point but it’s not till people start getting mad that you can tell how bad of an actor they are. Or maybe he’s not a bad actor, but he just looks funny when he gets angry that’s all I’m sayin. So anyway, their in the garage now and Ian runs off again to see what’s going on, leaving her here in peril. Chucky somehow gets in here and gets in the car here, and turns it on. And you know, its just a reminder of how much of a budget they were working with on this movie. Cause in Seed (which was such a stupid movie lol) Chucky drives a car, now he’s in a car again but the budget doesn’t even allow him to pull out the driveway, sorry Chucky.
At one point N tries to grab the keys but Chucky grabs em, and swallows em lol. I swear the first time I saw this scene I just burst out laughing, seeing him eat the keys. It’s just so random and funny looking I guess, and how he just swallows it lol. So anyway, eventually Ian appears in this scene again and sees her with the axe in her hand, and I guess assumes she’s the killer. She starts to have her chest pains in this scene but now he doesn’t wanna help her, what a big man you are. So he takes her back to the room and tapes her to the chair, which is kinda pointless I mean, she already can’t use her legs. Earlier in the movie there’s a scene where he tells Barb that he put a camera in Chucky’s head, to watch her and make sure she’s not cheating. So in this scene he shows us everything Chucky has been seeing.
In the intro to the scene he says he got the camera for $400 bucks using her master card, which I guess is a credit card. But this dude is a master card genius lol. So he goes over the clips and we see Chucky running around and doing little things here and there. At one point we see him lock Alice in a closet, shut the door and turn the knob. And if you look at his fingers, his fingers barely even touch the door knob lol. There was a scene in Child’s Play where Chucky turns the oven on (before he kills Eddie) and he turns the lever, but you can see his hand touch the thing, and that was 25 years ago. So you’d think with all that time that animatronics would’ve gotten better but, I guess not. 25 years from now he’ll close the door and you’ll probably just see his hand hover over the knob and it’ll lock lol.
So anyway, eventually Chucky appears in this scene. He grabs the wheelchair that N is in, and pushes it towards Ian, knocking him so hard he does a front flip lol. I told you guys this dude was talented. Not only does he know how to use master cards but he can also do front flips, talented bastard. And Chucky finishes him off by taking an axe and slamming it on his jaw, splitting his mouth wide open! I gotta admit as cheap looking as these kill scenes are, their pretty unique and some of em are killed in ways I’ve never seen. And you can only get that from a real horror movie, you won’t get this from any of these BS paranormal movies that are comin out now, where someone will die cause they saw a mirror or some stupid crap like that, I swear the genre is over lol.
But anyway, eventually after Chucky kills the front-flipping master card genius, he takes control of the wheelchair again and they race down the hallway. He ends up pushing N off the little balcony here from the second floor to the first, and she also does a front flip before she lands on the ground. Chucky walks down the steps to get to her, and when he does, begins to tell his story. He talks about the scenes we saw earlier, with them at the fair and the Elvis looking dad. The chubby little girl here is supposed to be Barb but my guess is they couldn’t afford a decent looking little girl with brown hair. So he talks about Barb and her husband. Earlier in the movie, Barb mentions her father died a few weeks after Nica was born, which might’ve been a month or two after the footage cause her belly is pretty big.
But it’s not until here, where we see the funeral scene. We see like 20 people here mourning his death (Elvis’s death lol) And we see Brad here in the crowd, staring at the mother, who stands across the funeral on the other side of the crowd, and I swear I literally just realized this after having seen this movie about 5 times: Brad killed Elvis! Cause the smirk he gives her basically says “Yea… it was me” cause before I always saw that smirk was him just being him, but yea he killed him. I’m so smart lol. But you know that’s one of the cool things that comes along with reviewing movies, you spot stuff that you normally wouldn’t if you were just being lazy, watching the movie willy-nilly.
So anyway, we then get a scene of Brad and the mother here in some dark room. I normally don’t talk about lighting in movies but I love how this room is lit, even though it’s got this black and white vibe going on. I remember the first time I saw this movie, and besides all the death scenes and everything you’d expect from a Chucky movie, this is the scene I was most anxious for. This scene actually leaked onto youtube and I couldn’t help but watch it. It was so authentic I thought it was like, unseen footage from the first movie, cause he was wearing the same jacket and his hair was the same color and everything. But when I realized it was new footage from the movie I was even more impressed, cause it looked so authentic and stylish, so props to the makeup department.
This is probably my favorite scene in the movie, cause Brad just owns it. I can’t stop looking into his eyes, cause he’s such an intense actor and he brings so much power to his roles. I love him not just because he’s the voice of Chucky, but also because of what he brings to his roles cause there’s so much intensity behind what he does. I’ve seen him in Cuckoo’s Nest, Deadwood, Alien Resurrection, and there’s this scene of him in Pulse that I absolutely just love. And I could watch this scene 100 times over and still get the same effect. So anyway, he tells her he’s gonna go get Barb but she wants him to stay. So they argue for a bit, but eventually he hears the cops coming. He goes to the window, and goes “You told them about us!” which was another scene I replayed like 100 times over, I just love hearing him yell lol. She was basically trying to get him arrested for killing her husband.
So he escapes here, which leads into clips from the old film of him in the toy store getting shot and killed. I guess it was okay for them to use footage from the old film even though they couldn’t remake it cause MGM wanted to be bullies, which is exactly why I don’t respect movie companies, or any company for that matter: Lionsgate, MGM, any name out there. If you didn’t write or direct the movie, your not gonna get any respect from me, your just the company that puts it out lol. It’s kinda like if I wrote this review on my own (which I did) then I got some random dude named Tom to post it and say how good it was, like who would get the credit: me for writing it or Tom for posting it, of course I’d get the credit. I’d be like “Tom you didn’t do a damn thing” lol.
I also love the line “She betrayed me… got me killed!” cause it’s so edgy. But he says it was 25 years ago, and how his job still wasn’t done. She betrayed him, and he was gonna kill her but she got away. Until he caught and killed her, and now he’s gotta kill N. And it’s weird to think that this entire movie takes place on one night, cause so much stuff has happened it’s gotta be like 3am in the morning by this point lol. I remember when they first mentioned how Brad’s daughter was in the movie, I thought they were gonna tie his daughter into the story. But really she’s just a character, a daughter of someone he (Charles Lee Ray) now wants to kill, which I think is kinda strange. So anyway, he charges her here and attacks her. For the most part she keeps him away, but he gets a few slices in.
Eventually the police officer arrives, the skinny dude who so far hasn’t done squat besides driving around in circles, nice work bro. He pushes the door open, sees Barb on the upper floor with a missing eye and N with the knife in her hand, and I’m not gonna spell the scene out for you but yea. The next morning we have a court scene and N gets sent to the juvy for the criminally insane. I saw the whole thing your honor lol. For some reason the cop decides to take Chucky and puts him in his police car. He’s about to open the bag until Tiffany appears behind him in the car seat and slits his throat, just like she did in Bride. I was shocked to hear she was 50 years old too, cause she still looks pretty young. We later get a scene inside Grandma’s house, where we finally see Alice after about 30 minutes lol.
Last time we saw her I think was right before Jill got electrocuted. But she talks with Chucky here, and Chucky convinces her to let him do the chant. So I’m guessing he wanted to get into her body, but I don’t know why. But this is a nod to Child’s Play 3 only because Chucky calls it “hide the soul” which I think is a lame title. Why not just call it “the spell I gotta complete or there’s gonna be another sequel after this” lol. I always imagined a scene where Chucky actually does the spell and gets out the body, like he does the spell and gets back into the Charles Lee Ray body, cause that’d be pretty badass. So the movie ends here, but if you watch (or in my case, fast-forward) through the credits you get this bonus scene.
This girl drops off this doll-sized package to this man, which we earlier saw Tiffany with at the airport, so she obviously mailed the package to him. This is also the 3rd bonus scene that doesn’t take place at the old house, so that’s cool. It’s like they spent the budget on the house, and at the end were like “Well we still got a couple million left so let’s fit in all these other little scenes” But I recognized this guy instantly, Andy Barclay! And just like the scene with Brad, this scene leaked onto youtube as well. I couldn’t wait to see the scene with Brad but I didn’t watch this scene when it leaked. But I still recognized him. I remember seeing him on the Child’s Play dvd behind the scenes featurette. And I’ll be honest, he doesn’t really look the same. I mean obviously it’s been 25 years but so what, Elijah Wood still looks the same as he did when he was younger, especially in The Good Son.
But I think its cause Andy is wider now lol. I don’t wanna call him fat cause I love Andy, but yea. So he gets the package and brings it in his house. He sets it on the counter, then gets on the phone with his mother. We see Chucky in the foreground slicing open the box but you can hear Andy in the background talking. He says he’s gonna be over for dinner, but tells her “no surprises” which makes me think he’s a little traumatized by something *cough* Chucky and his knife, him getting burned in the living room, him getting his head shot off and blood spraying on the wall *cough* lol. Eventually Chucky gets out of the box and looks around. We see pictures here on another counter, of Andy as a little boy with his mother, and even Kyle from Child’s Play 2. It’s very nostalgic and I like that.
I’m guessing we all know what Chucky’s intentions are, but once he pokes his head out the box, we see Andy pointing a shotgun right to his face! He yelps “Andy!” and Andy goes “Play with this” and BOOM! So yea the film had 3 different endings, tying up all the knots and loose ends. My favorites in the series were always Child’s Play and Bride of Chucky, cause their tone was so dark. Bride was a horror-comedy but I love it cause it was an even mixture of both, without smothering the movie in comedy like Seed did. But overall I loved this movie. The main thing I was impressed by with this movie, was how well it was written. In the other movies it felt like they were just adding random scenes, but this one was so well constructed and done right, it was really impressive, and you felt like every scene needed to be there and it was there for a reason.
I also liked certain shots in this movie, for example the shots in the beginning where you see the chandelier on the ceiling with the elevator in the background. That scene always gave me goosebumps. I mean Don Mancini made a crappy movie with Seed, but with this movie he showed that he still has the talent to construct something impressive like this. I’ve seen just about all his interviews of him talkin about Chucky, and how he came up with the idea cause his dad was in marketing. But also about how he doesn’t wanna do the same thing twice, which is why he went the comedy route with Bride and Seed. But I forgive him, and I admire the fact that he doesn’t wanna do the same thing twice, and about how he doesn’t wanna be predictable. I’m the exact same way, cause that puts you in a box and just makes you a very boring person in general.
This is my first review in almost 2 years and I gotta say I’m pretty impressed. I wasn’t rusty, I still wrote good and surprisingly I don’t have a headache. Normally my reviews aren’t even this long and I didn’t even plan for it to be this long but you know, this is Chucky, one of my favorite horror icons. And they did this movie probably better than any of the other movies, cause it felt like they took their time and did it properly. When it comes to sequels, hopefully they do the same thing they did here, keep the joking to a minimum, keep it very tongue-in-cheek, and it’ll be okay. I hear people say they want Chucky vs Leprechaun but personally I could care less about that. To me a movie like that would just look funny, 2 dolls fighting each other lol. I mean Freddy vs Jason was cool, but that was 2 human-sized dudes.
But Chucky doesn’t need to be fighting or killing anybody but humans. I think the reason why they waited so long to make this movie was cause they wanted to do it on the 25th anniversary of the franchise, which is fine. Cause trust me it was worth the wait. I know Brad is getting old but even at his age he still does it better than anybody else. God forbid if anything were to happen to him I’d never want anybody to replace him. If anything happened to Brad, to me that’d be the end of the Chucky franchise. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Michael Bay popped up and, you know, oh my god I don’t even wanna think about it.
Being the big Chucky fan that I am, there was no way in hell I was gonna miss reviewing this one. I’ve heard about this movie being made in the years up to its release and was excited over how it might turn out, what it might be called, etc. At first they were gonna do a remake but I heard there were alot of legal problems with that cause MGM owned the first movie. MGM sound like bullies to me I mean, they didn’t write the first movie, so they get no credit from me. But anyway, thankfully they were able to make this movie, which isn’t really a remake but still stays true to Chucky’s roots and is probably just as good as the original.
At the start of the film we see a truck pulling up from the highway. It pulls up to this mansion looking house, and I love this shot out here of the trees up above. It’s a beautiful shot, one of my favorites in the film. It’s also a cool shot cause a majority of the film takes place inside and we only get a few shots of the surroundings outside, and alot of this probably has to do with the budget. I heard the budget for this movie was just under 5 million compared to the usual 20-25 million they had on the other movies. But it’s cool though cause with low budget movies you get alot more freedom and you don’t have high level execs on your ass telling you what scenes to put in your movie and what actors to hire, and I know that’d just annoy me lol.
When I first read about this movie I heard it was being shot in Canada. I don’t know about you but whenever I think of Canada I just think of a big mountain or a house on a hilltop surrounded by snow lol. So I’m thinkin the next Chucky movie is gonna take place on a hill near some mountain, silly me lol. So anyway we’re brought inside and see this woman doing some painting. The doorbell rings and she tells this woman named Nika to get the door. This is actually Brad Dourif’s (the voice of Chucky’s) real daughter, so I thought that was cool. But you get the feeling here that Nika (I’m gonna call her N) and her mother don’t have a good relationship. I don’t have a good relationship with my mother either so trust me I know how it feels. Add to that she’s in a wheelchair and she’s making N get the door, so they establish the hate between these 2 pretty early.
You also hear N say she was playing solitaire on the computer, saying the game “cheats” and her mother says something like “yea the game does that” and N goes “I’m used to it” And I can’t help but think this has something to do with her being in the wheelchair, I just can’t think of why. So anyway she gets the door and it’s this guy who drops off a package. It’s this big brown box, I wonder what’s inside lol. So she brings the package inside and they talk for a bit as they open it up. Not much has happened so far but even this early on, you get the feeling their doing this movie the right way. I mean Seed kinda started off like this, but then Glenn popped up and your like “who the hell is this guy” but so far their going good. So they open the package up and low and behold, its Chucky!
I’m gonna get to his look later on but I hate this look. I don’t know why they couldn’t use the same model from the old movies. I mean this model is pretty similar, it has the cabbage patch clothes and the red hair, but his mouth is so goofy lookin and it just wasn’t as menacing as the others movies, but maybe that’s just me. So after this scene ends, her mother throws the doll away in the trash. Later that night we hear a scream and N goes downstairs to see what’s going on. This is our first shot of the elevator she uses to go up and down the stairs, since she’s in the wheelchair. I’ve seen many interviews with this girl (Fiona Dourif) and she said this is her 2nd role in a wheelchair, just a little trivia I guess. I also wanted to mention how big this elevator is and how big this house is.
I mean from the outside it doesn’t look that big, probably cause there aren’t alot of shots of it. It reminds me of GTA V cause Michael’s house doesn’t look that big either till you walk inside. So anyway, she comes down here and immediately sees her mother on the ground, laying in a pool of her own blood. I wonder what happened, maybe she slipped lol. But I think we all know what happened here. So the camera pulls back while N gets on the phone with the police, and we see Chucky sitting in a wooden chair here. I love how the camera pulls back and how the credits roll here, with this dark music playing in the background. The camera also does this 360 spin around Chucky as the credits roll and Brad Dourif’s name pops up just as we see Chucky’s face again, very nice.
This scene reminds me of the beginning scene in 13 Ghosts, where you see the family smiling and laughing, then the camera pans around and you hear them screaming in the background and when it comes full circle, we see them mourning their mothers loss. And in the background we see Nica talking with the police, telling them about her mother’s supposed “slip” lol. So the next morning, her sister arrives to the house, along with a priest. They talk to N here in the living room, saying how sorry they feel and stuff. They also talk about how depressed her mother was, and assume that maybe she committed suicide. Cause in the beginning you definitely get the feeling she was sad, cause she looked sad and she was painting, maybe trying to relieve stress. Later on the babysitter arrives, some chick named Jill.
She’s not really that cute but her body is okay. And later, this little girl named Alice arrives. And if you’re like me and you’ve seen all the other Chucky movies, you know Alice is gonna be the main target for Chucky lol. Eventually they find out Chucky’s gone missing, so Alice looks for him while the grown folks talk for a bit in the living room. Ultimately she finds him in the bathroom, and we see Chucky’s new face for the first time. By “new face” I’m actually referring to the face they use when they animate him. This might get confusing so (depending on when you read this) I’m probably gonna make a blog on this, cause he has like 5 different faces in this movie alone lol. He has the doll face, he has the face we see here, he has the stitched face, the stitched animated face, and it goes on and on. But the face he has here is okay.
When she finds him she goes “He scared me half to death” lol. There’s alot of little puns like that in this movie, and alot of them work with this little church theme they got goin on. So after finding the doll, they talk some more about what N is gonna do since their mother passed. Her sister Barb wants her to move in with them, but its kinda confusing so I won’t go too much into this. So anyway, later on we see them setting up dinner, making food, lighting candles, etc. I always had a thing for candles in horror movies. At one point they both leave the room, and you see Chucky’s hands pouring something into one of the bowls, and on the box it says “detox - rat poisoning” lol. C’mon Chucky don’t be so mean. So we see them eating at the dinner table. The food is pretty cheap looking, which makes me think it has something to do with the budget.
I mean it kinda looks like meatball sauce with cheese on top or something lol. So they all eat and talk a little. Ian kinda flirts with Jill a little here and you get the feeling Barb doesn’t like it, and this is seen throughout the movie. At one point one of em mentions the Chucky doll and Ian talks about seeing the dolls when he was a kid, and how big they were in the 80’s. He does this a couple times throughout the movie and it’s pretty neat, kinda like a trivia for us fans. I personally wouldn’t mind having a Chucky doll. He was never scary to me, just very cool looking. The only horror doll that scares me are those doll movies from the 80’s and 90’s back when horror actually used to be scary. And sure the effects and stuff looked cheap but their still scary. Trilogy of Terror was pretty scary, but that wasn’t really a doll movie it was a mini action figure dude.
One of my favorites was The Unborn 2 and that movie still to this day scares the crap outta me! Especially in the scene where their in the closet, and the woman opens the door and the baby just pops up and bites her neck! I mean if the movie ever came on cable I’d probably watch it, but I wouldn’t sit so close to the tv lol. So anyway, at this point we know Chucky has poisoned one of these guys food, we just don’t know who’s. Eventually the priest starts to sweat and it’s obvious here that he was the one given the rat poison. I don’t even know what rat poison would do to a human but I guess this is what it’d do, just make the person sweat, but he ends up leaving the house a short time after this scene.
We later get our first shot outside of the house, of what looks like a car crash. The police officer arrives and checks out the scene, and sees the dudes head stuck between what looks like the window and the back of the car. Eventually they try and move the window and when they do, his head pops off, so much for faith lol. We later see the other characters in the living room, looking at old footage of their family when they were younger, their dad and mom when she was pregnant. Her dad looks alot like Elvis lol. So anyway in the background we see this old man, and we all know who this is, a man who needs no introduction and one my favorite and most talented actors, Mr Brad Dourif!
Now obviously this footage is supposed to be set 25 years in the past, so they gave him a brown wig and I guess some young looking hippie clothes. But if you’re a Chucky fan you know that Brad is in his 60’s now. But still, you ignore it cause you see what their trying to achieve here. It’s funny cause one person mentioned him in the background, and Jill calls him “weird” girl shut up! That’s Brad Dourif you’re talkin about, respect your elders! So Alice appears in this scene, claiming Chucky went missing. So she and Jill search for him in the coming scenes. At one point their in a room and you see Chucky run across the room, a nod to the first movie. They get midgets to do these scenes lol. At one point, Jill searches downstairs in the kitchen and finds Barb down here, and you see them kiss.
And it’s kinda cute I guess, I mean I am a guy after all lol. But when I saw them kiss, something else came to mind that I wanted to bring up. As far as I know, Don Mancini doesn’t have any kids and he’s actually gay, from what I heard. I think I found this out watching the Seed of Chucky dvd, cause I think they mentioned something on there about him being gay. That’s why he always has that feminine thing going on when he talks. I mean you can tell someone’s gay (most of the time, anyway) by just looking at how they act and talk. I had this friend in high school (friend of a friend) who always had this weird walk, and then when I found out he was gay I was like “Well I already knew that” lol. You’re just not surprised. But all in all to me, gay is whatever. Be who you are. I mean if anything it’s harder on guys to come out and admit their gay, cause men are supposed to be masculine while women are supposed to be feminine, you know.
I remember there was this chick named Ellen Page, who (like 3-4 years ago I can’t remember) talked about how hard it was for her to come out and admit she was gay, like really lol. Trust me, women don’t have it as hard as men do. Women are always kissing each other at parties, so seeing 2 girls kiss is pretty normal to me, so when I hear about a woman making a big deal about being gay I just laugh at her. To me it’s confusing when I see 2 chicks who aren’t bi, kissing each other. So when a woman comes out and says she’s actually bi it shocks the world, like who the hell cares, quit makin a big deal about it and just realise that men have it harder than you do.
But anyway (and I’ll get to this later when Chucky comes to life) but some of Chucky’s comments and his actions kinda show this. I mean Chucky’s first victim in Child’s Play was a woman, Aunt Maggie. In Bride of Chucky there’s a scene where he’s on the little keyboard thingy and they ask him to spell woman and he spells it “Bitch” lol. And there was also a gay character in Bride. So there’s always these little things here and there in these movies where he’s hatin on women. But I mean, he did get married in Bride so, that kinda debunks that theory but that’s all this is, a theory. So anyway, him having these 2 girls kiss kinda goes along with that. And about how Ian is always flirting with Jill, maybe he added that in there not cause he wanted them to flirt, but really just wanted a male character to ignore the female character, who knows, again this is all theories.
Eventually they find Chucky and N takes him upstairs. She takes him into her little elevator, which I guess is a nod to the first movie. She takes him upstairs and she and Barb talk here for a bit. They mention her leg and her heart, but N tells her she’ll be fine as long as she’s not stressed out. I don’t understand how her leg has anything to do with her heart but that must be the case, and I’m not a doctor so I wouldn’t know. I’ve also seen this movie about 5 times now and still can’t come up with how the heck she got in the wheelchair in the first place. So anyway, Barb takes Alice to bed and they do a little prayer. They say “if I should die before I wake I give the lord my soul to take” lol. It goes along with what I said earlier, about how this religious theme just gives them all these cheap little puns.
When Barb leaves, we hear the storm outside and Alice starts getting scared. They could’ve atleast gotten shots of the trees swaying in the wind with the rain lol. So she gets under the covers with Chucky and tells him she’s scared. And finally Chucky comes to life, and goes “you fuckin should be” lol. I remember seeing this scene on youtube for the first time and being pretty pumped about it. I still hated his look but atleast they were going for the serious tone again. Later on, we see Jill getting undressed in this hot pink looking outfit. Take it all off honey lol. Eventually Chucky gets outta bed and stands right next to her, and she slowly turns around to see him. But before she reacts, Chucky kicks over this bucket of water!
The water hits the laptop charger and all this other electrical stuff and starts to shock her body, and this scene is so badass looking. I mean yea it looks kinda cheap lookin but still, she just stands there while her body gets shocked and her eye ball, I guess starts to melt (I don’t know what the heck is going on but it looks so badass lol) and eventually she falls to the ground! Chucky goes “Women… can’t live with em, period” and again, this goes along with Chucky hating on women lol. But besides the scene with Alice under the covers, this is Chucky’s first scene where we see him from head to toe in action. At this point we’re 50 minutes into the movie, so about halfway. And I went back and timed the first movie and he appears at around 45 mins, in the scene where he comes to life in the mothers arms, so they paced it pretty well.
Up until this point I’ve never seen a Hitchcock film, but I heard that nothing happens in those movies till about 45 mins either, so maybe it’s like a magic number. I also heard Hitchcock movies were a big inspiration on Don as well. Meanwhile we see N on the computer looking up info on Chucky, reading all these newspapers on him and Charles Lee Ray. I like how it doesn’t even say Google it just says “internet search” lol. But I always liked how they did this, putting photo’s from characters in the movie on newspapers, cause it looks so authentic. They did this in Bride as well, with the photo of Brad from the first movie with the amulet on his neck. I’m guessing they had to photo-shop that image in order to fit it with the story, cause he wasn’t wearing one in the original movie.
So anyway I’m looking at the words as she’s reading it and one of the dates says December 29, 1988 which I’m guessing is when he got shot so, Merry Christmas Brad lol. I just thought about this too, cause I keep forgetting the birthday party that Andy had in the first movie has a birthday party, not a Christmas party. Which makes sense, cause if it was a Christmas party and he died Dec 29, 1988, 4 days after Christmas wouldn’t have made any sense cause he was already a doll, so the mother wouldn’t have been able to buy it off the peddler. Maybe I’m just thinking too hard lol. So anyway, Ian and Barb get into a little argument here about Jill the nanny. And it’s another thing I wanted to bring up, about something Don has said in one of his interviews on Bride.
He said he liked that Chucky and Tiffany would have their little dilemma, but also wanted the people characters to have their own little dilemmas as well. For example Jesse and Jade have their arguments over how Wade died, and now Ian and Barb are having their little argument over Jill, so that’s cool. We later see more footage outside of the same police officer. He’s driving around out here, saying something about checking out some place. I don’t know why they hired this guy as an officer cause he’s not even convincing, and scrawny as hell lol. So yea, we just see him out here driving around in circles. And again this all has to do with how much of a budget they had, cause they can’t afford too many outdoor locations. But eventually N finds out that Charles Lee Ray transferred his soul into a doll and is spooked about it.
She goes back to the elevator and sees Barb, and the two of them kinda argue here over the doll. This is actually one of my favorite scenes in the movie, and here’s why: Jill is dead, so she’s outta the picture. And earlier while Barb and Ian were arguing, he put earplugs in his ear, so he can’t hear anything. I think N wants to check the doll out and see if it’s alive but she can’t do this cause Barb walks off, and it’s not like she can run up the stairs after her. To me it’s like a perfectly orchestrated puzzle piece, where the characters are either dead or asleep, or they can’t hear or can’t walk, all at the right moments, and this scene executes that perfectly! So anyway, Barb takes the doll and goes into the attic to look for Alice. Come to think of it I’ve never seen an attic like this.
Usually when you see attics in horror movies (or any movie) they pull down that little handle and the stairs fall down, and they walk up. In this movie they walk up this little alleyway into the attic, so that was different. The pull-down stairs thing (whatever the heck they call it) probably would’ve been cheaper but whatever. So she goes into the attic and looks for Alice. You don’t even see attics in horror movies anymore, now all you see is paranormal BS lol. The last time I saw an attic in a horror movie was probably Paranormal Activity. I think it was the first one, cause that one was the funniest lol. But they had this scene where one dude looked into the attic and kinda circled around with a flashlight. If something had popped out in that scene, while he was up there, it would’ve really made me jump.
But nothing really happened, and it was just a wasted scene. I remember saying in the review “all we got was a crappy photo that nobody cared about” lol. So now we’re in the attic and we see her with a flashlight up here lookin for Alice. At one point she puts Chucky down, but he crawls away and ends up on this little ledge here. She sees him and walks over to him, and notices that he’s got some loose plastic skin I guess. So she begins to peel off some of the skin here, which reveals those stitches on his face that we’ve know him for ever since Bride. There was some speculation about this, in regards to the stitches and when this movie took place. Cause with these stitches it had to have taken place after 3 when he fell into those spinning blades.
But realistically it could’ve taken place after any of the movies, cause his face was always destroyed somehow in them: In Child’s Play it was burnt, in Child’s Play 2 it exploded, and in Child’s Play 3 it was all cut up from the blades. It’s debatable, but I think the idea you’re supposed to get here is he was destroyed somehow someway, and now he’s back. So after peeling away the plastic skin, now he has the scars. It looks like she tries to put her finger in his mouth (why I have no idea) but when she gets close enough, Chucky springs to life and she falls backwards! He corners her against a wall, and tells her “You have your mother’s eyes” and stabs her right in the eye! It’s such a gruesome scene too, and her eyeball pops out lol. I’m watching the unrated version, cause I think in the rated version her eyeball doesn’t pop out.
But it pops out and rolls down the steps, which is obviously a digital effect. It’s so cartoonish looking too cause you know, the budget wasn’t that big. N sees this and she starts to freak out, and at this point Chucky starts walking down the stairs. This is probably one of the few times I’ve ever seen Chucky walking in front of the camera, without it feeling like he has the puppeteers behind him. It’s hard to say whether this is CGI or green screen but there’s obviously some effect going on here, cause the body doesn’t blend in with the environment here. Like they filmed the scene and just copy and pasted him here, just very cheap looking. So N freaks out and goes and wakes up Ian, who wasn’t aware of anything cause he had the earplugs in. He wakes up and starts freaking out.
At this point they both know that Jill is dead, Barb is dead and Alice is missing. He’s killed 1 man and 2 women so far, but more women than men. So he carries N downstairs and strolls her into the garage for safety. I gotta say, watching this guy act is funny as hell. He’s been okay up until this point but it’s not till people start getting mad that you can tell how bad of an actor they are. Or maybe he’s not a bad actor, but he just looks funny when he gets angry that’s all I’m sayin. So anyway, their in the garage now and Ian runs off again to see what’s going on, leaving her here in peril. Chucky somehow gets in here and gets in the car here, and turns it on. And you know, its just a reminder of how much of a budget they were working with on this movie. Cause in Seed (which was such a stupid movie lol) Chucky drives a car, now he’s in a car again but the budget doesn’t even allow him to pull out the driveway, sorry Chucky.
At one point N tries to grab the keys but Chucky grabs em, and swallows em lol. I swear the first time I saw this scene I just burst out laughing, seeing him eat the keys. It’s just so random and funny looking I guess, and how he just swallows it lol. So anyway, eventually Ian appears in this scene again and sees her with the axe in her hand, and I guess assumes she’s the killer. She starts to have her chest pains in this scene but now he doesn’t wanna help her, what a big man you are. So he takes her back to the room and tapes her to the chair, which is kinda pointless I mean, she already can’t use her legs. Earlier in the movie there’s a scene where he tells Barb that he put a camera in Chucky’s head, to watch her and make sure she’s not cheating. So in this scene he shows us everything Chucky has been seeing.
In the intro to the scene he says he got the camera for $400 bucks using her master card, which I guess is a credit card. But this dude is a master card genius lol. So he goes over the clips and we see Chucky running around and doing little things here and there. At one point we see him lock Alice in a closet, shut the door and turn the knob. And if you look at his fingers, his fingers barely even touch the door knob lol. There was a scene in Child’s Play where Chucky turns the oven on (before he kills Eddie) and he turns the lever, but you can see his hand touch the thing, and that was 25 years ago. So you’d think with all that time that animatronics would’ve gotten better but, I guess not. 25 years from now he’ll close the door and you’ll probably just see his hand hover over the knob and it’ll lock lol.
So anyway, eventually Chucky appears in this scene. He grabs the wheelchair that N is in, and pushes it towards Ian, knocking him so hard he does a front flip lol. I told you guys this dude was talented. Not only does he know how to use master cards but he can also do front flips, talented bastard. And Chucky finishes him off by taking an axe and slamming it on his jaw, splitting his mouth wide open! I gotta admit as cheap looking as these kill scenes are, their pretty unique and some of em are killed in ways I’ve never seen. And you can only get that from a real horror movie, you won’t get this from any of these BS paranormal movies that are comin out now, where someone will die cause they saw a mirror or some stupid crap like that, I swear the genre is over lol.
But anyway, eventually after Chucky kills the front-flipping master card genius, he takes control of the wheelchair again and they race down the hallway. He ends up pushing N off the little balcony here from the second floor to the first, and she also does a front flip before she lands on the ground. Chucky walks down the steps to get to her, and when he does, begins to tell his story. He talks about the scenes we saw earlier, with them at the fair and the Elvis looking dad. The chubby little girl here is supposed to be Barb but my guess is they couldn’t afford a decent looking little girl with brown hair. So he talks about Barb and her husband. Earlier in the movie, Barb mentions her father died a few weeks after Nica was born, which might’ve been a month or two after the footage cause her belly is pretty big.
But it’s not until here, where we see the funeral scene. We see like 20 people here mourning his death (Elvis’s death lol) And we see Brad here in the crowd, staring at the mother, who stands across the funeral on the other side of the crowd, and I swear I literally just realized this after having seen this movie about 5 times: Brad killed Elvis! Cause the smirk he gives her basically says “Yea… it was me” cause before I always saw that smirk was him just being him, but yea he killed him. I’m so smart lol. But you know that’s one of the cool things that comes along with reviewing movies, you spot stuff that you normally wouldn’t if you were just being lazy, watching the movie willy-nilly.
So anyway, we then get a scene of Brad and the mother here in some dark room. I normally don’t talk about lighting in movies but I love how this room is lit, even though it’s got this black and white vibe going on. I remember the first time I saw this movie, and besides all the death scenes and everything you’d expect from a Chucky movie, this is the scene I was most anxious for. This scene actually leaked onto youtube and I couldn’t help but watch it. It was so authentic I thought it was like, unseen footage from the first movie, cause he was wearing the same jacket and his hair was the same color and everything. But when I realized it was new footage from the movie I was even more impressed, cause it looked so authentic and stylish, so props to the makeup department.
This is probably my favorite scene in the movie, cause Brad just owns it. I can’t stop looking into his eyes, cause he’s such an intense actor and he brings so much power to his roles. I love him not just because he’s the voice of Chucky, but also because of what he brings to his roles cause there’s so much intensity behind what he does. I’ve seen him in Cuckoo’s Nest, Deadwood, Alien Resurrection, and there’s this scene of him in Pulse that I absolutely just love. And I could watch this scene 100 times over and still get the same effect. So anyway, he tells her he’s gonna go get Barb but she wants him to stay. So they argue for a bit, but eventually he hears the cops coming. He goes to the window, and goes “You told them about us!” which was another scene I replayed like 100 times over, I just love hearing him yell lol. She was basically trying to get him arrested for killing her husband.
So he escapes here, which leads into clips from the old film of him in the toy store getting shot and killed. I guess it was okay for them to use footage from the old film even though they couldn’t remake it cause MGM wanted to be bullies, which is exactly why I don’t respect movie companies, or any company for that matter: Lionsgate, MGM, any name out there. If you didn’t write or direct the movie, your not gonna get any respect from me, your just the company that puts it out lol. It’s kinda like if I wrote this review on my own (which I did) then I got some random dude named Tom to post it and say how good it was, like who would get the credit: me for writing it or Tom for posting it, of course I’d get the credit. I’d be like “Tom you didn’t do a damn thing” lol.
I also love the line “She betrayed me… got me killed!” cause it’s so edgy. But he says it was 25 years ago, and how his job still wasn’t done. She betrayed him, and he was gonna kill her but she got away. Until he caught and killed her, and now he’s gotta kill N. And it’s weird to think that this entire movie takes place on one night, cause so much stuff has happened it’s gotta be like 3am in the morning by this point lol. I remember when they first mentioned how Brad’s daughter was in the movie, I thought they were gonna tie his daughter into the story. But really she’s just a character, a daughter of someone he (Charles Lee Ray) now wants to kill, which I think is kinda strange. So anyway, he charges her here and attacks her. For the most part she keeps him away, but he gets a few slices in.
Eventually the police officer arrives, the skinny dude who so far hasn’t done squat besides driving around in circles, nice work bro. He pushes the door open, sees Barb on the upper floor with a missing eye and N with the knife in her hand, and I’m not gonna spell the scene out for you but yea. The next morning we have a court scene and N gets sent to the juvy for the criminally insane. I saw the whole thing your honor lol. For some reason the cop decides to take Chucky and puts him in his police car. He’s about to open the bag until Tiffany appears behind him in the car seat and slits his throat, just like she did in Bride. I was shocked to hear she was 50 years old too, cause she still looks pretty young. We later get a scene inside Grandma’s house, where we finally see Alice after about 30 minutes lol.
Last time we saw her I think was right before Jill got electrocuted. But she talks with Chucky here, and Chucky convinces her to let him do the chant. So I’m guessing he wanted to get into her body, but I don’t know why. But this is a nod to Child’s Play 3 only because Chucky calls it “hide the soul” which I think is a lame title. Why not just call it “the spell I gotta complete or there’s gonna be another sequel after this” lol. I always imagined a scene where Chucky actually does the spell and gets out the body, like he does the spell and gets back into the Charles Lee Ray body, cause that’d be pretty badass. So the movie ends here, but if you watch (or in my case, fast-forward) through the credits you get this bonus scene.
This girl drops off this doll-sized package to this man, which we earlier saw Tiffany with at the airport, so she obviously mailed the package to him. This is also the 3rd bonus scene that doesn’t take place at the old house, so that’s cool. It’s like they spent the budget on the house, and at the end were like “Well we still got a couple million left so let’s fit in all these other little scenes” But I recognized this guy instantly, Andy Barclay! And just like the scene with Brad, this scene leaked onto youtube as well. I couldn’t wait to see the scene with Brad but I didn’t watch this scene when it leaked. But I still recognized him. I remember seeing him on the Child’s Play dvd behind the scenes featurette. And I’ll be honest, he doesn’t really look the same. I mean obviously it’s been 25 years but so what, Elijah Wood still looks the same as he did when he was younger, especially in The Good Son.
But I think its cause Andy is wider now lol. I don’t wanna call him fat cause I love Andy, but yea. So he gets the package and brings it in his house. He sets it on the counter, then gets on the phone with his mother. We see Chucky in the foreground slicing open the box but you can hear Andy in the background talking. He says he’s gonna be over for dinner, but tells her “no surprises” which makes me think he’s a little traumatized by something *cough* Chucky and his knife, him getting burned in the living room, him getting his head shot off and blood spraying on the wall *cough* lol. Eventually Chucky gets out of the box and looks around. We see pictures here on another counter, of Andy as a little boy with his mother, and even Kyle from Child’s Play 2. It’s very nostalgic and I like that.
I’m guessing we all know what Chucky’s intentions are, but once he pokes his head out the box, we see Andy pointing a shotgun right to his face! He yelps “Andy!” and Andy goes “Play with this” and BOOM! So yea the film had 3 different endings, tying up all the knots and loose ends. My favorites in the series were always Child’s Play and Bride of Chucky, cause their tone was so dark. Bride was a horror-comedy but I love it cause it was an even mixture of both, without smothering the movie in comedy like Seed did. But overall I loved this movie. The main thing I was impressed by with this movie, was how well it was written. In the other movies it felt like they were just adding random scenes, but this one was so well constructed and done right, it was really impressive, and you felt like every scene needed to be there and it was there for a reason.
I also liked certain shots in this movie, for example the shots in the beginning where you see the chandelier on the ceiling with the elevator in the background. That scene always gave me goosebumps. I mean Don Mancini made a crappy movie with Seed, but with this movie he showed that he still has the talent to construct something impressive like this. I’ve seen just about all his interviews of him talkin about Chucky, and how he came up with the idea cause his dad was in marketing. But also about how he doesn’t wanna do the same thing twice, which is why he went the comedy route with Bride and Seed. But I forgive him, and I admire the fact that he doesn’t wanna do the same thing twice, and about how he doesn’t wanna be predictable. I’m the exact same way, cause that puts you in a box and just makes you a very boring person in general.
This is my first review in almost 2 years and I gotta say I’m pretty impressed. I wasn’t rusty, I still wrote good and surprisingly I don’t have a headache. Normally my reviews aren’t even this long and I didn’t even plan for it to be this long but you know, this is Chucky, one of my favorite horror icons. And they did this movie probably better than any of the other movies, cause it felt like they took their time and did it properly. When it comes to sequels, hopefully they do the same thing they did here, keep the joking to a minimum, keep it very tongue-in-cheek, and it’ll be okay. I hear people say they want Chucky vs Leprechaun but personally I could care less about that. To me a movie like that would just look funny, 2 dolls fighting each other lol. I mean Freddy vs Jason was cool, but that was 2 human-sized dudes.
But Chucky doesn’t need to be fighting or killing anybody but humans. I think the reason why they waited so long to make this movie was cause they wanted to do it on the 25th anniversary of the franchise, which is fine. Cause trust me it was worth the wait. I know Brad is getting old but even at his age he still does it better than anybody else. God forbid if anything were to happen to him I’d never want anybody to replace him. If anything happened to Brad, to me that’d be the end of the Chucky franchise. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Michael Bay popped up and, you know, oh my god I don’t even wanna think about it.
Evil Dead (2013)
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv, and being pretty intrigued by it. I’ve seen my fair share of pointless / un-scary hand-held ghost movies over the years, but this one was actually the first straight-up horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. I was actually planning on seeing this movie in theaters, around early 2013 cause I’d seen a couple of the trailers on youtube. But this was also around the time this other movie called Dark Skies was coming out in theaters, and I wanted to see that instead cause it was made by Scott Stewart who made Legion. But unfortunately, that movie was just like the rest; another waste of money paranormal crap junk heap.
I remember asking my cousins after the movie was over what they thought, and they told me it was “okay” But I saw them again months after that, and they told me straight up that the film was lame. I guess they didn’t wanna spoil a good moment, cause we barely hang out anymore and very rarely do I even go to the theaters. Alot of the movies released these days are CGI filled unfunny junk and I don’t waste my time with those. But after seeing Dark Skies, I guess I didn’t even feel like going to the theaters anymore. But I knew that once this movie hit dvd, I was gonna buy it. I actually bought this movie on day one; July 16th so I’m proud of that. And even though I didn’t see it in theaters I’m glad I didn’t cause it was worth the wait, and the buildup was intense!
At the start of the film, we get the usual intros. This movie is made by a company called Ghost House pictures, which I think is a pretty cool title. In our first scene of the movie, we see this random girl walking in the woods. She’s wearing this white, dirty skirt but I can’t tell if she’s barefoot or not. But pretty soon she gets attacked by these 2 dudes who come outta nowhere and hold her on the ground! Thankfully they don’t rape her, but one of them smacks her in the face with a shotgun or something, which is still pretty sad. Men who hit woman are straight up wimps to me. Later on she wakes up in some little house surrounded by these weird people and some old lady. They have her tied to this wall by barbed wire in the room.
The old lady in this scene talks about something regarding some book she has, but I can’t get into specifics. It’s all in subtitles but even if it was in English, I still wouldn’t know what the heck she’s talking about. But she talks in that drunken nonsense gibberish like she’s brainwashed or something, and pretty soon the girls father shows up. And he too comes off kinda brainwashed cause he says “Don’t worry, their here to help you” but I don’t see how that’s possible when she’s tied to a damn wall by barbed wires. I hate people like this in movies lol. They remind me of those idiots from Rest Stop, which is one of my favorite low budget flicks. It was one of the few low budget movies with good actors, which is something you don’t come across very often.
But there’s 2 old people in that movie who are religiously brainwashed too. But the cool thing about them is both their sons look like members of the Beatles, cause they got the suits and the hairstyles lol. And I’m not the biggest fan of the Beatles but you get where I’m coming from. So anyway, the brainwashed father soon takes a bottle of something and begins pouring it on her head and all over her face. I’m guessing it’s gasoline but it’s hard to say. But after pouring it on her, he takes a shotgun out and shoots her right in the face! And now the movie has officially begun, as the title finally shows up. It was a weird, but cool way to open the film though I’ll say that much.
There’s also another thing I wanna mention though about this movie, that you’ll hear me bring up throughout this review. I read about this online about a month before the film was released in theaters. But from what I heard there’s absolutely no CGI at all in the entire movie! And I’ll be honest, I don’t mind CGI at all. I enjoy the effects and the explosions and stuff. But there are a couple examples of what I don’t like when it comes to effects; First off, I don’t like it when it’s used in movies that don’t even have a storyline. Michael Bay’s movies are a pretty good example of this, especially when it comes to Transformers. And especially for someone like me who’s seen hundreds of movies by this point.
You can’t throw CGI effects at me, and still expect me to ignore the story. And that’s why alot of his films suck, especially some of the remakes he’s been a part of. When your career is based off remakes and special effects, you get no credit from me at all. Another example of when I don’t like when CGI is used, is if it’s used for a scene that could’ve easily been done normally. There’s a scene in The Day After Tomorrow (2004) where people are getting chased by dogs, but all the dogs are CGI. C’mon really lol. Like they couldn’t simply go to Petco and rent a dog for 2 weeks. They also used CGI for all of the helicopters, which I also thought was lame. But yea, when people use CGI like that, it bugs me.
So anyway, the first scene in this movie is the reason why I brought this up; the scene where they lit the girl on fire. Cause normally I guess they’d use CGI fire on her and just have her scream and act like she was burning up. But since there’s (supposedly) no CGI in this movie I’m kinda wondering how they pulled it off. In the next scene, we get this beautiful upside down shot of the forest as we zoom in on this truck driving across the highway. I always had a thing for upside down shots, even though I don’t see it used that often. I know there’s a shot in the beginning of Devil (2010) that’s upside down. But the thing I like about this shot, is that the camera goes from upside down, to right-side up as they narrow in on the car.
I’ve never seen this before, but I would love for them to do one shot where they went upside down, zoomed in on the car and then entered the car through use of transition. I bet David Fincher could do that! So we see the truck making it’s way through the woods, across a lake and eventually until it stops at this cabin, where most of these teen horror movies take place. Come to think of it, there aren’t alot of horror movies that take place in the woods. Off the top of my head, the first 2 that come to mind are Wrong Turn (2003) and Cabin in the Woods (2011) which is by far one of the best horror movies I’ve come across so far, especially that kick ass ending! But there aren’t alot of movies where teens arrive at an abandoned cabin in the woods.
But I guess the main one would have to be the Friday the 13th series. I’ve seen all of those films, but I honestly don’t have a favorite. But I guess the later ones with Kane Hodder are pretty cool. So anyway, the guys name is David and he gets out the car and meets his friends. One thing I immediately noticed about this scene, is that it’s very different in tone. Because in alot of those woods movies (especially the Friday movies) when they arrive at the cabin, the first thing they do is say stuff like “We’re getting drunk tonight” and they start goofing off. But this scene is pretty different and alot more mellow and relaxed. Everybody calmly exits their car and greets each other, and for a split second you kinda feel their all going to a funeral or something.
There’s one girl in this scene named Olivia, who I recognize from Cloverfield (2008) Maybe she’s a fan of the genre, good for her. There’s also this cute chick named Natalie, who looks exactly like the girl that was burned by her father in the opening scene, but I think their 2 different girls. They should’ve given her brown hair so we as the audience didn’t get confused. I was already coming up with stuff in my head, thinking that she was the same girl and these scenes all took place in the past. We later meet this other girl in the woods named Mia, who I think is sitting on top of a car in this scene. David soon walks up to her and they talk for a bit, mostly about nothing specific.
But we do come to the conclusion that their both brother and sister. She also mentions something about her not being able to trust him and not leave her, and forces him to make her a promise. He accepts and makes the promise, and also gives her some cheap necklace that looks like it came from one of those cheap vending machines at K Mart. But she takes it and puts it around her neck. We later see them talking in one of the rooms, where Mia mentions their mother and how she died. I forget if she explains why, but they say she was sick in the hospital so it must’ve been cancer or something. And I guess that’s why she made him promise that he wouldn’t leave her, cause she didn’t wanna feel alone. So it kinda makes sense.
Later that night, Mia starts to freak out and starts talking about some smell in the house. But she flips out like the smell is physically doing something to her. Which is surprising, cause not too long ago she was outside sitting on a dirty old car in the middle of the woods and I assume it smelled just as bad out there. But it’s pretty funny, cause she keeps saying “something reeks” and making all these weird faces lol. Speaking of weird faces, this movie actually has some good actors in it. I only recognize one person, which made me think the rest of the cast were gonna be block heads but most of them are actually pretty good. The only one I kinda laugh at is David. And it’s not the expressions he makes, but sometimes when he yells you just don’t feel his emotion coming through, and he sounds kinda geeky.
But thankfully one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch, so I probably won’t get on his case too much. Eventually a dog pops up outta nowhere, and starts sniffing the rug. So David removes the rug and they find the entrance to a basement down here. You can’t have a cabin movie without a basement lol. I know Cabin in the Woods had a basement, and they went down there to read the passage that brought the zombies to life! It’s after that chick was done kissing the mannequin deer on the wall. Just thinking about that scene still gives me creeps lol. But before they open the latch, they see all these red stains on top of the door to the entrance. Which is obviously blood, and if you didn’t know that, you don’t need to be reading this review.
But this one dude named Eric has the guts to go “Is that blood?” no doofus it’s ketchup! Somebody needs to smack this guy! But they eventually open the door and walk down the stairs. There isn’t really that much down here, on the walls anyway. Eric also goes “It smells like burnt hair” lol. Who comes up with this stuff! Burnt hair, seriously bro! We should burn your hair just for saying that. He’s actually got longer hair than all the guys in this movie, which makes me think he’s the hippy character. But eventually they spot a bunch of dead cats hanging from the walls, which is pretty sad. I always wanted a kitten, but we can’t have any in our development.
And since all the cats are dead, I guess the dog doesn’t have anything to chase around the house. But beyond these dead cats, they find a book down here. They later bring it upstairs, and the first one to open it is Eric. He takes the book to his room and lays it on the table here. It’s covered in some type of stitches or something, but he cuts them all off and opens it. The cover has this pretty cool stitched look as well, which kinda reminds me of the dude in Jeepers Creepers who had his belly stitched together. Which is always a plus, since that was (and still is) one of my favorite horror movies. When he finally opens it, he sees all these pictures and all these languages and stuff. It’s definitely got a very big religious vibe going on, but I’m not worried about that.
There’s also alot of messages written in blood on the book, which is pretty cool. One of them says “Leave this book alone” well it’s too late for that lol. So he takes out some paper and starts sketching something from the book, and reveals these words. He also reads them out loud, and we get a couple shots from outside. One of the words makes Mia barf, so that must’ve been the barfing spell lol. I forget when, but for the last 20 minutes or so she’s been out here walking around in the rain, probably cause she still can’t stand the smell. It rains alot in this movie, which is pretty cool and it really helps with the immersion. Movies are always a tad scarier when rain is involved lol. But she has no clue about any of this, and begins to freak out some more.
The smell of the house has gotten to her, and after barfing she’s probably had enough. So she comes back inside and begs the others to take her home. Alot of them disagree, though they don’t say whether or not they like the house. But I think Olivia tells her that they made a promise to stay in the woods, for reasons that escape me. It would’ve also been cool to know how far they were from home, and how far into the woods they were. In the beginning of the movie, we see David driving towards the woods but we never see him get off a highway or anything. It’s not really the biggest deal in the world, but it would’ve helped us as the audience so we could go “Wow, that must suck cause their 20 miles from home” but since we don’t know for sure, my sympathy is out the window.
So anyway, she begs them to take her home and they all say “No” But she asks her brother David, who I guess is trying to win the sympathetic award. He’s trying to act all sad, and he doesn’t say anything but his expressions say “I’d like to take you home but I’d rather stay” and she reads them easily. So when she realizes he’s not gonna take her home, she gets angry. She tells him she thought she could trust him, and she takes the necklace he gave her and rips it apart lol. This scene makes me crack up just thinking about it. I mean, that necklace was cheap anyway, even though some might say it’s the thought that counts. It looks like he got it from the darn dollar tree, next time get her diamonds bro. So she drops the necklace and storms out of the house, while David tries to make his best “sad” expression.
So she takes off in her jeep across the woods, yelling at herself and trying to release some frustration. I guess she feels a little betrayed that her friends wouldn’t take her back home, and honestly I’d feel the exact same way. That’s why I’d probably bring my own car, just in case something like that happened I’d be able to go back home if I felt like leaving. So she’s having a little road rage moment, but eventually sees some zombie chick in the middle of the road and quickly pulls away! She drives off the side of the road, and lands in a nearby mud lake! She gets out the car and starts climbing through the mud, while we get a couple shots of something chasing her from behind going about 50mph (I’m rounding of course) But this scene immediately reminded me of another scene, and it didn’t take long for me to make the comparison;
It reminds me of The Neverending Story (1984) cause there’s a scene in that movie where Atreyu is trying to rescue his horse from the mud, be it ends up drowning. So after it drowns, he continues on and starts tugging through the mud just like Mia. But not only that, Atreyu is being chased by this huge werewolf and we get alot of back and forth shots of the two of them, which is very similar to the back and forth shots here. The ones in this movie only last about 8 seconds, but the ones in Neverending Story go on for about 30. But I bet any amount of money, that this scene was inspired by that movie. Thankfully Atreyu is rescued by Falkor before the wolf catches up to him. But I love that film cause it was one of my favorite movies as a kid.
So anyway, Mia continues on and runs through the woods. Eventually she runs into these weeds and gets caught in here, as they come to life and start grabbing at her. There’s like 5 different things grabbing at her arms and legs, and it’s pretty weird lol. The zombie girl also pops up out of the water and stands in front of her in this scene, and I remember this scene from the trailer. She looks exactly like her, and she stands here as the camera pans towards her. I always had a thing for those zoom shots; where they zoom the camera on the person and everything in the background kinda comes forward. Those shots always gave me chills. But anyway, the girl stands here in front of her, without saying anything, her mouth closed but her eyes wide open with black contact lenses. She looks like she’s just seen a ghost!
But Mia just looks at her in terror, while she tries to break free from these trees. This is another scene I wanna dive into, in regards to the CGI and stuff. Cause normally they’d use CGI for this scene, and digitally have the weeds grab at her (something Michael Bay would do) but I can only take a guess as to how they pulled these scenes off, having not seen any behind the scenes footage or anything. For the weeds that surround her leg, my only guess is that they used some type of robotic stick, like an umbrella handle with obviously fake weeds around it. And when they grabbed around her legs, some dude was under the floor twisting and turning it. Without CGI, that’s my only guess as to how this was pulled off.
The zombie girl also has this thing crawl out of her mouth, which looks like a long dark hair rope and it’s so disgusting lol. But this is another non-CGI scene that I’m wondering about. I mean you could definitely fool us with some quick camera cuts; 2 seconds here, 2 seconds there. But I’m wondering how they had something that long come out of her mouth without digital effects. Cause about 1 foot of it comes out before they cut to the back of her head, in which they could’ve easily used a puppet doll since her face wasn’t shown. So this dark snake-like figure crawls out and climbs up Mia’s leg as she’s still attached to the weeds here. I think they circle around her right leg, but they climb up her skirt and I guess, into her, you know.
So she screams out in pain, and thank goodness I’m not a woman cause I don’t wanna know what that feels like. Later on, we see Mia inside the house in her room. She’s all curled up in a ball, probably traumatized by what just happened. I also remember this scene from the trailer. I actually haven’t seen the trailer all that much, except for a couple times when it first came out. I obviously didn’t wanna spoil anything, so I only watched it a few times. But I can still pretty much remember every clip from the trailer, and the slight variations they made in the actual movie. So anyway, David comes in and talks with her. She looks back at him with this weird looking spooked expression. But she leans closer, and whispers in his ear, and says “There’s something… with us… here”
And I remember this from the trailer, cause with every pause they played a different clip and then came back to her. I think the last word she says is either “here” or “now” but when she does, the camera is in the same spot in the trailer, but in the movie we see both their faces. It’s just a slight variation that I noticed, no big deal. But I think it’s obvious at this point that she’s kinda possessed here. Whatever the heck crawled inside of her is still in her, so it’s only a matter of time before it makes her do something twisted. But without saying anything, he walks off thinking she’s gone crazy. We later see Eric in his room still looking at the book. Like I said it’s filled with alot of pictures, and alot of what happens in the movie is described in the pictures.
For example there’s a picture of some girl trapped in the weeds, and we just saw Mia in those weeds not too long ago. But I can’t remember if he realizes this in this scene, cause I don’t think anybody (besides the zombie chick) saw her out there, or even heard her screams for help. We later see David wandering around outside, and eventually finds the dog again. He yells his name a couple times in this scene too; Grandpa lol. Who the hell names their dog Grandpa! I can understand you naming it after your Grandpa, but c’mon bro really! Eventually he finds the dog in some cellar next to the house, but unfortunately it’s dead. We also see a shotgun on the ground, with the tip of the gun covered in blood. So it’s pretty obvious how the dog died.
But what isn’t obvious is who did it. The only two possibilities are Mia and the zombie chick, but it could be either. And Mia could’ve easily been possessed by her to kill the dog. All we need is a detective down here for some fingerprints. We later see Mia in the shower, running all this water over her body. Apparently it’s a hot shower, since there’s alot of smoke coming from the water. She’s either very stressed out or trying to cleanse herself from those dirty weeds. And come to think of it, I wonder how they did this scene without any CGI. Cause I know some movies even use CGI smoke to fool us, and I’m pretty good at detecting that.
But since this film supposedly doesn’t use any CGI, I wonder where they got the smoke from if in fact the water isn’t hot cause I know they don’t wanna burn the actors. My only guess is they had the camera pointed towards her while somebody under the camera had a smoke machine, or they had a smoke machine in the walls, but I’m probably completely wrong lol. But still, for them to pull off scenes like this practically takes alot of talent. So anyway, pretty soon she starts to turn the knobs all the way to the side, making the water temperature hotter and hotter! She eventually falls backwards because of the heat, and some of it burns her face and her shoulder! More specifically, her right cheek and right shoulder. And as the camera pans closer, we see her skin beginning to puff out and bulge a little.
And again it’s pretty impressive, if their in fact not using any CGI. My only guess as to how they pulled this off, is they built a rubber skin suit around her and put tubes through her shirt. Eventually David finds her laying her, and quickly takes his sister with him in the car. They take the same road Mia was on earlier, and they drive down the road a little. Mia doesn’t say anything while David rigorously drives down the road, but she’s got alot of milk coming from her mouth. I like to use the word milk instead of those other disgusting words to describe what it really is, cause I hate seeing people drool in horror movies. But eventually David stops the car, cause apparently they can’t go any further. Turns out there’s a river of water blocking their way to the other side of the road, how convenient lol.
If it ain’t a deer or a dead zombie chick, its a river of water. But come to think of it, I don’t even think the water is that deep. Cause in the opening scene of the movie, when David makes his way to the cabin he actually crosses this same lake. So it shouldn’t be anymore than 3 inches high, what the hell lol. But hey, we can’t make it too realistic cause then it’d be a pretty lame movie. But even if it was 2 feet high, so what! Get a napkin, whip the drool off her face, pick her over your shoulder and carry her across! But since 3 inches of water is too much for David, he takes Mia back to the house who at this point probably has a pool of spit next to her. So they get back home and talk with Eric again for a bit, who I think is still holding the book in his hand.
When they get back, they have some little argument in the living room about what to do next. David says everything is fine but Eric goes “Everything is not fine” well thanks genius kid for stating the obvious, once again. Pretty soon Mia pops up again in zombie mode, and this time she’s wielding a shotgun! David asks her to put it down, raising his hand like that’s gonna stop a bullet, but she shoots him in the shoulder anyway lol. She also delivers the famous line “You are all going to die tonight” and this was in the trailer too, but I think they used a different camera angle in the movie, which again kinda sucks. Cause in the trailer, the camera is in front of her but in the movie, when she says it the camera is on half her face. So it doesn’t have the same epic feeling it would’ve if they kept it the way it was in the trailer!
I swear, who makes the trailers, seriously. Every scene from the trailer that’s in the movie is altered in some way. And it’s not the biggest deal in the world, but I notice that stuff and the effect of the scene would’ve been so much stronger if they kept those shots in the movie! After shooting David and putting him in the corner where he belongs, Olivia tries to grab her but she gets quickly thrown to the floor! Mia holds her down and drools all over her, and it’s disgusting as hell! This time the milk is orange, and it looks like some type of juice mixed in vegetable soup or something. But David soon comes to the rescue, popping up and knocking her into the basement below! And it’s obvious by this point that this chick is possessed by something.
We later see Olivia in the bathroom, but she’s pretty calm over what just happened. We see her looking through the cabinet drawers, looking for some medicine to I guess cure the vegetable soup on her face. Last time I checked, vegetable soup was used to cure sickness (bad joke… bad joke) but pretty soon she starts walking around the bathroom. Come to think of it, this is a pretty big bathroom for such a small cabin. I mean we don’t get alot of shots from outside, but it can’t be that big. The bathroom is bigger than their rooms for crying out loud lol. But anyway, she stands in the middle of the room and begins to start twitching. And it’s pretty cool I’ll admit, and she’s obviously affected by the vegetable soup that was sprayed on her face.
But while she’s frozen still, she also pees her pants in this scene, how disgusting! Come to think of it, there are alot of scenes in this movie that remind me of The Exorcist. Cause I think the girl in the bedroom pees herself in one scene. But there’s also a scene earlier where Mia (when she goes into zombie mode) curses out David and her voice kinda gets a little deeper. I actually did do a review of The Exorcist way back when I first started movie reviewing in 2011, but I read it recently around early 2013 and realized how much I screwed it up. It was in the early days when I was just doing movies with now reason at all, no focus and no genre. And I wasn’t really saying what I wanted, so I kinda screwed up the review. But from what I remember, I think the little girl peed the bed and I think (after she becomes the demon girl) she curses out her parents.
And then of course there’s the similarity in these stupid barfing scenes. So I guess you could say, the people that made this movie had a little inspiration from those movies but whatever. Pretty soon Eric comes to the bathroom and finds Olivia here on the floor, with her face hidden. When she finally turns around, we see her with a knife in her mouth towards her cheek, which is half missing revealing her bottom teeth! And it’s a pretty disgusting and nasty scene, but it’s not that disturbing to be honest. It’s actually pretty cool! When I first went into this movie, I was expecting them to be as disgusting as the original, which I was afraid of cause I hate all that gore. I can actually sit through alot of gore, but there comes a point when it gets too much for me.
The Saw movies are a good example of this. I can sit through alot of gore, but when people are digging their eyeballs out and having their internal organs and kidneys ripped out, I can’t sit through that lol. I don’t mind seeing someone get their head blown off, or their arm chopped off or their body cut in half. But I’m okay as long I don’t see any internal organs and their eyeball stays where it’s at. To me it’s the equivalent to watching a surgery take place, and I don’t do that stuff otherwise I’d be in medical school. So anyway, her left cheek is cut open and we can see all her bottom teeth. And like I said, its a pretty cool scene. I always had a thing for that nasty, bloody look on the villains face.
It reminds me of Imhotep from The Mummy (1999) in the scenes where he’s almost fully regenerated and the only part that isn’t is the bottom half of his face. The Mummy used lots of CGI, and I’m wondering how they got away with this scene. My first guess is they used a doll-like figure of Olivia, but she does turn her head towards the camera, so I don’t know. But once Eric sees her, it scares him so he walks backwards and immediately slips on her cheek and falls backwards on the toilet lol. I swear I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this scene, I mean really bro. He must’ve broke his back too, cause he hit it pretty hard and then slammed on the ground! But I bet any amount of money they used a stunt double for this scene. So once he’s on the ground, she jumps on him and starts stabbing him repeatedly in the eye!
He’s able to knock her off, but she stabs him about 10 times in the eye yet his glasses don’t break, what the hell! That’s almost impossible, unless he was getting stabbed with a butter knife. But even 10 strokes of that would leave a dent somewhere. But eventually he kicks her off, and kills her by beating her with the toilet seat lol. This guy is a comedic genius I swear; first he falls on the toilet seat, then he kills a girl with the same damn seat. When David and Natalie find this out, he takes him to a back room and tapes him up while Natalie goes to I guess find more supplies. Up until this point in the film, Natalie doesn’t really make that many appearances. When stuff happens she’s usually in the background making sad expressions and doing the usual “Huh” and “No way” and that sorta stuff. But no big deal, cause she’s still pretty cute.
So anyway, while she’s in the kitchen looking for supplies, she begins to hear noises and walks around the place. Eventually she hears Mia in the basement, calling for help. And knowing that girls gotta stick together, she opens the latch and walks down. Mia is facing the opposite direction, but she says things like “Why would you turn on me?” and stuff like that, trying to make her feel bad for locking her in the cellar. But then she starts talking crazy and Natalie realizes it was a setup, well duh! So she tries to run off but Mia pulls her back down. She opens her mouth and shows Natalie her tongue, but she also takes a knife and slices it in the middle! And it’s another cool scene. I remember seeing this scene in one of the trailers, but it had to be one of those ones they don’t show on tv cause they’d never put this scene on tv lol.
Now effects wise, the only way you could pull this scene off is if she had a separate tongue. Like if she used a plastic rubber tongue or something. Or they gave her one of those soft knives to run her tongue against so she wouldn’t get cut. But they still had to find a way to give her 2 separate tongues without using digital effects, so it’s interesting how they pulled this one off. But eventually David rescues Natalie and pulls her out the basement. Later on we see Eric in the living room, with a fireplace in front of him. He says he tried to burn the book but apparently it’s indestructible. Maybe if you opened the book up before you put it in the fire smart one! So later on, he takes the book out and opens it up again. He tells David that this thing is attached to Mia and it’s beginning to affect them.
And to destroy it, they have to kill her. David is of course, upset about this since that’s his little sister. Sorry bro, your sister is finished! While they talk, we see Natalie in the kitchen on the floor, still suffering from the attack. While they were in the basement, Mia also bit her hand so now she’s infected with the zombie flu and her left hand is all bumpy and pink. Meanwhile Mia is watching her from the attic, still not able to come out due to the chains. But she’s watching from the attic with a smile on her face. Natalie then grabs this electric food blender (I don’t know what the heck it’s called) and kinda holds it in front of her face. And while she stares at it, Mia is still watching her with a smile on her face, kinda giggling to herself.
But this was one of my favorite scenes from the trailer; the scene where she goes “Cut it… Cut it!” I didn’t know who she was talking to at the time, cause they obviously couldn’t show this scene in the trailer. The way she said it just gave me chills but unfortunately, that whole segment isn’t in the movie at all. And I’ll be honest, I was pretty disappointed. I don’t mind altering the camera cuts and stuff, but when you remove a scene entirely, it kinda bugs me. But after awhile, Natalie does in fact take the blender and slice her left arm in half! And it’s probably one of the bloodiest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie, I mean there’s blood everywhere spraying in her face! It’s probably more blood than the darn Piranha movie.
If memory serves me correctly, I remember reading the trivia for Piranha and finding out that they used 75,000 gallons of blood a day lol. When I read that, I almost passed out cause that’s alot of goddamn blood! But 75,000 gallons a day is so unrealistic, seriously. I mean, 10 gallons of blood per person is more than enough for a movie. So if hypothetically, they used 10 gallons per person that would mean there would have to be 7,000 people at that beach party when the piranha’s attacked, which is absurd cause I only saw a couple hundred. And not only that, for them to use 75,000 gallons a day would mean that all 7,000 people were bitten and lost the exact same amount of blood, which is totally unrealistic. I mean I could go on and on!
There’s no way in hell they used that much blood per day, especially when half the people on the scene made it off the beach. But yea there’s alot of blood in this scene. For this scene in particular, it was pretty easy to tell they were using a fake / plastic arm. And when you look closer, you can tell that her left shoulder is slightly longer than her other arm. But I’ll admit it’s pretty hard to tell, and even if you look close you can’t see the spot where her real skin blends in with the prosthetics. We later see David and Eric arguing some more about whether or not they should kill his sister. David even asks if the procedure is correct and whether he’s sure, and Eric tells him he is, and goes “It’s not a science book” lol. I swear the guy is a genius!
Being the big caring brother that David is, he thinks all his sister needs is a doctor. But Eric just calls him a wimp, thinking he doesn’t have the guts to save himself. He doesn’t call him a sissy, but that’s what I would’ve called him, you sissy! Pretty soon Natalie shows up again, this time with a nail gun in her hand. I can’t remember where her left hand is at this point, but she’s probably got it hidden since they can’t blur it out with those CGI tricks. But she appears in this scene and starts shooting them with nails lol. I always had a thing for the nail gun though, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it in a movie (not in a long while anyway) But the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of the nail gun, was this game I used to play on PS2 called Manhunt.
In that game, you play as a guy named Cash and you hide and hunt your enemies. But along the way, you pick up these various items that are used to kill your enemies. And at one point, Cash does get a nail gun that he can shoot his enemies with. It’s probably the crappiest weapon in the game cause it barely does any damage, but I always loved the sound of it. And in this scene, you can hear that very same sound when she shoots at these guys. She shoots Eric alot with it, and he falls on the ground! A couple of them get into his chest and even his hand, but it’s hard to really see them hit cause it’s obviously done without digital effects. And even though this scene could’ve been 10 times better with CGI, I don’t really care and they did a pretty good job.
She also grabs a pipe and bashes Eric while he’s still on the floor! And this is another cool scene that I enjoyed, and I love the weapons they use. You don’t always need guns and explosives to make a good movie, you could use a bat or a pipe and still get the same reaction from me. So she beats on Eric a couple times with the pipe, and I love the sound effects here. He even tries to block it but gets his fingers bent in the middle lol. For this scene they probably just got like a clay dummy hand that was soft enough to get dented. Eventually they knock her to the floor and cut off her arms! And now all of a sudden she starts to become human and starts crying and everything. Oh please woman, your a zombie! David even has the guts to hug her when she crawls towards him for sympathy, but we all know he’s hugging a zombie!
Pretty soon David goes to the basement for some reason, and runs into Mia down here. It’s pretty dark, but she gets a hold of him and begins throwing him around the room and into the walls lol. She throws him into about 3 different corners of the room, each with a puddle. Who the heck puts puddles in a basement lol. After getting slammed into the 3rd puddle, Mia tries to drown him down here. But Eric soon comes to the rescue and hits her with a hammer! So David runs over to him to see if he’s okay, but he just faints right here in the water. And for some reason, David just lays him foreword with his face in the water lol. Later on, David grabs Mia and takes her outside to the grave. He lays her down in the dirt here and buries her with a shovel. Eventually she comes to life, and tries to consult with David as he throws dirt on her face lol.
She begins to talk in a sweet voice, and says she can’t move. Well that’s because you’re getting dirt thrown on your body. She also says she can’t breath, and she’s right again cause she’s got that bag over her head! But eventually she turns angry again, and David continues to bury her lol. Once she’s fully buried, he leaves her there for about 2 seconds, and then he digs her back out. He then hooks up that oxygen nebulizer thing to her chest and begins to zap her till she comes back to life. He does this for about 30 seconds before he realizes he can’t bring her back to life. So he walks off towards the house feeling miserable, but 5 seconds later she pops up out of nowhere on 2 feet. Maybe it was his bad acting that was keeping her from springing to life, and that’s why she was only able to come to life once he walked off.
So they hug a little out here and later gather their things. Mia isn’t a zombie anymore, and we see the 2 of them packing up outside and getting ready to head off like nothing ever happened. David runs back inside for the keys I think, but once he gets to his room, Eric stabs him in the beck with something! David quickly runs to the front of the house and blocks him from going back outside, but it doesn’t look like he’s strong enough to stand on his own two feet. There’s also a shotgun that sits conveniently to his left, so he grabs it and aims it at him. But at the last second, he aims the gun at this gas tank that again sits conveniently to his left. And when he shoots it, it creates a pretty big explosion and sets the entire house on fire! It’s not that big of an explosion, but it’s probably the biggest one you’ll see without digital effects.
Mia is still outside when the house explodes, but it seems to have no effect on her, nor does it knock her to the floor. She also bends down to pick up the necklace that’s sitting conveniently on the ground in front of her, which must’ve flew out the house when it exploded cause last time I checked, she threw that thing on the floor when David decided not to take her home. As bloody and grueling as this movies been thus far, this dollar tree necklace has been through alot over the past hour or so, so it was obviously built to last. But she picks it up and puts it around her neck. She must feel pretty special having a cheap necklace around her neck lol. But once she puts the necklace on, it begins to rain blood from the sky!
I used to imagine what it’d be like in a horror movie if it actually rained blood, but it’s not all that fascinating to me. If anything it just makes the world look very dark lol. I used to always wonder how they’d create rain in certain movies. I used to always think the producer or whoever would choose a day that they knew it’d rain on, and choose that day to shoot. I think some of them use CGI or garden hoses or whatever. But since this movie uses no digital effects, they probably filled a garden hose with red paint and sprayed that everywhere. And I guess it gives a whole new meaning to the term “blood bath” lol. Not wanting to get soaked and wet from this blood bath, Mia climbs through some little fox hole out here and ends up in the shed. It’s the same shed where David found the dead dog.
When she gets in here, she crawls to the corner and frantically reaches up top. She finds a chainsaw up here, which of course, is a little nod to the original film with Ash in 1981. I actually never saw the original movie, but I’ve seen alot of the clips online. But from the clips that I’ve seen, that movie was way too gory for me. And I thought this movie was gonna be the same way, but thankfully it wasn’t as sadistic as I thought. So anyway, Natalie is still after Mia and she chases after her in this scene. Mia still has the chainsaw with her, so she carries it with her as she runs in-between these 2 walls that are not even 10 inches across. It’s funny cause once she runs in-between them, if you look at her feet she actually kicks the camera by accident at one point lol.
But while she’s in-between these tight walls, we see this sharp sword piercing through the wall next to her. And it’s a pretty intense scene, seeing it rip through the wall in front of her, inches from her body. It actually does hit her a couple times, but thankfully it doesn’t go through her. But I’ve seen scenes like this in other movies, most notably the scene in Child’s Play where Chucky is trying to stab Andy’s mother through the door. I always wondered how they pulled these scenes off without hurting the actor on the other side, cause the person on the other side doesn’t know exactly where they are. My only guess is that they put certain marks on the door, and tells them when and where to use the knife / sword but that’s just a guess.
Eventually Mia runs back outside into the bloody rain, while Natalie still chases after her. The house is still on fire, so the bloody rain does nothing to put out the flames. She chases Mia under the truck, but Mia gets the upper hand and chops off her feet with the chainsaw! But even though she doesn’t have any feet, Natalie is still strong enough to push over the truck on top of Mia! She tries to roll out the way, but it lands on her hand and pins it to the ground! That must hurt like hell lol. So while she’s struggling to remove her arm and retrieve the chainsaw, Natalie is slowly making her way over to her, crawling on her stomach. Mia is still tugging at her arm, trying to budget far enough to reach the chainsaw but it doesn’t seem to be getting her very far.
Eventually she does more tugging, and is able to rip at her arm and slowly rip it apart! This scene is pretty gross but not as gross as I expected. But she rips her arm off, and it kinda reminds me of the scene in Child’s Play 2 where Chucky rips his arm off after they slam the gate on it. So anyway, Mia takes the saw and aims it right between Natalie’s forehead, and slices her head in half. And it’s another one of the bloodiest scenes I’ve ever seen in movie! And I’ve seen hundreds of death scenes, but never have I seen blood spray on the actors face like this, cause it literally looks like she’s getting sprayed with a hose lol. The second she kills Natalie, all the blood stops spilling and we see her walking out towards the woods again. It literally took me till the end of the movie to realize she was wearing a red dress, which kinda compliments the blood in this movie.
Overall this was a pretty badass flick, and it’s always a blessing to come across real horror movies in the era of this lame handheld paranormal junk. This is probably one of (if not the) longest review I’ve ever done, but I did make it long on purpose cause we don’t see movies like this made anymore. Alot of the genre is run by lame low budget junk or paranormal crap that I just don’t wanna waste my time on. But I had alotta fun with this movie, and I enjoyed digging alot deeper than I normally do and picking apart these scenes. I have alot of admiration and respect for the people who made this film, who switched it up and decided not to drown it in CGI and did it the old fashioned way. I give them alot of respect and credit, and this is actually one of the few remakes that was probably better than the original.
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie on tv, and being pretty intrigued by it. I’ve seen my fair share of pointless / un-scary hand-held ghost movies over the years, but this one was actually the first straight-up horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. I was actually planning on seeing this movie in theaters, around early 2013 cause I’d seen a couple of the trailers on youtube. But this was also around the time this other movie called Dark Skies was coming out in theaters, and I wanted to see that instead cause it was made by Scott Stewart who made Legion. But unfortunately, that movie was just like the rest; another waste of money paranormal crap junk heap.
I remember asking my cousins after the movie was over what they thought, and they told me it was “okay” But I saw them again months after that, and they told me straight up that the film was lame. I guess they didn’t wanna spoil a good moment, cause we barely hang out anymore and very rarely do I even go to the theaters. Alot of the movies released these days are CGI filled unfunny junk and I don’t waste my time with those. But after seeing Dark Skies, I guess I didn’t even feel like going to the theaters anymore. But I knew that once this movie hit dvd, I was gonna buy it. I actually bought this movie on day one; July 16th so I’m proud of that. And even though I didn’t see it in theaters I’m glad I didn’t cause it was worth the wait, and the buildup was intense!
At the start of the film, we get the usual intros. This movie is made by a company called Ghost House pictures, which I think is a pretty cool title. In our first scene of the movie, we see this random girl walking in the woods. She’s wearing this white, dirty skirt but I can’t tell if she’s barefoot or not. But pretty soon she gets attacked by these 2 dudes who come outta nowhere and hold her on the ground! Thankfully they don’t rape her, but one of them smacks her in the face with a shotgun or something, which is still pretty sad. Men who hit woman are straight up wimps to me. Later on she wakes up in some little house surrounded by these weird people and some old lady. They have her tied to this wall by barbed wire in the room.
The old lady in this scene talks about something regarding some book she has, but I can’t get into specifics. It’s all in subtitles but even if it was in English, I still wouldn’t know what the heck she’s talking about. But she talks in that drunken nonsense gibberish like she’s brainwashed or something, and pretty soon the girls father shows up. And he too comes off kinda brainwashed cause he says “Don’t worry, their here to help you” but I don’t see how that’s possible when she’s tied to a damn wall by barbed wires. I hate people like this in movies lol. They remind me of those idiots from Rest Stop, which is one of my favorite low budget flicks. It was one of the few low budget movies with good actors, which is something you don’t come across very often.
But there’s 2 old people in that movie who are religiously brainwashed too. But the cool thing about them is both their sons look like members of the Beatles, cause they got the suits and the hairstyles lol. And I’m not the biggest fan of the Beatles but you get where I’m coming from. So anyway, the brainwashed father soon takes a bottle of something and begins pouring it on her head and all over her face. I’m guessing it’s gasoline but it’s hard to say. But after pouring it on her, he takes a shotgun out and shoots her right in the face! And now the movie has officially begun, as the title finally shows up. It was a weird, but cool way to open the film though I’ll say that much.
There’s also another thing I wanna mention though about this movie, that you’ll hear me bring up throughout this review. I read about this online about a month before the film was released in theaters. But from what I heard there’s absolutely no CGI at all in the entire movie! And I’ll be honest, I don’t mind CGI at all. I enjoy the effects and the explosions and stuff. But there are a couple examples of what I don’t like when it comes to effects; First off, I don’t like it when it’s used in movies that don’t even have a storyline. Michael Bay’s movies are a pretty good example of this, especially when it comes to Transformers. And especially for someone like me who’s seen hundreds of movies by this point.
You can’t throw CGI effects at me, and still expect me to ignore the story. And that’s why alot of his films suck, especially some of the remakes he’s been a part of. When your career is based off remakes and special effects, you get no credit from me at all. Another example of when I don’t like when CGI is used, is if it’s used for a scene that could’ve easily been done normally. There’s a scene in The Day After Tomorrow (2004) where people are getting chased by dogs, but all the dogs are CGI. C’mon really lol. Like they couldn’t simply go to Petco and rent a dog for 2 weeks. They also used CGI for all of the helicopters, which I also thought was lame. But yea, when people use CGI like that, it bugs me.
So anyway, the first scene in this movie is the reason why I brought this up; the scene where they lit the girl on fire. Cause normally I guess they’d use CGI fire on her and just have her scream and act like she was burning up. But since there’s (supposedly) no CGI in this movie I’m kinda wondering how they pulled it off. In the next scene, we get this beautiful upside down shot of the forest as we zoom in on this truck driving across the highway. I always had a thing for upside down shots, even though I don’t see it used that often. I know there’s a shot in the beginning of Devil (2010) that’s upside down. But the thing I like about this shot, is that the camera goes from upside down, to right-side up as they narrow in on the car.
I’ve never seen this before, but I would love for them to do one shot where they went upside down, zoomed in on the car and then entered the car through use of transition. I bet David Fincher could do that! So we see the truck making it’s way through the woods, across a lake and eventually until it stops at this cabin, where most of these teen horror movies take place. Come to think of it, there aren’t alot of horror movies that take place in the woods. Off the top of my head, the first 2 that come to mind are Wrong Turn (2003) and Cabin in the Woods (2011) which is by far one of the best horror movies I’ve come across so far, especially that kick ass ending! But there aren’t alot of movies where teens arrive at an abandoned cabin in the woods.
But I guess the main one would have to be the Friday the 13th series. I’ve seen all of those films, but I honestly don’t have a favorite. But I guess the later ones with Kane Hodder are pretty cool. So anyway, the guys name is David and he gets out the car and meets his friends. One thing I immediately noticed about this scene, is that it’s very different in tone. Because in alot of those woods movies (especially the Friday movies) when they arrive at the cabin, the first thing they do is say stuff like “We’re getting drunk tonight” and they start goofing off. But this scene is pretty different and alot more mellow and relaxed. Everybody calmly exits their car and greets each other, and for a split second you kinda feel their all going to a funeral or something.
There’s one girl in this scene named Olivia, who I recognize from Cloverfield (2008) Maybe she’s a fan of the genre, good for her. There’s also this cute chick named Natalie, who looks exactly like the girl that was burned by her father in the opening scene, but I think their 2 different girls. They should’ve given her brown hair so we as the audience didn’t get confused. I was already coming up with stuff in my head, thinking that she was the same girl and these scenes all took place in the past. We later meet this other girl in the woods named Mia, who I think is sitting on top of a car in this scene. David soon walks up to her and they talk for a bit, mostly about nothing specific.
But we do come to the conclusion that their both brother and sister. She also mentions something about her not being able to trust him and not leave her, and forces him to make her a promise. He accepts and makes the promise, and also gives her some cheap necklace that looks like it came from one of those cheap vending machines at K Mart. But she takes it and puts it around her neck. We later see them talking in one of the rooms, where Mia mentions their mother and how she died. I forget if she explains why, but they say she was sick in the hospital so it must’ve been cancer or something. And I guess that’s why she made him promise that he wouldn’t leave her, cause she didn’t wanna feel alone. So it kinda makes sense.
Later that night, Mia starts to freak out and starts talking about some smell in the house. But she flips out like the smell is physically doing something to her. Which is surprising, cause not too long ago she was outside sitting on a dirty old car in the middle of the woods and I assume it smelled just as bad out there. But it’s pretty funny, cause she keeps saying “something reeks” and making all these weird faces lol. Speaking of weird faces, this movie actually has some good actors in it. I only recognize one person, which made me think the rest of the cast were gonna be block heads but most of them are actually pretty good. The only one I kinda laugh at is David. And it’s not the expressions he makes, but sometimes when he yells you just don’t feel his emotion coming through, and he sounds kinda geeky.
But thankfully one bad apple doesn’t spoil the whole bunch, so I probably won’t get on his case too much. Eventually a dog pops up outta nowhere, and starts sniffing the rug. So David removes the rug and they find the entrance to a basement down here. You can’t have a cabin movie without a basement lol. I know Cabin in the Woods had a basement, and they went down there to read the passage that brought the zombies to life! It’s after that chick was done kissing the mannequin deer on the wall. Just thinking about that scene still gives me creeps lol. But before they open the latch, they see all these red stains on top of the door to the entrance. Which is obviously blood, and if you didn’t know that, you don’t need to be reading this review.
But this one dude named Eric has the guts to go “Is that blood?” no doofus it’s ketchup! Somebody needs to smack this guy! But they eventually open the door and walk down the stairs. There isn’t really that much down here, on the walls anyway. Eric also goes “It smells like burnt hair” lol. Who comes up with this stuff! Burnt hair, seriously bro! We should burn your hair just for saying that. He’s actually got longer hair than all the guys in this movie, which makes me think he’s the hippy character. But eventually they spot a bunch of dead cats hanging from the walls, which is pretty sad. I always wanted a kitten, but we can’t have any in our development.
And since all the cats are dead, I guess the dog doesn’t have anything to chase around the house. But beyond these dead cats, they find a book down here. They later bring it upstairs, and the first one to open it is Eric. He takes the book to his room and lays it on the table here. It’s covered in some type of stitches or something, but he cuts them all off and opens it. The cover has this pretty cool stitched look as well, which kinda reminds me of the dude in Jeepers Creepers who had his belly stitched together. Which is always a plus, since that was (and still is) one of my favorite horror movies. When he finally opens it, he sees all these pictures and all these languages and stuff. It’s definitely got a very big religious vibe going on, but I’m not worried about that.
There’s also alot of messages written in blood on the book, which is pretty cool. One of them says “Leave this book alone” well it’s too late for that lol. So he takes out some paper and starts sketching something from the book, and reveals these words. He also reads them out loud, and we get a couple shots from outside. One of the words makes Mia barf, so that must’ve been the barfing spell lol. I forget when, but for the last 20 minutes or so she’s been out here walking around in the rain, probably cause she still can’t stand the smell. It rains alot in this movie, which is pretty cool and it really helps with the immersion. Movies are always a tad scarier when rain is involved lol. But she has no clue about any of this, and begins to freak out some more.
The smell of the house has gotten to her, and after barfing she’s probably had enough. So she comes back inside and begs the others to take her home. Alot of them disagree, though they don’t say whether or not they like the house. But I think Olivia tells her that they made a promise to stay in the woods, for reasons that escape me. It would’ve also been cool to know how far they were from home, and how far into the woods they were. In the beginning of the movie, we see David driving towards the woods but we never see him get off a highway or anything. It’s not really the biggest deal in the world, but it would’ve helped us as the audience so we could go “Wow, that must suck cause their 20 miles from home” but since we don’t know for sure, my sympathy is out the window.
So anyway, she begs them to take her home and they all say “No” But she asks her brother David, who I guess is trying to win the sympathetic award. He’s trying to act all sad, and he doesn’t say anything but his expressions say “I’d like to take you home but I’d rather stay” and she reads them easily. So when she realizes he’s not gonna take her home, she gets angry. She tells him she thought she could trust him, and she takes the necklace he gave her and rips it apart lol. This scene makes me crack up just thinking about it. I mean, that necklace was cheap anyway, even though some might say it’s the thought that counts. It looks like he got it from the darn dollar tree, next time get her diamonds bro. So she drops the necklace and storms out of the house, while David tries to make his best “sad” expression.
So she takes off in her jeep across the woods, yelling at herself and trying to release some frustration. I guess she feels a little betrayed that her friends wouldn’t take her back home, and honestly I’d feel the exact same way. That’s why I’d probably bring my own car, just in case something like that happened I’d be able to go back home if I felt like leaving. So she’s having a little road rage moment, but eventually sees some zombie chick in the middle of the road and quickly pulls away! She drives off the side of the road, and lands in a nearby mud lake! She gets out the car and starts climbing through the mud, while we get a couple shots of something chasing her from behind going about 50mph (I’m rounding of course) But this scene immediately reminded me of another scene, and it didn’t take long for me to make the comparison;
It reminds me of The Neverending Story (1984) cause there’s a scene in that movie where Atreyu is trying to rescue his horse from the mud, be it ends up drowning. So after it drowns, he continues on and starts tugging through the mud just like Mia. But not only that, Atreyu is being chased by this huge werewolf and we get alot of back and forth shots of the two of them, which is very similar to the back and forth shots here. The ones in this movie only last about 8 seconds, but the ones in Neverending Story go on for about 30. But I bet any amount of money, that this scene was inspired by that movie. Thankfully Atreyu is rescued by Falkor before the wolf catches up to him. But I love that film cause it was one of my favorite movies as a kid.
So anyway, Mia continues on and runs through the woods. Eventually she runs into these weeds and gets caught in here, as they come to life and start grabbing at her. There’s like 5 different things grabbing at her arms and legs, and it’s pretty weird lol. The zombie girl also pops up out of the water and stands in front of her in this scene, and I remember this scene from the trailer. She looks exactly like her, and she stands here as the camera pans towards her. I always had a thing for those zoom shots; where they zoom the camera on the person and everything in the background kinda comes forward. Those shots always gave me chills. But anyway, the girl stands here in front of her, without saying anything, her mouth closed but her eyes wide open with black contact lenses. She looks like she’s just seen a ghost!
But Mia just looks at her in terror, while she tries to break free from these trees. This is another scene I wanna dive into, in regards to the CGI and stuff. Cause normally they’d use CGI for this scene, and digitally have the weeds grab at her (something Michael Bay would do) but I can only take a guess as to how they pulled these scenes off, having not seen any behind the scenes footage or anything. For the weeds that surround her leg, my only guess is that they used some type of robotic stick, like an umbrella handle with obviously fake weeds around it. And when they grabbed around her legs, some dude was under the floor twisting and turning it. Without CGI, that’s my only guess as to how this was pulled off.
The zombie girl also has this thing crawl out of her mouth, which looks like a long dark hair rope and it’s so disgusting lol. But this is another non-CGI scene that I’m wondering about. I mean you could definitely fool us with some quick camera cuts; 2 seconds here, 2 seconds there. But I’m wondering how they had something that long come out of her mouth without digital effects. Cause about 1 foot of it comes out before they cut to the back of her head, in which they could’ve easily used a puppet doll since her face wasn’t shown. So this dark snake-like figure crawls out and climbs up Mia’s leg as she’s still attached to the weeds here. I think they circle around her right leg, but they climb up her skirt and I guess, into her, you know.
So she screams out in pain, and thank goodness I’m not a woman cause I don’t wanna know what that feels like. Later on, we see Mia inside the house in her room. She’s all curled up in a ball, probably traumatized by what just happened. I also remember this scene from the trailer. I actually haven’t seen the trailer all that much, except for a couple times when it first came out. I obviously didn’t wanna spoil anything, so I only watched it a few times. But I can still pretty much remember every clip from the trailer, and the slight variations they made in the actual movie. So anyway, David comes in and talks with her. She looks back at him with this weird looking spooked expression. But she leans closer, and whispers in his ear, and says “There’s something… with us… here”
And I remember this from the trailer, cause with every pause they played a different clip and then came back to her. I think the last word she says is either “here” or “now” but when she does, the camera is in the same spot in the trailer, but in the movie we see both their faces. It’s just a slight variation that I noticed, no big deal. But I think it’s obvious at this point that she’s kinda possessed here. Whatever the heck crawled inside of her is still in her, so it’s only a matter of time before it makes her do something twisted. But without saying anything, he walks off thinking she’s gone crazy. We later see Eric in his room still looking at the book. Like I said it’s filled with alot of pictures, and alot of what happens in the movie is described in the pictures.
For example there’s a picture of some girl trapped in the weeds, and we just saw Mia in those weeds not too long ago. But I can’t remember if he realizes this in this scene, cause I don’t think anybody (besides the zombie chick) saw her out there, or even heard her screams for help. We later see David wandering around outside, and eventually finds the dog again. He yells his name a couple times in this scene too; Grandpa lol. Who the hell names their dog Grandpa! I can understand you naming it after your Grandpa, but c’mon bro really! Eventually he finds the dog in some cellar next to the house, but unfortunately it’s dead. We also see a shotgun on the ground, with the tip of the gun covered in blood. So it’s pretty obvious how the dog died.
But what isn’t obvious is who did it. The only two possibilities are Mia and the zombie chick, but it could be either. And Mia could’ve easily been possessed by her to kill the dog. All we need is a detective down here for some fingerprints. We later see Mia in the shower, running all this water over her body. Apparently it’s a hot shower, since there’s alot of smoke coming from the water. She’s either very stressed out or trying to cleanse herself from those dirty weeds. And come to think of it, I wonder how they did this scene without any CGI. Cause I know some movies even use CGI smoke to fool us, and I’m pretty good at detecting that.
But since this film supposedly doesn’t use any CGI, I wonder where they got the smoke from if in fact the water isn’t hot cause I know they don’t wanna burn the actors. My only guess is they had the camera pointed towards her while somebody under the camera had a smoke machine, or they had a smoke machine in the walls, but I’m probably completely wrong lol. But still, for them to pull off scenes like this practically takes alot of talent. So anyway, pretty soon she starts to turn the knobs all the way to the side, making the water temperature hotter and hotter! She eventually falls backwards because of the heat, and some of it burns her face and her shoulder! More specifically, her right cheek and right shoulder. And as the camera pans closer, we see her skin beginning to puff out and bulge a little.
And again it’s pretty impressive, if their in fact not using any CGI. My only guess as to how they pulled this off, is they built a rubber skin suit around her and put tubes through her shirt. Eventually David finds her laying her, and quickly takes his sister with him in the car. They take the same road Mia was on earlier, and they drive down the road a little. Mia doesn’t say anything while David rigorously drives down the road, but she’s got alot of milk coming from her mouth. I like to use the word milk instead of those other disgusting words to describe what it really is, cause I hate seeing people drool in horror movies. But eventually David stops the car, cause apparently they can’t go any further. Turns out there’s a river of water blocking their way to the other side of the road, how convenient lol.
If it ain’t a deer or a dead zombie chick, its a river of water. But come to think of it, I don’t even think the water is that deep. Cause in the opening scene of the movie, when David makes his way to the cabin he actually crosses this same lake. So it shouldn’t be anymore than 3 inches high, what the hell lol. But hey, we can’t make it too realistic cause then it’d be a pretty lame movie. But even if it was 2 feet high, so what! Get a napkin, whip the drool off her face, pick her over your shoulder and carry her across! But since 3 inches of water is too much for David, he takes Mia back to the house who at this point probably has a pool of spit next to her. So they get back home and talk with Eric again for a bit, who I think is still holding the book in his hand.
When they get back, they have some little argument in the living room about what to do next. David says everything is fine but Eric goes “Everything is not fine” well thanks genius kid for stating the obvious, once again. Pretty soon Mia pops up again in zombie mode, and this time she’s wielding a shotgun! David asks her to put it down, raising his hand like that’s gonna stop a bullet, but she shoots him in the shoulder anyway lol. She also delivers the famous line “You are all going to die tonight” and this was in the trailer too, but I think they used a different camera angle in the movie, which again kinda sucks. Cause in the trailer, the camera is in front of her but in the movie, when she says it the camera is on half her face. So it doesn’t have the same epic feeling it would’ve if they kept it the way it was in the trailer!
I swear, who makes the trailers, seriously. Every scene from the trailer that’s in the movie is altered in some way. And it’s not the biggest deal in the world, but I notice that stuff and the effect of the scene would’ve been so much stronger if they kept those shots in the movie! After shooting David and putting him in the corner where he belongs, Olivia tries to grab her but she gets quickly thrown to the floor! Mia holds her down and drools all over her, and it’s disgusting as hell! This time the milk is orange, and it looks like some type of juice mixed in vegetable soup or something. But David soon comes to the rescue, popping up and knocking her into the basement below! And it’s obvious by this point that this chick is possessed by something.
We later see Olivia in the bathroom, but she’s pretty calm over what just happened. We see her looking through the cabinet drawers, looking for some medicine to I guess cure the vegetable soup on her face. Last time I checked, vegetable soup was used to cure sickness (bad joke… bad joke) but pretty soon she starts walking around the bathroom. Come to think of it, this is a pretty big bathroom for such a small cabin. I mean we don’t get alot of shots from outside, but it can’t be that big. The bathroom is bigger than their rooms for crying out loud lol. But anyway, she stands in the middle of the room and begins to start twitching. And it’s pretty cool I’ll admit, and she’s obviously affected by the vegetable soup that was sprayed on her face.
But while she’s frozen still, she also pees her pants in this scene, how disgusting! Come to think of it, there are alot of scenes in this movie that remind me of The Exorcist. Cause I think the girl in the bedroom pees herself in one scene. But there’s also a scene earlier where Mia (when she goes into zombie mode) curses out David and her voice kinda gets a little deeper. I actually did do a review of The Exorcist way back when I first started movie reviewing in 2011, but I read it recently around early 2013 and realized how much I screwed it up. It was in the early days when I was just doing movies with now reason at all, no focus and no genre. And I wasn’t really saying what I wanted, so I kinda screwed up the review. But from what I remember, I think the little girl peed the bed and I think (after she becomes the demon girl) she curses out her parents.
And then of course there’s the similarity in these stupid barfing scenes. So I guess you could say, the people that made this movie had a little inspiration from those movies but whatever. Pretty soon Eric comes to the bathroom and finds Olivia here on the floor, with her face hidden. When she finally turns around, we see her with a knife in her mouth towards her cheek, which is half missing revealing her bottom teeth! And it’s a pretty disgusting and nasty scene, but it’s not that disturbing to be honest. It’s actually pretty cool! When I first went into this movie, I was expecting them to be as disgusting as the original, which I was afraid of cause I hate all that gore. I can actually sit through alot of gore, but there comes a point when it gets too much for me.
The Saw movies are a good example of this. I can sit through alot of gore, but when people are digging their eyeballs out and having their internal organs and kidneys ripped out, I can’t sit through that lol. I don’t mind seeing someone get their head blown off, or their arm chopped off or their body cut in half. But I’m okay as long I don’t see any internal organs and their eyeball stays where it’s at. To me it’s the equivalent to watching a surgery take place, and I don’t do that stuff otherwise I’d be in medical school. So anyway, her left cheek is cut open and we can see all her bottom teeth. And like I said, its a pretty cool scene. I always had a thing for that nasty, bloody look on the villains face.
It reminds me of Imhotep from The Mummy (1999) in the scenes where he’s almost fully regenerated and the only part that isn’t is the bottom half of his face. The Mummy used lots of CGI, and I’m wondering how they got away with this scene. My first guess is they used a doll-like figure of Olivia, but she does turn her head towards the camera, so I don’t know. But once Eric sees her, it scares him so he walks backwards and immediately slips on her cheek and falls backwards on the toilet lol. I swear I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this scene, I mean really bro. He must’ve broke his back too, cause he hit it pretty hard and then slammed on the ground! But I bet any amount of money they used a stunt double for this scene. So once he’s on the ground, she jumps on him and starts stabbing him repeatedly in the eye!
He’s able to knock her off, but she stabs him about 10 times in the eye yet his glasses don’t break, what the hell! That’s almost impossible, unless he was getting stabbed with a butter knife. But even 10 strokes of that would leave a dent somewhere. But eventually he kicks her off, and kills her by beating her with the toilet seat lol. This guy is a comedic genius I swear; first he falls on the toilet seat, then he kills a girl with the same damn seat. When David and Natalie find this out, he takes him to a back room and tapes him up while Natalie goes to I guess find more supplies. Up until this point in the film, Natalie doesn’t really make that many appearances. When stuff happens she’s usually in the background making sad expressions and doing the usual “Huh” and “No way” and that sorta stuff. But no big deal, cause she’s still pretty cute.
So anyway, while she’s in the kitchen looking for supplies, she begins to hear noises and walks around the place. Eventually she hears Mia in the basement, calling for help. And knowing that girls gotta stick together, she opens the latch and walks down. Mia is facing the opposite direction, but she says things like “Why would you turn on me?” and stuff like that, trying to make her feel bad for locking her in the cellar. But then she starts talking crazy and Natalie realizes it was a setup, well duh! So she tries to run off but Mia pulls her back down. She opens her mouth and shows Natalie her tongue, but she also takes a knife and slices it in the middle! And it’s another cool scene. I remember seeing this scene in one of the trailers, but it had to be one of those ones they don’t show on tv cause they’d never put this scene on tv lol.
Now effects wise, the only way you could pull this scene off is if she had a separate tongue. Like if she used a plastic rubber tongue or something. Or they gave her one of those soft knives to run her tongue against so she wouldn’t get cut. But they still had to find a way to give her 2 separate tongues without using digital effects, so it’s interesting how they pulled this one off. But eventually David rescues Natalie and pulls her out the basement. Later on we see Eric in the living room, with a fireplace in front of him. He says he tried to burn the book but apparently it’s indestructible. Maybe if you opened the book up before you put it in the fire smart one! So later on, he takes the book out and opens it up again. He tells David that this thing is attached to Mia and it’s beginning to affect them.
And to destroy it, they have to kill her. David is of course, upset about this since that’s his little sister. Sorry bro, your sister is finished! While they talk, we see Natalie in the kitchen on the floor, still suffering from the attack. While they were in the basement, Mia also bit her hand so now she’s infected with the zombie flu and her left hand is all bumpy and pink. Meanwhile Mia is watching her from the attic, still not able to come out due to the chains. But she’s watching from the attic with a smile on her face. Natalie then grabs this electric food blender (I don’t know what the heck it’s called) and kinda holds it in front of her face. And while she stares at it, Mia is still watching her with a smile on her face, kinda giggling to herself.
But this was one of my favorite scenes from the trailer; the scene where she goes “Cut it… Cut it!” I didn’t know who she was talking to at the time, cause they obviously couldn’t show this scene in the trailer. The way she said it just gave me chills but unfortunately, that whole segment isn’t in the movie at all. And I’ll be honest, I was pretty disappointed. I don’t mind altering the camera cuts and stuff, but when you remove a scene entirely, it kinda bugs me. But after awhile, Natalie does in fact take the blender and slice her left arm in half! And it’s probably one of the bloodiest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie, I mean there’s blood everywhere spraying in her face! It’s probably more blood than the darn Piranha movie.
If memory serves me correctly, I remember reading the trivia for Piranha and finding out that they used 75,000 gallons of blood a day lol. When I read that, I almost passed out cause that’s alot of goddamn blood! But 75,000 gallons a day is so unrealistic, seriously. I mean, 10 gallons of blood per person is more than enough for a movie. So if hypothetically, they used 10 gallons per person that would mean there would have to be 7,000 people at that beach party when the piranha’s attacked, which is absurd cause I only saw a couple hundred. And not only that, for them to use 75,000 gallons a day would mean that all 7,000 people were bitten and lost the exact same amount of blood, which is totally unrealistic. I mean I could go on and on!
There’s no way in hell they used that much blood per day, especially when half the people on the scene made it off the beach. But yea there’s alot of blood in this scene. For this scene in particular, it was pretty easy to tell they were using a fake / plastic arm. And when you look closer, you can tell that her left shoulder is slightly longer than her other arm. But I’ll admit it’s pretty hard to tell, and even if you look close you can’t see the spot where her real skin blends in with the prosthetics. We later see David and Eric arguing some more about whether or not they should kill his sister. David even asks if the procedure is correct and whether he’s sure, and Eric tells him he is, and goes “It’s not a science book” lol. I swear the guy is a genius!
Being the big caring brother that David is, he thinks all his sister needs is a doctor. But Eric just calls him a wimp, thinking he doesn’t have the guts to save himself. He doesn’t call him a sissy, but that’s what I would’ve called him, you sissy! Pretty soon Natalie shows up again, this time with a nail gun in her hand. I can’t remember where her left hand is at this point, but she’s probably got it hidden since they can’t blur it out with those CGI tricks. But she appears in this scene and starts shooting them with nails lol. I always had a thing for the nail gun though, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen it in a movie (not in a long while anyway) But the first thing that popped into my head when I thought of the nail gun, was this game I used to play on PS2 called Manhunt.
In that game, you play as a guy named Cash and you hide and hunt your enemies. But along the way, you pick up these various items that are used to kill your enemies. And at one point, Cash does get a nail gun that he can shoot his enemies with. It’s probably the crappiest weapon in the game cause it barely does any damage, but I always loved the sound of it. And in this scene, you can hear that very same sound when she shoots at these guys. She shoots Eric alot with it, and he falls on the ground! A couple of them get into his chest and even his hand, but it’s hard to really see them hit cause it’s obviously done without digital effects. And even though this scene could’ve been 10 times better with CGI, I don’t really care and they did a pretty good job.
She also grabs a pipe and bashes Eric while he’s still on the floor! And this is another cool scene that I enjoyed, and I love the weapons they use. You don’t always need guns and explosives to make a good movie, you could use a bat or a pipe and still get the same reaction from me. So she beats on Eric a couple times with the pipe, and I love the sound effects here. He even tries to block it but gets his fingers bent in the middle lol. For this scene they probably just got like a clay dummy hand that was soft enough to get dented. Eventually they knock her to the floor and cut off her arms! And now all of a sudden she starts to become human and starts crying and everything. Oh please woman, your a zombie! David even has the guts to hug her when she crawls towards him for sympathy, but we all know he’s hugging a zombie!
Pretty soon David goes to the basement for some reason, and runs into Mia down here. It’s pretty dark, but she gets a hold of him and begins throwing him around the room and into the walls lol. She throws him into about 3 different corners of the room, each with a puddle. Who the heck puts puddles in a basement lol. After getting slammed into the 3rd puddle, Mia tries to drown him down here. But Eric soon comes to the rescue and hits her with a hammer! So David runs over to him to see if he’s okay, but he just faints right here in the water. And for some reason, David just lays him foreword with his face in the water lol. Later on, David grabs Mia and takes her outside to the grave. He lays her down in the dirt here and buries her with a shovel. Eventually she comes to life, and tries to consult with David as he throws dirt on her face lol.
She begins to talk in a sweet voice, and says she can’t move. Well that’s because you’re getting dirt thrown on your body. She also says she can’t breath, and she’s right again cause she’s got that bag over her head! But eventually she turns angry again, and David continues to bury her lol. Once she’s fully buried, he leaves her there for about 2 seconds, and then he digs her back out. He then hooks up that oxygen nebulizer thing to her chest and begins to zap her till she comes back to life. He does this for about 30 seconds before he realizes he can’t bring her back to life. So he walks off towards the house feeling miserable, but 5 seconds later she pops up out of nowhere on 2 feet. Maybe it was his bad acting that was keeping her from springing to life, and that’s why she was only able to come to life once he walked off.
So they hug a little out here and later gather their things. Mia isn’t a zombie anymore, and we see the 2 of them packing up outside and getting ready to head off like nothing ever happened. David runs back inside for the keys I think, but once he gets to his room, Eric stabs him in the beck with something! David quickly runs to the front of the house and blocks him from going back outside, but it doesn’t look like he’s strong enough to stand on his own two feet. There’s also a shotgun that sits conveniently to his left, so he grabs it and aims it at him. But at the last second, he aims the gun at this gas tank that again sits conveniently to his left. And when he shoots it, it creates a pretty big explosion and sets the entire house on fire! It’s not that big of an explosion, but it’s probably the biggest one you’ll see without digital effects.
Mia is still outside when the house explodes, but it seems to have no effect on her, nor does it knock her to the floor. She also bends down to pick up the necklace that’s sitting conveniently on the ground in front of her, which must’ve flew out the house when it exploded cause last time I checked, she threw that thing on the floor when David decided not to take her home. As bloody and grueling as this movies been thus far, this dollar tree necklace has been through alot over the past hour or so, so it was obviously built to last. But she picks it up and puts it around her neck. She must feel pretty special having a cheap necklace around her neck lol. But once she puts the necklace on, it begins to rain blood from the sky!
I used to imagine what it’d be like in a horror movie if it actually rained blood, but it’s not all that fascinating to me. If anything it just makes the world look very dark lol. I used to always wonder how they’d create rain in certain movies. I used to always think the producer or whoever would choose a day that they knew it’d rain on, and choose that day to shoot. I think some of them use CGI or garden hoses or whatever. But since this movie uses no digital effects, they probably filled a garden hose with red paint and sprayed that everywhere. And I guess it gives a whole new meaning to the term “blood bath” lol. Not wanting to get soaked and wet from this blood bath, Mia climbs through some little fox hole out here and ends up in the shed. It’s the same shed where David found the dead dog.
When she gets in here, she crawls to the corner and frantically reaches up top. She finds a chainsaw up here, which of course, is a little nod to the original film with Ash in 1981. I actually never saw the original movie, but I’ve seen alot of the clips online. But from the clips that I’ve seen, that movie was way too gory for me. And I thought this movie was gonna be the same way, but thankfully it wasn’t as sadistic as I thought. So anyway, Natalie is still after Mia and she chases after her in this scene. Mia still has the chainsaw with her, so she carries it with her as she runs in-between these 2 walls that are not even 10 inches across. It’s funny cause once she runs in-between them, if you look at her feet she actually kicks the camera by accident at one point lol.
But while she’s in-between these tight walls, we see this sharp sword piercing through the wall next to her. And it’s a pretty intense scene, seeing it rip through the wall in front of her, inches from her body. It actually does hit her a couple times, but thankfully it doesn’t go through her. But I’ve seen scenes like this in other movies, most notably the scene in Child’s Play where Chucky is trying to stab Andy’s mother through the door. I always wondered how they pulled these scenes off without hurting the actor on the other side, cause the person on the other side doesn’t know exactly where they are. My only guess is that they put certain marks on the door, and tells them when and where to use the knife / sword but that’s just a guess.
Eventually Mia runs back outside into the bloody rain, while Natalie still chases after her. The house is still on fire, so the bloody rain does nothing to put out the flames. She chases Mia under the truck, but Mia gets the upper hand and chops off her feet with the chainsaw! But even though she doesn’t have any feet, Natalie is still strong enough to push over the truck on top of Mia! She tries to roll out the way, but it lands on her hand and pins it to the ground! That must hurt like hell lol. So while she’s struggling to remove her arm and retrieve the chainsaw, Natalie is slowly making her way over to her, crawling on her stomach. Mia is still tugging at her arm, trying to budget far enough to reach the chainsaw but it doesn’t seem to be getting her very far.
Eventually she does more tugging, and is able to rip at her arm and slowly rip it apart! This scene is pretty gross but not as gross as I expected. But she rips her arm off, and it kinda reminds me of the scene in Child’s Play 2 where Chucky rips his arm off after they slam the gate on it. So anyway, Mia takes the saw and aims it right between Natalie’s forehead, and slices her head in half. And it’s another one of the bloodiest scenes I’ve ever seen in movie! And I’ve seen hundreds of death scenes, but never have I seen blood spray on the actors face like this, cause it literally looks like she’s getting sprayed with a hose lol. The second she kills Natalie, all the blood stops spilling and we see her walking out towards the woods again. It literally took me till the end of the movie to realize she was wearing a red dress, which kinda compliments the blood in this movie.
Overall this was a pretty badass flick, and it’s always a blessing to come across real horror movies in the era of this lame handheld paranormal junk. This is probably one of (if not the) longest review I’ve ever done, but I did make it long on purpose cause we don’t see movies like this made anymore. Alot of the genre is run by lame low budget junk or paranormal crap that I just don’t wanna waste my time on. But I had alotta fun with this movie, and I enjoyed digging alot deeper than I normally do and picking apart these scenes. I have alot of admiration and respect for the people who made this film, who switched it up and decided not to drown it in CGI and did it the old fashioned way. I give them alot of respect and credit, and this is actually one of the few remakes that was probably better than the original.
Texas Chainsaw (2013)
I think I saw the trailer for this movie on tv a couple times, but not many. Truth is I’m not the biggest fan of Leatherface though. I love his look and the chainsaw is okay, but I have yet to come across one good film by this guy cause apparently nobody seems to know how to use him properly. I’ve seen and reviewed both of Michael Bay’s versions, which both sucked and I’ve seen Next Generation (1994) which also sucked. The big reason I hated those movies was because of that stupid pointless cult thing they had in there that didn’t make any sense. Thankfully this movie doesn’t deal with those retarded cults but I gotta say, it didn’t make it anymore enjoyable.
At the start of this film, we get a bunch of clips from the other movies. Like I said I haven’t really seen those movies, but I’ve seen these clips hundreds of times in the past; clips of Leatherface chasing that girl around. And when she escapes, we see him in the middle of the street flinging his chainsaw around like an idiotic psychopath lol. I guess the cool thing I like about Leatherface is that he always reminded me of Mankind from WWE, who also wore a mask like that. And I’m confident when I say that Mick Foley was definitely inspired by him in some way. And Mick was definitely one of the toughest wrestlers in the WWE, back when it wasn’t so much targeted towards little kids who know nothing about real entertainment.
Pretty soon a cop named Hooper arrives on the scene at this old house, out here in the middle of nowhere. Another thing I liked about this scene, was they filmed it the exact same way the other movies were made. They also used the same yellowish-orange tint, which brings the desert to life (if that’s even possible) but it’s pretty cool. It actually took me a couple seconds to realize that this scene was in present time, cause they were so indistinguishable. So anyway, Hooper arrives and gets out his police car. I instantly recognized his face, but surprisingly I had to actually check imdb to see what movie this guy was from. But he plays Michael Jordan’s father in Space Jam (1996) in the opening scene when their outside playing ball.
So anyway, he arrives and tries to calm down these Texans who are held up in the house. There’s about 10 of em, one of which is a woman with her baby. I’ve never been to Texas, but I’m used to the accents and the clothing by now. The only other states I’ve been to besides Jersey is Virginia and Delaware to visit my aunts. But I don’t even know what’s going on right now. All I know is there’s 10 people inside and 1 police officer with no backup, which to me looks pretty silly. But eventually some more Texans arrive, and they start throwing flamethrowers into the house and shooting the people inside which is kinda sad, especially since there’s a baby in there. And eventually they burn the house down!
Now maybe something like this would’ve never happened, had Hooper brought backup but whatever. Later that night, one of the dudes named Burt is walking around the burned up house and spots the mother with her baby. So he takes the baby, and literally kicks her in the face. I wonder what idiot put that in the script, seriously. So he takes the baby and brings it back to his truck. I didn’t even realize this at first, but I think the baby is supposed to be young Leatherface. And forgive me for not realizing this till I saw the movie twice, cause it’s pretty hard to follow these movies. I mean, the original 4 movies made no sense, and Michael Bay’s versions made no sense, so I figured this one was gonna be the same exact thing. But yea, its young Leatherface.
After taking the baby into his car, we finally get the intro. They give us the cheesy 3D intro where the words come towards the screen. But it doesn’t really work on me cause I can’t really experience this 3D since I wear glasses. But even if I could enjoy it, it wouldn’t make a difference cause I’d still be able to look past this cheesy gimmick and take the movie for what it really is. So after this gimmick intro, we meet these 2 girls named Nikki and Heather. And their both pretty cute, and they present good eye candy for guys like me. We later meet Trey Songz, who in this scene is home beating on a punching bag. It’s such a funny scene, cause the guy isn’t even built!
And I’m not trying to hate on Trey cause I like a couple of this songs. But putting him in this movie was pretty pointless. And Hollywood does that sometimes; they’ll put a famous celebrity in a crap movie to generate sales. They put Rihanna in Battleship (2012) and Busta Rhymes in Halloween Resurrection (1997) but both movies could’ve done without them. His character’s name is Ryan but I’m gonna call him Trey cause Ryan is kind of a stupid name to give him. And I’ve never met a black man named Ryan anyway lol. But we later find out he’s dating Heather and they do some flirting in this scene. It’s not even a cute scene, and half the time you can’t even hear what their saying! And this is one problem I had with this movie, especially in these early scenes; everybody just whispers to each other, like their trying to keep a secret from the audience.
But trust me there’s no secret in this movie, and they need to speak up if they wanna help move this pointless story along. Pretty soon they get some paper in the mail, which tells Heather that her grandmother died or something. So she gets angry, and goes over to her parent’s house and asks them about it. This is another scene that kinda bugged me, cause it’s so lame lol. They too, tell her that her grandmother died and she asks them about her. But this scene is so dumb, you just really feel no sympathy for this chick. When she gets home, Trey tries to comfort her but it’s another pointless scene cause you can barely hear what he’s saying! C’mon bro, you ain’t that quite when your on stage, sing her a song!
Eventually she decides to go to New Orleans to visit her house. So Nikki and this other guy named Kenny arrive, and they decide to go with her. When they tell her they’re coming with her to New Orleans, Heather goes “Really” and they should’ve went “No not really, gimme a beer” lol. But they get in a van and head off across the highway. They stop at a gas station to get some gas (duh) but when they pull off, they accidentally hit some dude. And this scene actually reminded me of the other movies, cause I wasn’t even thinking about those when I went into this one. I know the 2003 version begins with them picking up that girl on the side of the road, but I think the first Texas Chainsaw starts the same way.
So I guess this scene was some sort of twist on those, which I don’t mind since I guess they wanted to keep it fresh. He tells them his name is Daryl, but I’m gonna call him Brad Pitt cause that’s who he looks like lol. He looks exactly like Brad from Fight Club, cause he’s very skinny and he’s got the spiked hair and everything. But he needs a ride, and they offer to take him with em. Eventually they arrive at a place called Homestead, which I assume is where her grandmother lives. It doesn’t look any different from where they were, cause all I see is leaves. In one shot we can see a dead raccoon on the ground, which is pretty spooky (not really) Maybe if there was a dead deer or bear lying around it’d give me chills but I could kill a raccoon in my sleep!
Eventually they arrive at the front gate, which is locked of course. It’s basic horror tradition; locked doors = danger lol. Nikki even goes “There’s gotta be something behind there” and I just wanna congratulate her for stating the obvious. I know what’s behind there too, a house! Pretty soon some fat guy arrives right behind them in his car, kind of outta nowhere. According to imdb, his name is Farnsworth but I’m gonna call him F cause that’s just a stupid name no matter what state you live in. But he’s in a suit and tie, which makes me think he’s like a real estate person or a mayor or somebody. But he comes over and tells her everything about the house, gives her a stack of about 20 keys, and a bunch of paperwork.
It’s one of those scenes I hate seeing, cause they explain so much in one scene. But eventually they get inside the house and walk around. It’s pretty decent looking, has a large kitchen, a pool table, etc. While the others are enjoying the house, Heather decides to walk outside towards the graveyard. She looks at all the gravestones and sees her grandmother down there. I was gonna write down her name, but didn’t feel the need to. I don’t wanna pay too much attention to the story cause so far, I don’t really care for any of these characters lol. Heather looks at the grave and kinda tears up a little, and I kinda feel bad for her. But alot of the reason is simply cause she’s cute, and has nothing to do with the story. I actually just stared at her body in this scene lol.
Pretty soon they decide to head back out, but Brad Pitt decides to stay behind for some reason. He says he’s gonna stay behind to do some cleaning lol. But obviously, I knew he was up to no good. And nobody in the car has the brains to think he’s suspicious, especially since they randomly picked him off the street the day before. Once he gets in the house, he starts smiling and packing things up in his bag. He starts taking all the spoons and forks and shoves them in this bag of his, which to me makes me think he’s gonna cook something. I mean c’mon bro you don’t need that many spoons lol. And it better be a good meal, cause he’s got a smile on his face like he’s hiding a secret recipe. Eventually he goes to the basement, where he tries to open some steel door down here.
He even uses a knife in one scene, trying to pry the door open but it doesn’t work. C’mon Brad Pitt, use them arms! But later in this scene, Leatherface arrives and stabs him from behind! When he’s knocked to the floor, he begins pounding on him some more and it’s a pretty cool scene. Leatherface looks about the same as the other dudes in the other movies, even though he’s played by a different actor. I guess that’s one thing I always found interesting about the Jason movies. Cause I always thought every movie was played by Kane Hodder, but a couple months before I reviewed those movies I found out he only played him in the last 3 movies. And it wasn’t until I found that out, when I saw the difference between the last 3 movies. Cause Jason definitely did have wider shoulders.
But I mean seriously, who the hell cares. It doesn’t really matter who plays these characters if their face is covered. The only exception would be Robert Englund who plays Freddy, cause you can still see his face through the burnt makeup and his personality definitely shines through. Which is one reason why I hated the stupid Elm Street remake, cause that idiot had no personality and he brought nothing new to the franchise! But anyway, its pretty sad to find out Brad Pitt is the first one dead in this movie. And I guess somebody else is gonna be making dinner this time. If not, atleast put the spoons back where they were lol. Meanwhile, we see Heather out at some shop outside. It looks like she’s getting flowers, but I can’t remember cause I was too busy staring at her body lol.
But these 2 dudes show up and start flirting with her. She looks about 20 years younger than them, and it doesn’t look right at all. Another thing that irritates me about this scene, is how their both trying to get in her business. And it definitely looks as though this takes place in a small town, where everybody knows your business and where you work and stuff. And I honestly wouldn’t mind moving to a small town cause I like peace and quite, but that would kinda bug me. And I wouldn’t want anybody in my face acting like they knew me just cause it’s a small town and they see me around alot. I don’t care how many times you see me, you don’t know anything about me, so you need to chill!
But it’s basically another one of those cheesy scenes they put in most of these horror movies. Where one character goes “I’m going up to that house” and the other person goes “Oh don’t go there, its haunted” you know, cheesy stuff like that. They did the same thing in Cold Creek Minor (2003) but I’ve seen it in 100’s of other movies, trust me. Eventually they get back to the house and hang out some more. Pretty soon, Kenny gets caught by Leatherface in one of these scenes. He catches him on the steps and drags him down to the basement. He also catches Heather, and brings her with them so she can watch. He lifts Kenny into the air and plants him on this upside down hook, which is pretty gritty I’ll admit.
Kenny tries to fight back, but Leatherface takes the chainsaw and cuts his body in half lol. He also does this in Michael Bay’s versions; hangs his victims on the hook, which I guess is one of his trademark moves. But atleast in this movie, he actually kills the person while their on the hook. Cause I remember in Bay’s version, he puts the one dude on the hook and then he runs off. And then like 30 minutes later, Jessica Biel comes back and rescues him in a tub or something. And so far, this movie is doing pretty good in the killing department, which is how a horror movie is supposed to be. People are getting killed about every 10-15 minutes, which is how it’s supposed to be done!
And so far, the Leatherface in this movie has killed more people than both of Bay’s versions put together for crying out loud lol. Eventually Heather breaks free and runs off, with Leatherface behind her. I’m guessing this is their version of that classic scene from the early movies, of the girl running in the middle of the road. The only difference here is that it’s night time. But as she exits the house, she actually falls off the steps onto the ground! And a little later, she jumps over this fence and falls again. But it’s the way she falls that’s so clumsy and funny. But Leatherface chases after her as usual, with the chainsaw in his hand. I swear he’d be able to run alot faster if he put that thing down lol. But eventually she hides in one of the coffins down here, while Leatherface looks around cluelessly.
Later on, Heather escapes and gets picked up by Trey Songs and Nikki. They do alot of flirting in the movie, but it’s pretty cheesy and lame. But Heather jumps in the car with them and they speed off. Trey tries to bust down the gate with the van, but it doesn’t work. But somehow the gate magically begins to open. And while they wait for it to open wide enough to drive through, Leatherface is coming from behind! But before they take off again, Leatherface slices their tires with his chainsaw and they end up crashing! Trey ends up dying, which kinda sucks cause we could’ve really used a song from him at this point. But thank goodness he wasn’t the first guy to die cause I think that would’ve bugged me.
Heather and Nikki are still alive. But Leatherface pops up and stabs Nikki in the stomach with his saw and she’s dead. We’re not even an hour into the movie, and the entire cast (besides Heather of course) is dead. And at first I was kinda bummed cause you know the main character never dies, so the next 30-40 minutes is either gonna be boring as hell, or their gonna try and explain more of this baffled story to us since all the bad actors are dead and we can’t be tortured by them anymore. So Leatherface chases her towards the carnival, and they run around here for a bit. All the people in this scene see Leatherface and of course, they start running around like lunatics.
Some people are still on the ferris wheel, so Heather decides to climb on that while it goes around in circles. And it’s a pretty scary scene, since I hate heights. I tried to look closely to see the moments where they used CGI for her body but it’s kinda hard to spot, so I’ll give em credit for that one. They probably used some type of green screen though. Pretty soon some officer named Carl arrives, and points his gun at Leatherface. But before he gets fired at, Leatherface throws his chainsaw at him, which floats towards the camera. And it’s another pointless 3D moment that does squat for me. But after throwing his little toy, he runs off into the woods. So Carl takes Heather with him and they arrive back at the station with Hooper.
They ask her questions about this and that, and she basically tells them that Leatherface is on the loose. She tells them it’s the guy who wears a face as a mask, who Hooper and Burt recognize cause they killed him 20-30 years ago whenever it was. Pretty soon we see another cop (who’s named I don’t care to know) arriving at the house. They tell him to be careful and he tries to act tough, saying he’s gonna take Leatherface out with ease. Yea okay. And of course, like Hooper 30 years ago he doesn’t bring backup. These cops are so stupid! So he arrives and starts walking around the house with his little flash light, but eventually he gets killed too. Leatherface kills him the same way he killed Brad Pitt; slams him on the ground and pounds at him.
So far I think the body count is at 4; he killed Brad, Kenny, Nikki and now this cop who’s name I don’t know. Trey killed himself, so he doesn’t count lol. But like I said I’m pretty impressed. Even if the death scenes aren’t really that unique, their still better than the other movies I’ve seen. I honestly can’t even remember the death scenes from those movies. The only scene that comes to mind is the scene from the 2003 version where the dude is running through the laundry clothes. But he runs in a complete circle like a moron and runs right back into Leatherface and gets killed like an idiot lol. Eventually Hooper and Burt leave the room and start talking about what they’re gonna do. Burt wants to go back and kill him again, but Hooper doesn’t want to.
While they talk, Heather is in a room by herself. And she starts flipping through these newspapers on the desk in front of her and reading about Leatherface. Eventually she finds out somehow that Leatherface had a cousin, which she all of a sudden thinks is her. So she runs outside again, but somehow gets hit by a car that comes outta nowhere! I swear, this girl either gets hit or falls down like every 10 minutes in this movie. Maybe she should take off those damn heels lol. But eventually she gets picked up by Carl in his police car. She thinks he’s helping her at first, but we find out in this scene that he’s related to some other guy in the movie (Burt I think) but seriously who cares. I stopped paying attention to the story in this movie like 30 minutes ago lol.
But he brings her to this big factory looking place. He ties her up again in the middle of this room, and she looks pretty cute in this scene. Her arms are spread out, her shirt is ripped in the middle and she’s not even wearing a bra lol. Pretty soon Leatherface arrives in this scene, but he doesn’t attack her. He sees some scar on her chest, and realizes that she’s his cousin, oh how sweet! So he cuts her loose, but the moment he does this Burt and some other dude attack him and beat on him with these metal pipes. They also put a chain around his neck, which pulls him towards these little spinning blades. Which is pretty sick, but my only problem is these blades look so cartoonish and fake lol.
Heather gets a chance to run off, but she hears his cries of pain coming from inside. So she comes back and stabs this one dude in the back! For some reason the blood in this movie sucks too. It looks so fake and cartoonish, and I think its cause of the 3D gimmick they got in here. But eventually Leatherface gets his chainsaw back and kills Burt. He chops both his hands off and he falls into the spinning blades lol. And Heather and Leatherface walk out of the factory together. At the end of the movie, Heather finally reads the note that was given to her by her grandmother, which says that she and Leatherface are actually cousins. It was a weird way to end this movie, but better than anything Michael Bay would’ve came up with.
Overall this was a pretty decent flick. It was everything I expected it to be; a dumb fun teen movie. I also love the fact that this film had more death scenes, and it didn’t at all dive into that stupid cult. But I still feel as though the Freddy and Jason movies were better, and more straightforward. Some of them were cheesy and lame, but they still made sense in some way. And the same goes for Michael Myers, who hasn’t really had a good modern film in the 2000 era. If your not gonna give us story, atleast give us something entertaining though. And for the most part, this film entertained me even though the story was pretty lame. And without the stupid pointless cult, it was still better than Bay’s versions and probably better than the first 4 movies.
I think I saw the trailer for this movie on tv a couple times, but not many. Truth is I’m not the biggest fan of Leatherface though. I love his look and the chainsaw is okay, but I have yet to come across one good film by this guy cause apparently nobody seems to know how to use him properly. I’ve seen and reviewed both of Michael Bay’s versions, which both sucked and I’ve seen Next Generation (1994) which also sucked. The big reason I hated those movies was because of that stupid pointless cult thing they had in there that didn’t make any sense. Thankfully this movie doesn’t deal with those retarded cults but I gotta say, it didn’t make it anymore enjoyable.
At the start of this film, we get a bunch of clips from the other movies. Like I said I haven’t really seen those movies, but I’ve seen these clips hundreds of times in the past; clips of Leatherface chasing that girl around. And when she escapes, we see him in the middle of the street flinging his chainsaw around like an idiotic psychopath lol. I guess the cool thing I like about Leatherface is that he always reminded me of Mankind from WWE, who also wore a mask like that. And I’m confident when I say that Mick Foley was definitely inspired by him in some way. And Mick was definitely one of the toughest wrestlers in the WWE, back when it wasn’t so much targeted towards little kids who know nothing about real entertainment.
Pretty soon a cop named Hooper arrives on the scene at this old house, out here in the middle of nowhere. Another thing I liked about this scene, was they filmed it the exact same way the other movies were made. They also used the same yellowish-orange tint, which brings the desert to life (if that’s even possible) but it’s pretty cool. It actually took me a couple seconds to realize that this scene was in present time, cause they were so indistinguishable. So anyway, Hooper arrives and gets out his police car. I instantly recognized his face, but surprisingly I had to actually check imdb to see what movie this guy was from. But he plays Michael Jordan’s father in Space Jam (1996) in the opening scene when their outside playing ball.
So anyway, he arrives and tries to calm down these Texans who are held up in the house. There’s about 10 of em, one of which is a woman with her baby. I’ve never been to Texas, but I’m used to the accents and the clothing by now. The only other states I’ve been to besides Jersey is Virginia and Delaware to visit my aunts. But I don’t even know what’s going on right now. All I know is there’s 10 people inside and 1 police officer with no backup, which to me looks pretty silly. But eventually some more Texans arrive, and they start throwing flamethrowers into the house and shooting the people inside which is kinda sad, especially since there’s a baby in there. And eventually they burn the house down!
Now maybe something like this would’ve never happened, had Hooper brought backup but whatever. Later that night, one of the dudes named Burt is walking around the burned up house and spots the mother with her baby. So he takes the baby, and literally kicks her in the face. I wonder what idiot put that in the script, seriously. So he takes the baby and brings it back to his truck. I didn’t even realize this at first, but I think the baby is supposed to be young Leatherface. And forgive me for not realizing this till I saw the movie twice, cause it’s pretty hard to follow these movies. I mean, the original 4 movies made no sense, and Michael Bay’s versions made no sense, so I figured this one was gonna be the same exact thing. But yea, its young Leatherface.
After taking the baby into his car, we finally get the intro. They give us the cheesy 3D intro where the words come towards the screen. But it doesn’t really work on me cause I can’t really experience this 3D since I wear glasses. But even if I could enjoy it, it wouldn’t make a difference cause I’d still be able to look past this cheesy gimmick and take the movie for what it really is. So after this gimmick intro, we meet these 2 girls named Nikki and Heather. And their both pretty cute, and they present good eye candy for guys like me. We later meet Trey Songz, who in this scene is home beating on a punching bag. It’s such a funny scene, cause the guy isn’t even built!
And I’m not trying to hate on Trey cause I like a couple of this songs. But putting him in this movie was pretty pointless. And Hollywood does that sometimes; they’ll put a famous celebrity in a crap movie to generate sales. They put Rihanna in Battleship (2012) and Busta Rhymes in Halloween Resurrection (1997) but both movies could’ve done without them. His character’s name is Ryan but I’m gonna call him Trey cause Ryan is kind of a stupid name to give him. And I’ve never met a black man named Ryan anyway lol. But we later find out he’s dating Heather and they do some flirting in this scene. It’s not even a cute scene, and half the time you can’t even hear what their saying! And this is one problem I had with this movie, especially in these early scenes; everybody just whispers to each other, like their trying to keep a secret from the audience.
But trust me there’s no secret in this movie, and they need to speak up if they wanna help move this pointless story along. Pretty soon they get some paper in the mail, which tells Heather that her grandmother died or something. So she gets angry, and goes over to her parent’s house and asks them about it. This is another scene that kinda bugged me, cause it’s so lame lol. They too, tell her that her grandmother died and she asks them about her. But this scene is so dumb, you just really feel no sympathy for this chick. When she gets home, Trey tries to comfort her but it’s another pointless scene cause you can barely hear what he’s saying! C’mon bro, you ain’t that quite when your on stage, sing her a song!
Eventually she decides to go to New Orleans to visit her house. So Nikki and this other guy named Kenny arrive, and they decide to go with her. When they tell her they’re coming with her to New Orleans, Heather goes “Really” and they should’ve went “No not really, gimme a beer” lol. But they get in a van and head off across the highway. They stop at a gas station to get some gas (duh) but when they pull off, they accidentally hit some dude. And this scene actually reminded me of the other movies, cause I wasn’t even thinking about those when I went into this one. I know the 2003 version begins with them picking up that girl on the side of the road, but I think the first Texas Chainsaw starts the same way.
So I guess this scene was some sort of twist on those, which I don’t mind since I guess they wanted to keep it fresh. He tells them his name is Daryl, but I’m gonna call him Brad Pitt cause that’s who he looks like lol. He looks exactly like Brad from Fight Club, cause he’s very skinny and he’s got the spiked hair and everything. But he needs a ride, and they offer to take him with em. Eventually they arrive at a place called Homestead, which I assume is where her grandmother lives. It doesn’t look any different from where they were, cause all I see is leaves. In one shot we can see a dead raccoon on the ground, which is pretty spooky (not really) Maybe if there was a dead deer or bear lying around it’d give me chills but I could kill a raccoon in my sleep!
Eventually they arrive at the front gate, which is locked of course. It’s basic horror tradition; locked doors = danger lol. Nikki even goes “There’s gotta be something behind there” and I just wanna congratulate her for stating the obvious. I know what’s behind there too, a house! Pretty soon some fat guy arrives right behind them in his car, kind of outta nowhere. According to imdb, his name is Farnsworth but I’m gonna call him F cause that’s just a stupid name no matter what state you live in. But he’s in a suit and tie, which makes me think he’s like a real estate person or a mayor or somebody. But he comes over and tells her everything about the house, gives her a stack of about 20 keys, and a bunch of paperwork.
It’s one of those scenes I hate seeing, cause they explain so much in one scene. But eventually they get inside the house and walk around. It’s pretty decent looking, has a large kitchen, a pool table, etc. While the others are enjoying the house, Heather decides to walk outside towards the graveyard. She looks at all the gravestones and sees her grandmother down there. I was gonna write down her name, but didn’t feel the need to. I don’t wanna pay too much attention to the story cause so far, I don’t really care for any of these characters lol. Heather looks at the grave and kinda tears up a little, and I kinda feel bad for her. But alot of the reason is simply cause she’s cute, and has nothing to do with the story. I actually just stared at her body in this scene lol.
Pretty soon they decide to head back out, but Brad Pitt decides to stay behind for some reason. He says he’s gonna stay behind to do some cleaning lol. But obviously, I knew he was up to no good. And nobody in the car has the brains to think he’s suspicious, especially since they randomly picked him off the street the day before. Once he gets in the house, he starts smiling and packing things up in his bag. He starts taking all the spoons and forks and shoves them in this bag of his, which to me makes me think he’s gonna cook something. I mean c’mon bro you don’t need that many spoons lol. And it better be a good meal, cause he’s got a smile on his face like he’s hiding a secret recipe. Eventually he goes to the basement, where he tries to open some steel door down here.
He even uses a knife in one scene, trying to pry the door open but it doesn’t work. C’mon Brad Pitt, use them arms! But later in this scene, Leatherface arrives and stabs him from behind! When he’s knocked to the floor, he begins pounding on him some more and it’s a pretty cool scene. Leatherface looks about the same as the other dudes in the other movies, even though he’s played by a different actor. I guess that’s one thing I always found interesting about the Jason movies. Cause I always thought every movie was played by Kane Hodder, but a couple months before I reviewed those movies I found out he only played him in the last 3 movies. And it wasn’t until I found that out, when I saw the difference between the last 3 movies. Cause Jason definitely did have wider shoulders.
But I mean seriously, who the hell cares. It doesn’t really matter who plays these characters if their face is covered. The only exception would be Robert Englund who plays Freddy, cause you can still see his face through the burnt makeup and his personality definitely shines through. Which is one reason why I hated the stupid Elm Street remake, cause that idiot had no personality and he brought nothing new to the franchise! But anyway, its pretty sad to find out Brad Pitt is the first one dead in this movie. And I guess somebody else is gonna be making dinner this time. If not, atleast put the spoons back where they were lol. Meanwhile, we see Heather out at some shop outside. It looks like she’s getting flowers, but I can’t remember cause I was too busy staring at her body lol.
But these 2 dudes show up and start flirting with her. She looks about 20 years younger than them, and it doesn’t look right at all. Another thing that irritates me about this scene, is how their both trying to get in her business. And it definitely looks as though this takes place in a small town, where everybody knows your business and where you work and stuff. And I honestly wouldn’t mind moving to a small town cause I like peace and quite, but that would kinda bug me. And I wouldn’t want anybody in my face acting like they knew me just cause it’s a small town and they see me around alot. I don’t care how many times you see me, you don’t know anything about me, so you need to chill!
But it’s basically another one of those cheesy scenes they put in most of these horror movies. Where one character goes “I’m going up to that house” and the other person goes “Oh don’t go there, its haunted” you know, cheesy stuff like that. They did the same thing in Cold Creek Minor (2003) but I’ve seen it in 100’s of other movies, trust me. Eventually they get back to the house and hang out some more. Pretty soon, Kenny gets caught by Leatherface in one of these scenes. He catches him on the steps and drags him down to the basement. He also catches Heather, and brings her with them so she can watch. He lifts Kenny into the air and plants him on this upside down hook, which is pretty gritty I’ll admit.
Kenny tries to fight back, but Leatherface takes the chainsaw and cuts his body in half lol. He also does this in Michael Bay’s versions; hangs his victims on the hook, which I guess is one of his trademark moves. But atleast in this movie, he actually kills the person while their on the hook. Cause I remember in Bay’s version, he puts the one dude on the hook and then he runs off. And then like 30 minutes later, Jessica Biel comes back and rescues him in a tub or something. And so far, this movie is doing pretty good in the killing department, which is how a horror movie is supposed to be. People are getting killed about every 10-15 minutes, which is how it’s supposed to be done!
And so far, the Leatherface in this movie has killed more people than both of Bay’s versions put together for crying out loud lol. Eventually Heather breaks free and runs off, with Leatherface behind her. I’m guessing this is their version of that classic scene from the early movies, of the girl running in the middle of the road. The only difference here is that it’s night time. But as she exits the house, she actually falls off the steps onto the ground! And a little later, she jumps over this fence and falls again. But it’s the way she falls that’s so clumsy and funny. But Leatherface chases after her as usual, with the chainsaw in his hand. I swear he’d be able to run alot faster if he put that thing down lol. But eventually she hides in one of the coffins down here, while Leatherface looks around cluelessly.
Later on, Heather escapes and gets picked up by Trey Songs and Nikki. They do alot of flirting in the movie, but it’s pretty cheesy and lame. But Heather jumps in the car with them and they speed off. Trey tries to bust down the gate with the van, but it doesn’t work. But somehow the gate magically begins to open. And while they wait for it to open wide enough to drive through, Leatherface is coming from behind! But before they take off again, Leatherface slices their tires with his chainsaw and they end up crashing! Trey ends up dying, which kinda sucks cause we could’ve really used a song from him at this point. But thank goodness he wasn’t the first guy to die cause I think that would’ve bugged me.
Heather and Nikki are still alive. But Leatherface pops up and stabs Nikki in the stomach with his saw and she’s dead. We’re not even an hour into the movie, and the entire cast (besides Heather of course) is dead. And at first I was kinda bummed cause you know the main character never dies, so the next 30-40 minutes is either gonna be boring as hell, or their gonna try and explain more of this baffled story to us since all the bad actors are dead and we can’t be tortured by them anymore. So Leatherface chases her towards the carnival, and they run around here for a bit. All the people in this scene see Leatherface and of course, they start running around like lunatics.
Some people are still on the ferris wheel, so Heather decides to climb on that while it goes around in circles. And it’s a pretty scary scene, since I hate heights. I tried to look closely to see the moments where they used CGI for her body but it’s kinda hard to spot, so I’ll give em credit for that one. They probably used some type of green screen though. Pretty soon some officer named Carl arrives, and points his gun at Leatherface. But before he gets fired at, Leatherface throws his chainsaw at him, which floats towards the camera. And it’s another pointless 3D moment that does squat for me. But after throwing his little toy, he runs off into the woods. So Carl takes Heather with him and they arrive back at the station with Hooper.
They ask her questions about this and that, and she basically tells them that Leatherface is on the loose. She tells them it’s the guy who wears a face as a mask, who Hooper and Burt recognize cause they killed him 20-30 years ago whenever it was. Pretty soon we see another cop (who’s named I don’t care to know) arriving at the house. They tell him to be careful and he tries to act tough, saying he’s gonna take Leatherface out with ease. Yea okay. And of course, like Hooper 30 years ago he doesn’t bring backup. These cops are so stupid! So he arrives and starts walking around the house with his little flash light, but eventually he gets killed too. Leatherface kills him the same way he killed Brad Pitt; slams him on the ground and pounds at him.
So far I think the body count is at 4; he killed Brad, Kenny, Nikki and now this cop who’s name I don’t know. Trey killed himself, so he doesn’t count lol. But like I said I’m pretty impressed. Even if the death scenes aren’t really that unique, their still better than the other movies I’ve seen. I honestly can’t even remember the death scenes from those movies. The only scene that comes to mind is the scene from the 2003 version where the dude is running through the laundry clothes. But he runs in a complete circle like a moron and runs right back into Leatherface and gets killed like an idiot lol. Eventually Hooper and Burt leave the room and start talking about what they’re gonna do. Burt wants to go back and kill him again, but Hooper doesn’t want to.
While they talk, Heather is in a room by herself. And she starts flipping through these newspapers on the desk in front of her and reading about Leatherface. Eventually she finds out somehow that Leatherface had a cousin, which she all of a sudden thinks is her. So she runs outside again, but somehow gets hit by a car that comes outta nowhere! I swear, this girl either gets hit or falls down like every 10 minutes in this movie. Maybe she should take off those damn heels lol. But eventually she gets picked up by Carl in his police car. She thinks he’s helping her at first, but we find out in this scene that he’s related to some other guy in the movie (Burt I think) but seriously who cares. I stopped paying attention to the story in this movie like 30 minutes ago lol.
But he brings her to this big factory looking place. He ties her up again in the middle of this room, and she looks pretty cute in this scene. Her arms are spread out, her shirt is ripped in the middle and she’s not even wearing a bra lol. Pretty soon Leatherface arrives in this scene, but he doesn’t attack her. He sees some scar on her chest, and realizes that she’s his cousin, oh how sweet! So he cuts her loose, but the moment he does this Burt and some other dude attack him and beat on him with these metal pipes. They also put a chain around his neck, which pulls him towards these little spinning blades. Which is pretty sick, but my only problem is these blades look so cartoonish and fake lol.
Heather gets a chance to run off, but she hears his cries of pain coming from inside. So she comes back and stabs this one dude in the back! For some reason the blood in this movie sucks too. It looks so fake and cartoonish, and I think its cause of the 3D gimmick they got in here. But eventually Leatherface gets his chainsaw back and kills Burt. He chops both his hands off and he falls into the spinning blades lol. And Heather and Leatherface walk out of the factory together. At the end of the movie, Heather finally reads the note that was given to her by her grandmother, which says that she and Leatherface are actually cousins. It was a weird way to end this movie, but better than anything Michael Bay would’ve came up with.
Overall this was a pretty decent flick. It was everything I expected it to be; a dumb fun teen movie. I also love the fact that this film had more death scenes, and it didn’t at all dive into that stupid cult. But I still feel as though the Freddy and Jason movies were better, and more straightforward. Some of them were cheesy and lame, but they still made sense in some way. And the same goes for Michael Myers, who hasn’t really had a good modern film in the 2000 era. If your not gonna give us story, atleast give us something entertaining though. And for the most part, this film entertained me even though the story was pretty lame. And without the stupid pointless cult, it was still better than Bay’s versions and probably better than the first 4 movies.
The Purge (2013)
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie at some point and being pretty into it. It was one of the few horror movies to come out around this time that didn’t look like it was found footage or any of that crap so I figured it was worth my time. And I guess the masks and the hoodies that these guys wear was pretty cool too.
At the start of the film we get the credits as usual, and we find out the movie was made by Blumhouse Productions and Platinum Dunes. If you don’t know who these clowns are, Blumhouse is the company that usually puts out those crappy paranormal movies and Platinum Dunes is the Michael Bay company that used to put out all those crappy remakes. And come to think of it, all I can say is god damn lol. You have 2 of my most hated companies working together on 1 film, so you know this is gonna be good. I mean technically their just production companies so Michael Bay and James Wan might’ve had nothing to do with this movie, but their names are still associated with the company so, their all in on it somehow.
The credits actually pop up twice: You get the Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes logo and then later it says “A Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes Production” like damn dude, we get it lol. I remember they did the same thing in the Paranormal Activity movies, like how cocky can these people get that you gotta mention your name twice lol. So anyway, the movie takes place in the year 2022 but a majority of the movie takes place in this little house, which I’ll get to in just a few moments. But its not so far into the future to where we see any flying cars, which kinda sucks but this isn’t one of those movies. We later see this dude named James in his car, riding by and greeting people in the neighborhood.
Eventually he gets home and greets his wife Mary, who we see in the kitchen here making food. But as I watched this woman, I noticed something about how she was acting. I couldn’t help but think she was from Russia, not by her accent but from her face. Cause you know people from Russia always have that kinda frozen-lookin face when they get angry, like Drago from Rocky IV. So my guess was she was from Russia, but turns out she’s from Bermuda which is some island to the right of the US. People from Bermuda must act like that. It’s not really a big deal but I thought I’d mention this cause sometimes I notice little things in people’s faces, the way they talk or act and figure their from another country.
So anyway, we also see a tv in this scene, and the dude on the screen tells us about the purge and what it means. He says something about how society needs something like this, to release all their pent-up anger and aggression. I’ll get to this later cause it sounds pretty badass at first but also kinda sick and twisted. We later see the daughter Zoey, and she’s pretty cute. And we also meet her boyfriend who’s kind of a dork so I’ll ignore him for a little while. Outside we see the wife out here talkin to this chick, and I think her name is Grace. I’m looking at imdb right now for her name but her photo looks nothing like her in the movie, eh whatever I’ll her Grace.
But anyway, Grace is smiling here and has this plate of cookies in her hand. And I swear, the first thing that came to mind was how cliché this scene is. There’s a scene like this in the movie Running Scared (2006) with one of my favorite actresses Vera Farmiga. Her son was kidnapped and she finds out exactly where he is, so she goes to the house. This woman answers the door and she’s all smiles, but the audience knows she’s the one that took the kid, but she tries so hard to look all goody-two-shoes. So when I saw this scene with Mary and Grace that’s all I could think, that she was up to no good and just trying so hard (too hard actually) to look innocent with her big smile. A truck also pulls up in this scene with a white guy and some black chick, and they say something and pull off.
But since this is a horror movie, my first guess was that she was gonna be the first one to die lol. But anyway, Mary doesn’t take any of the cookies and walks back inside the house. As she walks back into the house, Grace goes “Have a safe night” which actually has alot of meaning in a movie like this lol. We later meet the son Charlie, who looks like he has a uno-brow lol. Later that night, eventually the purge begins and we see everybody getting ready. I’ll be honest up until seeing this movie and doing the review, I didn’t even know what the word “purge” meant. I mean I’ve heard the word before, but when I hear the word “purge” nothing really comes to mind. But anyway, I looked up the word “purge” online to see what Google had to say.
And this is what I got: To get rid of an unwanted feeling, memory or condition, or an abrupt removal of a group of people from a place. So all in all something or someone is being removed either physically or mentally, atleast that’s what I take from it. So anyway the purge begins, and James and his family get into this one little room and lock the house down. He presses a button and all these doors begin to shut around the house, reminds me of 13 Ghosts (2001) So you definitely get the feeling these people are rich cause they live in this big mansion. They also have about 3-4 big tv monitors in the room, where they can see everybody on the street. We also find out they have a closet full of guns, and since this supposedly happens every year, you get the feeling these guys are pretty used to the routine by now.
Moments later they turn on one of the tv’s and this chick gives us the news on the purge. She basically says all crime is legal for the next 12 hours and how police and medical people aren’t gonna help you till the next day. So if you get shot in the leg to the point where you can’t walk your pretty much screwed lol. And I’ll admit at first that sounds pretty cool (for a movie) but it also sounds pretty dangerous and scary. In the opening scene in the movie we get a pretty good idea of what goes on though, we see all this violence going on, people getting beat up, robbed, shot, etc. It looks more like a zombie movie than anything, and I hate those. They say it’s a good way to get out aggression and stuff but I don’t think so. I mean if anything, something like this would only make people even angrier. I mean what if you kill someone, trying to relieve some of that aggression.
Now you’re gonna have that person’s family after you, so you’re really just making things worse. If you’re stressed out, listen to music, or go for a jog. Don’t call it The Purge, just hit the gym for a couple days, go for a walk, or listen to music. I’m just runnin my mouth, I know none of that stuff would make an interesting movie, let alone horror movie. And thank goodness it’s only a movie huh. Eventually they all leave the room for awhile but Charlie the uno-brow kid stays in the room looking at the monitors. According to imdb he was 16 when this movie was made so maybe the parents were okay letting him look at this stuff, I mean with all the gunshots and stuff outside, at one point he had to wake up and have this stuff explained to him.
Eventually he sees this black guy out here on the street, and he calls for him to come in their house for safety. What a nice kid eh. Meanwhile we see Zoey and her bf upstairs talkin, and he says he wants to talk to her dad and convince him to let him date her, whatever you say nerd. So we see him walking down the stairs here, but when he gets about half-way down he randomly pulls out a gun on her dad! I forget whether or not he hits him but they open fire on each other and end up killing the bf. At first I thought this was just a random thing he did to make the movie look more interesting, but then I forgot what this movie was all about lol. He wanted to kill her father, so that he didn’t need to worry about him dating his daughter.
And like I said the guys a dork, so he probably knew he wouldn’t have a chance. But now he has no chances, cause he’s on the ground motionless. Zoey runs over to him cryin her eyes out, but I don’t know what her problem is. Her first thought should be “dude you just tried to shoot my dad” lol. Later on these people in masks arrive at the front door, and I remember them from the trailer. Some have hoodies and a mask, but the guy who rings the doorbell has a suit and mask, which looks kinda dorky but whatever, masks are cool. There’s also a couple chicks here with wedding gowns on who look pretty cute. So anyway this dude rings the doorbell and they just look at him through the little monitors in the room here.
I think they chose this guy for a reason, cause he definitely has a creepy little smirk. But he says something about them “cleansing their souls” by killing people or something like that. But then he asks them for the black guy who ran in their house earlier. Which is a pretty bad idea cause once you open those doors, they risk getting their family injured, so they wait it out. Later on the black guy just randomly appears outta nowhere. They don’t even give him a name on imdb, they just call him the “bloody stranger” lol. It’s weird how they don’t give this guy a name, yet they say the black chicks name (according to imdb) is Mrs Halverson, but the black guy is in the movie more than she is, what the hell lol. But you know I’m not gonna sit here and call him “the black guy” throughout the entire review so I’ll just make up a name for him.
Let’s call him Tony, I always liked that name. So anyway, Tony shows up in this scene with the cute daughter Zoey in his arms. They have this little stand-off scene where he holds her by the neck, while James tries to get him to let her go. Eventually he does let go, but throws her into a wall! Nice way to treat a lady eh. But James tackles him here and shoots him in the stomach, and later ties him to a chair. At first I was like “well the black guys dead” but thankfully he’s not dead, and I can’t tell you how happy I am, and how angry I would’ve been if he died. But yea he’s tied to the chair here, but atleast he’s alive. Later on the people with the masks arrive with this huge truck, and they use it to rip the doors off the house. The doors are made of steal but I’m assuming a truck can rip em off.
So after ripping the doors off, they finally make it inside the house. In the coming scenes we see people getting shot and killed, and their pretty cool. James does most of the killing. They later have this little fight scene here in the pool room and one dude is choking James on the table. But he grabs a pool ball and slams it into his head lol. At one point one of the chicks with the wedding gowns hops on the table and James shoots her! But when he shoots her, she kinda falls backwards onto the table in kind of a badass but funny way. I always had a thing for scenes like that, where someone will fall but hit something as they fall, so yea it was cool, and funny. Eventually these other people arrive, two of which we saw earlier, Mr and Mrs Halverson. This is like a new record for black people in horror movies, no joke.
But they help out with the rest of the masked killers here, shooting and killing em. Eventually Grace arrives, the chick from earlier who was trying to give Mary her cookies. I knew she couldn’t be trusted, and she made it pretty obvious from the get-go. She wants to take part in the purge so she orders everybody to get down on the ground while the 3-4 people with her help her out. She’s still got the same cheesy smile on as well. But I gotta admit this scene was kinda hard to watch. She orders them all on the ground, sayin they’re gonna shoot the kids right in front of em and Charlie and Zoey start cryin, and it was hard to watch. I bet Mary wished she’d taken those cookies earlier lol.
Eventually Tony arrives and knocks the rest of the people out the way! But before he does anymore damage, Mary tells him to let em live. And I knew she was gonna let em live, cause they wanna have that cheesy ending where she forgives them, even though they busted her house up and almost killed her kids. So at the end of the movie we see all of em sitting at this dinner table waiting for the purge to end at 7am. It’s all cool and quiet until Grace tries to grab the shotgun on the table but Mary grabs it back and slams it into her face lol. I swear I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this. The movie ends with her leaving the house with a busted nose, tryin to be slick and get one last purge-kill in there. Atleast Tony was a hero in this movie and he and the other chick survived.
Overall this was a pretty interesting movie with a pretty interesting concept, and I was entertained. I think the reason why it took place in 2022 was cause this was their fictional prediction of what might happen to the world if we don’t take care of the planet or something, but I don’t know, nor do I care. And like I said, on one hand you can look at this movie and think the concept is really cool. But on the other hand you can look at it and think the people who came up with it are just twisted in the head. But I’ll take this over any found footage garbage film or any Transformers garbage movie these idiots like to throw at us, any day.
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie at some point and being pretty into it. It was one of the few horror movies to come out around this time that didn’t look like it was found footage or any of that crap so I figured it was worth my time. And I guess the masks and the hoodies that these guys wear was pretty cool too.
At the start of the film we get the credits as usual, and we find out the movie was made by Blumhouse Productions and Platinum Dunes. If you don’t know who these clowns are, Blumhouse is the company that usually puts out those crappy paranormal movies and Platinum Dunes is the Michael Bay company that used to put out all those crappy remakes. And come to think of it, all I can say is god damn lol. You have 2 of my most hated companies working together on 1 film, so you know this is gonna be good. I mean technically their just production companies so Michael Bay and James Wan might’ve had nothing to do with this movie, but their names are still associated with the company so, their all in on it somehow.
The credits actually pop up twice: You get the Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes logo and then later it says “A Blumhouse and Platinum Dunes Production” like damn dude, we get it lol. I remember they did the same thing in the Paranormal Activity movies, like how cocky can these people get that you gotta mention your name twice lol. So anyway, the movie takes place in the year 2022 but a majority of the movie takes place in this little house, which I’ll get to in just a few moments. But its not so far into the future to where we see any flying cars, which kinda sucks but this isn’t one of those movies. We later see this dude named James in his car, riding by and greeting people in the neighborhood.
Eventually he gets home and greets his wife Mary, who we see in the kitchen here making food. But as I watched this woman, I noticed something about how she was acting. I couldn’t help but think she was from Russia, not by her accent but from her face. Cause you know people from Russia always have that kinda frozen-lookin face when they get angry, like Drago from Rocky IV. So my guess was she was from Russia, but turns out she’s from Bermuda which is some island to the right of the US. People from Bermuda must act like that. It’s not really a big deal but I thought I’d mention this cause sometimes I notice little things in people’s faces, the way they talk or act and figure their from another country.
So anyway, we also see a tv in this scene, and the dude on the screen tells us about the purge and what it means. He says something about how society needs something like this, to release all their pent-up anger and aggression. I’ll get to this later cause it sounds pretty badass at first but also kinda sick and twisted. We later see the daughter Zoey, and she’s pretty cute. And we also meet her boyfriend who’s kind of a dork so I’ll ignore him for a little while. Outside we see the wife out here talkin to this chick, and I think her name is Grace. I’m looking at imdb right now for her name but her photo looks nothing like her in the movie, eh whatever I’ll her Grace.
But anyway, Grace is smiling here and has this plate of cookies in her hand. And I swear, the first thing that came to mind was how cliché this scene is. There’s a scene like this in the movie Running Scared (2006) with one of my favorite actresses Vera Farmiga. Her son was kidnapped and she finds out exactly where he is, so she goes to the house. This woman answers the door and she’s all smiles, but the audience knows she’s the one that took the kid, but she tries so hard to look all goody-two-shoes. So when I saw this scene with Mary and Grace that’s all I could think, that she was up to no good and just trying so hard (too hard actually) to look innocent with her big smile. A truck also pulls up in this scene with a white guy and some black chick, and they say something and pull off.
But since this is a horror movie, my first guess was that she was gonna be the first one to die lol. But anyway, Mary doesn’t take any of the cookies and walks back inside the house. As she walks back into the house, Grace goes “Have a safe night” which actually has alot of meaning in a movie like this lol. We later meet the son Charlie, who looks like he has a uno-brow lol. Later that night, eventually the purge begins and we see everybody getting ready. I’ll be honest up until seeing this movie and doing the review, I didn’t even know what the word “purge” meant. I mean I’ve heard the word before, but when I hear the word “purge” nothing really comes to mind. But anyway, I looked up the word “purge” online to see what Google had to say.
And this is what I got: To get rid of an unwanted feeling, memory or condition, or an abrupt removal of a group of people from a place. So all in all something or someone is being removed either physically or mentally, atleast that’s what I take from it. So anyway the purge begins, and James and his family get into this one little room and lock the house down. He presses a button and all these doors begin to shut around the house, reminds me of 13 Ghosts (2001) So you definitely get the feeling these people are rich cause they live in this big mansion. They also have about 3-4 big tv monitors in the room, where they can see everybody on the street. We also find out they have a closet full of guns, and since this supposedly happens every year, you get the feeling these guys are pretty used to the routine by now.
Moments later they turn on one of the tv’s and this chick gives us the news on the purge. She basically says all crime is legal for the next 12 hours and how police and medical people aren’t gonna help you till the next day. So if you get shot in the leg to the point where you can’t walk your pretty much screwed lol. And I’ll admit at first that sounds pretty cool (for a movie) but it also sounds pretty dangerous and scary. In the opening scene in the movie we get a pretty good idea of what goes on though, we see all this violence going on, people getting beat up, robbed, shot, etc. It looks more like a zombie movie than anything, and I hate those. They say it’s a good way to get out aggression and stuff but I don’t think so. I mean if anything, something like this would only make people even angrier. I mean what if you kill someone, trying to relieve some of that aggression.
Now you’re gonna have that person’s family after you, so you’re really just making things worse. If you’re stressed out, listen to music, or go for a jog. Don’t call it The Purge, just hit the gym for a couple days, go for a walk, or listen to music. I’m just runnin my mouth, I know none of that stuff would make an interesting movie, let alone horror movie. And thank goodness it’s only a movie huh. Eventually they all leave the room for awhile but Charlie the uno-brow kid stays in the room looking at the monitors. According to imdb he was 16 when this movie was made so maybe the parents were okay letting him look at this stuff, I mean with all the gunshots and stuff outside, at one point he had to wake up and have this stuff explained to him.
Eventually he sees this black guy out here on the street, and he calls for him to come in their house for safety. What a nice kid eh. Meanwhile we see Zoey and her bf upstairs talkin, and he says he wants to talk to her dad and convince him to let him date her, whatever you say nerd. So we see him walking down the stairs here, but when he gets about half-way down he randomly pulls out a gun on her dad! I forget whether or not he hits him but they open fire on each other and end up killing the bf. At first I thought this was just a random thing he did to make the movie look more interesting, but then I forgot what this movie was all about lol. He wanted to kill her father, so that he didn’t need to worry about him dating his daughter.
And like I said the guys a dork, so he probably knew he wouldn’t have a chance. But now he has no chances, cause he’s on the ground motionless. Zoey runs over to him cryin her eyes out, but I don’t know what her problem is. Her first thought should be “dude you just tried to shoot my dad” lol. Later on these people in masks arrive at the front door, and I remember them from the trailer. Some have hoodies and a mask, but the guy who rings the doorbell has a suit and mask, which looks kinda dorky but whatever, masks are cool. There’s also a couple chicks here with wedding gowns on who look pretty cute. So anyway this dude rings the doorbell and they just look at him through the little monitors in the room here.
I think they chose this guy for a reason, cause he definitely has a creepy little smirk. But he says something about them “cleansing their souls” by killing people or something like that. But then he asks them for the black guy who ran in their house earlier. Which is a pretty bad idea cause once you open those doors, they risk getting their family injured, so they wait it out. Later on the black guy just randomly appears outta nowhere. They don’t even give him a name on imdb, they just call him the “bloody stranger” lol. It’s weird how they don’t give this guy a name, yet they say the black chicks name (according to imdb) is Mrs Halverson, but the black guy is in the movie more than she is, what the hell lol. But you know I’m not gonna sit here and call him “the black guy” throughout the entire review so I’ll just make up a name for him.
Let’s call him Tony, I always liked that name. So anyway, Tony shows up in this scene with the cute daughter Zoey in his arms. They have this little stand-off scene where he holds her by the neck, while James tries to get him to let her go. Eventually he does let go, but throws her into a wall! Nice way to treat a lady eh. But James tackles him here and shoots him in the stomach, and later ties him to a chair. At first I was like “well the black guys dead” but thankfully he’s not dead, and I can’t tell you how happy I am, and how angry I would’ve been if he died. But yea he’s tied to the chair here, but atleast he’s alive. Later on the people with the masks arrive with this huge truck, and they use it to rip the doors off the house. The doors are made of steal but I’m assuming a truck can rip em off.
So after ripping the doors off, they finally make it inside the house. In the coming scenes we see people getting shot and killed, and their pretty cool. James does most of the killing. They later have this little fight scene here in the pool room and one dude is choking James on the table. But he grabs a pool ball and slams it into his head lol. At one point one of the chicks with the wedding gowns hops on the table and James shoots her! But when he shoots her, she kinda falls backwards onto the table in kind of a badass but funny way. I always had a thing for scenes like that, where someone will fall but hit something as they fall, so yea it was cool, and funny. Eventually these other people arrive, two of which we saw earlier, Mr and Mrs Halverson. This is like a new record for black people in horror movies, no joke.
But they help out with the rest of the masked killers here, shooting and killing em. Eventually Grace arrives, the chick from earlier who was trying to give Mary her cookies. I knew she couldn’t be trusted, and she made it pretty obvious from the get-go. She wants to take part in the purge so she orders everybody to get down on the ground while the 3-4 people with her help her out. She’s still got the same cheesy smile on as well. But I gotta admit this scene was kinda hard to watch. She orders them all on the ground, sayin they’re gonna shoot the kids right in front of em and Charlie and Zoey start cryin, and it was hard to watch. I bet Mary wished she’d taken those cookies earlier lol.
Eventually Tony arrives and knocks the rest of the people out the way! But before he does anymore damage, Mary tells him to let em live. And I knew she was gonna let em live, cause they wanna have that cheesy ending where she forgives them, even though they busted her house up and almost killed her kids. So at the end of the movie we see all of em sitting at this dinner table waiting for the purge to end at 7am. It’s all cool and quiet until Grace tries to grab the shotgun on the table but Mary grabs it back and slams it into her face lol. I swear I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw this. The movie ends with her leaving the house with a busted nose, tryin to be slick and get one last purge-kill in there. Atleast Tony was a hero in this movie and he and the other chick survived.
Overall this was a pretty interesting movie with a pretty interesting concept, and I was entertained. I think the reason why it took place in 2022 was cause this was their fictional prediction of what might happen to the world if we don’t take care of the planet or something, but I don’t know, nor do I care. And like I said, on one hand you can look at this movie and think the concept is really cool. But on the other hand you can look at it and think the people who came up with it are just twisted in the head. But I’ll take this over any found footage garbage film or any Transformers garbage movie these idiots like to throw at us, any day.
The Purge: Anarchy (2014)
Having already seen and reviewed the first movie (which came out the year before) I figured it’d only make sense for me to see what the sequel was all about. The first movie had a pretty interesting concept, where people who’ve felt wrong by somebody would come out and get their revenge on em for one night. I could only imagine the types of scenarios you could do with such a silly yet interesting concept, and this sequel gives us just one of those scenarios.
At the start of the movie we get the intro as usual. But being that this is one of those movies made by Michael Bay and Jason Blum (2 of the most irritating directors I know) they just spam their logos at the beginning of their movies: Blumhouse Productions and Platinum Dunes. And let me tell you, I could really give a damn. These 2 clowns think their so cool spamming their production company names, when really it just makes them look like straight-up attention seeking geeks. So anyway, the movie takes place in the year 2023. I think the last movie took place in 2022 which would obviously make this one a year later, but we’re not too far into the future to where we see any flying cars lol.
So the movie is called Purge Anarchy, and I had no clue what the word “anarchy” was. So I looked it up on Google, and they say it’s the “absence of government and absolute freedom of the individual” which I’ll admit sounds pretty cool. If I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted I’d probably go to Walmart and start eatin all the junk food lol. I’m a pretty skinny dude but I can eat alot. We later get a scene at a diner, where we meet these 2 Spanish chicks named Eva and Tanya. The first thing that hit me about this scene was how the movie starts off in a different location. A majority of the first movie took place in the house, which made me think they were on a tight budget. Now the first scene in the movie starts in a diner, so we’re obviously on a bigger budget here.
Which is surprising cause as dumb as these movies are, they still make alot of money. We’re a couple hours before the Purge begins so we see them here getting ready to go home, and telling each other to “stay safe” I remember they said the same thing in the first movie, and it’s ironic cause normally its just a regular phrase, but the phrase actually means something in this movie lol. I instantly recognized Tanya though, cause she was in Final Destination 2 (2003) She was the pregnant chick who needed to get to the hospital. I honestly wouldn’t mind another Final Destination movie at this point, cause those movies are pretty entertaining. And as silly as they are they’d still slump half the movies that come out these days. 2 is definitely my favorite, cause it was directed so well and the kill scenes were the best. 5 is probably the worst cause of the all the bad acting in it lol.
We later see this other guy in a room here with a gun in his hand. On imdb they call him Sergeant but I don’t wanna call him that throughout this entire review, so I’ll call him Frank, which is actually his real name. But I’ll get to this guy later. We later see Eva getting home to her family. We see her daughter and dad here watching tv in the kitchen. I recognized her dad from Walking Tall (2004) with The Rock. The movie was pretty cheesy but I always had a thing for this guy. Not only cause he played the father of Rock (one of my favorite wrestlers) but I also liked how stocky this guy was. I just have a thing for big black actors, guys like Ving Rhames. He’s another favorite of mine. But anyway he’s here watching tv and this other black guy appears and starts talkin about the Purge.
He says the Purge is about protecting the rich and alienating the poor, which I guess is what the government is doing to us right now. I can’t really say too much cause I’m not really a political person, but I remember bringing this up in the first movie. Cali (the daughter) says the guy on tv is right but he disagrees, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talkin about. They later get into this big argument and it kinda reminds me of Walking Tall again for a moment, and the scene he had with Rock. He basically does the same thing: he doesn’t wanna fight and just wants to be left alone. They basically cast this guy to do and pretty much say the exact same thing he said in that movie, good work castings directors eh.
Eventually he says he’s gonna take a nap and he leaves the room, not wanting anything to do with the purge. I also got the feeling this dude was a war veteran, who was retired and done with war, and the purge thing just reminded him of that, with people getting shot and killed for no reason. He also plays a war veteran in Walking Tall as well. There’s a scene in the movie where Rock goes to get his gun, and he tries to stop him. And when Rock tries to get him to come with him he goes “I put down my guns a long time ago” So anyway, Cali later asks her mother Eva if she got a raise at work, to which she says that she didn’t get it. So you get the feeling these guys don’t have alot of money, which is why Cali feels so strongly about the dude on tv.
We later meet these other 2 couples, Shane and Liz. They talk and argue a little over the coming scenes but their actually kinda boring, so I’m not gonna get into their situation, nor do I care. But eventually they get on the highway and start arguing about something, and the car breaks down. Oh look, horror cliché #1 is in effect lol. Behind them we see these guys pull up with masks on these dirt bikes. And I’m not gonna lie, these dudes look pretty badass. I remember them from the trailer, and I couldn’t wait to see these guys. I just have a thing for masks and dirt bikes, so having both in 1 movie is pretty cool. But they just stand here for a bit lookin at the two of em. Eventually Shane and Liz run off. It’s night time so the purge has obviously started by now.
We get a couple shots of people shooting others and getting beat up. We also get this one shot of this dude in what looks like a cooking apron. I call him the deli guy lol. But we see him in one scene in the back of this truck (which I’m guessing is a meat truck) and he shoots a couple people with this big machine gun attached to the ground. He’s obviously purging, and had alot of pent-up aggression. I wonder why a deli guy would be angry at the world, maybe he wasn’t getting enough tips, maybe his boss made him mop the floor, maybe someone told him they didn’t like his deli, who knows. We later see Frank on the road driving around. He’s been pretty quiet up until this point, so its hard to say what his deal is. But he drives around and sees all the madness going on, people getting beat up and shot, but you get the feeling he doesn’t wanna get involved.
We later see Cali and her mother again back at the house, where they find this note left behind by the dad. He says he loves em both but can’t take anymore of the purge. So he drives all the way to these rich white peoples houses and lets them kill him, which I think is just pathetic. They all gather in a circle around him, hold hands and pray before shooting him. I mean I’m not a racist, but stupid scenes like this really make my blood boil. Moments later this Mexican dude arrives with a gun in his hand. He holds both Cali and Eva hostage and starts talkin all this ridiculous crap. I think they made this dude Mexican for a reason though, since alot of the themes in this movie deal with race. There’s no Asian people in this movie but still. So he runs his mouth for a bit with the gun in his hand, stuff about how Eva rejected him and how it’s payback and all this nonsense.
Eventually a group of soldiers arrive and they shoot this guy through the chest! Yea that’s right shut up lol. After shooting him they take Cali and her mother and yank them outside. It’s a pretty intense scene but obviously, their just acting. But I mention this cause at one point one of the soldiers throws one of em on the ground pretty hard, like damn dude. I know alot of this stuff is fake but still, that clip looked pretty realistic. So anyway they drag em both outside and try to throw em in this van. Eventually Frank arrives in this scene, and sees this going on. You get the feeling he doesn’t wanna help but still watches em anyway. Eventually he does though, and he gets out and shoots all the soldiers here. While he does all this, Shane and Liz arrive and they secretly get in the car.
It’s like all 3 groups of em end up in 1 scene: Frank, Shane and Liz, and Eva and Cali. Later on the guys in the bikes arrive and they all drive off. Eventually they end up in this little alley where the car randomly breaks down. First Shane and Liz’ car breaks down now his, look at all the horror clichés being put to work here lol. So Frank gets mad and tells them he wants to go by himself, but they all wanna stick with him cause they know he’s got the weapon skills. Eventually Eva says she can get him a car that works, cause her cousin has one. So he gives her his phone to call her, and I guess this was pretty amusing to see. None of the cars in this movie seem to work for more than 5 minutes but the phones work just fine, what the hell. But she calls her and accepts, and he decides to follow them to her house. On the way to her house they go through all these alleys and they run into this one fat chick on the roof.
She’s got one of those bullhorns and she’s out here goin off on something, probably talkin about food. But she’s got a gun in her hand so, she means business, sorta. It’d be funny as hell if she actually ran into the deli guy from earlier with the apron, maybe he could’ve sorted her out by cooking up some sausages. Call it a purge-night-out. So anyway when her back is turned, they all run by her. They still don’t know much about Frank, but they stick with him cause he’s their only protector. But Cali starts askin him questions here, about who he is, but he just tells her to keep quiet. But one of her questions, is she asks him why he saved them. And he says that she reminds him of someone, and not to spoil anything but I think most of us know who he’s talkin about, atleast by the end of the movie.
Eventually they reach Eva’s friends house and they chill here for a bit. The tv is on in this scene and we see the news on here, people talkin about the purge and we see people getting attacked here in the streets. It looks like a zombie movie and I hate zombie movies lol. I don’t hate zombies I just hate zombie movies cause their not scary and the zombies just aren’t used correctly, but whatever. You can also tell in this scene it’s pretty tense between Frank and Eva. I pretty much knew exactly why it was tense, I just didn’t know the reason. Eventually she tells him that there is no car. She said she lied cause she knew he’d keep em safe. She says she did it for her daughter and he says he’s doing this for his son, which I thought was cute, and finally we find out what his intentions really are.
So he gets mad and starts to head out the door, but before he does, one of the aunts in this scene goes berserk and starts shootin at everybody! She even shoots Tanya, who I think was her cousin cause one dude starts flippin out about it. But eventually Frank takes her out easily. It’s like all the dorks come out on this one day to try and act tough, only to get their asses kicked lol. Cause the same thing happened in the first movie, with the dude at the door. Dude was a dork but he was tryin to act all tough. And I’m pretty sure gun ranges made alot of money that month, with all these dorks and outcasts. People who’ve never even held a gun let alone shoot one, comin in to practice how to shoot for this one day out of the week.
Later in the film, the biker dudes with the masks capture them all and throw em in this van. So their all scared but one of the dudes tells em their not purging, their just trying to get money. Most (if not all) of em are black, so I’m assuming the movie is trying to categorize black people as being poor, which I think is ridiculous. Cause like I mentioned earlier, the father drives to this big mansion where he lets himself get killed by a bunch of white folks, and now we find out these black kids are tryin to rob a bank to feed their family I’m guessing. Which is cool and everything but still, it still looks weird. Leave it to Michael Bay and James Blum to annoy me even more. But I’m gonna let it slide cause a couple black people actually survived in the first movie which is pretty rare these days.
Eventually they get kidnapped by these other dudes and they throw em on this stage. I think this scene was in the trailer I can’t remember. But the dudes tell em if they move they’ll get shot. So the curtains open and we see all these people in the audience in suits and dresses, clapping like it’s some magic show. A majority of em are white people but I did count 1 black woman so, I guess that’s okay (not really) Eventually they get thrown into another room, where they have to fend off these purge people. So in the coming scenes people get shot and beat up and stuff. At one point Shane gets shot, but I could really care less about this clown. Its funny cause he was telling Liz how much he loves her then he immediately gets shot in the chest, sorry bro you was boring anyway.
I mean so far alot of the attention was on Frank, Eva and Cali, these other 2 clowns are just in the background for the most part. Later in this scene, a group of soldiers arrive, one of which is the black guy from the first movie. I called him Tony in that movie cause they gave him some stupid name. But he and his boys come into the room and they help fend the rest of em off. Another one of his boys was the dude on the tv, the one we saw earlier talkin about how the purge isolates the rich and the poor. So Cali is pretty happy to see him. Later, its morning and we see Frank, Eva and Cali here outside in the car. They had to have stolen this car since Eva said she lied about her cousin having one earlier. But when I first saw this scene, I instantly knew where they were at and what they were gonna do.
He tells them the father in the house was in a car accident and killed his son, and he wants revenge before the purge is up. So he goes into the house while they stay in the car. He gets into their room and takes this old dude, throws him on the floor. Dude is a dork and he’s all crying while Frank holds a gun to his head, sayin how bad he should feel for killin his son. Eventually we see him exiting the house, not knowing what he did to the parents here. But about halfway between the house and the car, he randomly gets shot and goes to the ground! This old dude walks up to him and gives him this long boring speech. He looks alot like Jack Nicholson, but somewhere in this 3 minute speech he says that the purge was useful and how the town doesn’t need heroes, so he had to get rid of him. I didn’t recognize this dude the first time I saw this movie but I do now, its the deli guy from earlier.
He’s the guy with the apron on who shot a couple people and the guy who was in the van when Frank saved Cali and Eva. I guess its cause he had on those thick black glasses, I don’t know. But whatever, cause eventually this guy gets shot in the forehead! We later find out it was some dude in his pajama’s who I’m assuming is the same guy Frank was threatening, so he obviously didn’t kill him, how sweet. At the end of the movie, Cali and Eva race over and pull him up. But they pull him up the same way he pulled up Shane earlier in the movie when he was down, and I’ll admit it was pretty cute. So they end up taking this dude to the hospital. But no we’re not done yet! If you so happen to forget who made this movie, you don’t have to worry, cause the attention whores who made it will always remind us.
As the movie ends, in big bold letters we get all the producers names: Written and directed by James DeMonaco, Jason Blum, produced by Michael Bay, etc. I remember mentioning in the first movie how Michael Bay may not have been associated with the movie since it was just his company, but apparently I was right, he did have some involvement in this movie. Now I enjoyed the movie but it’s not something I’d watch over and over, mind you. Sometimes I just do it for a review and I know it’s not any of this found footage crap that comes out these days. Michael Bay is like a disease to the film industry. If he’s not making robot junk like Transformers he’s producing stuff like this, which is okay but not something I’d die to see.
Overall the movie was okay, but like I said it’s not something I’d watch over and over. It was an okay movie, until you find out the people who made it are attention whores who need to spam their little logos at the beginning of all their movies and if that wasn’t enough, spam their name in big bold letters at the end before the credits roll. That to me, sounds like an attention whore, and people like that get no respect from me, regardless how good the movie was. And if that wasn’t enough, I just checked imdb and James Demonaco’s name is there twice as a writer. I’ve never ever seen that before but you know, the guy is an attention whore, what do you expect. He wants attention for making these low budget, cheap movies but dude your not gonna get respect (atleast not from me) everytime you spam your little company like that.
I also just looked up some info on Purge 3. I just wanted to know whether or not they were making another one since Hollywood loves to milk stuff like this, and apparently they are. Their making a Purge 3 for 2016 and I just read an interview for it. Jason Blum says he’s excited but I could care less what this clown says. I mean that’s not to say I won’t watch it, I really just don’t care either way. 90% of the horror movies that come out now are made by like the same 3 people: Jason Blum, James DeMonaco and James Wan. None of em are scary and they all really look like the same low budget BS that’s been coming out for the past 5 years so I’ll never be excited for that. The horror genre is over, thanks to these clowns.
Having already seen and reviewed the first movie (which came out the year before) I figured it’d only make sense for me to see what the sequel was all about. The first movie had a pretty interesting concept, where people who’ve felt wrong by somebody would come out and get their revenge on em for one night. I could only imagine the types of scenarios you could do with such a silly yet interesting concept, and this sequel gives us just one of those scenarios.
At the start of the movie we get the intro as usual. But being that this is one of those movies made by Michael Bay and Jason Blum (2 of the most irritating directors I know) they just spam their logos at the beginning of their movies: Blumhouse Productions and Platinum Dunes. And let me tell you, I could really give a damn. These 2 clowns think their so cool spamming their production company names, when really it just makes them look like straight-up attention seeking geeks. So anyway, the movie takes place in the year 2023. I think the last movie took place in 2022 which would obviously make this one a year later, but we’re not too far into the future to where we see any flying cars lol.
So the movie is called Purge Anarchy, and I had no clue what the word “anarchy” was. So I looked it up on Google, and they say it’s the “absence of government and absolute freedom of the individual” which I’ll admit sounds pretty cool. If I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted I’d probably go to Walmart and start eatin all the junk food lol. I’m a pretty skinny dude but I can eat alot. We later get a scene at a diner, where we meet these 2 Spanish chicks named Eva and Tanya. The first thing that hit me about this scene was how the movie starts off in a different location. A majority of the first movie took place in the house, which made me think they were on a tight budget. Now the first scene in the movie starts in a diner, so we’re obviously on a bigger budget here.
Which is surprising cause as dumb as these movies are, they still make alot of money. We’re a couple hours before the Purge begins so we see them here getting ready to go home, and telling each other to “stay safe” I remember they said the same thing in the first movie, and it’s ironic cause normally its just a regular phrase, but the phrase actually means something in this movie lol. I instantly recognized Tanya though, cause she was in Final Destination 2 (2003) She was the pregnant chick who needed to get to the hospital. I honestly wouldn’t mind another Final Destination movie at this point, cause those movies are pretty entertaining. And as silly as they are they’d still slump half the movies that come out these days. 2 is definitely my favorite, cause it was directed so well and the kill scenes were the best. 5 is probably the worst cause of the all the bad acting in it lol.
We later see this other guy in a room here with a gun in his hand. On imdb they call him Sergeant but I don’t wanna call him that throughout this entire review, so I’ll call him Frank, which is actually his real name. But I’ll get to this guy later. We later see Eva getting home to her family. We see her daughter and dad here watching tv in the kitchen. I recognized her dad from Walking Tall (2004) with The Rock. The movie was pretty cheesy but I always had a thing for this guy. Not only cause he played the father of Rock (one of my favorite wrestlers) but I also liked how stocky this guy was. I just have a thing for big black actors, guys like Ving Rhames. He’s another favorite of mine. But anyway he’s here watching tv and this other black guy appears and starts talkin about the Purge.
He says the Purge is about protecting the rich and alienating the poor, which I guess is what the government is doing to us right now. I can’t really say too much cause I’m not really a political person, but I remember bringing this up in the first movie. Cali (the daughter) says the guy on tv is right but he disagrees, saying he doesn’t know what he’s talkin about. They later get into this big argument and it kinda reminds me of Walking Tall again for a moment, and the scene he had with Rock. He basically does the same thing: he doesn’t wanna fight and just wants to be left alone. They basically cast this guy to do and pretty much say the exact same thing he said in that movie, good work castings directors eh.
Eventually he says he’s gonna take a nap and he leaves the room, not wanting anything to do with the purge. I also got the feeling this dude was a war veteran, who was retired and done with war, and the purge thing just reminded him of that, with people getting shot and killed for no reason. He also plays a war veteran in Walking Tall as well. There’s a scene in the movie where Rock goes to get his gun, and he tries to stop him. And when Rock tries to get him to come with him he goes “I put down my guns a long time ago” So anyway, Cali later asks her mother Eva if she got a raise at work, to which she says that she didn’t get it. So you get the feeling these guys don’t have alot of money, which is why Cali feels so strongly about the dude on tv.
We later meet these other 2 couples, Shane and Liz. They talk and argue a little over the coming scenes but their actually kinda boring, so I’m not gonna get into their situation, nor do I care. But eventually they get on the highway and start arguing about something, and the car breaks down. Oh look, horror cliché #1 is in effect lol. Behind them we see these guys pull up with masks on these dirt bikes. And I’m not gonna lie, these dudes look pretty badass. I remember them from the trailer, and I couldn’t wait to see these guys. I just have a thing for masks and dirt bikes, so having both in 1 movie is pretty cool. But they just stand here for a bit lookin at the two of em. Eventually Shane and Liz run off. It’s night time so the purge has obviously started by now.
We get a couple shots of people shooting others and getting beat up. We also get this one shot of this dude in what looks like a cooking apron. I call him the deli guy lol. But we see him in one scene in the back of this truck (which I’m guessing is a meat truck) and he shoots a couple people with this big machine gun attached to the ground. He’s obviously purging, and had alot of pent-up aggression. I wonder why a deli guy would be angry at the world, maybe he wasn’t getting enough tips, maybe his boss made him mop the floor, maybe someone told him they didn’t like his deli, who knows. We later see Frank on the road driving around. He’s been pretty quiet up until this point, so its hard to say what his deal is. But he drives around and sees all the madness going on, people getting beat up and shot, but you get the feeling he doesn’t wanna get involved.
We later see Cali and her mother again back at the house, where they find this note left behind by the dad. He says he loves em both but can’t take anymore of the purge. So he drives all the way to these rich white peoples houses and lets them kill him, which I think is just pathetic. They all gather in a circle around him, hold hands and pray before shooting him. I mean I’m not a racist, but stupid scenes like this really make my blood boil. Moments later this Mexican dude arrives with a gun in his hand. He holds both Cali and Eva hostage and starts talkin all this ridiculous crap. I think they made this dude Mexican for a reason though, since alot of the themes in this movie deal with race. There’s no Asian people in this movie but still. So he runs his mouth for a bit with the gun in his hand, stuff about how Eva rejected him and how it’s payback and all this nonsense.
Eventually a group of soldiers arrive and they shoot this guy through the chest! Yea that’s right shut up lol. After shooting him they take Cali and her mother and yank them outside. It’s a pretty intense scene but obviously, their just acting. But I mention this cause at one point one of the soldiers throws one of em on the ground pretty hard, like damn dude. I know alot of this stuff is fake but still, that clip looked pretty realistic. So anyway they drag em both outside and try to throw em in this van. Eventually Frank arrives in this scene, and sees this going on. You get the feeling he doesn’t wanna help but still watches em anyway. Eventually he does though, and he gets out and shoots all the soldiers here. While he does all this, Shane and Liz arrive and they secretly get in the car.
It’s like all 3 groups of em end up in 1 scene: Frank, Shane and Liz, and Eva and Cali. Later on the guys in the bikes arrive and they all drive off. Eventually they end up in this little alley where the car randomly breaks down. First Shane and Liz’ car breaks down now his, look at all the horror clichés being put to work here lol. So Frank gets mad and tells them he wants to go by himself, but they all wanna stick with him cause they know he’s got the weapon skills. Eventually Eva says she can get him a car that works, cause her cousin has one. So he gives her his phone to call her, and I guess this was pretty amusing to see. None of the cars in this movie seem to work for more than 5 minutes but the phones work just fine, what the hell. But she calls her and accepts, and he decides to follow them to her house. On the way to her house they go through all these alleys and they run into this one fat chick on the roof.
She’s got one of those bullhorns and she’s out here goin off on something, probably talkin about food. But she’s got a gun in her hand so, she means business, sorta. It’d be funny as hell if she actually ran into the deli guy from earlier with the apron, maybe he could’ve sorted her out by cooking up some sausages. Call it a purge-night-out. So anyway when her back is turned, they all run by her. They still don’t know much about Frank, but they stick with him cause he’s their only protector. But Cali starts askin him questions here, about who he is, but he just tells her to keep quiet. But one of her questions, is she asks him why he saved them. And he says that she reminds him of someone, and not to spoil anything but I think most of us know who he’s talkin about, atleast by the end of the movie.
Eventually they reach Eva’s friends house and they chill here for a bit. The tv is on in this scene and we see the news on here, people talkin about the purge and we see people getting attacked here in the streets. It looks like a zombie movie and I hate zombie movies lol. I don’t hate zombies I just hate zombie movies cause their not scary and the zombies just aren’t used correctly, but whatever. You can also tell in this scene it’s pretty tense between Frank and Eva. I pretty much knew exactly why it was tense, I just didn’t know the reason. Eventually she tells him that there is no car. She said she lied cause she knew he’d keep em safe. She says she did it for her daughter and he says he’s doing this for his son, which I thought was cute, and finally we find out what his intentions really are.
So he gets mad and starts to head out the door, but before he does, one of the aunts in this scene goes berserk and starts shootin at everybody! She even shoots Tanya, who I think was her cousin cause one dude starts flippin out about it. But eventually Frank takes her out easily. It’s like all the dorks come out on this one day to try and act tough, only to get their asses kicked lol. Cause the same thing happened in the first movie, with the dude at the door. Dude was a dork but he was tryin to act all tough. And I’m pretty sure gun ranges made alot of money that month, with all these dorks and outcasts. People who’ve never even held a gun let alone shoot one, comin in to practice how to shoot for this one day out of the week.
Later in the film, the biker dudes with the masks capture them all and throw em in this van. So their all scared but one of the dudes tells em their not purging, their just trying to get money. Most (if not all) of em are black, so I’m assuming the movie is trying to categorize black people as being poor, which I think is ridiculous. Cause like I mentioned earlier, the father drives to this big mansion where he lets himself get killed by a bunch of white folks, and now we find out these black kids are tryin to rob a bank to feed their family I’m guessing. Which is cool and everything but still, it still looks weird. Leave it to Michael Bay and James Blum to annoy me even more. But I’m gonna let it slide cause a couple black people actually survived in the first movie which is pretty rare these days.
Eventually they get kidnapped by these other dudes and they throw em on this stage. I think this scene was in the trailer I can’t remember. But the dudes tell em if they move they’ll get shot. So the curtains open and we see all these people in the audience in suits and dresses, clapping like it’s some magic show. A majority of em are white people but I did count 1 black woman so, I guess that’s okay (not really) Eventually they get thrown into another room, where they have to fend off these purge people. So in the coming scenes people get shot and beat up and stuff. At one point Shane gets shot, but I could really care less about this clown. Its funny cause he was telling Liz how much he loves her then he immediately gets shot in the chest, sorry bro you was boring anyway.
I mean so far alot of the attention was on Frank, Eva and Cali, these other 2 clowns are just in the background for the most part. Later in this scene, a group of soldiers arrive, one of which is the black guy from the first movie. I called him Tony in that movie cause they gave him some stupid name. But he and his boys come into the room and they help fend the rest of em off. Another one of his boys was the dude on the tv, the one we saw earlier talkin about how the purge isolates the rich and the poor. So Cali is pretty happy to see him. Later, its morning and we see Frank, Eva and Cali here outside in the car. They had to have stolen this car since Eva said she lied about her cousin having one earlier. But when I first saw this scene, I instantly knew where they were at and what they were gonna do.
He tells them the father in the house was in a car accident and killed his son, and he wants revenge before the purge is up. So he goes into the house while they stay in the car. He gets into their room and takes this old dude, throws him on the floor. Dude is a dork and he’s all crying while Frank holds a gun to his head, sayin how bad he should feel for killin his son. Eventually we see him exiting the house, not knowing what he did to the parents here. But about halfway between the house and the car, he randomly gets shot and goes to the ground! This old dude walks up to him and gives him this long boring speech. He looks alot like Jack Nicholson, but somewhere in this 3 minute speech he says that the purge was useful and how the town doesn’t need heroes, so he had to get rid of him. I didn’t recognize this dude the first time I saw this movie but I do now, its the deli guy from earlier.
He’s the guy with the apron on who shot a couple people and the guy who was in the van when Frank saved Cali and Eva. I guess its cause he had on those thick black glasses, I don’t know. But whatever, cause eventually this guy gets shot in the forehead! We later find out it was some dude in his pajama’s who I’m assuming is the same guy Frank was threatening, so he obviously didn’t kill him, how sweet. At the end of the movie, Cali and Eva race over and pull him up. But they pull him up the same way he pulled up Shane earlier in the movie when he was down, and I’ll admit it was pretty cute. So they end up taking this dude to the hospital. But no we’re not done yet! If you so happen to forget who made this movie, you don’t have to worry, cause the attention whores who made it will always remind us.
As the movie ends, in big bold letters we get all the producers names: Written and directed by James DeMonaco, Jason Blum, produced by Michael Bay, etc. I remember mentioning in the first movie how Michael Bay may not have been associated with the movie since it was just his company, but apparently I was right, he did have some involvement in this movie. Now I enjoyed the movie but it’s not something I’d watch over and over, mind you. Sometimes I just do it for a review and I know it’s not any of this found footage crap that comes out these days. Michael Bay is like a disease to the film industry. If he’s not making robot junk like Transformers he’s producing stuff like this, which is okay but not something I’d die to see.
Overall the movie was okay, but like I said it’s not something I’d watch over and over. It was an okay movie, until you find out the people who made it are attention whores who need to spam their little logos at the beginning of all their movies and if that wasn’t enough, spam their name in big bold letters at the end before the credits roll. That to me, sounds like an attention whore, and people like that get no respect from me, regardless how good the movie was. And if that wasn’t enough, I just checked imdb and James Demonaco’s name is there twice as a writer. I’ve never ever seen that before but you know, the guy is an attention whore, what do you expect. He wants attention for making these low budget, cheap movies but dude your not gonna get respect (atleast not from me) everytime you spam your little company like that.
I also just looked up some info on Purge 3. I just wanted to know whether or not they were making another one since Hollywood loves to milk stuff like this, and apparently they are. Their making a Purge 3 for 2016 and I just read an interview for it. Jason Blum says he’s excited but I could care less what this clown says. I mean that’s not to say I won’t watch it, I really just don’t care either way. 90% of the horror movies that come out now are made by like the same 3 people: Jason Blum, James DeMonaco and James Wan. None of em are scary and they all really look like the same low budget BS that’s been coming out for the past 5 years so I’ll never be excited for that. The horror genre is over, thanks to these clowns.